Toxic Mothers-In-Law and bizarre things they do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine did the same thing with a huge grandma shower that I did not attend because we were out of town. However, she never even told us. I found out from my sister in law who asked if we liked something she got for the baby. MIL had kept it of course. While I was pregnant she would go on and on about how excited she was...because she had earned her place to the revered granny. She sent us her credit card bills for all the crap she bought herself to have the best place for her grandchild to come stay and expensive impractical outfits that our kid would never wear. She would try to tell us when she was visiting and when we would say that doesn't work her response was I am visiting my grandchild not you. We would stand firm and she would go on a rant that grand parent rights are equal to parental rights and she *could* take us to court. We said knock yourself out.

She did not dote on her grand child at all. She only showed interest in her as prop or a doll. She liked to show her off but she never wanted to really spend time with her.

This sounds so much like my mil. I had premature twins and she had planned a grandma shower without informing dh and I. My kids had long nicu stays and came home during flu/rsv season. They had medical issues and feeding issues with medicines around the clock. During their entire lives they never offered to help. Once both kids were out of the nicu she mentioned the grandma shower we weren't invited to. She wanted us to drive both infants, one was going to have surgery soon, to her house while she took them to a friends for her shower. Most of the women she invited had no clue the shower was for her and thought the gifts were going to us. We of course didn't go. I was working hard on breast feeding and she was adamantly against it. They never were interested in our kids other than getting pictures to show friends so they could pretend they were the best grandparents. They also decided when our children were 2, that they wanted to take them on a cruise. I thought we were being invited, but noooo. We would not have done it anyway. A cruise sounds miserable with kids that young. They wanted to take our kids. I asked what they would do for excursions. Mil told me they had day care and activities that the kids would do during the day and they would eat with them at night. They wanted to take our kids to show off at night and dump in some non existant day care all day. I don't know what they do now but back then cruise ships had no such thing. My in-laws would have insisted on taking my kids and arrogantly assumed they could force the crew who provided activities for the kids to take care of 2 two year olds all day. I can go on and on about the horrible things these people did and said - even saying I caused a miscarriage when we had been trying to get pregnant and were devastated. They had no interest in us if they couldn't use our kids as props and every year there was less and less contact. They are strangers to us now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She "gifts" me her old costume jewelry; gave DH an open costco pack of toothpaste (2 out of the 6 were gone - the box was taped shut with masking tape).

Dang. I see NOTHING wrong with either of those.

Me, neither!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband's old girlfriend got divorced, she called DH to tell him that "katie" was back on the market again -- you know, in case he wanted to divorce me and our four children in order to pursue her, I guess.

This was my deceased mil! She would have 2 of his exes over to her house. One came into town and she actually let her stay there a week. It blew my mind then I decided after that my kids weren't going to be around her. Long story, but Karma comes back around. We were in the UP of MI vacationing one Xmas. Apparently she went into the hospital then it became very serious. No one could get a hold of DH because they didn't know who we were staying with. (we didn't want them to) Usually if we went out of state they wanted the phone number of the people we were staying with...I'm totally serious. Control freaks! She ended up dying, the rest of his sisters were mad because they had to do all the work while DH was away having fun. I remember my dad advising me to stick it out.he said.."time is on my side". He sure was right!

Wait. You’re actually crowing with glee that your DH’s mom spent the last few days of her life in the hospital when no one could find him, and he missed seeing her before she died? And you think it’s funny that his sisters has to handle everything without their brother? And you think this is fitting karma for her simply being hospitable to an ex of your DH?

If there is such a thing as karma, you will die alone and no one will know how to reach your child to be with you. See what I did there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is a trifecta of attention seeking/control freak/geriatric toddler.

She is constantly chattering, whispering criticisms of everything, and giving unsolicited instructions for everything and so on. If it comes within her range of vision, she has.a comment on how it should be done differently. In the kitchen and someone opens a drawer? She peers inside and immediately starts suggesting better ways to organize the items or comments that these should be a different drawer closer to stove. Kids wearing footie pajamas? She comments that these really are not practical because if their legs grow faster than the rest of their body then they won't fit anymore while footless PJs would still will fit. We like entertaining and hosting holidays but she really ruins it when we host DH's family. She send lists and lists of instructions as if we are idiots. Some of my favorites have been - make sure to open the door when the bell rings -don't forget to use oven mitts when you take the turkey out of the oven or they include little digs about past years other others -don't use an orange table cloth like Claudia did it looked so tacky or -check the silverware this year, last year I saw a spot on one spoon.

She is one of those people who is 100% certain of whatever she is saying or doing even though she has no idea what she is saying or doing.

This woman delights in over stepping boundaries and delights in it as if its a game. She thinks she is so cute with her little girl giggles and stupid sayings. She will extend invitations on our behalf for other relatives to sleep at our house without telling us. She will volunteer us to do things for other relatives without telling us. The oddest thing was that she gave one of our fake floral arrangements to a cousin who commented on how much she liked it. It was a very large and expensive thing. Cousin just walked out the door with it saying thanks quickly as she left. I was like WTF and MIL piped in "Oh I gave that to Susan. She liked it so much and was too thrilled when I gave it to her she just squealed and then I squealed too! I just can't help being a little elf."

If she doesn't get her away she pretends that she never heard the no. She simply brings it up again only this time as statement. It starts as an invitation that we decline. The next time its when you bring the kids over on the 16th to meet my book club don't forget to dress them in those adorable little outfits that I bought them. We have to say we did not agree to bring the kids to your book club and then she does the pout pout face and literally will stomp her foot. She hates me because I once told her that grown women should not stomp their feet.

Wow, this is so crazy. Especially the giving away your fake floral arrangement part. Can you tell us more stories?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband's old girlfriend got divorced, she called DH to tell him that "katie" was back on the market again -- you know, in case he wanted to divorce me and our four children in order to pursue her, I guess.

This was my deceased mil! She would have 2 of his exes over to her house. One came into town and she actually let her stay there a week. It blew my mind then I decided after that my kids weren't going to be around her. Long story, but Karma comes back around. We were in the UP of MI vacationing one Xmas. Apparently she went into the hospital then it became very serious. No one could get a hold of DH because they didn't know who we were staying with. (we didn't want them to) Usually if we went out of state they wanted the phone number of the people we were staying with...I'm totally serious. Control freaks! She ended up dying, the rest of his sisters were mad because they had to do all the work while DH was away having fun. I remember my dad advising me to stick it out.he said.."time is on my side". He sure was right!

Wait. You’re actually crowing with glee that your DH’s mom spent the last few days of her life in the hospital when no one could find him, and he missed seeing her before she died? And you think it’s funny that his sisters has to handle everything without their brother? And you think this is fitting karma for her simply being hospitable to an ex of your DH?

If there is such a thing as karma, you will die alone and no one will know how to reach your child to be with you. See what I did there?

Wow. PP is truly an evil person - her dad sounds horrible too.

I hope your children marry spouses just like you. Karma and everything...

[Anonymous]

I also have many stories. But I want to talk about our relationship today, after 17 years of marriage.

I was a much better person before I met her and had to deal with her wickedness. First, I became defensive. I would try to avoid her and her attacks. Then, I became bitter and even a little aggressive. I would attack her even when she wasn’t attacking me. i don’t have regrets, she deserved. But everything became so toxic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, how do women become like this!!!

They grow up in Houston or Baton Rouge or some other ass-backward place.

[Anonymous]

They grow up doing everything their mother and MIL tell them to do, so they can turn around and do it to others.

[Anonymous]

Jealousy, unhappiness and selfishness.

[Anonymous]

My DS spent a month in the NICU. Right before being discharged, the NICU doctor had told us to wash our hands before handling him and said to ask relatives not to kiss the baby or visit while sick, and I relayed this info to MIL. She got angry about my "rules." Two days after bringing our son home, DH started getting calls from his brother and sister, asking why I was keeping MIL away from the baby. She apparently had called them and told them I was keeping her away from her grandson and that I didn't want her to have a relationship with him, which is crazy, because she would visit in the NICU and I would literally hand him over to her to hold. The drama she caused when I brought my son home from the hospital is something I will never forgive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL told my younger daughter "too bad you won't ever be as pretty as your sister".

I was nice to her for 15 years then gave her to my DH lasted a year.He hasn't spoken to her since. Been married 34 years.

Makes me sad sometimes, but life is so much less toxic.

OP here, here's a story I have along those lines.

We were at her/FIL's house for Xmas one year. One evening while everyone was mingling before dinner, she called me over to her because she wanted to show me something. She proceeded to show me her nephew's (sister's son) family photo xmas card. She covered the card with her hand and slowly revealed each person, one by one. Saying something like "so look at this, and this, and this..." And then she got to the last person (nephew's oldest daughter, a tween at the time) and she said "and then you have THIS" and she laughed/snickered. She was making fun of nephew's daughter's looks; implying look at these beautiful people, and then look at this TROLL! I was *horrified*. She then said something about nephew's wife trying to get oldest daughter to lose weight or something. I was so stunned, I wasn't paying attention anymore. I didn't know how to react. I gave a knee-jerk uncomfortable smile and walked the F away. Terrible person.

You stayed silent and didn't defend a child and her loving family. You wrote a permission slip for MIL to behave that way in your presence. You being weak and spineless is hardly that much better than her toxicity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH's mother isn't a covert narcissist. Everyone knows it.

She literally dragged me around her house (physically grabbing onto my arm and dragging me with her weight - she weighed 2x me at the time) during the engagement party she threw me and DH and instructing me to touch her friends' feet claiming it was a religious thing. (I found out later from one of their family members that it wasn't).

She ruined the south asian wedding hosted by my parents by: 1) before the ceremony, telling DH to wear some headcovering and of course he went along with it; 2) draping me with some gross gold and red fake silk fabric during the ceremony -- all our wedding pictures are ruined 3) bringing her own priest that grabbed the mic after the ceremony and started chanting in sanskrit that no one understood; 4) at the reception told the DJ that it was her birthday and instructing him to instruct all the guests to sing happy birthday to her during our speeches.

After the wedding, she tried to convince DH to leave some of our gifts with her because they weren't our style. DH went along with it until I made him return them when she sent me a text telling me to write those guests thank you notes.

I could go on and on. .. .

Your DH sucks and is spineless. You are a spineless doormat. Your MIL is a horror, but you and DH are absolutely useless. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL attended the fundraising auction for DD’s elementary school. The kids each drew adorable self-portraits. My MIL bought DD’s and we would not have gotten it if not for my DH who stepped in and said no way. Maybe this sounds silly, but it’s one instance in a long series of overstepping boundaries.

You invited her to a fundraising auction where the goal was to auction and sell each child's art, then you got mad that she...bid on your child's art?

Literally what did you think would happen? She'd bid up Bobby Sue's portrait from down the street?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother in law once gave me a knit winter hat for my Birthday. Inside if was full of gray hairs!! Used dirty hat. She once said right to my face and in front of my,kids, she thinks of all the other women DH COULD have married! So very painful, DH did nothing, still afraid of his Mommy. However, he is a wonderful husband, father and loves me to pieces. We don’t see in-laws that often, so I just ignore and go on through my life. Still it does make me sad.

Your husband is not "wonderful" if he would let his mother say something like that in front of you and your kids. Nope, he's not wonderful. He's a spineless puss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She "gifts" me her old costume jewelry; gave DH an open costco pack of toothpaste (2 out of the 6 were gone - the box was taped shut with masking tape).

Dang. I see NOTHING wrong with either of those.

That's because there IS nothing wrong with either of those. That is "quirky," not TOXIC. Come on.