Clueless biracial nephew

[Anonymous]

I have a nephew that is so clueless about systemic racism and I wish he understood how it does impact him.
He grew up in a whitewashed neighborhood. Mother is white and father was absent. His wife is white and basically all of his friends are white.
He does have a sister but other than that no other POC near him. His aunt (my sister) who he is close to lives a state away. Anyways, for the longest time his MIL did not like him. He did not understand why. It came to light it was because of his race. Although biracial she saw him as a black man. They have a good relationship now but he was that clueless. I’ve recently moved into the area to be close to him. He was my buddy growing up but my career took me out of the country so I didn’t se him as often. I want to help him understand. But I’m not sure he gets it. I’m at a loss but I want to help him see he isn’t immune. *I know neither am I. Advice.

[Anonymous]

He's happy with his life, and has his own opinions. Why do you need for force yours on him?

[Anonymous]

^^^ ugh maybe because it happens to him and he doesn’t get that it’s because of his immutable features? How ignorant of you to comment PP. maybe he can help educate his white friends if he knew or understood the position that he is in?..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's happy with his life, and has his own opinions. Why do you need for force yours on him?

this x1000
OP, while you may think you are looking out for your nephew you are actually displaying utter arrogance. You have not been a part of your nephew's life on a regular basis for years yet you seem to think you know what he is thinking and what is best for him. I seriously don't get how you feel it is your right to judge your nephew's quality of life.

[Anonymous]

My advice is that you can help him understand when and if he comes to you with a question/complaint/vent about racism. Until then, just enjoy his company and don't try to force anything on him.

~POC

[Anonymous]

If he’s already old enough to be married, he’ll never get it. My coworker is like this. He’s got almost identical stats to your nephew. White mom. Black dad out of the picture early on. Raised in Vermont. Married a white woman from another very non-diverse area of NE. He acts shocked when people include him when discussing staff who are people of color (trust me, it’s relevant to something occurring) and says he doesn’t think of himself THAT WAY. Plans to raise his children colorblind. Even when we’ve pointed out to him how his own life has been impacted by policies and prejudices, he plays the apologist. I used to think he was trolling us. Nope, he’s just in denial as a coping mechanism.

[Anonymous]

Well, OP’s point is maybe in part that her nephew has his head in the sand. As do many people. And anyone who negates the idea of systemic racism contributes to it. Maybe he walks around saying “Race isn’t really an issue in 2019,” which would be a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP’s point is maybe in part that her nephew has his head in the sand. As do many people. And anyone who negates the idea of systemic racism contributes to it. Maybe he walks around saying “Race isn’t really an issue in 2019,” which would be a problem.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, it seems that you cannot understand his reality. That's not his fault. It's your fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP’s point is maybe in part that her nephew has his head in the sand. As do many people. And anyone who negates the idea of systemic racism contributes to it. Maybe he walks around saying “Race isn’t really an issue in 2019,” which would be a problem.

OP here: Exactly this. I’ve been a victim of racism. Racism is very much alive and it hurts my head that he can’t see how he perpetuates the cycle by staying silent or acting like he is the exception. He isn’t. Another reason I moved to be close by is because his wife and him have been struggling to conceive. They are thinking of adopting. They’ve talked of adopting a biracial or black child. I just listen but hurt knowing that this child needs parents who are woke. My nephew does look to me for advice a lot but this whole racism issue and his lack of understanding baffles me. I moved to be close to him for support and he very appreciates it and even wants me to be involved if they go this route. His MIL is currently battling her own demons and his mother never grew out of some immature traits, so they want me to help them because they trust me and I don’t have baggage. I also never had children of my own but because I have time and love, they accept.

[Anonymous]

OP here: All I do is ask questions. I listen. I don’t point and I want him to come to me first. But part of me wants to help him understand but I’m not sure how until he opens his eyes.

[Anonymous]

Maybe refer him to the speeches of one Mayor Pete.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: All I do is ask questions. I listen. I don’t point and I want him to come to me first. But part of me wants to help him understand but I’m not sure how until he opens his eyes.

You want him to understand that he is the victim of racism when he feels that he has not been the victim of racism. And you're frustrated by that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: All I do is ask questions. I listen. I don’t point and I want him to come to me first. But part of me wants to help him understand but I’m not sure how until he opens his eyes.

You want him to understand that he is the victim of racism when he feels that he has not been the victim of racism. And you're frustrated by that.

Exactly. OP in fact has TONS of baggage!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: All I do is ask questions. I listen. I don’t point and I want him to come to me first. But part of me wants to help him understand but I’m not sure how until he opens his eyes.

You want him to understand that he is the victim of racism when he feels that he has not been the victim of racism. And you're frustrated by that.

Because he has been and probably is in his current everyday living and he can’t see it. His own MIL not accepting him for years is an example. He really thought it was because of his job or his personality-until it came to light that it was due to his race. What don’t you get about that?