Clueless biracial nephew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: So when they adopt, if they choose to and their kid faces bigots and they don’t know how to handle the issue or play it off due to some other reason, then what? Ignorance isn’t bliss when it comes to acknowledging racism exist and not staying silent and allowing it.

This is what it's about. If it's a mixed/black kid - he and his spouse need to be prepared. I would say the same thing to a White/White couple. Not to mention hair care, etc. This are skills that must be possessed by trans-racial adoptive and birth parents. I don't think Nephew needs to be taught how racism has impacted him in retrospect, he just needs some basic learning for the sake of his own kids.

Agree.

My kids are biracial - asian/white. And we live in a really diverse area with lots of other biracial children of all kinds. But we live in a bubble, and my kids have no idea what it is like outside the bubble. As the nonwhite parent, I have started to share with them my experiences with racism, like having the words "go back to your own country" thrown at me. They were shocked. I let them know that one day, they may face this kind of racism. My innocent 14 yr old said to me, "But I'm white, too". I said, "You are part white, but you will be judged by what you look like, and you have Asian features, so you will be treated that way." Sad.

However, I do feel that given the nephew is an adult, unless OP's nephew seeks her advice, she should not force the issue. It's one thing to discuss general race issues with him, but I would not impose on him any supposed discrimination he has or will come across. Ignorance is bliss, as they say. He may also live in a bubble. If he comes across racism enough times in his life, he will get it.

Does he have any kids? Planning to? I think I would be frustrated, too, OP, but if he is not open to the idea that he and his children may indeed face racism one day, then there is not much you can or should do to force that reality on him.

Well said!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He actually said Go back to your country and improve things there (instead of come here, publicly rail on america 5 years in to living here, run for small district office, and try to change America to your liking).

He said this to congresswomen born in the United States you idiot. Only one of the four was born outside of the U.S.

This is the definition of racism. He assumes that because the congresswomen are not white they aren’t real Americans.

The ^^PP also assumed it, hence the post. This is probably one of the things OP's nephew is unaware of, that these words are indeed racist because they are generally thrown at non white people, and the ignorant ahole who says these words (ahem.. Trump) usually aSSumes that the nonwhite person was not born here.

I am a white naturalized US citizen with a clearly foreign name. I can be, and have been a target of ignorant ridicule and xenophobia, but being a target does not make one a victim.

PP here.. xenophobia <> racism. No wonder you don't get it.

my DH is white, from Europe and has an accent. He is well aware of the difference, and he has never had those words thrown at him, but I have, an American born.

No one said OP's nephew or anyone who has been a experienced racism needs to act like a victim and have the attitude of "woes is me". There is a huge difference between acknowledging that such things exist and that you have experienced it and acting like a victim.

Again, only a white person wouldn't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thread summary....

When you don't perceive things as holding you back...
They don't hold you back....

.. or "ignorance is bliss".

Except he's not ignorant, he just doesn't attribute slights in the same way as others. The other side is just as ignorant because they ASSUME malice while being ignorant as to whether it really is... I'll live like the nephew anyday...

His method doesn't help. I'm not saying get in a tizzy of every slight but his way of thinking is dangerous. That's like saying let's ignore rapes, homeless, or poverty and they should go away. His ignorance only helps him and no one else.

You mean his ignorance only hurts him and no one else.

[Anonymous]

Op sounds cray

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thread summary....

When you don't perceive things as holding you back...
They don't hold you back....

.. or "ignorance is bliss".

Except he's not ignorant, he just doesn't attribute slights in the same way as others. The other side is just as ignorant because they ASSUME malice while being ignorant as to whether it really is... I'll live like the nephew anyday...

His method doesn't help. I'm not saying get in a tizzy of every slight but his way of thinking is dangerous. That's like saying let's ignore rapes, homeless, or poverty and they should go away. His ignorance only helps him and no one else.

You mean his ignorance only hurts him and no one else.

No his ignorance helps him because he's ignoring hate people send his way. But by not confronting it directly it sends the message that hateful behavior is okay and consequence free. He can live in lala land, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thread summary....

When you don't perceive things as holding you back...
They don't hold you back....

.. or "ignorance is bliss".

Except he's not ignorant, he just doesn't attribute slights in the same way as others. The other side is just as ignorant because they ASSUME malice while being ignorant as to whether it really is... I'll live like the nephew anyday...

His method doesn't help. I'm not saying get in a tizzy of every slight but his way of thinking is dangerous. That's like saying let's ignore rapes, homeless, or poverty and they should go away. His ignorance only helps him and no one else.

You mean his ignorance only hurts him and no one else.

No his ignorance helps him because he's ignoring hate people send his way. But by not confronting it directly it sends the message that hateful behavior is okay and consequence free. He can live in lala land, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can.

It's a strange way to help him. If his ignorance helps him and hurts you, then teaching him his errors will help you and hurt him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thread summary....

When you don't perceive things as holding you back...
They don't hold you back....

.. or "ignorance is bliss".

Except he's not ignorant, he just doesn't attribute slights in the same way as others. The other side is just as ignorant because they ASSUME malice while being ignorant as to whether it really is... I'll live like the nephew anyday...

His method doesn't help. I'm not saying get in a tizzy of every slight but his way of thinking is dangerous. That's like saying let's ignore rapes, homeless, or poverty and they should go away. His ignorance only helps him and no one else.

You mean his ignorance only hurts him and no one else.

No his ignorance helps him because he's ignoring hate people send his way. But by not confronting it directly it sends the message that hateful behavior is okay and consequence free. He can live in lala land, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can.

It's a strange way to help him. If his ignorance helps him and hurts you, then teaching him his errors will help you and hurt him.

In the longer run it helps them both. Yes initially he may be upset, but if he needs to think about if he has children and how they may be treated.

[Anonymous]

my DH is white, from Europe and has an accent. He is well aware of the difference, and he has never had those words thrown at him, but I have, an American born

That is interesting that your husband has never encountered this. I grew up in a community where there were a number of German women who had married US soldiers. They all spoke of people telling them to go back where they came from, and they were all white.

I agree with a previous poster that this phrase typically stems from xenophobia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

my DH is white, from Europe and has an accent. He is well aware of the difference, and he has never had those words thrown at him, but I have, an American born

That is interesting that your husband has never encountered this. I grew up in a community where there were a number of German women who had married US soldiers. They all spoke of people telling them to go back where they came from, and they were all white.

I agree with a previous poster that this phrase typically stems from xenophobia.

And how long ago was this? Just after WWII, when there were very little nonwhite/nonblack people in this country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thread summary....

When you don't perceive things as holding you back...
They don't hold you back....

.. or "ignorance is bliss".

Except he's not ignorant, he just doesn't attribute slights in the same way as others. The other side is just as ignorant because they ASSUME malice while being ignorant as to whether it really is... I'll live like the nephew anyday...

His method doesn't help. I'm not saying get in a tizzy of every slight but his way of thinking is dangerous. That's like saying let's ignore rapes, homeless, or poverty and they should go away. His ignorance only helps him and no one else.

You mean his ignorance only hurts him and no one else.

No his ignorance helps him because he's ignoring hate people send his way. But by not confronting it directly it sends the message that hateful behavior is okay and consequence free. He can live in lala land, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can.

One of the most effective ways of dealing with bullies is to show them how little they matter, that their existence does not touch you. If you constantly react it will wear you down as well as encourage the racists. They enjoy getting a rise out of you--it's how they get their power. Why are you giving away your power,a and trying to get your nephew to give his away too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thread summary....

When you don't perceive things as holding you back...
They don't hold you back....

.. or "ignorance is bliss".

Except he's not ignorant, he just doesn't attribute slights in the same way as others. The other side is just as ignorant because they ASSUME malice while being ignorant as to whether it really is... I'll live like the nephew anyday...

His method doesn't help. I'm not saying get in a tizzy of every slight but his way of thinking is dangerous. That's like saying let's ignore rapes, homeless, or poverty and they should go away. His ignorance only helps him and no one else.

You mean his ignorance only hurts him and no one else.

The vast majority of bullies and racists actually are cowards who will back down if people stand up to them. They count on their targets being too scared and bystanders remaining silent.

No his ignorance helps him because he's ignoring hate people send his way. But by not confronting it directly it sends the message that hateful behavior is okay and consequence free. He can live in lala land, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can.

One of the most effective ways of dealing with bullies is to show them how little they matter, that their existence does not touch you. If you constantly react it will wear you down as well as encourage the racists. They enjoy getting a rise out of you--it's how they get their power. Why are you giving away your power,a and trying to get your nephew to give his away too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thread summary....

When you don't perceive things as holding you back...
They don't hold you back....

.. or "ignorance is bliss".

Except he's not ignorant, he just doesn't attribute slights in the same way as others. The other side is just as ignorant because they ASSUME malice while being ignorant as to whether it really is... I'll live like the nephew anyday...

His method doesn't help. I'm not saying get in a tizzy of every slight but his way of thinking is dangerous. That's like saying let's ignore rapes, homeless, or poverty and they should go away. His ignorance only helps him and no one else.

You mean his ignorance only hurts him and no one else.

No his ignorance helps him because he's ignoring hate people send his way. But by not confronting it directly it sends the message that hateful behavior is okay and consequence free. He can live in lala land, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can.

One of the most effective ways of dealing with bullies is to show them how little they matter, that their existence does not touch you. If you constantly react it will wear you down as well as encourage the racists. They enjoy getting a rise out of you--it's how they get their power. Why are you giving away your power,a and trying to get your nephew to give his away too?

Days the poster who has never had to deal with racism.
SMH

[Anonymous]

OP you tried it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thread summary....

When you don't perceive things as holding you back...
They don't hold you back....

.. or "ignorance is bliss".

Except he's not ignorant, he just doesn't attribute slights in the same way as others. The other side is just as ignorant because they ASSUME malice while being ignorant as to whether it really is... I'll live like the nephew anyday...

His method doesn't help. I'm not saying get in a tizzy of every slight but his way of thinking is dangerous. That's like saying let's ignore rapes, homeless, or poverty and they should go away. His ignorance only helps him and no one else.

You mean his ignorance only hurts him and no one else.

No his ignorance helps him because he's ignoring hate people send his way. But by not confronting it directly it sends the message that hateful behavior is okay and consequence free. He can live in lala land, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can.

Dude, I think you’ve broken the sock puppeting record today Op.

Again, pls get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thread summary....

When you don't perceive things as holding you back...
They don't hold you back....

.. or "ignorance is bliss".

Except he's not ignorant, he just doesn't attribute slights in the same way as others. The other side is just as ignorant because they ASSUME malice while being ignorant as to whether it really is... I'll live like the nephew anyday...

His method doesn't help. I'm not saying get in a tizzy of every slight but his way of thinking is dangerous. That's like saying let's ignore rapes, homeless, or poverty and they should go away. His ignorance only helps him and no one else.

You mean his ignorance only hurts him and no one else.

No his ignorance helps him because he's ignoring hate people send his way. But by not confronting it directly it sends the message that hateful behavior is okay and consequence free. He can live in lala land, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can.

It's a strange way to help him. If his ignorance helps him and hurts you, then teaching him his errors will help you and hurt him.

In the longer run it helps them both. Yes initially he may be upset, but if he needs to think about if he has children and how they may be treated.

Just keep telling yourself that. All the way to the psycho therapist appt.