What would happen if you denied spouse intimacy for years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been denied for 3 years. We will be divorced soon. Would have left 2.5 years ago if not for kids.

ugh I can relate. except DH 'wants to change' instead of divorce. so lucky you.

[Anonymous]

As long as I continue to pay all the bills and provide a large house my DW is completely content with providing my no intimacy. I could leave her but it would be hard on the kids and I know she will be destitute unless she “opens up” to another man.

[Anonymous]

If I denied my spouse intimacy for more then a month I’d be turned into a pillar of salt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Well, my husband has been the uninterested party for 13+ years and we’re not divorcing, so....13+ years?

He is interested in something, just not you. Maybe an AP, maybe gay, maybe porn. Sorry. Have you strayed through that drought?

This comment is so 1980"s. You have no clue, he could be asexual, he might be on medication that made the boys stop working like so many vets.

Your myopic thinking is so uneducated.

Oh please.... 13 years with no sex is the sign of a serious problem. Medication that makes him impotent does not mean this is not a problem.

OR: Maybe for you, if sex is the most important aspect of a marriage. For me, it’s not. We get along incredibly well, we have the same goals and parenting style for our child/family. Sex is one part of a big picture and, overall, the picture is wonderful. I’m not blowing up my life/my family because I have to use a vibrator. That’s juvenile, in my opinion.

Obviously this is a women's point of view ... If you aren't having sex, I can almost guarantee your husband would not describe the picture as "wonderful"

It's OPs point of view. I'm a DW and would not describe that as wonderful. Sex is not the most important thing in our marriage, not even close. But no sex for 13 years would signal some issue in our marriage. We enjoy the intimacy and the closeness sex brings us. It's just different from the emotional intimacy we have. So it's great it works for you. But just because others would be unsatisfied doesn't mean that sex is the most important thing or that their marriage isn't as good as yours.

OR: I’m not the OP, I’m the original responder to this line of comments and I am a woman and it’s my husband who has the issues. This has been the norm for almost the entirety of our marriage, so not some out-of-the-blue change that would signal concern. If he wouldn’t describe it as wonderful, all of this is on his end, why hasn’t he left? There are no affairs, he’s always home or at work and he works some at home and never late hours. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but not all men have a high sex drive. End of story.

I am not, at all, implying my marriage is better than others, although many of the posters are saying that my marriage is unacceptable, he’s having an affair,, he’s gay, etc. - completely judging me when I simply gave one perspective. For ME, leaving over this isn’t something I’d consider, but others can/may feel differently.

I think your situation is different from what's being discussed. He's always been like that and you married him knowing sex wouldnt be a big part of your marriage. I think pps are talking about people who had a very active sex life and then suddenly it stopped for no reason. Divorcing in that situation or thinking there is an affair or something else going on is very different from marrying someone with a low sex drive from the start.

[Anonymous]

If intimacy is defined in everything but sex, then I guess my spouse wouldn’t really care. He does not show me any intimacy at all. Never kisses, hugs or touches me. We have sex about 1-2 times a week and I’m sure he would be fine with only Once a week. We don’t even cuddle or hold hands unless I initiate it first. It makes it really hard for me and at times I have wanted to leave. I have told him we should go see a therapist because he was not like this when we first got married.

[Anonymous]

That's what porn is for.

[midnightish]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously it will differ by couple.
A couple who both have a low need for sex might last a lifetime.
Another couple might have an open marriage and focus on children, business, or even politics together.
In a third marriage, a health issue for one spouse might be tolerated because of an overriding love and met with fidelity.

I no longer think frequent sex is a sign of a healthy marriage. I know too many women who hate their DH and are still sleeping together 3+ times a week.

But is infrequent sex a sign of a unhealthy one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious as to how long a marriage could last if a spouse was always denied.

If your spouse is a rude nasty slob who refused to fix the underlying relationship problems: indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as I continue to pay all the bills and provide a large house my DW is completely content with providing my no intimacy. I could leave her but it would be hard on the kids and I know she will be destitute unless she “opens up” to another man.

What a life partner! A human pay cheque!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious as to how long a marriage could last if a spouse was always denied.

If your spouse is a rude nasty slob who refused to fix the underlying relationship problems: indefinitely.

+1

[Anonymous]

I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with much higher quality women.

[Anonymous]

midnightish wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously it will differ by couple.
A couple who both have a low need for sex might last a lifetime.
Another couple might have an open marriage and focus on children, business, or even politics together.
In a third marriage, a health issue for one spouse might be tolerated because of an overriding love and met with fidelity.

I no longer think frequent sex is a sign of a healthy marriage. I know too many women who hate their DH and are still sleeping together 3+ times a week.

But is infrequent sex a sign of a unhealthy one?

Not necessarily. It might be a sign of an unhealthy partner or unhealthy lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with “much higher quality women”.

As soon as I read that, I shuddered. You sound gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with much higher quality women.

Thats pretty sad you value sex over your family and marital vows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the Poster upstream: if a true medical reason, I would stay. If just a lack of desire, I would go. How long? One year, at most, assuming I have had the multiple conversations with spouse about what the problem was and what I could do to fix it.

This is an issue in our marriage although our frequency is 1-2x a month. After about 2-3 weeks without, I become more and more disconnected. I can't imagine what 6 months is like, let alone years.

If I became disabled, and couldn't participate in sexual intimacy, I would grant my spouse the permission to find it elsewhere.

My spouse did this for me. It worked out remarkably well.

It may have worked out well but not well for your partner. Your marriage is over. Stop pretending.