Nytimes: I’ve picked my job over my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/29/opinion/sunday/ive-picked-my-job-over-my-kids.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage

Not sure how I felt about this article. I’m in medicine so def know that sometimes work comes before kids but this seems cruel.

“Sometimes my choices make me sad. My daughter’s seventh birthday was the worst. She cried, and I did everything I could not to. I felt sick to my stomach. But I had a trial starting the next day, six hours away.

I had picked the date, not the judge, because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. I wasn’t going to risk it knowing what was on the line for my client.”

She should not have had a child. One screwed up kid with an unbelievably selfish mother. God help the generation growing up now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/29/opinion/sunday/ive-picked-my-job-over-my-kids.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage

Not sure how I felt about this article. I’m in medicine so def know that sometimes work comes before kids but this seems cruel.

“Sometimes my choices make me sad. My daughter’s seventh birthday was the worst. She cried, and I did everything I could not to. I felt sick to my stomach. But I had a trial starting the next day, six hours away.

I had picked the date, not the judge, because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. I wasn’t going to risk it knowing what was on the line for my client.”

She should not have had a child. One screwed up kid with an unbelievably selfish mother. God help the generation growing up now!

What is wrong with you? She is not a selfish mother, kids will be fine, probably better than yours with your snowplow parenting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/29/opinion/sunday/ive-picked-my-job-over-my-kids.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage

Not sure how I felt about this article. I’m in medicine so def know that sometimes work comes before kids but this seems cruel.

“Sometimes my choices make me sad. My daughter’s seventh birthday was the worst. She cried, and I did everything I could not to. I felt sick to my stomach. But I had a trial starting the next day, six hours away.

I had picked the date, not the judge, because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. I wasn’t going to risk it knowing what was on the line for my client.”

She should not have had a child. One screwed up kid with an unbelievably selfish mother. God help the generation growing up now!

What is wrong with you? She is not a selfish mother, kids will be fine, probably better than yours with your snowplow parenting!

I agree, her kid will probably be fine. But may have no relationship with her mother when she's an adult. Oh well, as a different PP noted upthread, there are trade-offs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Career oriented women love to blame men for everything. Look inward, not outward.

Who are you talking to? The author of the article clearly takes responsibility for the choices that she has made. She speaks very highly of her ex - a man. And she’s doing incredibly important work.

I’m talking to the posters who are responding defensively to the article by man bashing.

[Anonymous]

The author is Emily Bazelon's sister - Emily is the NY Times mag writer, author of the new book Charged, and co-host of the Slate Political Gabfest. That is one wildly talented family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m tired of hearing the “a man would never write this article” response. What about the merits versus ”whataboutism”? And I believe many men would think this way nowadays. Men have really changed in the levels of parenting and child-focus in even the last generation.

Well, it continues to be true. So until men actually start writing this article, we'll keep saying it.

Of course you will, because that ever growing group of unsatisfied angry women who blame men for everything in their life don't know how to do anything else. I wish I could say I feel sorry for you, but I don't. I as a woman live with your disgruntled hate in my daily life every single day and you make me sick. I can't imagine being so unhinged that I couldn't chart my course for happiness (which I have done both professionally and personally) without animosity towards another group of people. You and your kind need serious mental help, but you'll never seek it out. Keep growing older and angrier and wasting those years of your life on hate. Have fun with that.

Woah, speaking of unhinged. Good Lord, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/29/opinion/sunday/ive-picked-my-job-over-my-kids.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage

Not sure how I felt about this article. I’m in medicine so def know that sometimes work comes before kids but this seems cruel.

“Sometimes my choices make me sad. My daughter’s seventh birthday was the worst. She cried, and I did everything I could not to. I felt sick to my stomach. But I had a trial starting the next day, six hours away.

I had picked the date, not the judge, because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. I wasn’t going to risk it knowing what was on the line for my client.”

She should not have had a child. One screwed up kid with an unbelievably selfish mother. God help the generation growing up now!

What is wrong with you? She is not a selfish mother, kids will be fine, probably better than yours with your snowplow parenting!

I agree, her kid will probably be fine. But may have no relationship with her mother when she's an adult. Oh well, as a different PP noted upthread, there are trade-offs.

Sigh, that's just not how things work. I sometimes think posters here who feel like they can divide the world so easily are just not very bright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/29/opinion/sunday/ive-picked-my-job-over-my-kids.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage

Not sure how I felt about this article. I’m in medicine so def know that sometimes work comes before kids but this seems cruel.

“Sometimes my choices make me sad. My daughter’s seventh birthday was the worst. She cried, and I did everything I could not to. I felt sick to my stomach. But I had a trial starting the next day, six hours away.

I had picked the date, not the judge, because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. I wasn’t going to risk it knowing what was on the line for my client.”

She should not have had a child. One screwed up kid with an unbelievably selfish mother. God help the generation growing up now!

What is wrong with you? She is not a selfish mother, kids will be fine, probably better than yours with your snowplow parenting!

I agree, her kid will probably be fine. But may have no relationship with her mother when she's an adult. Oh well, as a different PP noted upthread, there are trade-offs.

Sigh, that's just not how things work. I sometimes think posters here who feel like they can divide the world so easily are just not very bright.

NP. It is how it worked in my case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lara Bazelon does REALLY important work, and a man would never even think to write this article, of course. Also, the headline does not reflect the actual article.

This article made me tear up a little to think about the sacrifices I have made, though. Prior to having kids, I worked at a civil rights law firm lead by women, and I transitioned in to government specifically because I saw how very, very difficult it was to raise kids as a litigator.

Now I'm dug into a boring government job, probably for life, where I think I make something of a difference, but not even close to working on actual innocence cases. Still, I know that I would never have the personal & family resources to lead her life.

I would argue that raising a good kid who feels totally secure and who is connected to and loved by his mother is also REALLY important work.

It's great she finds work so fulfilling but she is fetishizing work. The over emphasis on her legal careers as saving the world, making an impact, etc. Time is the most valuable commodity we have. You can't "get" your kids unless you invest time in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/29/opinion/sunday/ive-picked-my-job-over-my-kids.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage

Not sure how I felt about this article. I’m in medicine so def know that sometimes work comes before kids but this seems cruel.

“Sometimes my choices make me sad. My daughter’s seventh birthday was the worst. She cried, and I did everything I could not to. I felt sick to my stomach. But I had a trial starting the next day, six hours away.

I had picked the date, not the judge, because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. I wasn’t going to risk it knowing what was on the line for my client.”

She should not have had a child. One screwed up kid with an unbelievably selfish mother. God help the generation growing up now!

What is wrong with you? She is not a selfish mother, kids will be fine, probably better than yours with your snowplow parenting!

I agree, her kid will probably be fine. But may have no relationship with her mother when she's an adult. Oh well, as a different PP noted upthread, there are trade-offs.

Sigh, that's just not how things work. I sometimes think posters here who feel like they can divide the world so easily are just not very bright.

NP. It is how it worked in my case.

Yep. I remember hearing Cats in the Cradle for the first time as a college student and realizing...oh God, this song is about ME!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m tired of hearing the “a man would never write this article” response. What about the merits versus ”whataboutism”? And I believe many men would think this way nowadays. Men have really changed in the levels of parenting and child-focus in even the last generation.

Well, it continues to be true. So until men actually start writing this article, we'll keep saying it.

Of course you will, because that ever growing group of unsatisfied angry women who blame men for everything in their life don't know how to do anything else. I wish I could say I feel sorry for you, but I don't. I as a woman live with your disgruntled hate in my daily life every single day and you make me sick. I can't imagine being so unhinged that I couldn't chart my course for happiness (which I have done both professionally and personally) without animosity towards another group of people. You and your kind need serious mental help, but you'll never seek it out. Keep growing older and angrier and wasting those years of your life on hate. Have fun with that.

someone needs serious mental health care, but it's not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would miss most things in my child's life for important work - concerts, soccer games, school events. If the court scheduled a trial, I would also miss a birthday party if there was no other choice. But I would never voluntarily put myself in the situation of having to do so. We tried for years to have my son and spent thousands of dollars on fertility treatments. This is it for me, no more kids possible. I'm attending every birthday of his that I can. If I could not do that consistent with zealous representation of a particular client, I would decline the case. I don't judge someone else for making a different choice at all, or think that it makes them a bad mother, but that's how I feel. My kid would be fine if I missed the party, but its important to ME to be there, because I'm never going to attend another 7th birthday of any child of mine.

that would effictively mean you can't be a civil rights litigator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Career oriented women love to blame men for everything. Look inward, not outward.

Who are you talking to? The author of the article clearly takes responsibility for the choices that she has made. She speaks very highly of her ex - a man. And she’s doing incredibly important work.

I’m talking to the posters who are responding defensively to the article by man bashing.

interesting how your own defense mechanisms twist any observation about sexism into "man bashing."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lara Bazelon does REALLY important work, and a man would never even think to write this article, of course. Also, the headline does not reflect the actual article.

This article made me tear up a little to think about the sacrifices I have made, though. Prior to having kids, I worked at a civil rights law firm lead by women, and I transitioned in to government specifically because I saw how very, very difficult it was to raise kids as a litigator.

Now I'm dug into a boring government job, probably for life, where I think I make something of a difference, but not even close to working on actual innocence cases. Still, I know that I would never have the personal & family resources to lead her life.

I would argue that raising a good kid who feels totally secure and who is connected to and loved by his mother is also REALLY important work.

It's great she finds work so fulfilling but she is fetishizing work. The over emphasis on her legal careers as saving the world, making an impact, etc. Time is the most valuable commodity we have. You can't "get" your kids unless you invest time in them.

her husband fills in the gap. her kids sound fine. obama basically let michelle raise their kids. should we have a new rule that parents can't be doctors, lawyers, deployed military, politicians?

[Anonymous]

These justifications fall flat. For pretty much anyone out there, the author included, there are other people who could and would do the job. Nearly none of us is so unique or special in our job so as to be indispensable to our clients or employers.