For women who didn't change their names, but gave their children their husband's last name...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

Um. My own name is my surname. It's not my father's name any more than it is my aunt's name. It's our family name. I was born with it, she was born with it, he was born with it. It's mine.

(And I'm a woman and now it is my son's.)

It’s your father’s name. If he had a different last name then you’d have a different last name.

Same with men. Why don’t they buck that and take a woman’s last name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

+2

I don’t know why people are so hung up on this. They’re names. I am my own person, my children are their own people. Because we don’t share a name, doesn’t mean they are any less my children.

Not to you, but it sounds like you're the nanny or they're your step-kids if you fill out a form. Without going into details about my former job, I used to have to ask for birth certificates to prove that moms were actually the mothers of their children if they didn't share the same last name.

How long ago was this? I'd say probably 1/4 of the moms in my DC neighborhood kept their maiden name. I also did and I can't recall ever being asked to produce a birth certificate to prove maternity.

That’s because it never happened.

I work for the state department, my children have 2 passports and I’ve dealt more than my share of beurocracy. We have lived in several continents and I have never been asked for a birth certificate to prove maternity. Not in the U.S., not in Europe, not in Latin America.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

My surname is my name in the same way that my first name is my name. Once it was given to me when I was born, it became mine. It's the name I had for 30 years before I married dh. Why should I change it?

The protocol of naming infants is far more patriarchal than women changing their name as an adult. Defaulting to the man's last name for children is PARTICULARLY unfair if a couple with two different last names. and middle names don't count. No one knows or cares what people's middle names are.

On a side note, I think it's hysterical that a bunch of grown ass women are still holding on to their daddy's name like it was some kind of emblem of feminist power. Its so weird.

Prince was way more successful than ALL Y'ALL and he went by a SYMBOL for awhile. Get over yourself. Your career as a mid-level executive, or struggling academic, or non-profit/government G-whatever is not going to merit a chapter in a history book anytime soon, you don't have to be so self-important about your stupid name. Your identity is far deeper and more complex than your place in the alphabet. Please, stop making this a "thing" that is supposed to matter.

I kept my last name just to annoy people like you. It worked!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s an anonymous website. I would never call out my friends on their stupid choices, but I can vent here it’s great. The middle name
Stuff is bull shit. If you are confident in your choice, you won’t care about my opinion. And yes, I’m fact, I am right about this. It’s bull shit feminism to give your kid your father’s last name as their middle name and somehow claim that is a equal to reclaiming a “sir” name. Maybe I’m radical, but I’m so fing tired of all these liberal arts school feminist getting precious about their Daddy’s last name. Why do you care what I care about. I’m also very passionate about my diet soda preferences (diet Barq’s or bust) and no one calls me out for being on a high horse about that stuff. I’m allowed to have an opinion on this. Opinions are totally free and allowed. I also prefer the color blue.

Say what now? My husband’s last name is HIS NAME, but my last name is MY DADDY’S name? How does that work exactly?

Under your theory it’s super creepy to be obsessed about taking my husband’s DADDY’s name. It feels a little incestuous doesn’t it...

I actually agree with PP. I am sick of women getting precious about their husband’s daddy’s name. PP, why the obsession with your Father in law??

I wish these women would explain their obsession with their father-in-laws.... I really just want to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

+2

I don’t know why people are so hung up on this. They’re names. I am my own person, my children are their own people. Because we don’t share a name, doesn’t mean they are any less my children.

Not to you, but it sounds like you're the nanny or they're your step-kids if you fill out a form. Without going into details about my former job, I used to have to ask for birth certificates to prove that moms were actually the mothers of their children if they didn't share the same last name.

How long ago was this? I'd say probably 1/4 of the moms in my DC neighborhood kept their maiden name. I also did and I can't recall ever being asked to produce a birth certificate to prove maternity.

12 years but they still do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

+2

I don’t know why people are so hung up on this. They’re names. I am my own person, my children are their own people. Because we don’t share a name, doesn’t mean they are any less my children.

Not to you, but it sounds like you're the nanny or they're your step-kids if you fill out a form. Without going into details about my former job, I used to have to ask for birth certificates to prove that moms were actually the mothers of their children if they didn't share the same last name.

How long ago was this? I'd say probably 1/4 of the moms in my DC neighborhood kept their maiden name. I also did and I can't recall ever being asked to produce a birth certificate to prove maternity.

That’s because it never happened.

I work for the state department, my children have 2 passports and I’ve dealt more than my share of beurocracy. We have lived in several continents and I have never been asked for a birth certificate to prove maternity. Not in the U.S., not in Europe, not in Latin America.

Actually, it did happen. It was my job. Why would someone make that up? You people are so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17 pages because OP's dad was not nice to her!!

WHY???????????

17 pages because OP is obsessed with her husband’s DADDY’s name.

WHY????????????

Therapy, OP....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1

+2

I don’t know why people are so hung up on this. They’re names. I am my own person, my children are their own people. Because we don’t share a name, doesn’t mean they are any less my children.

Not to you, but it sounds like you're the nanny or they're your step-kids if you fill out a form. Without going into details about my former job, I used to have to ask for birth certificates to prove that moms were actually the mothers of their children if they didn't share the same last name.

How long ago was this? I'd say probably 1/4 of the moms in my DC neighborhood kept their maiden name. I also did and I can't recall ever being asked to produce a birth certificate to prove maternity.

That’s because it never happened.

I work for the state department, my children have 2 passports and I’ve dealt more than my share of beurocracy. We have lived in several continents and I have never been asked for a birth certificate to prove maternity. Not in the U.S., not in Europe, not in Latin America.

Actually, it did happen. It was my job. Why would someone make that up? You people are so weird.

Sure, it did.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1, I have many publications in my name, so I wanted to keep it.

No one cares about that, the Obama and Clinton are more important and famous than you and took the last names. You are silly but more likely difficult to live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

My surname is my name in the same way that my first name is my name. Once it was given to me when I was born, it became mine. It's the name I had for 30 years before I married dh. Why should I change it?

The protocol of naming infants is far more patriarchal than women changing their name as an adult. Defaulting to the man's last name for children is PARTICULARLY unfair if a couple with two different last names. and middle names don't count. No one knows or cares what people's middle names are.

On a side note, I think it's hysterical that a bunch of grown ass women are still holding on to their daddy's name like it was some kind of emblem of feminist power. Its so weird.

Prince was way more successful than ALL Y'ALL and he went by a SYMBOL for awhile. Get over yourself. Your career as a mid-level executive, or struggling academic, or non-profit/government G-whatever is not going to merit a chapter in a history book anytime soon, you don't have to be so self-important about your stupid name. Your identity is far deeper and more complex than your place in the alphabet. Please, stop making this a "thing" that is supposed to matter.

I kept my last name just to annoy people like you. It worked!

Meh, odds are, you kept your name because you married someone with a horrible last name or you come from a well-known, well-connected family and didn’t want to lose that recognition. But honestly, I hope you are joking. I find most people’s opinions on this subject very tiresome, but at least they HAVE and opinion! Your one liner is just so petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1, I have many publications in my name, so I wanted to keep it.

No one cares about that, the Obama and Clinton are more important and famous than you and took the last names. You are silly but more likely difficult to live with.

Why are you so obsessed with your husband’s DADDY’s name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

Np When people write this I have to laugh because you are really are doing the opposite of what you write

Women get blamed either way and this is just one more way that women are being criticized. You know why women give children their husband's last name ( heck they do it when they aren't even married! ) It is socially acceptable to do this and that is why women continue to do so. So, you *do* know the answer, op.

Just want to stir the pot, eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

I’d like to see it become more common that women hand down their family names to their kids, like I did. Make it something a couple discusses and question the default choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

My surname is my name in the same way that my first name is my name. Once it was given to me when I was born, it became mine. It's the name I had for 30 years before I married dh. Why should I change it?

The protocol of naming infants is far more patriarchal than women changing their name as an adult. Defaulting to the man's last name for children is PARTICULARLY unfair if a couple with two different last names. and middle names don't count. No one knows or cares what people's middle names are.

On a side note, I think it's hysterical that a bunch of grown ass women are still holding on to their daddy's name like it was some kind of emblem of feminist power. Its so weird.

Prince was way more successful than ALL Y'ALL and he went by a SYMBOL for awhile. Get over yourself. Your career as a mid-level executive, or struggling academic, or non-profit/government G-whatever is not going to merit a chapter in a history book anytime soon, you don't have to be so self-important about your stupid name. Your identity is far deeper and more complex than your place in the alphabet. Please, stop making this a "thing" that is supposed to matter.

I kept my last name just to annoy people like you. It worked!

Meh, odds are, you kept your name because you married someone with a horrible last name or you come from a well-known, well-connected family and didn’t want to lose that recognition. But honestly, I hope you are joking. I find most people’s opinions on this subject very tiresome, but at least they HAVE and opinion! Your one liner is just so petty.

Ha ha! Funny that you react so strongly to PP’s one liner but not the dickish PP’s post.

Are you always this rigid in your thinking? Lighten up. And enjoy your father-in-law’s name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1, I have many publications in my name, so I wanted to keep it.

No one cares about that, the Obama and Clinton are more important and famous than you and took the last names. You are silly but more likely difficult to live with.

Not PP, but I also have pubs in my name. I'm a lot younger than Hillary and even Michelle. More women in my age cohort kept their name, particularly those in my field who entered academia and started their careers well before marriage. I'm actually fine with whatever women want to do re: last names, and no matter the reason; their choice.