Reply to Does anyone on this forum think nursing homes are horrific?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Or if you have parents or in laws in a different part of the country from where you live, and they want to stay near their friends and within their community, they go to a place that has different levels of care. Our parents are both in Assisted Living facilities in different parts of the country than where we live (one set in FL one set in CA and we live in the DMV). Both of their assisted living facilities have memory care units and nursing homes as part of them, if/when our parents/in laws need it.

Fortunately, both have money and can afford nice places.  And, both choose to be there!  We offered for them to move here, but they have their own friends and community and wanted to be there.[/quote]

My father is 94, and has been remarried for 20 years (he and my mother divorced years ago.)  He has been suffering from dementia for over 10 years.  Two years ago, he and his wife moved from Colorado to San Diego to be closer to his wife's children.  My dad's wife is 80 and is not in the best of health.  Her children finally convinced her that my dad would be better taken care of in a memory care home.  When he first moved into the home, he needed help going to the bathroom.  He couldn't get in and out of chairs by himself.   When he was living at home, his wife let him sleep all day and she would never take him out because it was too difficult for her to get him into a car, she was afraid he would wander off, etc. 18 months after being in the home, he is more mobile and more alert.  They staff does not let him sleep all day and has worked with him to get his strength back up.  He has mental stimulation - just being around many other people instead of isolated with only his wife.

It breaks my heart to see my dad like this.  I can't move my family out to San Diego so he can live with us.  My dad's wife won't let him move across the country to live with us.  She needs the support of her children, which is why they moved to San Diego.  But even if they were still in Colorado, we would be dealing with the distance.  Fortunately, my father has a very good retirement and saved money so he is in a top notch home.  If my dad happens to outlive his wife, I do plan to move him here, but I would need to make modifications to my house in order for him to live with us.[/quote]

If he's in a good facility DO NOT MOVE HIM.  That is not our experience at all here.  You cannot care for him in your home without 24/7 care and out will be near impossible to move him.[/quote]

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