What would happen if you denied spouse intimacy for years?

[Anonymous]

Curious as to how long a marriage could last if a spouse was always denied.

[Anonymous]

From what I hear on DCUM from both husbands and wives, it can last 20+ years.

[Anonymous]

I haven't had sex with DH for 4 months now due to a hard pregnancy. I feel really bad about it but he's being a total trooper and hasn't brought it up. We had a healthy sex love before and during the first pregnancy too. This one is just wrecking my body and energy.

[Anonymous]

For ever? There are many, many reasons these things happen, OP, and sometimes it happens even when spouses like each other.

[Anonymous]

As long as the denied party still has working hands.

[Anonymous]

Spouse has denied me for around 5 years now and it was really sparse for around 10 year before that. AP and I have been together 2 years now.

[Anonymous]

Not very long in my house! Pre/post baby delivery we would go about five or six months and my DH was very accepting of it though periodic BJ’s were helpful. Since we both initiate if we went longer than two weeks we would wonder what’s going on. I have no desire to test how long the marriage would last if he denied me sex!

[Anonymous]

Depends on the reason. The lack of intimacy is more of a symptom. If it's caused by selfishness and lack of affection, then the marriage should probably end. If there is a medical cause, then you can get by with masturbation and porn.

[Anonymous]

Obviously it will differ by couple.
A couple who both have a low need for sex might last a lifetime.
Another couple might have an open marriage and focus on children, business, or even politics together.
In a third marriage, a health issue for one spouse might be tolerated because of an overriding love and met with fidelity.

I no longer think frequent sex is a sign of a healthy marriage. I know too many women who hate their DH and are still sleeping together 3+ times a week.

[Anonymous]

define denied?

never, ever, ever?

or do you mean once a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously it will differ by couple.
A couple who both have a low need for sex might last a lifetime.
Another couple might have an open marriage and focus on children, business, or even politics together.
In a third marriage, a health issue for one spouse might be tolerated because of an overriding love and met with fidelity.

I no longer think frequent sex is a sign of a healthy marriage. I know too many women who hate their DH and are still sleeping together 3+ times a week.

All very true, especially the bolded.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are the denier or the denied, just have the difficult conversation with your spouse about whether or not this is sustainable.

If you are a third party waiting in the wings for the denied to leave his or her spouse, that’s a big gamble. Lots of people of DCUM outsourcing sex and enjoying every other part of their long marriages.

[Anonymous]

He would become a horrible person to live with and there would maybe be an affair and definitely a divorce, proceeded by lots of fighting.

[Anonymous]

Well, my husband has been the uninterested party for 13+ years and we’re not divorcing, so....13+ years?

[Anonymous]

We wouldn’t even get to that point. There would be an acknowledgment of the situation after 10 days, if not less. Maybe it will be different when we’re older.

-late 30s