Nytimes: I’ve picked my job over my kids

[Anonymous]

^^^wait, what?

This makes so much more sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This story is full of privilege and I am tired of it. The reality is that many moms can't afford to take a day off to be with their kids because their choice is not about "I could scale down my work and be more with the kids," the choice is "If I take a few hours off for kids' party I will lose my job and my kids will have nothing to eat, I won't have a place over our heads. This same situation is what most fathers have to deal with.
There is a problem with media and it is that it constantly promoted some kind of ideal life, where people have privilege to have a lot of choices, that is hence skewing the perception of people to think that they are failures if they can't provide all of this for their kids. This is a fairy tale that media is promoting and a reason why people are messed up thinking that if a parent is not Betty Crocker and Madeline Albright, at the same time, she/he is not doing it right.
All the pps declaring her a bad mother are delusional matrix like drones promoting this "Mayfair" lifestyle. Nothing but privileged women(probably white) that can't ever imagine that most of people in the world can't even fathom what they are talking about, yet here in the US these drones are imposing their idiotic ideas on all the women of the world.

Where do you live? I live in the US, as does the author of the article. Sorry if discussing issues in the US is a problem to you.

She calls herself a single-parent but she's really not. Her ex has "joint" custody in that he has full custody except when she visits. But you cannot address that at all?

I live in the DMV and this is an issue here, yet your are assuming moms and dads in the U.S. are all in this position? This imposition and idea that she could choose her kids but choose her work is a fairly tale you and her are living, don't speak of what you know nothing of. Your gilded cage is clouding your sight, yes, even for the U.S. and for the DMV too.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this. She cannot choose her kids? She cannot choose her work?

I don't live in a gilded cage, although I do live in the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This story is full of privilege and I am tired of it. The reality is that many moms can't afford to take a day off to be with their kids because their choice is not about "I could scale down my work and be more with the kids," the choice is "If I take a few hours off for kids' party I will lose my job and my kids will have nothing to eat, I won't have a place over our heads. This same situation is what most fathers have to deal with.
There is a problem with media and it is that it constantly promoted some kind of ideal life, where people have privilege to have a lot of choices, that is hence skewing the perception of people to think that they are failures if they can't provide all of this for their kids. This is a fairy tale that media is promoting and a reason why people are messed up thinking that if a parent is not Betty Crocker and Madeline Albright, at the same time, she/he is not doing it right.
All the pps declaring her a bad mother are delusional matrix like drones promoting this "Mayfair" lifestyle. Nothing but privileged women(probably white) that can't ever imagine that most of people in the world can't even fathom what they are talking about, yet here in the US these drones are imposing their idiotic ideas on all the women of the world.

Where do you live? I live in the US, as does the author of the article. Sorry if discussing issues in the US is a problem to you.

She calls herself a single-parent but she's really not. Her ex has "joint" custody in that he has full custody except when she visits. But you cannot address that at all?

I live in the DMV and this is an issue here, yet your are assuming moms and dads in the U.S. are all in this position? This imposition and idea that she could choose her kids but choose her work is a fairly tale you and her are living, don't speak of what you know nothing of. Your gilded cage is clouding your sight, yes, even for the U.S. and for the DMV too.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this. She cannot choose her kids? She cannot choose her work?

I don't live in a gilded cage, although I do live in the DMV.

DP. You obviously live in a gilded cage. You just can't see the bars, because that's too scary for you, so you look away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This story is full of privilege and I am tired of it. The reality is that many moms can't afford to take a day off to be with their kids because their choice is not about "I could scale down my work and be more with the kids," the choice is "If I take a few hours off for kids' party I will lose my job and my kids will have nothing to eat, I won't have a place over our heads. This same situation is what most fathers have to deal with.
There is a problem with media and it is that it constantly promoted some kind of ideal life, where people have privilege to have a lot of choices, that is hence skewing the perception of people to think that they are failures if they can't provide all of this for their kids. This is a fairy tale that media is promoting and a reason why people are messed up thinking that if a parent is not Betty Crocker and Madeline Albright, at the same time, she/he is not doing it right.
All the pps declaring her a bad mother are delusional matrix like drones promoting this "Mayfair" lifestyle. Nothing but privileged women(probably white) that can't ever imagine that most of people in the world can't even fathom what they are talking about, yet here in the US these drones are imposing their idiotic ideas on all the women of the world.

Where do you live? I live in the US, as does the author of the article. Sorry if discussing issues in the US is a problem to you.

She calls herself a single-parent but she's really not. Her ex has "joint" custody in that he has full custody except when she visits. But you cannot address that at all?

I live in the DMV and this is an issue here, yet your are assuming moms and dads in the U.S. are all in this position? This imposition and idea that she could choose her kids but choose her work is a fairly tale you and her are living, don't speak of what you know nothing of. Your gilded cage is clouding your sight, yes, even for the U.S. and for the DMV too.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this. She cannot choose her kids? She cannot choose her work?

I don't live in a gilded cage, although I do live in the DMV.

She can choose, hence why this is a privileged point of view forced down the throats of other parents. Her story is a fairy tale that very few can live. She speaks from a gilded cage, you not being able to understand shows that you are also in a gilded cage of some sort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only reason this is newsworthy is because it's written by a woman. Men have been doing this kind of parenting for generations and get praise for it.

Men have been doing this kind of parenting for generations and have, rightfully, been vilified for it. Literature is full of stories of children who are unhappy because of a father who was absent due to work. Some people don’t have the luxury to choose prioritizing work over family. Ms. Bazelon is not one of those people. She is making a choice. And in the end, I suspect when she is on her death bed she will not wish she had depend more time at work (even work as important as hers).

I suspect on her death bed she'll remember the people she got out of jail and the ijnustices she worked against, and how hard she worked to both fulfill her moral duty and be a good parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These women will end up like the men who are like that. The kids won’t really know them and will unlikely to be interested in them beyond $. It is what it is. People make choices that reflect their values and priorities. No one gives men a hard time about it. We shouldn’t give women one either. Nor should we be surprised by the end result.

Nooooo. I've known many people who've had hardworking, ambitious parents who adore these parents as adults. I think it's more about whether the hardworking parent shows consistent love in a variety of ways (affectionate, constantly trying to do things that help the child, how the parent reacts when their kid walks through the door, etc). Kids know when they are loved.

Exactly. I think of my uncle who spent a good share of his kids childhood setting up the family business-- they ADORE him. Because he's a super warm, generous, and loving person, who devotes all his extra time and resources to his family. Once again, men have been able to prioritize both family and careers for a long, long time.

[Anonymous]

What's really BS about articles like this is we are 11 pages deep fighting about moms v dads but really, for the working poor, this is just what life is like. Do you think the mom who is a bus driver by day and home health aide by night is organizing school events, taking her kids trick or treating, and throwing birthday parties? But we don't talk about that. We talk about how sad it is when professional, upper middle class moms can't show up at f*47ing Sky Zone 8 out of 9 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These women will end up like the men who are like that. The kids won’t really know them and will unlikely to be interested in them beyond $. It is what it is. People make choices that reflect their values and priorities. No one gives men a hard time about it. We shouldn’t give women one either. Nor should we be surprised by the end result.

Meh. My dad worked at minimum 60 hours a week during my childhood and we are really close.

I swear, I think some of you think raising children is a function of pressing specific levers for X amount of time and you get a clone out. You have such a limited world view that it's fascinating.

Exactly. I am super close to my son but I know that spending more time with him than I do would not make our relationship any closer. It truly does come down to quality time. And my working has opened the door for his dad to spend lots of quality time with him as well. The career issue in some ways comes down to how well you can juggle an intense career with the quality time. I know that for me personlly, I could not work a job like being a federal defender and have a kid, because I would be super stressed and not able to relate as well as I should. which is why I, personally, mommy tracked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This story is full of privilege and I am tired of it. The reality is that many moms can't afford to take a day off to be with their kids because their choice is not about "I could scale down my work and be more with the kids," the choice is "If I take a few hours off for kids' party I will lose my job and my kids will have nothing to eat, I won't have a place over our heads. This same situation is what most fathers have to deal with.
There is a problem with media and it is that it constantly promoted some kind of ideal life, where people have privilege to have a lot of choices, that is hence skewing the perception of people to think that they are failures if they can't provide all of this for their kids. This is a fairy tale that media is promoting and a reason why people are messed up thinking that if a parent is not Betty Crocker and Madeline Albright, at the same time, she/he is not doing it right.
All the pps declaring her a bad mother are delusional matrix like drones promoting this "Mayfair" lifestyle. Nothing but privileged women(probably white) that can't ever imagine that most of people in the world can't even fathom what they are talking about, yet here in the US these drones are imposing their idiotic ideas on all the women of the world.

Where do you live? I live in the US, as does the author of the article. Sorry if discussing issues in the US is a problem to you.

She calls herself a single-parent but she's really not. Her ex has "joint" custody in that he has full custody except when she visits. But you cannot address that at all?

I live in the DMV and this is an issue here, yet your are assuming moms and dads in the U.S. are all in this position? This imposition and idea that she could choose her kids but choose her work is a fairly tale you and her are living, don't speak of what you know nothing of. Your gilded cage is clouding your sight, yes, even for the U.S. and for the DMV too.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this. She cannot choose her kids? She cannot choose her work?

I don't live in a gilded cage, although I do live in the DMV.

DP. You obviously live in a gilded cage. You just can't see the bars, because that's too scary for you, so you look away.

So there's two of you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This story is full of privilege and I am tired of it. The reality is that many moms can't afford to take a day off to be with their kids because their choice is not about "I could scale down my work and be more with the kids," the choice is "If I take a few hours off for kids' party I will lose my job and my kids will have nothing to eat, I won't have a place over our heads. This same situation is what most fathers have to deal with.
There is a problem with media and it is that it constantly promoted some kind of ideal life, where people have privilege to have a lot of choices, that is hence skewing the perception of people to think that they are failures if they can't provide all of this for their kids. This is a fairy tale that media is promoting and a reason why people are messed up thinking that if a parent is not Betty Crocker and Madeline Albright, at the same time, she/he is not doing it right.
All the pps declaring her a bad mother are delusional matrix like drones promoting this "Mayfair" lifestyle. Nothing but privileged women(probably white) that can't ever imagine that most of people in the world can't even fathom what they are talking about, yet here in the US these drones are imposing their idiotic ideas on all the women of the world.

Where do you live? I live in the US, as does the author of the article. Sorry if discussing issues in the US is a problem to you.

She calls herself a single-parent but she's really not. Her ex has "joint" custody in that he has full custody except when she visits. But you cannot address that at all?

I live in the DMV and this is an issue here, yet your are assuming moms and dads in the U.S. are all in this position? This imposition and idea that she could choose her kids but choose her work is a fairly tale you and her are living, don't speak of what you know nothing of. Your gilded cage is clouding your sight, yes, even for the U.S. and for the DMV too.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this. She cannot choose her kids? She cannot choose her work?

I don't live in a gilded cage, although I do live in the DMV.

DP. You obviously live in a gilded cage. You just can't see the bars, because that's too scary for you, so you look away.

So there's two of you?

We are actually the common sense majority who feel sorry for you and your limited worldview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This story is full of privilege and I am tired of it. The reality is that many moms can't afford to take a day off to be with their kids because their choice is not about "I could scale down my work and be more with the kids," the choice is "If I take a few hours off for kids' party I will lose my job and my kids will have nothing to eat, I won't have a place over our heads. This same situation is what most fathers have to deal with.
There is a problem with media and it is that it constantly promoted some kind of ideal life, where people have privilege to have a lot of choices, that is hence skewing the perception of people to think that they are failures if they can't provide all of this for their kids. This is a fairy tale that media is promoting and a reason why people are messed up thinking that if a parent is not Betty Crocker and Madeline Albright, at the same time, she/he is not doing it right.
All the pps declaring her a bad mother are delusional matrix like drones promoting this "Mayfair" lifestyle. Nothing but privileged women(probably white) that can't ever imagine that most of people in the world can't even fathom what they are talking about, yet here in the US these drones are imposing their idiotic ideas on all the women of the world.

Where do you live? I live in the US, as does the author of the article. Sorry if discussing issues in the US is a problem to you.

She calls herself a single-parent but she's really not. Her ex has "joint" custody in that he has full custody except when she visits. But you cannot address that at all?

I live in the DMV and this is an issue here, yet your are assuming moms and dads in the U.S. are all in this position? This imposition and idea that she could choose her kids but choose her work is a fairly tale you and her are living, don't speak of what you know nothing of. Your gilded cage is clouding your sight, yes, even for the U.S. and for the DMV too.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this. She cannot choose her kids? She cannot choose her work?

I don't live in a gilded cage, although I do live in the DMV.

DP. You obviously live in a gilded cage. You just can't see the bars, because that's too scary for you, so you look away.

So there's two of you?

We are actually the common sense majority who feel sorry for you and your limited worldview.

No you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's really BS about articles like this is we are 11 pages deep fighting about moms v dads but really, for the working poor, this is just what life is like. Do you think the mom who is a bus driver by day and home health aide by night is organizing school events, taking her kids trick or treating, and throwing birthday parties? But we don't talk about that. We talk about how sad it is when professional, upper middle class moms can't show up at f*47ing Sky Zone 8 out of 9 years.

The posters who are nitpicking here are too dim to understand life exists beyond Arlington. Obviously you are right, but they are slow. Be patient with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This story is full of privilege and I am tired of it. The reality is that many moms can't afford to take a day off to be with their kids because their choice is not about "I could scale down my work and be more with the kids," the choice is "If I take a few hours off for kids' party I will lose my job and my kids will have nothing to eat, I won't have a place over our heads. This same situation is what most fathers have to deal with.
There is a problem with media and it is that it constantly promoted some kind of ideal life, where people have privilege to have a lot of choices, that is hence skewing the perception of people to think that they are failures if they can't provide all of this for their kids. This is a fairy tale that media is promoting and a reason why people are messed up thinking that if a parent is not Betty Crocker and Madeline Albright, at the same time, she/he is not doing it right.
All the pps declaring her a bad mother are delusional matrix like drones promoting this "Mayfair" lifestyle. Nothing but privileged women(probably white) that can't ever imagine that most of people in the world can't even fathom what they are talking about, yet here in the US these drones are imposing their idiotic ideas on all the women of the world.

Where do you live? I live in the US, as does the author of the article. Sorry if discussing issues in the US is a problem to you.

She calls herself a single-parent but she's really not. Her ex has "joint" custody in that he has full custody except when she visits. But you cannot address that at all?

I live in the DMV and this is an issue here, yet your are assuming moms and dads in the U.S. are all in this position? This imposition and idea that she could choose her kids but choose her work is a fairly tale you and her are living, don't speak of what you know nothing of. Your gilded cage is clouding your sight, yes, even for the U.S. and for the DMV too.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this. She cannot choose her kids? She cannot choose her work?

I don't live in a gilded cage, although I do live in the DMV.

DP. You obviously live in a gilded cage. You just can't see the bars, because that's too scary for you, so you look away.

So there's two of you?

We are actually the common sense majority who feel sorry for you and your limited worldview.

No you don't.

Huh? Yes, I genuinely pity that poster. It must be difficult to have such limited life experience.

[Anonymous]

Personally I think these posters who are eagerly and ghoulishly anticipating deathbed regrets from the author haven't spent any time at the deathbed of a loved one. I have recently done so for two relatives who were trailblazing in their work, both women, and they died surrounded by loving family and proud of what they'd done. The only regrets I heard was that they wanted more time to do more in their lives and to have more time with loved ones. I certainly didn't hear any regrets about missing a Pump It Up party for a seven year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This story is full of privilege and I am tired of it. The reality is that many moms can't afford to take a day off to be with their kids because their choice is not about "I could scale down my work and be more with the kids," the choice is "If I take a few hours off for kids' party I will lose my job and my kids will have nothing to eat, I won't have a place over our heads. This same situation is what most fathers have to deal with.
There is a problem with media and it is that it constantly promoted some kind of ideal life, where people have privilege to have a lot of choices, that is hence skewing the perception of people to think that they are failures if they can't provide all of this for their kids. This is a fairy tale that media is promoting and a reason why people are messed up thinking that if a parent is not Betty Crocker and Madeline Albright, at the same time, she/he is not doing it right.
All the pps declaring her a bad mother are delusional matrix like drones promoting this "Mayfair" lifestyle. Nothing but privileged women(probably white) that can't ever imagine that most of people in the world can't even fathom what they are talking about, yet here in the US these drones are imposing their idiotic ideas on all the women of the world.

Where do you live? I live in the US, as does the author of the article. Sorry if discussing issues in the US is a problem to you.

She calls herself a single-parent but she's really not. Her ex has "joint" custody in that he has full custody except when she visits. But you cannot address that at all?

I live in the DMV and this is an issue here, yet your are assuming moms and dads in the U.S. are all in this position? This imposition and idea that she could choose her kids but choose her work is a fairly tale you and her are living, don't speak of what you know nothing of. Your gilded cage is clouding your sight, yes, even for the U.S. and for the DMV too.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this. She cannot choose her kids? She cannot choose her work?

I don't live in a gilded cage, although I do live in the DMV.

DP. You obviously live in a gilded cage. You just can't see the bars, because that's too scary for you, so you look away.

So there's two of you?

Clearly there is two of us, and many more, I am pp of the long first quote post. Inserting a funny e moji, mocking what you don't understand, is only making you look worse in a serious conversation that you can't comprehend.