Nytimes: I’ve picked my job over my kids

[Anonymous]

Jesus, meanwhile over on the Jobs board and the Money board anyone who isn't working 100 hours a week is basically just wasting their 20s, 30s, and 40s, according to the good people of DCUM.

There is no winning with this crowd. Just, no winning at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
She did the right thing. Who cares about a birthday party? And I say this as a stay at home mother who organizes great birthday parties. Her client is more important.

The seven year old cares about the birth party, that seven year old child cares. Shame on you.

Sorry, I feel no shame at all.

Americans teach their kids to place great importance on frivolous things, and that makes it harder for parents who are in these types of jobs to reason with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These justifications fall flat. For pretty much anyone out there, the author included, there are other people who could and would do the job. Nearly none of us is so unique or special in our job so as to be indispensable to our clients or employers.

I think you've never met a truly mission-driven person. It's not that they think they are unique, but rather they are committed to what they are doing. That is their life.

Sure. But if that's your life, why have kids? I say that as someone who generally rolls my eyes at the "why have kids" comment, but in this case...if you live and breathe "THE MISSION" seems like having kids is just an added hassle. As it clearly is in this case.

Pretty much every high level politician in our country has kids, including all the (male) presidents. I don’t recall anyone asking them, if you care so much about your job as President, why did you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These justifications fall flat. For pretty much anyone out there, the author included, there are other people who could and would do the job. Nearly none of us is so unique or special in our job so as to be indispensable to our clients or employers.

I think you've never met a truly mission-driven person. It's not that they think they are unique, but rather they are committed to what they are doing. That is their life.

Sure. But if that's your life, why have kids? I say that as someone who generally rolls my eyes at the "why have kids" comment, but in this case...if you live and breathe "THE MISSION" seems like having kids is just an added hassle. As it clearly is in this case.

Pretty much every high level politician in our country has kids, including all the (male) presidents. I don’t recall anyone asking them, if you care so much about your job as President, why did you have kids?

IOW, you agree that she's a good enough dad.

Did you see the post about the eulogy from the son of a Very Important Person da

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the angst about the birthdays. I have a conflict such that I have been on work travel for half my 10 yo’s birthday. I always have an elaborate family and separate friend party....just on other days when I can be there. He doesn’t care I am not there on the actual day at all. I call and his dad is there to take him somewhere special for dinner. I can FaceTime him.

It really is no big deal to kids and good to teach them a birthday can be a moveable event and still be fantastic.

Is that what happened here? Or did she just miss the birthday party and do nothing at any other time either?

annnnd just proving the point -- she has to demonstrate the supermommy steps and exactly how she celebrated her child's 7th birthday in order to be granted dispensation to have the kind of job that THOUSANDS OF MEN DO every single day.

I judge those men too. Like my friend’s husband who was too busy to teach his kid to ride a bike. Don’t worry we taught him at age 15. Or my son’s friend, who sees his dad twice a year because his dad moved overseas to advance his career. Being a parent is more than providing financial support and a roof over their head.

Check your privilege. Many mothers and fathers in other countries have to work abroad in sectors like construction, domestic work, etc. doing menial, backbreaking work so their kids can have an education and roof over their head. Giving your child hope for a better life is not a small thing, even if you can’t see them every day. They are sacrificing their own pleasure in seeing those kids grow up for the bigger picture. It’s nice you can judge but you clearly aren’t aware of the reality of how most people live.

We don’t live in other countries. In the US we choose our career and our employer. Parents have choices, no one is forced to work a high powered job, and no one is forced to raise children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, meanwhile over on the Jobs board and the Money board anyone who isn't working 100 hours a week is basically just wasting their 20s, 30s, and 40s, according to the good people of DCUM.

There is no winning with this crowd. Just, no winning at all.

I win at home, not with DCUM.

- full time working parent, who is also present for birthdays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the angst about the birthdays. I have a conflict such that I have been on work travel for half my 10 yo’s birthday. I always have an elaborate family and separate friend party....just on other days when I can be there. He doesn’t care I am not there on the actual day at all. I call and his dad is there to take him somewhere special for dinner. I can FaceTime him.

It really is no big deal to kids and good to teach them a birthday can be a moveable event and still be fantastic.

Is that what happened here? Or did she just miss the birthday party and do nothing at any other time either?

annnnd just proving the point -- she has to demonstrate the supermommy steps and exactly how she celebrated her child's 7th birthday in order to be granted dispensation to have the kind of job that THOUSANDS OF MEN DO every single day.

I judge those men too. Like my friend’s husband who was too busy to teach his kid to ride a bike. Don’t worry we taught him at age 15. Or my son’s friend, who sees his dad twice a year because his dad moved overseas to advance his career. Being a parent is more than providing financial support and a roof over their head.

Check your privilege. Many mothers and fathers in other countries have to work abroad in sectors like construction, domestic work, etc. doing menial, backbreaking work so their kids can have an education and roof over their head. Giving your child hope for a better life is not a small thing, even if you can’t see them every day. They are sacrificing their own pleasure in seeing those kids grow up for the bigger picture. It’s nice you can judge but you clearly aren’t aware of the reality of how most people live.

We don’t live in other countries. In the US we choose our career and our employer. Parents have choices, no one is forced to work a high powered job, and no one is forced to raise children.

So no doctors, trial lawyers, activists, military officers, polar explorers, or politicians should have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These justifications fall flat. For pretty much anyone out there, the author included, there are other people who could and would do the job. Nearly none of us is so unique or special in our job so as to be indispensable to our clients or employers.

I think you've never met a truly mission-driven person. It's not that they think they are unique, but rather they are committed to what they are doing. That is their life.

Sure. But if that's your life, why have kids? I say that as someone who generally rolls my eyes at the "why have kids" comment, but in this case...if you live and breathe "THE MISSION" seems like having kids is just an added hassle. As it clearly is in this case.

Pretty much every high level politician in our country has kids, including all the (male) presidents. I don’t recall anyone asking them, if you care so much about your job as President, why did you have kids?

They all have spouses, family (i.e. obama's had grandma) or nannies raising their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the angst about the birthdays. I have a conflict such that I have been on work travel for half my 10 yo’s birthday. I always have an elaborate family and separate friend party....just on other days when I can be there. He doesn’t care I am not there on the actual day at all. I call and his dad is there to take him somewhere special for dinner. I can FaceTime him.

It really is no big deal to kids and good to teach them a birthday can be a moveable event and still be fantastic.

Is that what happened here? Or did she just miss the birthday party and do nothing at any other time either?

annnnd just proving the point -- she has to demonstrate the supermommy steps and exactly how she celebrated her child's 7th birthday in order to be granted dispensation to have the kind of job that THOUSANDS OF MEN DO every single day.

I judge those men too. Like my friend’s husband who was too busy to teach his kid to ride a bike. Don’t worry we taught him at age 15. Or my son’s friend, who sees his dad twice a year because his dad moved overseas to advance his career. Being a parent is more than providing financial support and a roof over their head.

Check your privilege. Many mothers and fathers in other countries have to work abroad in sectors like construction, domestic work, etc. doing menial, backbreaking work so their kids can have an education and roof over their head. Giving your child hope for a better life is not a small thing, even if you can’t see them every day. They are sacrificing their own pleasure in seeing those kids grow up for the bigger picture. It’s nice you can judge but you clearly aren’t aware of the reality of how most people live.

We don’t live in other countries. In the US we choose our career and our employer. Parents have choices, no one is forced to work a high powered job, and no one is forced to raise children.

So no doctors, trial lawyers, activists, military officers, polar explorers, or politicians should have kids?

Except deployed military, you need to find time to spend with your kids and make them feel a priority to you or why have them? Some people are great at finding a balance and others are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the angst about the birthdays. I have a conflict such that I have been on work travel for half my 10 yo’s birthday. I always have an elaborate family and separate friend party....just on other days when I can be there. He doesn’t care I am not there on the actual day at all. I call and his dad is there to take him somewhere special for dinner. I can FaceTime him.

It really is no big deal to kids and good to teach them a birthday can be a moveable event and still be fantastic.

Is that what happened here? Or did she just miss the birthday party and do nothing at any other time either?

annnnd just proving the point -- she has to demonstrate the supermommy steps and exactly how she celebrated her child's 7th birthday in order to be granted dispensation to have the kind of job that THOUSANDS OF MEN DO every single day.

I judge those men too. Like my friend’s husband who was too busy to teach his kid to ride a bike. Don’t worry we taught him at age 15. Or my son’s friend, who sees his dad twice a year because his dad moved overseas to advance his career. Being a parent is more than providing financial support and a roof over their head.

Check your privilege. Many mothers and fathers in other countries have to work abroad in sectors like construction, domestic work, etc. doing menial, backbreaking work so their kids can have an education and roof over their head. Giving your child hope for a better life is not a small thing, even if you can’t see them every day. They are sacrificing their own pleasure in seeing those kids grow up for the bigger picture. It’s nice you can judge but you clearly aren’t aware of the reality of how most people live.

We don’t live in other countries. In the US we choose our career and our employer. Parents have choices, no one is forced to work a high powered job, and no one is forced to raise children.

OMG you do realize that those jobs are 5% of households at most, right? Many people in the US are struggling to make ends meet and there are tons of single parents and poor parents out there making those exact sacrifices of not being with their kids so the kids can have more opportunities.
OMG

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These justifications fall flat. For pretty much anyone out there, the author included, there are other people who could and would do the job. Nearly none of us is so unique or special in our job so as to be indispensable to our clients or employers.

I think you've never met a truly mission-driven person. It's not that they think they are unique, but rather they are committed to what they are doing. That is their life.

Sure. But if that's your life, why have kids? I say that as someone who generally rolls my eyes at the "why have kids" comment, but in this case...if you live and breathe "THE MISSION" seems like having kids is just an added hassle. As it clearly is in this case.

Pretty much every high level politician in our country has kids, including all the (male) presidents. I don’t recall anyone asking them, if you care so much about your job as President, why did you have kids?

They all have spouses, family (i.e. obama's had grandma) or nannies raising their kids.

Your point being? The issue here is why women can’t have a mission and a family without people starting to say they shouldnt ever have had kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the angst about the birthdays. I have a conflict such that I have been on work travel for half my 10 yo’s birthday. I always have an elaborate family and separate friend party....just on other days when I can be there. He doesn’t care I am not there on the actual day at all. I call and his dad is there to take him somewhere special for dinner. I can FaceTime him.

It really is no big deal to kids and good to teach them a birthday can be a moveable event and still be fantastic.

Is that what happened here? Or did she just miss the birthday party and do nothing at any other time either?

annnnd just proving the point -- she has to demonstrate the supermommy steps and exactly how she celebrated her child's 7th birthday in order to be granted dispensation to have the kind of job that THOUSANDS OF MEN DO every single day.

I judge those men too. Like my friend’s husband who was too busy to teach his kid to ride a bike. Don’t worry we taught him at age 15. Or my son’s friend, who sees his dad twice a year because his dad moved overseas to advance his career. Being a parent is more than providing financial support and a roof over their head.

Check your privilege. Many mothers and fathers in other countries have to work abroad in sectors like construction, domestic work, etc. doing menial, backbreaking work so their kids can have an education and roof over their head. Giving your child hope for a better life is not a small thing, even if you can’t see them every day. They are sacrificing their own pleasure in seeing those kids grow up for the bigger picture. It’s nice you can judge but you clearly aren’t aware of the reality of how most people live.

We don’t live in other countries. In the US we choose our career and our employer. Parents have choices, no one is forced to work a high powered job, and no one is forced to raise children.

OMG you do realize that those jobs are 5% of households at most, right? Many people in the US are struggling to make ends meet and there are tons of single parents and poor parents out there making those exact sacrifices of not being with their kids so the kids can have more opportunities.
OMG

I know that being poor doesn't make you a bad parent. Neither does being rich or important. Necessarily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, meanwhile over on the Jobs board and the Money board anyone who isn't working 100 hours a week is basically just wasting their 20s, 30s, and 40s, according to the good people of DCUM.

There is no winning with this crowd. Just, no winning at all.

I win at home, not with DCUM.

- full time working parent, who is also present for birthdays.

You know what? If you had to miss a birthday to save someone's life, that would be fine, too. I'm 45 years old. I don't remember my 7th birthday party. I think it's pretty strange to say that only men get to have big jobs - or that anyone with a big job can't responsibly raise children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children do not need to come first when 1st means they need a birthday party. First means they need food, shelter, education and love/protection.

This is not new. Even women who “stayed home” cared for the animals on the farm and the garden. They did not coddle their child’s every need.

The endless need to coddle children’s every whim is the problem not missing a few ridiculous newly invented events in their life like the 100th day of school, K graduation, the endless need to go to a pumpkin patch every Fall.

Uh, no, that's literally the bare minimum that a parent is legally required to provide their child with.

Damn, the standards are the floor now, I guess!

No that is not the bare minimum and holiday parties at school and big birthday celebrations are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children do not need to come first when 1st means they need a birthday party. First means they need food, shelter, education and love/protection.

This is not new. Even women who “stayed home” cared for the animals on the farm and the garden. They did not coddle their child’s every need.

The endless need to coddle children’s every whim is the problem not missing a few ridiculous newly invented events in their life like the 100th day of school, K graduation, the endless need to go to a pumpkin patch every Fall.

But in those days the kids had more freedom, they were not "farmed" locked up in tinny homes and apartments and schools all day long. They had happy free roaming life full of experiences and interactions with all kinds of people. Their needs were filled in many different ways from many different sources. It was also not standard to have b. parties then.
Now you live in different times when a child is isolated from most of the world for most of the time due to the system, the parents and the current trends. If you are the one who depraves a child from all natural resources for attention, love and friendships in free fall manner, then YOU need to substitute up to the standards of the society.

What you PP are trying to do is take away it all from a kid and give nothing saying it is fair
and your final argument is "suck it up butter cup".

Bless your heart. You are bent on raising kids who will grow into broken people. What is your conviction? Every house needs a strong foundation, every tree needs a strong roots. You want both, no roots and no foundation and you clearly give no F. about the tree at the end.

My kids will not crumble if we have to celebrate their birthday on an alternate day. It’s not a big deal. No wonder kids have so many anxieties these days when celebrating their birthday the weekend before or after is = to no conviction.

My conviction is that we are smothering our children with “resources” that render them weak.