Does anyone on this forum think nursing homes are horrific?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two words: Vinson Hall. If you are a military family, you have it made. The condos are relatively cheap (if you are old, but do not require much care), and the care in the care facility part is outstanding. It is a damn shame that such a small segment of the population is allowed this level of care.

My friend's MIL is there, and it is night and day compared to regular, very day type care facilities that you and I can afford. There are tons of different military retirement facilities, this is just one example.

They only take Officers and spouses, not Enlisted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious, in other areas of the country are the elderly so disabled at the end of life? Moms are 96 and 82and completely incapable of caring for themselves. Of their kids (5 on one side, 3 on the other) only 2 are yet retired. Moms both need someone with them constantly who can lift them, bathe them and monitor them. Their kids are 60 or so and can’t even do that sort of heavy lifting. The elder mom has dementia and takes numerous pills daily. She tried to burn down the house by leaving burners on and running toasters with paper in them.

I’m curious how 60 year olds care for their parents at the end stage? How do they work? Do they ever get to see their own grandchildren? How are they able to also help their daughters out when grandkids are born?

My MIL was in her 60's when she got dementia. They don't help out with grandkids as they can barely take care of themselves let alone kids. I took care of both and now in a nursing home and yes, she sees her grandkids regularly as we make it a priority. But, it was helping her son, no daughters. My mom is healthy and wouldn't help with grandkids in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two words: Vinson Hall. If you are a military family, you have it made. The condos are relatively cheap (if you are old, but do not require much care), and the care in the care facility part is outstanding. It is a damn shame that such a small segment of the population is allowed this level of care.

My friend's MIL is there, and it is night and day compared to regular, very day type care facilities that you and I can afford. There are tons of different military retirement facilities, this is just one example.

They only take Officers and spouses, not Enlisted.

. And retired Feds 14 and above

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two words: Vinson Hall. If you are a military family, you have it made. The condos are relatively cheap (if you are old, but do not require much care), and the care in the care facility part is outstanding. It is a damn shame that such a small segment of the population is allowed this level of care.

My friend's MIL is there, and it is night and day compared to regular, very day type care facilities that you and I can afford. There are tons of different military retirement facilities, this is just one example.

They only take Officers and spouses, not Enlisted.

. And retired Feds 14 and above

There is a place for enlisted widows of Air Force airmen in north Florida.

[Anonymous]

My DH's grandma spent her final years in a nursing home in Italy. She had seven kids, and five of them were living nearby at the time. So it isn't just an American thing for an elderly person to spend their final months or years in a nursing home.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I are both 60. Four out of five of our parents have passed. Only one, so far, spent more than three months in a nursing home before they passed.

My dad looked after my stepmom in her final years. My MIL looked after my FIL in his final years. My sister looked after my mom in her final years. I looked after my dad in his final years. My SIL is currently looking after MIL in her final years.

For all of them, it seemed to be about 8 years from the beginning, where someone first started helping the elderly person out with everyday living, to the end. And so, for all of them, family members did all the caretaking for each person for the first 7 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I are both 60. Four out of five of our parents have passed. Only one, so far, spent more than three months in a nursing home before they passed.

My dad looked after my stepmom in her final years. My MIL looked after my FIL in his final years. My sister looked after my mom in her final years. I looked after my dad in his final years. My SIL is currently looking after MIL in her final years.

For all of them, it seemed to be about 8 years from the beginning, where someone first started helping the elderly person out with everyday living, to the end. And so, for all of them, family members did all the caretaking for each person for the first 7 years.

So 4 out of five caregivers were the female relatives.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother lived in an amazing assisted living place. She had her own apartment within walking distance of a college campus and as a resident she had access to so many interesting things at the college (speakers, concerts, art shows, etc.). The social scene at the assisted living place was way better than it would have been living with a busy family and she loved her time there. Once she started deteriorating, we hired nursing care to help family and we'd do rotations in staying and being with her. I will totally move to an assisted living place like that when I am older - no house or yard to care for, it's not lonely and she definitely lived longer because of the full life she had there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I are both 60. Four out of five of our parents have passed. Only one, so far, spent more than three months in a nursing home before they passed.

My dad looked after my stepmom in her final years. My MIL looked after my FIL in his final years. My sister looked after my mom in her final years. I looked after my dad in his final years. My SIL is currently looking after MIL in her final years.

For all of them, it seemed to be about 8 years from the beginning, where someone first started helping the elderly person out with everyday living, to the end. And so, for all of them, family members did all the caretaking for each person for the first 7 years.

So 4 out of five caregivers were the female relatives.

. Yes, it is almost always a female relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ideally, it would be great if American society was set up to enable such an arrangement. It's not, unless one is wealthy.

Also? It's not our fault. It's great that your own family is able to take care of its elders at home. Most Americans are unable to do so, as much as we might want to.

+1

It is a systemic problem.

[Anonymous]

I would not ever want my kids to spend years never being able to take a vacation, or needing to hire a sitter for me if they want to go to a dental or doctors appt themselves. Add in the pure physical work involved. The hygiene issues....

There are far worse things than a well staffed nursing home.

[Anonymous]

Home isn't necessarily "better", OP. My grandmother had a stroke in her late 80's that left one of her sides completely useless. She was stuck in a wheelchair and had trouble with speech. She lived another 8-10 years or so in my aunts home but alone and pissing herself in a wheelchair all day while my aunt had to work. It seemed like such a miserable experience and I'm not sure that it was any better than being in a nursing home (which finances couldn't afford).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two words: Vinson Hall. If you are a military family, you have it made. The condos are relatively cheap (if you are old, but do not require much care), and the care in the care facility part is outstanding. It is a damn shame that such a small segment of the population is allowed this level of care.

My friend's MIL is there, and it is night and day compared to regular, very day type care facilities that you and I can afford. There are tons of different military retirement facilities, this is just one example.

Maybe I'm reading it wrong but it looks like the pricing is like $300 per day for the cheaper units there so about $9,000 per month. I'm not sure I would call that cheap.

[Anonymous]

OP here- the only additional thing I will flag is that taking care of an older person can be back breaking work, but if it’s a relative you love, it also give a sense of closure and a contour to the end of life. I see a lot of people on this post who also recognize how much is wrong about this system, so that gives me hope.

With all the boomers retiring they really need to give a tax credit for those who have the elderly in their home, just like they give a child tax credit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- the only additional thing I will flag is that taking care of an older person can be back breaking work, but if it’s a relative you love, it also give a sense of closure and a contour to the end of life. I see a lot of people on this post who also recognize how much is wrong about this system, so that gives me hope.

With all the boomers retiring they really need to give a tax credit for those who have the elderly in their home, just like they give a child tax credit.

I worry about the situation described by the poster who had an elderly relative, confined to a wheel chair being basically left alone all day while caregivers worked full time jobs outside of the home.

She had a roof over her head and food but the quality of her care was exceptionally low to non-existent.