Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once a week was great for me, 1 kid, 41 yrs. That's enough time for my energy to build up and have multiple orgasms. However DH being an emotionally/borderline physically abusive jerk destroyed my ability to have sex with him.

If he's not your ex husband, it can only mean you have an an open marriage. Because those are your only options.

He could be nicer to me.

If he's abusive why would you have sex? I'd be saving for the big "move out day". Yes there are options - he can change or use his 2 hands.

The REAL question here, and one that you ladies keep stepping right over, is why are you married to an abusive jerk? DIVORCE HIM!

(... but, I have to say it, because this is an important thing to keep in mind... if you choose to stay married and sexless, your marriage is open).

Maybe because the kids come before his sexual needs....ya think. Why she's staying with the idiot until the kids are older.

So she wants to stay married to an abusive jerk idiot.... for the kids? Sounds pretty dumb to me. But hey, whatever, if that's her decision.

Just know you that in making that choice to stay married and sexless, she cannot simultaneously demand his sexual fidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once a week was great for me, 1 kid, 41 yrs. That's enough time for my energy to build up and have multiple orgasms. However DH being an emotionally/borderline physically abusive jerk destroyed my ability to have sex with him.

If he's not your ex husband, it can only mean you have an an open marriage. Because those are your only options.

He could be nicer to me.

If he's abusive why would you have sex? I'd be saving for the big "move out day". Yes there are options - he can change or use his 2 hands.

The REAL question here, and one that you ladies keep stepping right over, is why are you married to an abusive jerk? DIVORCE HIM!

(... but, I have to say it, because this is an important thing to keep in mind... if you choose to stay married and sexless, your marriage is open).

DP So - serious question, if I put out and receive no emotional intimacy, is my marriage open to an emotional affair?

Have you made it clear, in unambiguous actionable and measurable terms, exactly what emotional intimacy you need from him? And your needs are reasonable? And your relationship has a long history of him meeting (perhaps even sharing) those very needs? Yet he refuses to meet your needs?

Yes: you are justified to tell him the marriage is open for your emotional affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once a week was great for me, 1 kid, 41 yrs. That's enough time for my energy to build up and have multiple orgasms. However DH being an emotionally/borderline physically abusive jerk destroyed my ability to have sex with him.

If he's not your ex husband, it can only mean you have an an open marriage. Because those are your only options.

He could be nicer to me.

If he's abusive why would you have sex? I'd be saving for the big "move out day". Yes there are options - he can change or use his 2 hands.

The REAL question here, and one that you ladies keep stepping right over, is why are you married to an abusive jerk? DIVORCE HIM!

(... but, I have to say it, because this is an important thing to keep in mind... if you choose to stay married and sexless, your marriage is open).

DP So - serious question, if I put out and receive no emotional intimacy, is my marriage open to an emotional affair?

Have you made it clear, in unambiguous actionable and measurable terms, exactly what emotional intimacy you need from him? And your needs are reasonable? And your relationship has a long history of him meeting (perhaps even sharing) those very needs? Yet he refuses to meet your needs?

Yes: you are justified to tell him the marriage is open for your emotional affair.

Like doing something without kids, not involving TV more than every 5 years -- is that being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once a month but I try to do it weekly to stay married and keep my DH sane.

lol! I'm surprised how many women have to do duty sex. I guess it's like yard, house, car duties, etc. Part of the job requirements.

I don't think of it as a job requirement, more like meeting my partner's love language. He genuinely feels distant and less connected from me if we go a while without having sex so I'm happy to contribute in a way in that benefits his mental and physical health and our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once a week was great for me, 1 kid, 41 yrs. That's enough time for my energy to build up and have multiple orgasms. However DH being an emotionally/borderline physically abusive jerk destroyed my ability to have sex with him.

If he's not your ex husband, it can only mean you have an an open marriage. Because those are your only options.

He could be nicer to me.

If he's abusive why would you have sex? I'd be saving for the big "move out day". Yes there are options - he can change or use his 2 hands.

The REAL question here, and one that you ladies keep stepping right over, is why are you married to an abusive jerk? DIVORCE HIM!

(... but, I have to say it, because this is an important thing to keep in mind... if you choose to stay married and sexless, your marriage is open).

DP So - serious question, if I put out and receive no emotional intimacy, is my marriage open to an emotional affair?

Have you made it clear, in unambiguous actionable and measurable terms, exactly what emotional intimacy you need from him? And your needs are reasonable? And your relationship has a long history of him meeting (perhaps even sharing) those very needs? Yet he refuses to meet your needs?

Yes: you are justified to tell him the marriage is open for your emotional affair.

Like doing something without kids, not involving TV more than every 5 years -- is that being unreasonable?

NP here, but I would like someone to talk about the future with, fantasize about what we will do after the kids leave, save some money for a cabin on a lake, etc. I feel like we used to do that all of the time before we got married. I remember we spent months planning our honeymoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once a week was great for me, 1 kid, 41 yrs. That's enough time for my energy to build up and have multiple orgasms. However DH being an emotionally/borderline physically abusive jerk destroyed my ability to have sex with him.

If he's not your ex husband, it can only mean you have an an open marriage. Because those are your only options.

He could be nicer to me.

If he's abusive why would you have sex? I'd be saving for the big "move out day". Yes there are options - he can change or use his 2 hands.

The REAL question here, and one that you ladies keep stepping right over, is why are you married to an abusive jerk? DIVORCE HIM!

(... but, I have to say it, because this is an important thing to keep in mind... if you choose to stay married and sexless, your marriage is open).

DP So - serious question, if I put out and receive no emotional intimacy, is my marriage open to an emotional affair?

Have you made it clear, in unambiguous actionable and measurable terms, exactly what emotional intimacy you need from him? And your needs are reasonable? And your relationship has a long history of him meeting (perhaps even sharing) those very needs? Yet he refuses to meet your needs?

Yes: you are justified to tell him the marriage is open for your emotional affair.

Like doing something without kids, not involving TV more than every 5 years -- is that being unreasonable?

NP here, but I would like someone to talk about the future with, fantasize about what we will do after the kids leave, save some money for a cabin on a lake, etc. I feel like we used to do that all of the time before we got married. I remember we spent months planning our honeymoon.

Yep that too. Cooking weekend meals together or working together in the yard. Instead he comes home watches TV and wants to do it. Anything else is like pulling a tree out of the ground by its leaves.

[Anonymous]

Whenever I read these threads I laugh (sadly) at how many people thinking that having sex in a marriage makes it good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP here, but I would like someone to talk about the future with, fantasize about what we will do after the kids leave, save some money for a cabin on a lake, etc. I feel like we used to do that all of the time before we got married. I remember we spent months planning our honeymoon.

Yep that too. Cooking weekend meals together or working together in the yard. Instead he comes home watches TV and wants to do it. Anything else is like pulling a tree out of the ground by its leaves.

I feel a little like your husband. I can't plan without thinking about how much it's going to cost. Life in general seems a little washed out and joyless. I wouldn't go so far as to call it a "crisis" or "depression," but there's definitely some kind of mid-life ennui going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP here, but I would like someone to talk about the future with, fantasize about what we will do after the kids leave, save some money for a cabin on a lake, etc. I feel like we used to do that all of the time before we got married. I remember we spent months planning our honeymoon.

Yep that too. Cooking weekend meals together or working together in the yard. Instead he comes home watches TV and wants to do it. Anything else is like pulling a tree out of the ground by its leaves.

I feel a little like your husband. I can't plan without thinking about how much it's going to cost. Life in general seems a little washed out and joyless. I wouldn't go so far as to call it a "crisis" or "depression," but there's definitely some kind of mid-life ennui going on.

Yeah. Maybe it is a mid life thing. DH just turned 40. I think that he is worried that he is going to die young and there is just no point in talking about the future. I have to admit that it makes life a bit joyless for me too.

[Anonymous]

I would be fine with once a month. DH would be content with once a week but would be happy with 2x at least.

[Anonymous]

Once a month would be my preference. DH wants it at least twice a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once a week was great for me, 1 kid, 41 yrs. That's enough time for my energy to build up and have multiple orgasms. However DH being an emotionally/borderline physically abusive jerk destroyed my ability to have sex with him.

If he's not your ex husband, it can only mean you have an an open marriage. Because those are your only options.

He could be nicer to me.

If he's abusive why would you have sex? I'd be saving for the big "move out day". Yes there are options - he can change or use his 2 hands.

The REAL question here, and one that you ladies keep stepping right over, is why are you married to an abusive jerk? DIVORCE HIM!

(... but, I have to say it, because this is an important thing to keep in mind... if you choose to stay married and sexless, your marriage is open).

DP So - serious question, if I put out and receive no emotional intimacy, is my marriage open to an emotional affair?

Have you made it clear, in unambiguous actionable and measurable terms, exactly what emotional intimacy you need from him? And your needs are reasonable? And your relationship has a long history of him meeting (perhaps even sharing) those very needs? Yet he refuses to meet your needs?

Yes: you are justified to tell him the marriage is open for your emotional affair.

Like doing something without kids, not involving TV more than every 5 years -- is that being unreasonable?

NP here, but I would like someone to talk about the future with, fantasize about what we will do after the kids leave, save some money for a cabin on a lake, etc. I feel like we used to do that all of the time before we got married. I remember we spent months planning our honeymoon.

Yep that too. Cooking weekend meals together or working together in the yard. Instead he comes home watches TV and wants to do it. Anything else is like pulling a tree out of the ground by its leaves.

Advice to the previous 2 PPs:

You are the one who wants to talk/fantasize/save money/cook meals/yardwork/whatever, so it's on you to plan these activities, create the conditions where he would want to participate, and invite your husband. If he rejects often, then you call him out on this. Find out why he's rejecting. Tell him it's very important to you. Let him know that his rejections make you not want to do things that he enjoys most (like sex). Make it a relationship dealbreaker. If he doesn't come around, divorce him.

This is exactly the advice I'd give a man whose wife did not want sex with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once a week was great for me, 1 kid, 41 yrs. That's enough time for my energy to build up and have multiple orgasms. However DH being an emotionally/borderline physically abusive jerk destroyed my ability to have sex with him.

If he's not your ex husband, it can only mean you have an an open marriage. Because those are your only options.

He could be nicer to me.

If he's abusive why would you have sex? I'd be saving for the big "move out day". Yes there are options - he can change or use his 2 hands.

The REAL question here, and one that you ladies keep stepping right over, is why are you married to an abusive jerk? DIVORCE HIM!

(... but, I have to say it, because this is an important thing to keep in mind... if you choose to stay married and sexless, your marriage is open).

DP So - serious question, if I put out and receive no emotional intimacy, is my marriage open to an emotional affair?

Have you made it clear, in unambiguous actionable and measurable terms, exactly what emotional intimacy you need from him? And your needs are reasonable? And your relationship has a long history of him meeting (perhaps even sharing) those very needs? Yet he refuses to meet your needs?

Yes: you are justified to tell him the marriage is open for your emotional affair.

Like doing something without kids, not involving TV more than every 5 years -- is that being unreasonable?

NP here, but I would like someone to talk about the future with, fantasize about what we will do after the kids leave, save some money for a cabin on a lake, etc. I feel like we used to do that all of the time before we got married. I remember we spent months planning our honeymoon.

Yep that too. Cooking weekend meals together or working together in the yard. Instead he comes home watches TV and wants to do it. Anything else is like pulling a tree out of the ground by its leaves.

Advice to the previous 2 PPs:

You are the one who wants to talk/fantasize/save money/cook meals/yardwork/whatever, so it's on you to plan these activities, create the conditions where he would want to participate, and invite your husband. If he rejects often, then you call him out on this. Find out why he's rejecting. Tell him it's very important to you. Let him know that his rejections make you not want to do things that he enjoys most (like sex). Make it a relationship dealbreaker. If he doesn't come around, divorce him.

This is exactly the advice I'd give a man whose wife did not want sex with him.

You're funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I read these threads I laugh (sadly) at how many people thinking that having sex in a marriage makes it good.

No, but how many sexless marriages are good?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once per child.

OMG you're a pedo?????

I think she means once to conceive each child!