What would happen if you denied spouse intimacy for years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with much higher quality women.

Thats pretty sad you value sex over your family and marital vows.

It's pretty sad that she does not value her husband, relationship, or vows and expects him to accept her one-sided life decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the Poster upstream: if a true medical reason, I would stay. If just a lack of desire, I would go. How long? One year, at most, assuming I have had the multiple conversations with spouse about what the problem was and what I could do to fix it.

This is an issue in our marriage although our frequency is 1-2x a month. After about 2-3 weeks without, I become more and more disconnected. I can't imagine what 6 months is like, let alone years.

If I became disabled, and couldn't participate in sexual intimacy, I would grant my spouse the permission to find it elsewhere.

My spouse did this for me. It worked out remarkably well.

It may have worked out well but not well for your partner. Your marriage is over. Stop pretending.

You know nothing about my marriage except what I tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with much higher quality women.

Did you ever ask you wife why? Why did she not feel like having sex with you? Or what the real issue was?

But alas, for some characters, quitting is easier than problem solving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with “much higher quality women”.

As soon as I read that, I shuddered. You sound gross.

As soon as I read that, I nodded in total agreement. This is the advice I give all my friends who confide in me their low sex marriages. Some listen, and wind up like PP enjoying life as a single man. Others stay, and cheat every chance they get: is this better than the “gross”’ ones who left?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with much higher quality women.

Did you ever ask you wife why? Why did she not feel like having sex with you? Or what the real issue was?

But alas, for some characters, quitting is easier than problem solving.

Um, did you miss the part where SHE “announced there would be no more sex” ?? Wouldn’t you call HER a quitter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with “much higher quality women”.

As soon as I read that, I shuddered. You sound gross.

As soon as I read that, I nodded in total agreement. This is the advice I give all my friends who confide in me their low sex marriages. Some listen, and wind up like PP enjoying life as a single man. Others stay, and cheat every chance they get: is this better than the “gross”’ ones who left?

If children are involved, I have more respect for men who stay married and find ways to cope evening it includes an affair, than men who leave their family. You aren't cheating your spouse out of anything if there isn't sex anyway. You are cheating your children if you aren't there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with “much higher quality women”.

As soon as I read that, I shuddered. You sound gross.

As soon as I read that, I nodded in total agreement. This is the advice I give all my friends who confide in me their low sex marriages. Some listen, and wind up like PP enjoying life as a single man. Others stay, and cheat every chance they get: is this better than the “gross”’ ones who left?

Well, you sound gross, too so that’s not surprising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with much higher quality women.

Did you ever ask you wife why? Why did she not feel like having sex with you? Or what the real issue was?

But alas, for some characters, quitting is easier than problem solving.

Um, did you miss the part where SHE “announced there would be no more sex” ?? Wouldn’t you call HER a quitter?

+1 That's what I was going to say, actually (NP, here). What's wrong with having different values? Just because once partner values sex and the other doesn't value sex doesn't make either of them gross or inadequate people. It means they have different values and divorcing is just fine.

Hey, sometimes quitting is the right thing to do. I don't finish boring books. I don't eat all my food if I get full. I stop running when my knees start to hurt.

It's OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with much higher quality women.

Did you ever ask you wife why? Why did she not feel like having sex with you? Or what the real issue was?

But alas, for some characters, quitting is easier than problem solving.

Um, did you miss the part where SHE “announced there would be no more sex” ?? Wouldn’t you call HER a quitter?

I’d ask ashy too.

Just like I would if my parents, my kids, my employees said something shock and awe. She did verbally say it correct? And you have no background or idea why??

[Anonymous]

why

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with “much higher quality women”.

As soon as I read that, I shuddered. You sound gross.

As soon as I read that, I nodded in total agreement. This is the advice I give all my friends who confide in me their low sex marriages. Some listen, and wind up like PP enjoying life as a single man. Others stay, and cheat every chance they get: is this better than the “gross”’ ones who left?

Well, you sound gross, too so that’s not surprising.

And you sound naively stupid. Normal men don't stay sexless. Call that gross, call it whatever you want, I call it a basic fact. Deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with “much higher quality women”.

As soon as I read that, I shuddered. You sound gross.

As soon as I read that, I nodded in total agreement. This is the advice I give all my friends who confide in me their low sex marriages. Some listen, and wind up like PP enjoying life as a single man. Others stay, and cheat every chance they get: is this better than the “gross”’ ones who left?

Well, you sound gross, too so that’s not surprising.

And you sound naively stupid. Normal men don't stay sexless. Call that gross, call it whatever you want, I call it a basic fact. Deal.

Low T and low drive men aren’t normal? I prefer that to man who refers to women as “better quality” any day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, my husband has been the uninterested party for 13+ years and we’re not divorcing, so....13+ years?

He is interested in something, just not you. Maybe an AP, maybe gay, maybe porn. Sorry. Have you strayed through that drought?

This comment is so 1980"s. You have no clue, he could be asexual, he might be on medication that made the boys stop working like so many vets.

Your myopic thinking is so uneducated.

Oh please.... 13 years with no sex is the sign of a serious problem. Medication that makes him impotent does not mean this is not a problem.

OR: Maybe for you, if sex is the most important aspect of a marriage. For me, it’s not. We get along incredibly well, we have the same goals and parenting style for our child/family. Sex is one part of a big picture and, overall, the picture is wonderful. I’m not blowing up my life/my family because I have to use a vibrator. That’s juvenile, in my opinion.

Obviously this is a women's point of view ... If you aren't having sex, I can almost guarantee your husband would not describe the picture as "wonderful"

It's OPs point of view. I'm a DW and would not describe that as wonderful. Sex is not the most important thing in our marriage, not even close. But no sex for 13 years would signal some issue in our marriage. We enjoy the intimacy and the closeness sex brings us. It's just different from the emotional intimacy we have. So it's great it works for you. But just because others would be unsatisfied doesn't mean that sex is the most important thing or that their marriage isn't as good as yours.

OR: I’m not the OP, I’m the original responder to this line of comments and I am a woman and it’s my husband who has the issues. This has been the norm for almost the entirety of our marriage, so not some out-of-the-blue change that would signal concern. If he wouldn’t describe it as wonderful, all of this is on his end, why hasn’t he left? There are no affairs, he’s always home or at work and he works some at home and never late hours. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but not all men have a high sex drive. End of story.

I am not, at all, implying my marriage is better than others, although many of the posters are saying that my marriage is unacceptable, he’s having an affair,, he’s gay, etc. - completely judging me when I simply gave one perspective. For ME, leaving over this isn’t something I’d consider, but others can/may feel differently.

I think your situation is different from what's being discussed. He's always been like that and you married him knowing sex wouldnt be a big part of your marriage. I think pps are talking about people who had a very active sex life and then suddenly it stopped for no reason. Divorcing in that situation or thinking there is an affair or something else going on is very different from marrying someone with a low sex drive from the start.

OR: I didn’t marry with the understanding that there would be no sex, ever, for the rest of my life but I have accepted it. I answered the question as posted, how others interpret the question is up to them.

[Anonymous]

I have no desire to find out as I think I enjoy sex as much as my husband. If he denied me for an extended period for non medical reasons I would work hard to understand what was behind it. An affair would be crossing the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that 18 months after my wife effectively announced there would be no more sex, that I moved out and filed for divorce.

Life as a single man is much better. I have more sex, and with “much higher quality women”.

As soon as I read that, I shuddered. You sound gross.

Exactly. There's another story from his wife's point of view!