Clueless biracial nephew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thread summary....

When you don't perceive things as holding you back...
They don't hold you back....

.. or "ignorance is bliss".

Except he's not ignorant, he just doesn't attribute slights in the same way as others. The other side is just as ignorant because they ASSUME malice while being ignorant as to whether it really is... I'll live like the nephew anyday...

His method doesn't help. I'm not saying get in a tizzy of every slight but his way of thinking is dangerous. That's like saying let's ignore rapes, homeless, or poverty and they should go away. His ignorance only helps him and no one else.

You mean his ignorance only hurts him and no one else.

No his ignorance helps him because he's ignoring hate people send his way. But by not confronting it directly it sends the message that hateful behavior is okay and consequence free. He can live in lala land, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can.

It's a strange way to help him. If his ignorance helps him and hurts you, then teaching him his errors will help you and hurt him.

In the longer run it helps them both. Yes initially he may be upset, but if he needs to think about if he has children and how they may be treated.

Just keep telling yourself that. All the way to the psycho therapist appt.

You are likely clueless about racism in the first place and agree with the newphew's ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thread summary....

When you don't perceive things as holding you back...
They don't hold you back....

.. or "ignorance is bliss".

Except he's not ignorant, he just doesn't attribute slights in the same way as others. The other side is just as ignorant because they ASSUME malice while being ignorant as to whether it really is... I'll live like the nephew anyday...

His method doesn't help. I'm not saying get in a tizzy of every slight but his way of thinking is dangerous. That's like saying let's ignore rapes, homeless, or poverty and they should go away. His ignorance only helps him and no one else.

You mean his ignorance only hurts him and no one else.

No his ignorance helps him because he's ignoring hate people send his way. But by not confronting it directly it sends the message that hateful behavior is okay and consequence free. He can live in lala land, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can.

It's a strange way to help him. If his ignorance helps him and hurts you, then teaching him his errors will help you and hurt him.

In the longer run it helps them both. Yes initially he may be upset, but if he needs to think about if he has children and how they may be treated.

Just keep telling yourself that. All the way to the psycho therapist appt.

You are likely clueless about racism in the first place and agree with the newphew's ignorance.

Just keep telling yourself that too. Da Nile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thread summary....

When you don't perceive things as holding you back...
They don't hold you back....

.. or "ignorance is bliss".

Except he's not ignorant, he just doesn't attribute slights in the same way as others. The other side is just as ignorant because they ASSUME malice while being ignorant as to whether it really is... I'll live like the nephew anyday...

How do you know he's not ignorant, and that you are just projecting? I don't know either, which is why I stated "or"...

Sometimes the other side is truly ignorant, like the whole "go back to your country" thing with Trump, as if that is not racist.

Yet saying "go back to your country" has absolutely zero impact on anyone I know who is here as a US citizen. Just words...

Having racist words thrown at you is still being impacted by racism. Only a white person would think that is not the case.

Are you saying that if OP's nephew was called the N word it would not impact him? Does it stop him from living his life? No, of course not. Neither does his MIL hating him because of his race. But, I'm betting that OP's nephew would still feel awful if he was called the N word.

We can meet up and discuss and it'll be clear to you that this is not the case

[Anonymous]

What is a whitewashed neighborhood?

[Anonymous]

I was brought up in northern European countries at a time when everyone was from their own villages and towns, and there were no foreigners, let alone anyone not white, apart from myself and my father.

As a result, I was shielded from skin color discrimination for many years and identify culturally with these countries of my childhood. I can related to your nephew.

Please approach this with sensitivity, because he is clearly feeling defensive about this, as if people have essentially tried to tell him that "he does not belong where he thought he did", and "he should defend his own side and take part in the race fight". That is a very rude and traumatic thing to do to him, even though it may come from an instinct to protect him.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the MIL may have had issues (tho to OP everything and everyone is an issue) and then got over them/changed.

He led by example. Positive example. Bravo. Go high when others go low.

[Anonymous]

Does it affect him? He seems okay. YOU seem to want him to be affected by something he’s coping with just fine. You don’t fully know his life experience but want him to react according to your views. This is not for you to decide.

[Anonymous]

OP why aren’t you focusing your efforts on dealing with the trauma he must feel when your brother abandoned him?

[Anonymous]

Have you ever heard the saying ignorance is bliss? Do you want your nephew to have some social justice epiphany and break up his family and social circle because of systemic racism? If he seems happy then let him be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why aren’t you focusing your efforts on dealing with the trauma he must feel when your brother abandoned him?

+1

And why are you so sure that this man, who knows you won't confront the real issue head on and didnt when he was younger and more vulnerable, isn't perfectly aware but just not confiding in you.

I hide behind cluelessness sometimes with my own family. Lying to give yourself space and privacy? all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why aren’t you focusing your efforts on dealing with the trauma he must feel when your brother abandoned him?

+1

And why are you so sure that this man, who knows you won't confront the real issue head on and didnt when he was younger and more vulnerable, isn't perfectly aware but just not confiding in you.

I hide behind cluelessness sometimes with my own family. Lying to give yourself space and privacy? all the time.

+1 more

He’s letting this take up as much real estate in his head as he took in the person who abandoned him, back when he needed him the most.

Who was there to guide him when he was the biracial or black kid kid in T-ball, on the math team, or doing college rowing? Where were you when he was the only biracial kid in his “whitewashed” neighbourhood? Where were yu when his MIL wouldn’t accept him?

Your nephew probably knows more racism than you know, because he doesn’t fit any specific mold. He’s not white, and he’s not black. The awesome things is, he’s obviously found a life where he is happy, accepted, and comfortable. You don’t need to educate him now: he knows already and has decided to let it roll off him. He’s doing just fine without your intervention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why aren’t you focusing your efforts on dealing with the trauma he must feel when your brother abandoned him?

+1

And why are you so sure that this man, who knows you won't confront the real issue head on and didnt when he was younger and more vulnerable, isn't perfectly aware but just not confiding in you.

I hide behind cluelessness sometimes with my own family. Lying to give yourself space and privacy? all the time.

+1 more

He’s letting this take up as much real estate in his head as he took in the person who abandoned him, back when he needed him the most.

Who was there to guide him when he was the biracial or black kid kid in T-ball, on the math team, or doing college rowing? Where were you when he was the only biracial kid in his “whitewashed” neighbourhood? Where were yu when his MIL wouldn’t accept him?

Your nephew probably knows more racism than you know, because he doesn’t fit any specific mold. He’s not white, and he’s not black. The awesome things is, he’s obviously found a life where he is happy, accepted, and comfortable. You don’t need to educate him now: he knows already and has decided to let it roll off him. He’s doing just fine without your intervention.

How do you know he was abandoned. All OP says was the dad was not in his life, you have no idea why.

[Anonymous]

I think it's very condescending to label another adult ignorant and try to influence how they see the world.

[Anonymous]

Oh well. He will figure out when he gets his head blown off by a police officer one day. Let him live in blissful ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh well. He will figure out when he gets his head blown off by a police officer one day. Let him live in blissful ignorance.

exactly. as soon as OP brainwashes him to always run away from Police who are telling him to stop.