For women who didn't change their names, but gave their children their husband's last name...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre question. I was born and given a name I liked, and one I became known by. I saw no reason to change it. My kids were given a name shortly after birth that included my husband’s last name, which is more melodious than mine. If they like it, they can keep it, or they can change it. Why is this very personal thing of interest to anyone else?

Because you are part of the same family as your husband and children. It seems really weird to me for people in the same family to have different last names. Last names are supposed to signify your family. I wouldn't want to have a separate last name from my own children and husband.

And yet when your daughters get married you expect them to change their name. So they are no longer part of your family but your sons are? Are your grandchildren with different last names not part of your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

You obviously care QUITE A LOT, Karen. Sorry it’s an extra 5 seconds of work to address Christmas cards to us! Get a job.

NP. You people are really defensive. The post above does not show that she cares at all. Also, don't worry, your Christmas card will say The Smith Family, and you can just get over the fact that you're not a Smith.

LOL at the thought that a holiday card would be a reason to change or not change a name.

With best wishes for a 2020 from the Smith Jones Family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

My surname is my name in the same way that my first name is my name. Once it was given to me when I was born, it became mine. It's the name I had for 30 years before I married dh. Why should I change it?

The protocol of naming infants is far more patriarchal than women changing their name as an adult. Defaulting to the man's last name for children is PARTICULARLY unfair if a couple with two different last names. and middle names don't count. No one knows or cares what people's middle names are.

On a side note, I think it's hysterical that a bunch of grown ass women are still holding on to their daddy's name like it was some kind of emblem of feminist power. Its so weird.

Prince was way more successful than ALL Y'ALL and he went by a SYMBOL for awhile. Get over yourself. Your career as a mid-level executive, or struggling academic, or non-profit/government G-whatever is not going to merit a chapter in a history book anytime soon, you don't have to be so self-important about your stupid name. Your identity is far deeper and more complex than your place in the alphabet. Please, stop making this a "thing" that is supposed to matter.

I kept my last name just to annoy people like you. It worked!

Meh, odds are, you kept your name because you married someone with a horrible last name or you come from a well-known, well-connected family and didn’t want to lose that recognition. But honestly, I hope you are joking. I find most people’s opinions on this subject very tiresome, but at least they HAVE and opinion! Your one liner is just so petty.

Ha ha! Funny that you react so strongly to PP’s one liner but not the dickish PP’s post.

Are you always this rigid in your thinking? Lighten up. And enjoy your father-in-law’s name.

It’s baffling to me that OP thinks it’s normal to be obsessed with her spouse’s daddy’s name... Keep telling yourself that, Karen.

On the other hand, it does explain how defensive she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

+2

I don’t know why people are so hung up on this. They’re names. I am my own person, my children are their own people. Because we don’t share a name, doesn’t mean they are any less my children.

Not to you, but it sounds like you're the nanny or they're your step-kids if you fill out a form. Without going into details about my former job, I used to have to ask for birth certificates to prove that moms were actually the mothers of their children if they didn't share the same last name.

Nope, didn’t happen, or in providing the birth certificate, they were providing proof of both parents, as father is listed. The provision of certificate was probably always required, regardless of name.

Many of my friends from different cultures don’t share family names, nor do many of my professional friends. It’s really not that big of a deal.

As it is, we’ve travelled extensively with DD, who does not share my name. I’ve never been asked to provide proof I’m her mother.

[Anonymous]

Women who do what OP is describing don't want outsiders to think it is a baby daddy situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Women who do what OP is describing don't want outsiders to think it is a baby daddy situation.

Or, they have been married/divorced several times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

+2

I don’t know why people are so hung up on this. They’re names. I am my own person, my children are their own people. Because we don’t share a name, doesn’t mean they are any less my children.

Not to you, but it sounds like you're the nanny or they're your step-kids if you fill out a form. Without going into details about my former job, I used to have to ask for birth certificates to prove that moms were actually the mothers of their children if they didn't share the same last name.

Nope, didn’t happen, or in providing the birth certificate, they were providing proof of both parents, as father is listed. The provision of certificate was probably always required, regardless of name.

Many of my friends from different cultures don’t share family names, nor do many of my professional friends. It’s really not that big of a deal.

As it is, we’ve travelled extensively with DD, who does not share my name. I’ve never been asked to provide proof I’m her mother.

If both parents are present, it is not usually a big deal, but as child trafficking becomes more of a problem, the mom and child having different names sticks out to certain professionals (like passport professionals, feds, some school admins during registration, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

+2

I don’t know why people are so hung up on this. They’re names. I am my own person, my children are their own people. Because we don’t share a name, doesn’t mean they are any less my children.

Not to you, but it sounds like you're the nanny or they're your step-kids if you fill out a form. Without going into details about my former job, I used to have to ask for birth certificates to prove that moms were actually the mothers of their children if they didn't share the same last name.

Nope, didn’t happen, or in providing the birth certificate, they were providing proof of both parents, as father is listed. The provision of certificate was probably always required, regardless of name.

Many of my friends from different cultures don’t share family names, nor do many of my professional friends. It’s really not that big of a deal.

As it is, we’ve travelled extensively with DD, who does not share my name. I’ve never been asked to provide proof I’m her mother.

If both parents are present, it is not usually a big deal, but as child trafficking becomes more of a problem, the mom and child having different names sticks out to certain professionals (like passport professionals, feds, some school admins during registration, etc.).

I've never been asked by passport professionals, feds, or school admins to prove my maternity. Sounds like you're making this up, along with your unsupported claims that 1) child trafficking is increasing, and that 2) this is the reason for increased documentation requirements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

+2

I don’t know why people are so hung up on this. They’re names. I am my own person, my children are their own people. Because we don’t share a name, doesn’t mean they are any less my children.

Not to you, but it sounds like you're the nanny or they're your step-kids if you fill out a form. Without going into details about my former job, I used to have to ask for birth certificates to prove that moms were actually the mothers of their children if they didn't share the same last name.

Nope, didn’t happen, or in providing the birth certificate, they were providing proof of both parents, as father is listed. The provision of certificate was probably always required, regardless of name.

Many of my friends from different cultures don’t share family names, nor do many of my professional friends. It’s really not that big of a deal.

As it is, we’ve travelled extensively with DD, who does not share my name. I’ve never been asked to provide proof I’m her mother.

If both parents are present, it is not usually a big deal, but as child trafficking becomes more of a problem, the mom and child having different names sticks out to certain professionals (like passport professionals, feds, some school admins during registration, etc.).

I've never been asked by passport professionals, feds, or school admins to prove my maternity. Sounds like you're making this up, along with your unsupported claims that 1) child trafficking is increasing, and that 2) this is the reason for increased documentation requirements.

This is too funny.

State Department PP here. This literally never happened to me even once in the U.S. or while traveling with my children in dozens of countries throughout the Americas, Europe and Asia. Not once.

FYI for those of you who have never seen a passport: the mother’s and father’s full name are spelled out in the child’s passport. This is not an issue anywhere except PPs overactive imagination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Women who do what OP is describing don't want outsiders to think it is a baby daddy situation.

Or, they have been married/divorced several times.

Nah. Karen is just really into her FIL...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because the only alternative was saddling the kids with a hyphenated last name, which would have been long. And it was important to DH and less important to me.

The alternative is giving the child your name. (Our oldest has my name and our youngest has my husband’s name.) Sometimes people get it wrong on cards but otherwise it has not presented any logistical difficulties, including when my husband has traveled internationally with the children without me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre question. I was born and given a name I liked, and one I became known by. I saw no reason to change it. My kids were given a name shortly after birth that included my husband’s last name, which is more melodious than mine. If they like it, they can keep it, or they can change it. Why is this very personal thing of interest to anyone else?

Because you are part of the same family as your husband and children. It seems really weird to me for people in the same family to have different last names. Last names are supposed to signify your family. I wouldn't want to have a separate last name from my own children and husband.

And yet when your daughters get married you expect them to change their name. So they are no longer part of your family but your sons are? Are your grandchildren with different last names not part of your family?

Please explain this to me.

Do you just view your daughters who change their names as not party if the family? Grandchildren who have different last name as you, are they lesser than grandchildren who do? Obviously, I do not understand this world view, please explain it to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

Why are you trying to understand? Why do you care? Get a life and stop being a nosy loser!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Women who do what OP is describing don't want outsiders to think it is a baby daddy situation.

Or, they have been married/divorced several times.

Or they flipped a coin as we did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

Why are you trying to understand? Why do you care? Get a life and stop being a nosy loser!

What I want to understand is why OP is so obsessed with her FIL...

I wish she would come back and explain!