For women who didn't change their names, but gave their children their husband's last name...

[Anonymous]

It was my name. I was an adult, not a 14 yr old stolen from her family. I wasn't changing my name.
And I am a SAHM.

I don't understand why people are so critical of other people's choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this either. It doesn’t apply to me bc I changed my name to my husband’s and my kids have his surname too simply because I really didn’t like my maiden name and don’t really like my father or his family so didn’t want to be associated w the name anymore. But I don’t understand why even women who don’t want to take their husbands name often still default to giving the kids their husbands name.

So you CHOSE to change your name sheerly out of personal motivation, and you can't understand why other women would make a different decision based on their own personal motivations? Or do you think it's just reflexive after that - every decision must follow in the traditional or non-traditional column?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was my name. I was an adult, not a 14 yr old stolen from her family. I wasn't changing my name.
And I am a SAHM.

I don't understand why people are so critical of other people's choices.

Ha ha, I wrote this and then I realized that with the "14 yr old stolen from her family" thing, I sounded critical. I actually am not critical of other people's choices, I just don't understand why people think it is about not taking a man's name (it isn't) so why would we give that name to our kids, and then that is so weird for a SAHM to have kept her own name.

My decision wasn't political, and it wasn't about not taking a man's name. I was an adult and LIKED my name and chose to keep it, and if other people want to take their husband's name, that is fine too. We get to make our own decisions. It wasn't about not taking a man's name so the decision about my kids' names was unrelated. It was about keeping my name.

I also admire the people who chose a completely new last name for the adults and their future children, that is very interesting!

[Anonymous]

Because my choice is not an indictment of your choice. Aren't we all about choices for women. Your judgment shows your bias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our children have my name as their middle, my husbands as their last. So they have both names.

This is what I did. My husband and I come from very different ethnic backgrounds and if either one of us took the other person's name it would shock most people when the name was an obvious dissonance to the face. The kid is a mutt, though looks more like me, so he has First Name My Last name as middle, Dads last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our children have my name as their middle, my husbands as their last. So they have both names.

This is what I did. My husband and I come from very different ethnic backgrounds and if either one of us took the other person's name it would shock most people when the name was an obvious dissonance to the face. The kid is a mutt, though looks more like me, so he has First Name My Last name as middle, Dads last name.

And forgot to add - we went with an Ethnic first name from my ethnic background, so i got 2 out of 3 for this deal!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre question. I was born and given a name I liked, and one I became known by. I saw no reason to change it. My kids were given a name shortly after birth that included my husband’s last name, which is more melodious than mine. If they like it, they can keep it, or they can change it. Why is this very personal thing of interest to anyone else?

Don't pretend it is a bizarre question.

Not pretending. I find it completely bizarre that anyone would care what someone else chose to do with their name or the names of their children (unless the parents in question name their kid something gossip-worthy, like Inspektor Pilot). Why do you care? Are you the name police?

+1

Everyone who is acting like this is such a complicated issue (omg! DIFFERENT NAMES!!?!) are just looking for drama.

NP, but nope. I think it's dumb to have multiple different names (the one who said they all have different names?!?) but you clearly don't care, which is fine, because I don't want you to care what I think. I'm not looking for drama at all, but you seriously can't conceive of the fact that some people are curious as to why people do things differently than they do? Like, why do some people want to live in tiny houses with six kids? What do they find to be the benefits? I would never consider it but I'm curious as to why they would. It doesn't mean I'm causing drama, I'm just wondering. You're the one causing drama by making it a big thing. All OP did was ask a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was my name. I was an adult, not a 14 yr old stolen from her family. I wasn't changing my name.
And I am a SAHM.

I don't understand why people are so critical of other people's choices.

Do you understand that asking a question out of curiosity and being critical aren't the same thing? I know people like you, it must be exhausting to be like that, offended by everything.

[Anonymous]

This is a classic example of the DCUM thread category that I like to call "I'm incapable of understanding how/why other people view things differently than I do." There are always a multitude of, to me, obvious reasons why people do X thing differently, but also a lot of people who are apparently incapable of coming up with these obvious reasons on their own. Often, like in this thread, it comes across as a not-very-subtle way for the OP to proselytize about the way things ought to be or provide a platform to criticize the group they're supposedly trying to "understand." But, no, they're not criticizing or engaging in moral/political propaganda. They really, innocently, in good faith "don't understand." I don't know if it's one or a small group of posters who love to do this. I would hope there aren't really that many obtuse people ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic example of the DCUM thread category that I like to call "I'm incapable of understanding how/why other people view things differently than I do." There are always a multitude of, to me, obvious reasons why people do X thing differently, but also a lot of people who are apparently incapable of coming up with these obvious reasons on their own. Often, like in this thread, it comes across as a not-very-subtle way for the OP to proselytize about the way things ought to be or provide a platform to criticize the group they're supposedly trying to "understand." But, no, they're not criticizing or engaging in moral/political propaganda. They really, innocently, in good faith "don't understand." I don't know if it's one or a small group of posters who love to do this. I would hope there aren't really that many obtuse people ...

Yes, you nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre question. I was born and given a name I liked, and one I became known by. I saw no reason to change it. My kids were given a name shortly after birth that included my husband’s last name, which is more melodious than mine. If they like it, they can keep it, or they can change it. Why is this very personal thing of interest to anyone else?

Don't pretend it is a bizarre question.

Not pretending. I find it completely bizarre that anyone would care what someone else chose to do with their name or the names of their children (unless the parents in question name their kid something gossip-worthy, like Inspektor Pilot). Why do you care? Are you the name police?

+1

Everyone who is acting like this is such a complicated issue (omg! DIFFERENT NAMES!!?!) are just looking for drama.

NP, but nope. I think it's dumb to have multiple different names (the one who said they all have different names?!?) but you clearly don't care, which is fine, because I don't want you to care what I think. I'm not looking for drama at all, but you seriously can't conceive of the fact that some people are curious as to why people do things differently than they do? Like, why do some people want to live in tiny houses with six kids? What do they find to be the benefits? I would never consider it but I'm curious as to why they would. It doesn't mean I'm causing drama, I'm just wondering. You're the one causing drama by making it a big thing. All OP did was ask a question.

The benefit is not having to get all new paperwork and official documents. Not having to get used to signing a new name. Names don’t magically change.

There’s nothing “dumb” about it. It was important to you to have the same name, though, so the hoops (mostly) women jump through to change their name aren’t an issue for you. They were for me.

The issue of the OP was in her assumption that it’s always done out of some rebellion against the patriarchy or whatever. Hope she understands better that women choose different things for different reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic example of the DCUM thread category that I like to call "I'm incapable of understanding how/why other people view things differently than I do." There are always a multitude of, to me, obvious reasons why people do X thing differently, but also a lot of people who are apparently incapable of coming up with these obvious reasons on their own. Often, like in this thread, it comes across as a not-very-subtle way for the OP to proselytize about the way things ought to be or provide a platform to criticize the group they're supposedly trying to "understand." But, no, they're not criticizing or engaging in moral/political propaganda. They really, innocently, in good faith "don't understand." I don't know if it's one or a small group of posters who love to do this. I would hope there aren't really that many obtuse people ...

Thank you, yes, this is it EXACTLY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was my name. I was an adult, not a 14 yr old stolen from her family. I wasn't changing my name.
And I am a SAHM.

I don't understand why people are so critical of other people's choices.

Do you understand that asking a question out of curiosity and being critical aren't the same thing? I know people like you, it must be exhausting to be like that, offended by everything.

I am not easily offended.
There were comments here that were absolutely critical? Did you miss the pages of them???

Your children aren’t part of your identity?
I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.
Right, it was your father's name and descended down the patriarchy. So, you were given a man's name when you were born. There's no shame in that, just understand that you're not really doing anything different by taking your husband's name.
It’s your father’s name. If he had a different last name then you’d have a different last name.
To me, this is the worst possible compromise and absolutely does not serve the purpose you think it does. No one cares or even knows people’s middle names.
The protocol of naming infants is far more patriarchal than women changing their name as an adult. Defaulting to the man's last name for children is PARTICULARLY unfair if a couple with two different last names. and middle names don't count. No one knows or cares what people's middle names are.
On a side note, I think it's hysterical that a bunch of grown ass women are still holding on to their daddy's name like it was some kind of emblem of feminist power. Its so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic example of the DCUM thread category that I like to call "I'm incapable of understanding how/why other people view things differently than I do." There are always a multitude of, to me, obvious reasons why people do X thing differently, but also a lot of people who are apparently incapable of coming up with these obvious reasons on their own. Often, like in this thread, it comes across as a not-very-subtle way for the OP to proselytize about the way things ought to be or provide a platform to criticize the group they're supposedly trying to "understand." But, no, they're not criticizing or engaging in moral/political propaganda. They really, innocently, in good faith "don't understand." I don't know if it's one or a small group of posters who love to do this. I would hope there aren't really that many obtuse people ...

Yeah those posters are trolls. I like to call this category "I feel like trolling today, let's see how high I can get the page count."

[Anonymous]

I am fascinated there are so many men who are stupid and weak enough to permit their wives to keep their maiden names or make up some stupid name that's not their husband's last name. Just say, "take my last name or we don't get married," and she can make her choice, you're good either way.