Does anyone on this forum think nursing homes are horrific?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People also forget that the current generation of 80 and 90 yos did not have the knowledge about nutrition and exercise that we have today. How many 90 yo women did strength training when they were younger? It wasn't a thing so of course, they;re now filling up nursing homes.

It makes me laugh that you think you can control the future by exercising and eating healthy.

No but more people have regretted not taking care of their bodies earlier in life and they end up with what would have been preventable diseases like diabetes and hypertension. And these have a snowball effect. Dementia as an example can be due to vascular changes.

You can take care of yourself and still end up with diabetes and HBP. You can not control everything with diet. If you have a strong genetic predisposition for a disease you probably will one day develop it. But certainly you can enjoy a much higher quality of life now if you take care of yourself and stay healthy as long as you can.

You can pretty much plan on having something wrong with you when your elderly.

So? There are several people who are elderly but are mobile and lucid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or if you have parents or in laws in a different part of the country from where you live, and they want to stay near their friends and within their community, they go to a place that has different levels of care. Our parents are both in Assisted Living facilities in different parts of the country than where we live (one set in FL one set in CA and we live in the DMV). Both of their assisted living facilities have memory care units and nursing homes as part of them, if/when our parents/in laws need it.

Fortunately, both have money and can afford nice places. And, both choose to be there! We offered for them to move here, but they have their own friends and community and wanted to be there.

My father is 94, and has been remarried for 20 years (he and my mother divorced years ago.) He has been suffering from dementia for over 10 years. Two years ago, he and his wife moved from Colorado to San Diego to be closer to his wife's children. My dad's wife is 80 and is not in the best of health. Her children finally convinced her that my dad would be better taken care of in a memory care home. When he first moved into the home, he needed help going to the bathroom. He couldn't get in and out of chairs by himself. When he was living at home, his wife let him sleep all day and she would never take him out because it was too difficult for her to get him into a car, she was afraid he would wander off, etc. 18 months after being in the home, he is more mobile and more alert. They staff does not let him sleep all day and has worked with him to get his strength back up. He has mental stimulation - just being around many other people instead of isolated with only his wife.

It breaks my heart to see my dad like this. I can't move my family out to San Diego so he can live with us. My dad's wife won't let him move across the country to live with us. She needs the support of her children, which is why they moved to San Diego. But even if they were still in Colorado, we would be dealing with the distance. Fortunately, my father has a very good retirement and saved money so he is in a top notch home. If my dad happens to outlive his wife, I do plan to move him here, but I would need to make modifications to my house in order for him to live with us.

If he's in a good facility DO NOT MOVE HIM. That is not our experience at all here. You cannot care for him in your home without 24/7 care and out will be near impossible to move him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two words: Vinson Hall. If you are a military family, you have it made. The condos are relatively cheap (if you are old, but do not require much care), and the care in the care facility part is outstanding. It is a damn shame that such a small segment of the population is allowed this level of care.

My friend's MIL is there, and it is night and day compared to regular, very day type care facilities that you and I can afford. There are tons of different military retirement facilities, this is just one example.

Falcons Landing is also a fantastic military retirement community.

Maybe but they only take Officers and their families.

[Anonymous]

Majority of Americans are not this fit today in their childhood, youth, middle age like the woman below. So to expect people to get this fit to avoid nursing home or being incapacitated is nonsense.

Anonymous wrote:

So? There are several people who are elderly but are mobile and lucid.

[Anonymous]

ITA nursing homes are horrific and would avoid sending a loved one there at all costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Majority of Americans are not this fit today in their childhood, youth, middle age like the woman below. So to expect people to get this fit to avoid nursing home or being incapacitated is nonsense.

Anonymous wrote:

So? There are several people who are elderly but are mobile and lucid.

That's exactly my point. Becoming frail and incontinent is entirely preventable. But majority of Americans, even when they're capable, eat too much rubbish and don't take care of themselves. So of course they end up becoming like the elderly parents DCUMers hate on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Majority of Americans are not this fit today in their childhood, youth, middle age like the woman below. So to expect people to get this fit to avoid nursing home or being incapacitated is nonsense.

Anonymous wrote:

So? There are several people who are elderly but are mobile and lucid.

That's exactly my point. Becoming frail and incontinent is entirely preventable. But majority of Americans, even when they're capable, eat too much rubbish and don't take care of themselves. So of course they end up becoming like the elderly parents DCUMers hate on DCUM.

Is Parkinsons entirely preventable?

[Anonymous]

Those posts are not relevant and absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Majority of Americans are not this fit today in their childhood, youth, middle age like the woman below. So to expect people to get this fit to avoid nursing home or being incapacitated is nonsense.

Anonymous wrote:

So? There are several people who are elderly but are mobile and lucid.

That's exactly my point. Becoming frail and incontinent is entirely preventable. But majority of Americans, even when they're capable, eat too much rubbish and don't take care of themselves. So of course they end up becoming like the elderly parents DCUMers hate on DCUM.

This is outrageously idiotic. You are delusional if you think a diet that avoids "rubbish" can save you from getting ovarian cancer, like my mom, or Alzheimers, like my dad. Not everyone can or will be a 75yo body builder simply by virtue of a "clean" diet or some other nonsense on the internet.

The OP and some of you PPs are awful. I have first-hand experience with caring with people who have dementia or another long-term degenerative disease, and I can promise you that no one who has any means to find good care would keep a beloved family member in their home through the final stages. Unless you can find a way to never leave the house or leave the patient alone, you are setting yourself and your parent up for a tragic, awful death. Do you really think you can manage a non-mobile, incontinent, possibly violent or at least non-cooperative adult while also continuing to hold a job? Give me a break - I hope you are independently wealthy because that's not possible. What about your kids - do you want to go to their soccer games or volunteer at their schools? Sorry, not if you've got a person who's a risk to themselves and others at home alone. Unless you literally have buckets of money or multiple immediate family members prepared to give up their lives, in almost any case a person with advanced Alzheimers or another degenerative disease will receive better care in a high-quality skilled nursing facility.

I realize there are extremes at both ends of the spectrum, but the assumption that all skilled nursing facilities are inhumane and horrific is untrue and unfair. Many of us spent the holiday weekend visiting family in nursing homes - to read these kinds of uninformed, self-indulgent, moralizing posts from people who clearly don't know the first thing about caring for the elderly is like a slap in the face.

[Anonymous]

Not every old person ends up with Alzheimers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not every old person ends up with Alzheimers.

True. Many do. What’s your experience with caring at home for a person with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not every old person ends up with Alzheimers.

True. Many do. What’s your experience with caring at home for a person with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s?

None, my grandmother had dementia although we don't know what kind it was. But she birthed seven children, lived through a war, had schizophrenia and didn't take care of herself or her kids so it's no wonder she ended up badly in old age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People also forget that the current generation of 80 and 90 yos did not have the knowledge about nutrition and exercise that we have today. How many 90 yo women did strength training when they were younger? It wasn't a thing so of course, they;re now filling up nursing homes.

I think that being healthy helps, but don’t count on it being enough to save you. More likely it means that you’ll be incapacitated later in life - so needing help during ages 90-95 rather than ages 80-85, or something like that. Some of my older relatives really did have fabulous fitness regiments in their youth, but it still didn’t save them from dementia in the end.

https://www.aan.com/PressRoom/Home/PressRelease/1634

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not every old person ends up with Alzheimers.

True. Many do. What’s your experience with caring at home for a person with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s?

None, my grandmother had dementia although we don't know what kind it was. But she birthed seven children, lived through a war, had schizophrenia and didn't take care of herself or her kids so it's no wonder she ended up badly in old age.

So you have no personal experience with how difficult being a caregiver is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People also forget that the current generation of 80 and 90 yos did not have the knowledge about nutrition and exercise that we have today. How many 90 yo women did strength training when they were younger? It wasn't a thing so of course, they;re now filling up nursing homes.

I think that being healthy helps, but don’t count on it being enough to save you. More likely it means that you’ll be incapacitated later in life - so needing help during ages 90-95 rather than ages 80-85, or something like that. Some of my older relatives really did have fabulous fitness regiments in their youth, but it still didn’t save them from dementia in the end.

https://www.aan.com/PressRoom/Home/PressRelease/1634

And Parkinsons?

How about COPD? IPF?