What would happen if you denied spouse intimacy for years?

[Anonymous]

My 80 yr old mother recently confided that she and my dad, 84, haven’t had sex in 30+ yrs. Yup, too much info and yes, they are still married.

It isn’t realistic to expect sex forever in a marriage even a happy one.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the marriage I guess. I’m in my 40s and female and I couldn’t imagine a year without sex, much less years. But that’s me. Unfortunately with kids and jobs and exhaustion DH and I have settled into a once a week pattern and I really hope that improves and here’s hoping it never gets less frequent!

In our relationship, that physical connection is vital and a huge component of making our family loving and successful year after year.

But again, want to stress this is just one example.

[Anonymous]

Before we got married, my husband and I agreed that sex is an important part of the marriage and if it’s gone, something has to be done. What is that something depends on the reason the sex disappeared. So far (11 yrs) we’ve been through some health issues and a challenging work schedule (one person only works nights and weekends). The latter was much harder to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He would become a horrible person to live with and there would maybe be an affair and definitely a divorce, proceeded by lots of fighting.

Why do you have to become miserable and fight. Grow up and just leave like a normal person.

HE would starting fighting/pouting, etc. after day 7. BTDT.

My condolences. Find a real man.

A real man enjoys not being intimate with his wife, barring a medical situation?

No. They maturely talk about it and work it out... pouting and fighting and becoming a horrible person... GTFU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He would become a horrible person to live with and there would maybe be an affair and definitely a divorce, proceeded by lots of fighting.

Why do you have to become miserable and fight. Grow up and just leave like a normal person.

HE would starting fighting/pouting, etc. after day 7. BTDT.

My condolences. Find a real man.

Wow that pp needs to leave asap. That's no way to live, it's abuse.

Okay, leave. But "become a horrible person"... no thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 80 yr old mother recently confided that she and my dad, 84, haven’t had sex in 30+ yrs. Yup, too much info and yes, they are still married.

It isn’t realistic to expect sex forever in a marriage even a happy one.

At my grandfather’s funeral, my grandma revealed to me and my mom (unsolicited) that she and Grampa had been “active” until he had his major heart attack in his late 50’s. I was about 14 years old at the time. Talk about about TMI...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It wouldn’t take years for me to pull the plug if we were both healthy. My husband would like to have sex 3-4 times a week and I’m very happy and willing 1-2 times a week. I’d really wonder if we went more than a month.

So you deny him 2 times a week... many think that is still denying.

[Anonymous]

Depends how sex is defined. You can still be sexually intimate even if PIV isn't poosible for medical or other reasons.

No sexual intimacy. A healthy or decent marriage can't last long but different types of intimacy - sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 80 yr old mother recently confided that she and my dad, 84, haven’t had sex in 30+ yrs. Yup, too much info and yes, they are still married.

It isn’t realistic to expect sex forever in a marriage even a happy one.

So they stopped in their late 40s or 50s? So sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously it will differ by couple.
A couple who both have a low need for sex might last a lifetime.
Another couple might have an open marriage and focus on children, business, or even politics together.
In a third marriage, a health issue for one spouse might be tolerated because of an overriding love and met with fidelity.

I no longer think frequent sex is a sign of a healthy marriage. I know too many women who hate their DH and are still sleeping together 3+ times a week.

+100 to the bolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the marriage I guess. I’m in my 40s and female and I couldn’t imagine a year without sex, much less years. But that’s me. Unfortunately with kids and jobs and exhaustion DH and I have settled into a once a week pattern and I really hope that improves and here’s hoping it never gets less frequent!

In our relationship, that physical connection is vital and a huge component of making our family loving and successful year after year.

But again, want to stress this is just one example.

Intimacy is more important than sex. Sex without intimacy is colder than intimacy without sex.

[Anonymous]

Intimacy or sex? We have some level of intimacy... kissing, wrapping up in bed, etc. haven’t had sex in 2+ years, wife is 55 and menopause has killed desire. I have come very close to an affair. I need both intimacy and sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously it will differ by couple.
A couple who both have a low need for sex might last a lifetime.
Another couple might have an open marriage and focus on children, business, or even politics together.
In a third marriage, a health issue for one spouse might be tolerated because of an overriding love and met with fidelity.

I no longer think frequent sex is a sign of a healthy marriage. I know too many women who hate their DH and are still sleeping together 3+ times a week.

+100 to the bolded.

For two years after my divorce I’d periodically have sex with my ex. Sex was never a problem in our marriage but many other things were. He would have been an ideal FWB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, my husband has been the uninterested party for 13+ years and we’re not divorcing, so....13+ years?

He is interested in something, just not you. Maybe an AP, maybe gay, maybe porn. Sorry. Have you strayed through that drought?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, my husband has been the uninterested party for 13+ years and we’re not divorcing, so....13+ years?

He is interested in something, just not you. Maybe an AP, maybe gay, maybe porn. Sorry. Have you strayed through that drought?

This comment is so 1980"s. You have no clue, he could be asexual, he might be on medication that made the boys stop working like so many vets.

Your myopic thinking is so uneducated.