Toxic Mothers-In-Law and bizarre things they do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband's old girlfriend got divorced, she called DH to tell him that "katie" was back on the market again -- you know, in case he wanted to divorce me and our four children in order to pursue her, I guess.

This was my deceased mil! She would have 2 of his exes over to her house. One came into town and she actually let her stay there a week. It blew my mind then I decided after that my kids weren't going to be around her. Long story, but Karma comes back around. We were in the UP of MI vacationing one Xmas. Apparently she went into the hospital then it became very serious. No one could get a hold of DH because they didn't know who we were staying with. (we didn't want them to) Usually if we went out of state they wanted the phone number of the people we were staying with...I'm totally serious. Control freaks! She ended up dying, the rest of his sisters were mad because they had to do all the work while DH was away having fun. I remember my dad advising me to stick it out.he said.."time is on my side". He sure was right!

Wait. You’re actually crowing with glee that your DH’s mom spent the last few days of her life in the hospital when no one could find him, and he missed seeing her before she died? And you think it’s funny that his sisters has to handle everything without their brother? And you think this is fitting karma for her simply being hospitable to an ex of your DH?

If there is such a thing as karma, you will die alone and no one will know how to reach your child to be with you. See what I did there?

Wow. PP is truly an evil person - her dad sounds horrible too.

I hope your children marry spouses just like you. Karma and everything...

Your reading comprehension is poor. Read the other posts. The mil was the evil person trying to make everyones life miserable.

No, I did read your post. You were mad your MIL still talked to your DHs ex girlfriends. Keeping him away from his dying mother and laughing about him missing the funeral makes you the evil one. Really. Your reaction was ridiculous and mean and flat out EVIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband's old girlfriend got divorced, she called DH to tell him that "katie" was back on the market again -- you know, in case he wanted to divorce me and our four children in order to pursue her, I guess.

This was my deceased mil! She would have 2 of his exes over to her house. One came into town and she actually let her stay there a week. It blew my mind then I decided after that my kids weren't going to be around her. Long story, but Karma comes back around. We were in the UP of MI vacationing one Xmas. Apparently she went into the hospital then it became very serious. No one could get a hold of DH because they didn't know who we were staying with. (we didn't want them to) Usually if we went out of state they wanted the phone number of the people we were staying with...I'm totally serious. Control freaks! She ended up dying, the rest of his sisters were mad because they had to do all the work while DH was away having fun. I remember my dad advising me to stick it out.he said.."time is on my side". He sure was right!

Wait. You’re actually crowing with glee that your DH’s mom spent the last few days of her life in the hospital when no one could find him, and he missed seeing her before she died? And you think it’s funny that his sisters has to handle everything without their brother? And you think this is fitting karma for her simply being hospitable to an ex of your DH?

If there is such a thing as karma, you will die alone and no one will know how to reach your child to be with you. See what I did there?

Wow. PP is truly an evil person - her dad sounds horrible too.

I hope your children marry spouses just like you. Karma and everything...

Your reading comprehension is poor. Read the other posts. The mil was the evil person trying to make everyones life miserable.

No, I did read your post. You were mad your MIL still talked to your DHs ex girlfriends. Keeping him away from his dying mother and laughing about him missing the funeral makes you the evil one. Really. Your reaction was ridiculous and mean and flat out EVIL.

+1. Her talking to ex-girlfriends and such is about a Level 8 out of 10 bad. But you being joyful that she died without seeing him is about a Level 20 out of 10 bad. YOU are worse than she is. Let that sink in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband's old girlfriend got divorced, she called DH to tell him that "katie" was back on the market again -- you know, in case he wanted to divorce me and our four children in order to pursue her, I guess.

This was my deceased mil! She would have 2 of his exes over to her house. One came into town and she actually let her stay there a week. It blew my mind then I decided after that my kids weren't going to be around her. Long story, but Karma comes back around. We were in the UP of MI vacationing one Xmas. Apparently she went into the hospital then it became very serious. No one could get a hold of DH because they didn't know who we were staying with. (we didn't want them to) Usually if we went out of state they wanted the phone number of the people we were staying with...I'm totally serious. Control freaks! She ended up dying, the rest of his sisters were mad because they had to do all the work while DH was away having fun. I remember my dad advising me to stick it out.he said.."time is on my side". He sure was right!

Wait. You’re actually crowing with glee that your DH’s mom spent the last few days of her life in the hospital when no one could find him, and he missed seeing her before she died? And you think it’s funny that his sisters has to handle everything without their brother? And you think this is fitting karma for her simply being hospitable to an ex of your DH?

If there is such a thing as karma, you will die alone and no one will know how to reach your child to be with you. See what I did there?

Wow. PP is truly an evil person - her dad sounds horrible too.

I hope your children marry spouses just like you. Karma and everything...

Your reading comprehension is poor. Read the other posts. The mil was the evil person trying to make everyones life miserable.

No, I did read your post. You were mad your MIL still talked to your DHs ex girlfriends. Keeping him away from his dying mother and laughing about him missing the funeral makes you the evil one. Really. Your reaction was ridiculous and mean and flat out EVIL.

You're the one always attacking other posters because you don't agree. Nope saying Karma comes back around isn't anything remarkable. Your reactions to some of these posts is mean and evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL told my younger daughter "too bad you won't ever be as pretty as your sister".

I was nice to her for 15 years then gave her to my DH lasted a year.He hasn't spoken to her since. Been married 34 years.

Makes me sad sometimes, but life is so much less toxic.

OP here, here's a story I have along those lines.

We were at her/FIL's house for Xmas one year. One evening while everyone was mingling before dinner, she called me over to her because she wanted to show me something. She proceeded to show me her nephew's (sister's son) family photo xmas card. She covered the card with her hand and slowly revealed each person, one by one. Saying something like "so look at this, and this, and this..." And then she got to the last person (nephew's oldest daughter, a tween at the time) and she said "and then you have THIS" and she laughed/snickered. She was making fun of nephew's daughter's looks; implying look at these beautiful people, and then look at this TROLL! I was *horrified*. She then said something about nephew's wife trying to get oldest daughter to lose weight or something. I was so stunned, I wasn't paying attention anymore. I didn't know how to react. I gave a knee-jerk uncomfortable smile and walked the F away. Terrible person.

You stayed silent and didn't defend a child and her loving family. You wrote a permission slip for MIL to behave that way in your presence. You being weak and spineless is hardly that much better than her toxicity.

Maybe pp was too shocked to say anything at the time. It's happened to many of us.

Your over reaction and rudeness though is par for the course. I've noticed you do this quite a bit....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL told my younger daughter "too bad you won't ever be as pretty as your sister".

I was nice to her for 15 years then gave her to my DH lasted a year.He hasn't spoken to her since. Been married 34 years.

Makes me sad sometimes, but life is so much less toxic.

OP here, here's a story I have along those lines.

We were at her/FIL's house for Xmas one year. One evening while everyone was mingling before dinner, she called me over to her because she wanted to show me something. She proceeded to show me her nephew's (sister's son) family photo xmas card. She covered the card with her hand and slowly revealed each person, one by one. Saying something like "so look at this, and this, and this..." And then she got to the last person (nephew's oldest daughter, a tween at the time) and she said "and then you have THIS" and she laughed/snickered. She was making fun of nephew's daughter's looks; implying look at these beautiful people, and then look at this TROLL! I was *horrified*. She then said something about nephew's wife trying to get oldest daughter to lose weight or something. I was so stunned, I wasn't paying attention anymore. I didn't know how to react. I gave a knee-jerk uncomfortable smile and walked the F away. Terrible person.

You stayed silent and didn't defend a child and her loving family. You wrote a permission slip for MIL to behave that way in your presence. You being weak and spineless is hardly that much better than her toxicity.

Maybe pp was too shocked to say anything at the time. It's happened to many of us.

Your over reaction and rudeness though is par for the course. I've noticed you do this quite a bit....

LOL. What? Do you know every Anonymous poster on DCUM? Who are you talking to? What are you talking about? -dp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oooh man the MIL not giving the baby back in the hospital makes my skin crawl! It's such a vulnerable time and it just feel so overwhelmingly manipulative. Mine did the same thing. After the hearing test, my baby was upset (as they get) and she snatched the baby from the nurse and said "oh he needs his Grandma!" while I sat there with my arms out and my jaw dropping. Thankfully within about 90 seconds it became clear that only mom would do and she gave him to me to nurse, but I almost killed my DH for not stepping in.

Agree. It’s a primal time when mom has an instinct to be with her baby. Why the hell does a MIL think it’s her place to snatch the baby?

[Anonymous]

My MIL just came to visit for 2.5 weeks and I try SO hard to be accommodating and let my usual rules go. She feeds the kids "treats" several times a day (basically dessert, which I'm not opposed to, but 3-4 times each day) + lets them have as much juice as they want. She goes in after they've done their whole bedtime routine and riles them back up and then wonders why they don't go to sleep and are grumpy the next morning. She takes my DD for manicures (blech) and tells DS nail polish is only for girls when we wants to go (he's 3). She's as helpful as can be when DH is there, but when he's not, she doesn't help at all (even though we have 3 under 5, so help with meals or bedtime would obviously be appreciated). She spends the whole time complaining about every aspect of the choices we've made about how we live our life: she LOVES our nanny, but she has flaws A-D and we should ask her to do E-G other things because she's overpaid and lazy (it essentially comes down to she doesn't think we should have a nanny w/ the subtext being that I should stay home; in addition to the fact that I don't want to, DH & I are both professionals earning comparable amounts and could not possibly get by on one salary); our kids' teachers seem GREAT, but are weird and horrible in ways H-K; our house is surprisingly tiny for how much it costs; we've made such INTERESTING choices for activities for the kids, so different than her other grandkids/not what she would pick at all... It's just exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Racist. Starts every sentence with "I don't mean to be prejudiced but..."

Will go up to every minority or part minority she meets (including me) and tell them "I don't mean to be prejudiced but...(says something about politics in the country of their ancestors)." Like she'll go up to an African-American and say "I don't mean to be prejudiced, but I think your people in Africa are just awful with their beliefs."

Says things like "My grandchild is gorgeous! I don't think he looks part minority at all!"

PP from this post. She also uses the word 'colored." And once she was so proud of herself when she invited an interracial couple over to dinner that she made everyone (who could have cared less) meet with her before they came and said "Listen, everyone, I just wanted to warn you all that John's wife is COLORED."

Wow ... I'm 50, was raised in the Deep South, and the last person I heard use the term colored was my great-grandfather in the late 70s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH's mother isn't a covert narcissist. Everyone knows it.

She literally dragged me around her house (physically grabbing onto my arm and dragging me with her weight - she weighed 2x me at the time) during the engagement party she threw me and DH and instructing me to touch her friends' feet claiming it was a religious thing. (I found out later from one of their family members that it wasn't).

She ruined the south asian wedding hosted by my parents by: 1) before the ceremony, telling DH to wear some headcovering and of course he went along with it; 2) draping me with some gross gold and red fake silk fabric during the ceremony -- all our wedding pictures are ruined 3) bringing her own priest that grabbed the mic after the ceremony and started chanting in sanskrit that no one understood; 4) at the reception told the DJ that it was her birthday and instructing him to instruct all the guests to sing happy birthday to her during our speeches.

After the wedding, she tried to convince DH to leave some of our gifts with her because they weren't our style. DH went along with it until I made him return them when she sent me a text telling me to write those guests thank you notes.

I could go on and on. .. .

The bolded things are real traditions. She should have explained them to you, and she certainly should not have forced you to do anything against your will, but you are wrong for claiming her traditions are fake.