Nytimes: I’ve picked my job over my kids

[Anonymous]

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/29/opinion/sunday/ive-picked-my-job-over-my-kids.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage

Not sure how I felt about this article. I’m in medicine so def know that sometimes work comes before kids but this seems cruel.

“Sometimes my choices make me sad. My daughter’s seventh birthday was the worst. She cried, and I did everything I could not to. I felt sick to my stomach. But I had a trial starting the next day, six hours away.

I had picked the date, not the judge, because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. I wasn’t going to risk it knowing what was on the line for my client.”

[Anonymous]

Lara Bazelon does REALLY important work, and a man would never even think to write this article, of course. Also, the headline does not reflect the actual article.

This article made me tear up a little to think about the sacrifices I have made, though. Prior to having kids, I worked at a civil rights law firm lead by women, and I transitioned in to government specifically because I saw how very, very difficult it was to raise kids as a litigator.

Now I'm dug into a boring government job, probably for life, where I think I make something of a difference, but not even close to working on actual innocence cases. Still, I know that I would never have the personal & family resources to lead her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/29/opinion/sunday/ive-picked-my-job-over-my-kids.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage

Not sure how I felt about this article. I’m in medicine so def know that sometimes work comes before kids but this seems cruel.

“Sometimes my choices make me sad. My daughter’s seventh birthday was the worst. She cried, and I did everything I could not to. I felt sick to my stomach. But I had a trial starting the next day, six hours away.

I had picked the date, not the judge, because I knew that the other side wasn’t ready. Delaying even a few days would have meant losing a crucial advantage. I wasn’t going to risk it knowing what was on the line for my client.”

You might understand better translated into medical terms -- basically, she's fighting for her clients life, and she had to schedule the operation on that day.

[Anonymous]

Children do not need to come first when 1st means they need a birthday party. First means they need food, shelter, education and love/protection.

This is not new. Even women who “stayed home” cared for the animals on the farm and the garden. They did not coddle their child’s every need.

The endless need to coddle children’s every whim is the problem not missing a few ridiculous newly invented events in their life like the 100th day of school, K graduation, the endless need to go to a pumpkin patch every Fall.

[Anonymous]

The only reason this is newsworthy is because it's written by a woman. Men have been doing this kind of parenting for generations and get praise for it.

[Anonymous]

I’m tired of hearing the “a man would never write this article” response. What about the merits versus ”whataboutism”? And I believe many men would think this way nowadays. Men have really changed in the levels of parenting and child-focus in even the last generation.

[Anonymous]

She did the right thing. Who cares about a birthday party? And I say this as a stay at home mother who organizes great birthday parties. Her client is more important.

[Anonymous]

What a misleading title. She did not pick her job over her kids. She is a mom like any other. Though, it sounds like her ex has a full custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children do not need to come first when 1st means they need a birthday party. First means they need food, shelter, education and love/protection.

This is not new. Even women who “stayed home” cared for the animals on the farm and the garden. They did not coddle their child’s every need.

The endless need to coddle children’s every whim is the problem not missing a few ridiculous newly invented events in their life like the 100th day of school, K graduation, the endless need to go to a pumpkin patch every Fall.

+ 1

My family member is active duty. You should see what amazing and resilient children their family has raised. They grew up understanding they were not the center of the universe, learning how to do things for themselves, and learning how to work through adversity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lara Bazelon does REALLY important work, and a man would never even think to write this article, of course. Also, the headline does not reflect the actual article.

This article made me tear up a little to think about the sacrifices I have made, though. Prior to having kids, I worked at a civil rights law firm lead by women, and I transitioned in to government specifically because I saw how very, very difficult it was to raise kids as a litigator.

Now I'm dug into a boring government job, probably for life, where I think I make something of a difference, but not even close to working on actual innocence cases. Still, I know that I would never have the personal & family resources to lead her life.

This has NOTHING to do with "man hate." Men have written plenty of important articles about work/life balance. You need help when everything that comes out of your mouth starts with hatred of another human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m tired of hearing the “a man would never write this article” response. What about the merits versus ”whataboutism”? And I believe many men would think this way nowadays. Men have really changed in the levels of parenting and child-focus in even the last generation.

Well, it continues to be true. So until men actually start writing this article, we'll keep saying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
She did the right thing. Who cares about a birthday party? And I say this as a stay at home mother who organizes great birthday parties. Her client is more important.

The seven year old cares about the birth party, that seven year old child cares. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

s/b birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lara Bazelon does REALLY important work, and a man would never even think to write this article, of course. Also, the headline does not reflect the actual article.

This article made me tear up a little to think about the sacrifices I have made, though. Prior to having kids, I worked at a civil rights law firm lead by women, and I transitioned in to government specifically because I saw how very, very difficult it was to raise kids as a litigator.

Now I'm dug into a boring government job, probably for life, where I think I make something of a difference, but not even close to working on actual innocence cases. Still, I know that I would never have the personal & family resources to lead her life.

This has NOTHING to do with "man hate." Men have written plenty of important articles about work/life balance. You need help when everything that comes out of your mouth starts with hatred of another human being.

ok, link to the last NYTimes op ed article written by a man about work-life balance.

also you're projecting - where did I write about "man hate"? this is about the continuing stereotypes about the "good mother."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m tired of hearing the “a man would never write this article” response. What about the merits versus ”whataboutism”? And I believe many men would think this way nowadays. Men have really changed in the levels of parenting and child-focus in even the last generation.

Well, it continues to be true. So until men actually start writing this article, we'll keep saying it.

Of course you will, because that ever growing group of unsatisfied angry women who blame men for everything in their life don't know how to do anything else. I wish I could say I feel sorry for you, but I don't. I as a woman live with your disgruntled hate in my daily life every single day and you make me sick. I can't imagine being so unhinged that I couldn't chart my course for happiness (which I have done both professionally and personally) without animosity towards another group of people. You and your kind need serious mental help, but you'll never seek it out. Keep growing older and angrier and wasting those years of your life on hate. Have fun with that.