For women who didn't change their names, but gave their children their husband's last name...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this either. It doesn’t apply to me bc I changed my name to my husband’s and my kids have his surname too simply because I really didn’t like my maiden name and don’t really like my father or his family so didn’t want to be associated w the name anymore. But I don’t understand why even women who don’t want to take their husbands name often still default to giving the kids their husbands name.

Because that tradition has endured while the other tradition of wives taking their husband's last names is becoming less and less popular.

It also makes life easier to have a default option. I'll admit I'm lazy. I kept my maiden name, there was no motivation to change it. We defaulted to DH's last name for our DC. It was nice not to have to dwell on that decision and I didn't want to saddle DC with an awkward hyphenate.

[Anonymous]

For perspective, I kept my last name because DH's last name is too long, and I come culturally from a matriarchal system, where women don't take their husband's names anyway. DH kept his last name, and we gave DD a culturally appropriate and short last name, totally separate from our own. So, in our household, we have 3 people with 3 last names.

DD's teachers usually address us by her last name. People that know him through me address DH by my last name (and the vet, because the dog is under my name), and people that know me through him, address me by his last name. We don't bother correcting anyone; it's a circus of our making.

[Anonymous]

This is a good question! I don't really like my last name, and I don't have a great relationship with my family of origin, so I felt no draw towards carrying on my family name. But it's still MY last name, and the name I used professionally for 2 decades prior to marriage, so I wasn't about to change it for myself. For my kid, I guess I also felt like since I was giving birth to him, he could have my DH's last name as a way to belong to him, too. DH's name is also easier to spell and sounds nicer!

[Anonymous]

I didn't change my name mostly because it seemed like a hassle, but it also seems weird to me to change my identity due to marriage. My kids were blank slates, so who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For perspective, I kept my last name because DH's last name is too long, and I come culturally from a matriarchal system, where women don't take their husband's names anyway. DH kept his last name, and we gave DD a culturally appropriate and short last name, totally separate from our own. So, in our household, we have 3 people with 3 last names.

DD's teachers usually address us by her last name. People that know him through me address DH by my last name (and the vet, because the dog is under my name), and people that know me through him, address me by his last name. We don't bother correcting anyone; it's a circus of our making.

PP- We did this too!

[Anonymous]

I kept my name because I like it, and most of my life people called me by my last name, or a combo of my first and last name.

When I got married I had no intention of legally changing my name. However, when it is easier I use my married name and I take no offense when people call me by that name.

When we had kids my husband left it up to me which name the kids got, he had no preference. As much as I love my name it is also a bit of a pain because it has an apostrophe in it, and it still gets messed up in computer systems. So we went with his name, which also shares my ethnic background. The kids' middles names are family names from my side of the family.

Honestly I like the idea of the whole family having the same name, but I just didn't want to change mine. If I had a more common name or one I didn't like, I would have changed it.

[Anonymous]

I didn't change my name. It was a personal and political decision.

I'm not going to delineate my reasons for keeping my name and giving my son my husband's surname BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER. Don't be so petty, people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre question. I was born and given a name I liked, and one I became known by. I saw no reason to change it. My kids were given a name shortly after birth that included my husband’s last name, which is more melodious than mine. If they like it, they can keep it, or they can change it. Why is this very personal thing of interest to anyone else?

Don't pretend it is a bizarre question.

Not pretending. I find it completely bizarre that anyone would care what someone else chose to do with their name or the names of their children (unless the parents in question name their kid something gossip-worthy, like Inspektor Pilot). Why do you care? Are you the name police?

[Anonymous]

My surname is part of my identity and not changing it spares me paperwork in this country and in the country I am from. Our child will have my husband's surname because that is non-negotiable for my husband and I don't care that much about hyphenating anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this either. It doesn’t apply to me bc I changed my name to my husband’s and my kids have his surname too simply because I really didn’t like my maiden name and don’t really like my father or his family so didn’t want to be associated w the name anymore. But I don’t understand why even women who don’t want to take their husbands name often still default to giving the kids their husbands name.

It's actually a pretty simple concept! Some women like their names. That doesn't mean they don't like their husband's name! It's possible to simultaneously like your name and also like giving your child a different last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre question. I was born and given a name I liked, and one I became known by. I saw no reason to change it. My kids were given a name shortly after birth that included my husband’s last name, which is more melodious than mine. If they like it, they can keep it, or they can change it. Why is this very personal thing of interest to anyone else?

Don't pretend it is a bizarre question.

Not pretending. I find it completely bizarre that anyone would care what someone else chose to do with their name or the names of their children (unless the parents in question name their kid something gossip-worthy, like Inspektor Pilot). Why do you care? Are you the name police?

+1

Everyone who is acting like this is such a complicated issue (omg! DIFFERENT NAMES!!?!) are just looking for drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name mostly because it seemed like a hassle, but it also seems weird to me to change my identity due to marriage. My kids were blank slates, so who cares?

Samesies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this either. It doesn’t apply to me bc I changed my name to my husband’s and my kids have his surname too simply because I really didn’t like my maiden name and don’t really like my father or his family so didn’t want to be associated w the name anymore. But I don’t understand why even women who don’t want to take their husbands name often still default to giving the kids their husbands name.

It's actually a pretty simple concept! Some women like their names. That doesn't mean they don't like their husband's name! It's possible to simultaneously like your name and also like giving your child a different last name.

Why do you assume it was a default decision? My husband was open to giving the kids my name, but we made the decision for practical purposes because his is easier to spell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name mostly because it seemed like a hassle, but it also seems weird to me to change my identity due to marriage. My kids were blank slates, so who cares?

Samesies.

Here too.

My last name sucks, but it is mine and I’m attached to it so I kept it.

[Anonymous]

My kids have mine for a middle name.