For women who didn't change their names, but gave their children their husband's last name...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop it with the middle name business. It doesn’t count as some kind of feminist statement. No one ever knows or cares what your middle name is u less you are a high school year book editor.

I did not do this personally (my last name as a middle name for my children), but I'm guessing they didn't do it as a feminist statement or because they care about anyone else's approval. Get down off your high horse.

What I do not get are people like OP or PP who feel the need to chime in about this choice. How does it affect you in any way? Why do you care so much that you come on here and snipe? Suggests some issue with you that you need to resolve.

NP, but it really doesn't. I think it's stupid when families have different last names for everyone because mom kept hers, dad kept his, and then they just made up new ones for the kids. I'm allowed to have that opinion. It doesn't speak to any sort of issue that I need to resolve. I just think people who try to make a big statement with their names are dumb. At the same time I am perfectly happy with my own life. Do you really not understand how that can work?

The point is not that you have an opinion but that you choose to come on here and insult people who do things differently than you do. You call them "dumb". If you were perfectly happy, you would not feel the need to anonymously insult strangers over such a silly thing. Do you really not understand how that works?

[Anonymous]

In a lot of countries outside of the U.S., it's not normal for the woman to take the man's name. However, if my wife's reasoning for not taking my name included some vague reasoning involving feminism, I would view that as quite petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop it with the middle name business. It doesn’t count as some kind of feminist statement. No one ever knows or cares what your middle name is u less you are a high school year book editor.

I did not do this personally (my last name as a middle name for my children), but I'm guessing they didn't do it as a feminist statement or because they care about anyone else's approval. Get down off your high horse.

What I do not get are people like OP or PP who feel the need to chime in about this choice. How does it affect you in any way? Why do you care so much that you come on here and snipe? Suggests some issue with you that you need to resolve.

It’s an anonymous website. I would never call out my friends on their stupid choices, but I can vent here it’s great. The middle name
Stuff is bull shit. If you are confident in your choice, you won’t care about my opinion. And yes, I’m fact, I am right about this. It’s bull shit feminism to give your kid your father’s last name as their middle name and somehow claim that is a equal to reclaiming a “sir” name. Maybe I’m radical, but I’m so fing tired of all these liberal arts school feminist getting precious about their Daddy’s last name. Why do you care what I care about. I’m also very passionate about my diet soda preferences (diet Barq’s or bust) and no one calls me out for being on a high horse about that stuff. I’m allowed to have an opinion on this. Opinions are totally free and allowed. I also prefer the color blue.

I don't care what you think, frankly, but you do provide a perfect example of what I am talking about. Your sniping is really all about your own issues. You admit you come on here purposely to vent your bile on people you don't know about life choices they make that don't impact you at all. Weird.

I didn't see anyone on this thread mention giving their kids their last name as a middle name as an example of some feminist manifesto.

Say what now? My husband’s last name is HIS NAME, but my last name is MY DADDY’S name? How does that work exactly?

Under your theory it’s super creepy to be obsessed about taking my husband’s DADDY’s name. It feels a little incestuous doesn’t it...

Why are you so obsessed with your father? Your repeated use of the word "DADDY" in all caps is very strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

You assume that the women are English-American or Euro-American, other parts of the world women don't take their husbands' last name upon marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

My surname is my name in the same way that my first name is my name. Once it was given to me when I was born, it became mine. It's the name I had for 30 years before I married dh. Why should I change it?

The protocol of naming infants is far more patriarchal than women changing their name as an adult. Defaulting to the man's last name for children is PARTICULARLY unfair if a couple with two different last names. and middle names don't count. No one knows or cares what people's middle names are.

On a side note, I think it's hysterical that a bunch of grown ass women are still holding on to their daddy's name like it was some kind of emblem of feminist power. Its so weird.

Prince was way more successful than ALL Y'ALL and he went by a SYMBOL for awhile. Get over yourself. Your career as a mid-level executive, or struggling academic, or non-profit/government G-whatever is not going to merit a chapter in a history book anytime soon, you don't have to be so self-important about your stupid name. Your identity is far deeper and more complex than your place in the alphabet. Please, stop making this a "thing" that is supposed to matter.

I kept my last name just to annoy people like you. It worked!

Meh, odds are, you kept your name because you married someone with a horrible last name or you come from a well-known, well-connected family and didn’t want to lose that recognition. But honestly, I hope you are joking. I find most people’s opinions on this subject very tiresome, but at least they HAVE and opinion! Your one liner is just so petty.

DP. Your response and the Prince-obsessed PPs are just weirdly angry. WTH?

[Anonymous]

I didn't change my name because I liked my own name. It's hard to spell and gets mis pronounced but it's my name.

My husband wasn't interested in changing his. I don't see any compelling reason to change mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married late and was professionally known by my maiden name. Wanted to keep it and also didn’t want to go through paperwork to change. Had no problem with kids taking their dad’s name.

Same here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name because I liked my own name. It's hard to spell and gets mis pronounced but it's my name.

My husband wasn't interested in changing his. I don't see any compelling reason to change mine.

+1

In my experience the women who get the most bent out of shape about other women not changing their last names are women who didn’t want to change their names, but gave into pressure from a whiney fiancé.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

+2

I don’t know why people are so hung up on this. They’re names. I am my own person, my children are their own people. Because we don’t share a name, doesn’t mean they are any less my children.

Not to you, but it sounds like you're the nanny or they're your step-kids if you fill out a form. Without going into details about my former job, I used to have to ask for birth certificates to prove that moms were actually the mothers of their children if they didn't share the same last name.

Nope, didn’t happen, or in providing the birth certificate, they were providing proof of both parents, as father is listed. The provision of certificate was probably always required, regardless of name.

Many of my friends from different cultures don’t share family names, nor do many of my professional friends. It’s really not that big of a deal.

As it is, we’ve travelled extensively with DD, who does not share my name. I’ve never been asked to provide proof I’m her mother.

If both parents are present, it is not usually a big deal, but as child trafficking becomes more of a problem, the mom and child having different names sticks out to certain professionals (like passport professionals, feds, some school admins during registration, etc.).

I've never been asked by passport professionals, feds, or school admins to prove my maternity. Sounds like you're making this up, along with your unsupported claims that 1) child trafficking is increasing, and that 2) this is the reason for increased documentation requirements.

This is too funny.

State Department PP here. This literally never happened to me even once in the U.S. or while traveling with my children in dozens of countries throughout the Americas, Europe and Asia. Not once.

FYI for those of you who have never seen a passport: the mother’s and father’s full name are spelled out in the child’s passport. This is not an issue anywhere except PPs overactive imagination.

+1. Another active traveller here. I’ve never had an issue with my kids having a different last name ever. In fact in many parts of the world, it’s not normal at all for women to take their husband’s names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop it with the middle name business. It doesn’t count as some kind of feminist statement. No one ever knows or cares what your middle name is u less you are a high school year book editor.

I did not do this personally (my last name as a middle name for my children), but I'm guessing they didn't do it as a feminist statement or because they care about anyone else's approval. Get down off your high horse.

What I do not get are people like OP or PP who feel the need to chime in about this choice. How does it affect you in any way? Why do you care so much that you come on here and snipe? Suggests some issue with you that you need to resolve.

NP, but it really doesn't. I think it's stupid when families have different last names for everyone because mom kept hers, dad kept his, and then they just made up new ones for the kids. I'm allowed to have that opinion. It doesn't speak to any sort of issue that I need to resolve. I just think people who try to make a big statement with their names are dumb. At the same time I am perfectly happy with my own life. Do you really not understand how that can work?

Good for you, I guess. I always find women who are obsessed with their male partner’s name to be a little backwards. I know a couple women who have been divorced and took their new partners name each time. The whole thing just seems really quaint, not in a good way.