For women who didn't change their names, but gave their children their husband's last name...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am fascinated there are so many men who are stupid and weak enough to permit their wives to keep their maiden names or make up some stupid name that's not their husband's last name. Just say, "take my last name or we don't get married," and she can make her choice, you're good either way.

lol.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre question. I was born and given a name I liked, and one I became known by. I saw no reason to change it. My kids were given a name shortly after birth that included my husband’s last name, which is more melodious than mine. If they like it, they can keep it, or they can change it. Why is this very personal thing of interest to anyone else?

Don't pretend it is a bizarre question.

Not pretending. I find it completely bizarre that anyone would care what someone else chose to do with their name or the names of their children (unless the parents in question name their kid something gossip-worthy, like Inspektor Pilot). Why do you care? Are you the name police?

+1

Everyone who is acting like this is such a complicated issue (omg! DIFFERENT NAMES!!?!) are just looking for drama.

NP, but nope. I think it's dumb to have multiple different names (the one who said they all have different names?!?) but you clearly don't care, which is fine, because I don't want you to care what I think. I'm not looking for drama at all, but you seriously can't conceive of the fact that some people are curious as to why people do things differently than they do? Like, why do some people want to live in tiny houses with six kids? What do they find to be the benefits? I would never consider it but I'm curious as to why they would. It doesn't mean I'm causing drama, I'm just wondering. You're the one causing drama by making it a big thing. All OP did was ask a question.

BUT you are NOT curious--you are straight up judgmental. You're not here to learn more or see a new perspective. No matter what people write, you'll think it's "dumb." You are dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t get this either. It doesn’t apply to me bc I changed my name to my husband’s and my kids have his surname too simply because I really didn’t like my maiden name and don’t really like my father or his family so didn’t want to be associated w the name anymore. But I don’t understand why even women who don’t want to take their husbands name often still default to giving the kids their husbands name.

It's actually a pretty simple concept! Some women like their names. That doesn't mean they don't like their husband's name! It's possible to simultaneously like your name and also like giving your child a different last name.

Why do you assume it was a default decision? My husband was open to giving the kids my name, but we made the decision for practical purposes because his is easier to spell.

Uh what? I didn't assume any "default." The entire point is that it's possible to like your name and also like your spouse's name! Do what y'all like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

Dh was the only child of an only child. I had lots of nieces and nephews and cousins with my last name. It was no big deal at all. Kid has my last name as a middle name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am fascinated there are so many men who are stupid and weak enough to permit their wives to keep their maiden names or make up some stupid name that's not their husband's last name. Just say, "take my last name or we don't get married," and she can make her choice, you're good either way.

I am fascinated that your masculinity could be so fragile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am fascinated there are so many men who are stupid and weak enough to permit their wives to keep their maiden names or make up some stupid name that's not their husband's last name. Just say, "take my last name or we don't get married," and she can make her choice, you're good either way.

Hahaha - Would never marry someone like you. But yes, if you're that insecure about this, it's good that you let your girl friend know about it ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

SAme here.

[Anonymous]

I kept my name because I like it more. It’s been my name my entire life and don’t identify with the ethnicity of my husband’s last name (European, not Hispanic before anyone comes on here calling me racist). I gave my children DH’s last name. I don’t care if people are judging me but my children may care more than I do about societal expectations and I didn’t want to saddle them with carrying around some sort of statement that they didn’t choose to make. Nothing political about my choice, I just don’t care for DH’s name and like mine better. If it bothers others or they don’t get it, that doesn’t bother me. I’ve had friends ask why and I’m sure some don’t get it but we can be friends anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The protocol of naming infants is far more patriarchal than women changing their name as an adult. Defaulting to the man's last name for children is PARTICULARLY unfair if a couple with two different last names. and middle names don't count. No one knows or cares what people's middle names are.

On a side note, I think it's hysterical that a bunch of grown ass women are still holding on to their daddy's name like it was some kind of emblem of feminist power. Its so weird.

Prince was way more successful than ALL Y'ALL and he went by a SYMBOL for awhile. Get over yourself. Your career as a mid-level executive, or struggling academic, or non-profit/government G-whatever is not going to merit a chapter in a history book anytime soon, you don't have to be so self-important about your stupid name. Your identity is far deeper and more complex than your place in the alphabet. Please, stop making this a "thing" that is supposed to matter.

This is willfully misinterpreting what people have written. I posted above that my primary reason for keeping my name is practical, though I also don't see why I should be the default to change my name as an adult.

It might have been my father's last name when I was born, but 30 years later it was the name I had gone by and published work under for my whole life. My parents selected my first name together, but 40 years later it's my name, not theirs. Heck, DD is 5 and her first name is hers, even though I've wanted to give a daughter her first name for as long as I can remember.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:didn’t change my name bc I’m lazy and I didn’t want to. Didn’t care about passing it on to my kids bc it’s johnson and the world isn’t running out of us, whereas DHs last name is exceedingly rare even in his family’s country of origin. Has caused us exactly 0 problems ever bc we never encounter concern trolling morons like OP in real life

+10000

It has literally never been an issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am fascinated there are so many men who are stupid and weak enough to permit their wives to keep their maiden names or make up some stupid name that's not their husband's last name. Just say, "take my last name or we don't get married," and she can make her choice, you're good either way.

I am fascinated that your masculinity could be so fragile.

Eh, this is probably a female troll. Didn’t even put any effort into not seeming like a troll, tsk tsk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre question. I was born and given a name I liked, and one I became known by. I saw no reason to change it. My kids were given a name shortly after birth that included my husband’s last name, which is more melodious than mine. If they like it, they can keep it, or they can change it. Why is this very personal thing of interest to anyone else?

Don't pretend it is a bizarre question.

Not pretending. I find it completely bizarre that anyone would care what someone else chose to do with their name or the names of their children (unless the parents in question name their kid something gossip-worthy, like Inspektor Pilot). Why do you care? Are you the name police?

+1

Everyone who is acting like this is such a complicated issue (omg! DIFFERENT NAMES!!?!) are just looking for drama.

NP, but nope. I think it's dumb to have multiple different names (the one who said they all have different names?!?) but you clearly don't care, which is fine, because I don't want you to care what I think. I'm not looking for drama at all, but you seriously can't conceive of the fact that some people are curious as to why people do things differently than they do? Like, why do some people want to live in tiny houses with six kids? What do they find to be the benefits? I would never consider it but I'm curious as to why they would. It doesn't mean I'm causing drama, I'm just wondering. You're the one causing drama by making it a big thing. All OP did was ask a question.

BUT you are NOT curious--you are straight up judgmental. You're not here to learn more or see a new perspective. No matter what people write, you'll think it's "dumb." You are dramatic.

And you can't read. I'm not the OP - I never asked why people gave their kids their husband's name but kept their maiden name. So I can think it's "dumb" because I'm not acting like I'm asking out of sheer curiosity. I actually don't care why people do this because I'll likely still think it's dumb (and do however many pages into this thread having read all the responses). I used a different example of something I'd be curious but not judgmental about. But if it makes you feel better to use all caps, accuse me of something I didn't do, and call me dramatic, then ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1, I have many publications in my name, so I wanted to keep it.

+1 I had publications under my own name. My husband could have changed his, and I would not have minded.

[Anonymous]

I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

I think it’s because a lot of men/husbands feel strongly that kids get their name so women/wives just go along with that. Hopefully one day it won’t be like that anymore.