Dilemma: Support Son National Sports Championship or Ex’s Wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Update: Kid is going to nationals and has support from grandpa AND grandma (Dad’s parents), who plan to also attend Nationals to support grandson.

Super super surprised to get their call today and support on this ( my DS called them last night apparently).

Life is funny that way I guess.

According to grandma, they too have been snubbed by new wife and her family. I don’t know how I feel about them using their grandson to blow off the wedding, but it’s their choice I guess.

To the posters who keep saying I’m keeping our son from his dad, this is wholly not true. Our son is constantly available, 13 years old, is a solid 5’9, and has his own phone. If he wanted to go to the wedding instead , I wouldn’t stop him. He has explicitly stated he wants, and I agree with my son’s decision. He shouldn’t throw away his chance at a high school scholarship or other achievement to sit and watch adults who could care less.

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

Funny how your story changes. You do not decide what happens on Dad's weekends. Your child is 13. He is not an adult. This is why they don't have a relationship. You don't support the relationship. I hardly doubt Dad's parents would miss his wedding. That makes no sense. Except if they are on different days and you are failing to mention that. I feel bad for your son. You realize the example you set is the type of person he will become.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More likely the court would point out that the dad has been largely absent by choice and side with the boy and OP.

My guess is the testimony would show mom has been using the sport to alienate son from his father. With success

No judge will think that a DAD is being alienated for a SON'S sport. The judge will be perplexed that a dad is totally uninvolved in his son's sport. What kind of dad does that... an absent one.

This is dads weekend. Mom is refusing his weekend. It’s not ok. Dad is not absent. Dad is only allowed to see the kid at specific times. Mom refuses those times.

Why do you keep posting the same thing over and over again? Everyone understand your point of view, however strange we may think it is that you are making up a universe of facts to fit the story you like to tell. Your work is done here, truly.

Dad is involved and seeing the child. He is not an absent parent. This is his weekend. Mom is refusing it. That is the point. Those are the facts Mom said. Even if they switched weekends, she'd find another excuse so this is a non-issue.

Man, you are just a case study in projection. You really should talk to someone about your issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Update: Kid is going to nationals and has support from grandpa AND grandma (Dad’s parents), who plan to also attend Nationals to support grandson.

Super super surprised to get their call today and support on this ( my DS called them last night apparently).

Life is funny that way I guess.

According to grandma, they too have been snubbed by new wife and her family. I don’t know how I feel about them using their grandson to blow off the wedding, but it’s their choice I guess.

To the posters who keep saying I’m keeping our son from his dad, this is wholly not true. Our son is constantly available, 13 years old, is a solid 5’9, and has his own phone. If he wanted to go to the wedding instead , I wouldn’t stop him. He has explicitly stated he wants, and I agree with my son’s decision. He shouldn’t throw away his chance at a high school scholarship or other achievement to sit and watch adults who could care less.

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

Funny how your story changes. You do not decide what happens on Dad's weekends. Your child is 13. He is not an adult. This is why they don't have a relationship. You don't support the relationship. I hardly doubt Dad's parents would miss his wedding. That makes no sense. Except if they are on different days and you are failing to mention that. I feel bad for your son. You realize the example you set is the type of person he will become.

How has the story changed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Update: Kid is going to nationals and has support from grandpa AND grandma (Dad’s parents), who plan to also attend Nationals to support grandson.

Super super surprised to get their call today and support on this ( my DS called them last night apparently).

Life is funny that way I guess.

According to grandma, they too have been snubbed by new wife and her family. I don’t know how I feel about them using their grandson to blow off the wedding, but it’s their choice I guess.

To the posters who keep saying I’m keeping our son from his dad, this is wholly not true. Our son is constantly available, 13 years old, is a solid 5’9, and has his own phone. If he wanted to go to the wedding instead , I wouldn’t stop him. He has explicitly stated he wants, and I agree with my son’s decision. He shouldn’t throw away his chance at a high school scholarship or other achievement to sit and watch adults who could care less.

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

Funny how your story changes. You do not decide what happens on Dad's weekends. Your child is 13. He is not an adult. This is why they don't have a relationship. You don't support the relationship. I hardly doubt Dad's parents would miss his wedding. That makes no sense. Except if they are on different days and you are failing to mention that. I feel bad for your son. You realize the example you set is the type of person he will become.

Courts will allow a 13 year old make decisions like this for themselves. They are not adults but they are well into the age of reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More likely the court would point out that the dad has been largely absent by choice and side with the boy and OP.

My guess is the testimony would show mom has been using the sport to alienate son from his father. With success

No judge will think that a DAD is being alienated for a SON'S sport. The judge will be perplexed that a dad is totally uninvolved in his son's sport. What kind of dad does that... an absent one.

This is dads weekend. Mom is refusing his weekend. It’s not ok. Dad is not absent. Dad is only allowed to see the kid at specific times. Mom refuses those times.

It is dad's weekend. His son will be at a sporting event. The dad can choose to be part of his son's life that weekend or blow him off. It's dad's choice to not support his son that weekend. If he does not show up to his game he is literally absent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will say this with the perspective of someone who had a similar situation as an young teenager who was forced to go to dad’s second wedding. My sibling and I were ignored nearly all day by dad — which would not have been so bad of attention weren’t heaped on step-siblings. I think sibling and I were there for picture purposes. This was par for the course of our relationship with dad. For example, when we went to dad’s on Christmas Day we got to watch their family vacation videos. Woo-hoo! When we asked about going, we were told it was a family thing (eg step mom’s family). Awful. I resented both of my parents: mom for pushing us to have a relationship with dad who ignored us even on the rare occasions he bothered to be with us, and dad for ignoring us.

The take away for OP is this: you’ll never be sure of the outcome no matter what. I would prioritize dad’s wedding, and give him enough rope to do himself in from that point forward. All other events with dad I would leave up to the teen.

My husbands kids resent they did not go. They blame us even though mom refused the summer visitation and the wedding despite us offering full costs. They blame dad even though mom refused. It goes both ways.

Maybe your DH showed up. My dad would say he was coming to get us. We’d wait all day, and he wouldn’t show up. Then he’d call Monday and ask how our weekend went. Often times he’d say things got hectic on his end (step-sib sports), so he didn’t have time to get us or spend time with us. By mid-high school I could no longer hold my breath.

Ex-wife took them cross county to live with her affair partner. My husband bought plane tickets and she'd refuse to send the kids. My husband would fly out to visit and she'd refuse to give him the kids. He'd go to court, judge would fuss at mom and never hold her accountable. He'd send gifts/clothing and extra money for the things mom demanded and she wouldn't give them the gifts or the money. My husband always did what he said he'd do. The kids would tell him they aren't allow to see him or answer the phone. There were no other kids involved when they were minors. Maybe there is more to the story with your Dad. My husband's kids have no idea she had an affair (not sure how they don't know given she's still with the man and he still will not marry her many years later). They have no idea Mom blocked visitation and calls even though they were a part of it. Dad has always taken the fall and no point telling them otherwise and they wouldn't listen.

Sounds like your DH is a good guy. When I would grouse that he’d failed to come, he’d just say that nobody needs parents. No two situations are the same. Like I said earlier, no one knows how things will turn out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not read the whole thread so if some important fact exists on page 14 -- sorry I missed it.

Here's the thing -- outside of a sport like gymnastics and maybe figure skating where what you do at 12-13 can actually be important for future training opportunities andcompetition invitations -- Do the wedding.

Now, I can think of some things that might possibly provide an out -- for example the kid made the Little League all star team for a district and the team will play in Cooperstown. Otherwise -- nope. Wedding.

I do really worry about the apparent lack of knowledge about the sport by the OP. High School recruitment? Really? Here's a thought -- recruiting a kid for any high school sport is considered a violation by every state high school sports association. The recruited kid has to sit out for a year. The kid will go to the public school where the kid lives, or a nearby private school. There are maybe 200 or so high school athletes each year across the country who may go to a school like Bradington in FL to focus on training for a particular sport, or do private tutors for the same reason (common with skaters/gymnastics).

Finally, the biggest and best thing a parent can do with an athletic kid is really educate themselves about the sport. It is really easy for even smart people to get suckered into things, because the team did this or that, or it will really help your kid with "exposure". A parent who mentions high school recruitment is waiving huge red flags that they do not know anything about the sport. So, if wrong about that -- what are the odds they are wrong about a "national championship" for tweens? Does "we're going to nationals" mean in reality -- we are going to a tournament that calls itself "nationals", but really is not, because the only teams coming are from within miles?

There are no "national" championships for 12 year olds in sports like soccer, or hockey.

Wow, you really don't have a clue about sports and recruitment of athletes at an elite level.

Its really sad if a parents priority is sports. That doesn't make for a well rounded child. You are teaching your child that his father and family are not important. My child is very active in sports. We don't think twice of missing a meet for a family obligation or even a friend's birthday party if its a good friend.

Regardless, this is Dad's weekend. He probably only gets 1-2 weekends a month so he had to pick his weekend or child would not be able to come as Mom doesn't sound flexible at all. So, he's in a no win situation.

Wow, your really don't have a clue about college admissions. My son went to national championships from the time he was 12-16 and it got him into a top university with a scholarship.

It's really sad if a parent does not support a child's passion. Athletics, school, arts... make for a well rounded child. You are teaching your child that a party is more important than work and dedication to a team. You child is not an elite athlete and has never made it to the national level so .... your experience is irrelevant.

It's dad's weekend and he is welcome to attend the game ... but if history repeats itself he will blow off his child, again, for his new girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Update: Kid is going to nationals and has support from grandpa AND grandma (Dad’s parents), who plan to also attend Nationals to support grandson.

Super super surprised to get their call today and support on this ( my DS called them last night apparently).

Life is funny that way I guess.

According to grandma, they too have been snubbed by new wife and her family. I don’t know how I feel about them using their grandson to blow off the wedding, but it’s their choice I guess.

To the posters who keep saying I’m keeping our son from his dad, this is wholly not true. Our son is constantly available, 13 years old, is a solid 5’9, and has his own phone. If he wanted to go to the wedding instead , I wouldn’t stop him. He has explicitly stated he wants, and I agree with my son’s decision. He shouldn’t throw away his chance at a high school scholarship or other achievement to sit and watch adults who could care less.

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

Glad to hear this. You did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Update: Kid is going to nationals and has support from grandpa AND grandma (Dad’s parents), who plan to also attend Nationals to support grandson.

Super super surprised to get their call today and support on this ( my DS called them last night apparently).

Life is funny that way I guess.

According to grandma, they too have been snubbed by new wife and her family. I don’t know how I feel about them using their grandson to blow off the wedding, but it’s their choice I guess.

To the posters who keep saying I’m keeping our son from his dad, this is wholly not true. Our son is constantly available, 13 years old, is a solid 5’9, and has his own phone. If he wanted to go to the wedding instead , I wouldn’t stop him. He has explicitly stated he wants, and I agree with my son’s decision. He shouldn’t throw away his chance at a high school scholarship or other achievement to sit and watch adults who could care less.

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

Funny how your story changes. You do not decide what happens on Dad's weekends. Your child is 13. He is not an adult. This is why they don't have a relationship. You don't support the relationship. I hardly doubt Dad's parents would miss his wedding. That makes no sense. Except if they are on different days and you are failing to mention that. I feel bad for your son. You realize the example you set is the type of person he will become.

It's the troll again! This is getting comical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More likely the court would point out that the dad has been largely absent by choice and side with the boy and OP.

My guess is the testimony would show mom has been using the sport to alienate son from his father. With success

No judge will think that a DAD is being alienated for a SON'S sport. The judge will be perplexed that a dad is totally uninvolved in his son's sport. What kind of dad does that... an absent one.

This is dads weekend. Mom is refusing his weekend. It’s not ok. Dad is not absent. Dad is only allowed to see the kid at specific times. Mom refuses those times.

Why do you keep posting the same thing over and over again? Everyone understand your point of view, however strange we may think it is that you are making up a universe of facts to fit the story you like to tell. Your work is done here, truly.

Dad is involved and seeing the child. He is not an absent parent. This is his weekend. Mom is refusing it. That is the point. Those are the facts Mom said. Even if they switched weekends, she'd find another excuse so this is a non-issue.

LOL, hi troll! Wow, posts upon posts of this drivel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Update: Kid is going to nationals and has support from grandpa AND grandma (Dad’s parents), who plan to also attend Nationals to support grandson.

Super super surprised to get their call today and support on this ( my DS called them last night apparently).

Life is funny that way I guess.

According to grandma, they too have been snubbed by new wife and her family. I don’t know how I feel about them using their grandson to blow off the wedding, but it’s their choice I guess.

To the posters who keep saying I’m keeping our son from his dad, this is wholly not true. Our son is constantly available, 13 years old, is a solid 5’9, and has his own phone. If he wanted to go to the wedding instead , I wouldn’t stop him. He has explicitly stated he wants, and I agree with my son’s decision. He shouldn’t throw away his chance at a high school scholarship or other achievement to sit and watch adults who could care less.

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

Thanks for the update! Glad your son's preference is what prevailed.

Not gonna lie, if it were me I would be experiencing definite schadenfreude at ex-DH's family situation. What a sh*tshow.