Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sexless marriage, maybe once a year, due to my husbands impotence. Sad reading about all the sex I could be having.

I’m sorry for you, but I hope you can still show love and affection in other ways.

I imagine douchebag open marriage dude won’t say you deserve a hall pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think my wife baited and switched on me. We had a great sex life at the start, it dwindled when the kids came and never really returned. She feels bad about it, and judging from the answers here, her drive (e likes it about 1x a month) is not that far from normal.

For now I stay. She has said that if I cheat she doesn't want to know, so she doesn't know. It's not what I want over the long term. Perhaps my drive will fall off similarly as I age and we will be on the same plane again.

What I truly don't get is why she doesn't make an effort to get in the mood. But I can't complain as she at least has given me somewhat of a hall pass.

You’re still a cheater.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Lots of low/high incompatibility in this thread; seems a shame.

I have a hypothesis that marriage causes small imbalances to be large ones. Being the lower libido one means that you'll be the recipient of at least occasional unwanted advances. At first, it's no big deal -- the imbalance isn't that big, so the unwanted advance isn't that frequent. But, it makes you just a little less likely to want sex -- that leads to a greater frequency of times when the advance is unwanted. And it snowballs. You don't initiate because eventually there is no time to recharge your battery. The resentments grow.

On the high libido side, at first the rejections are no big deal. There's always tomorrow night. But then the rejections accumulate -- you start being unsure about when you'll be able to have sex again. That makes you want it more. Acceptance of your sexual advances become intertwined with your feelings about whether your spouse loves you, finds you attractive, etc. Then you notice she never initiates -- that's proof that she doesn't find you attractive. Your sexual initiations become more tentative -- nonsexual interactions become less loving. That leads to less and less sex. And on and on.

So, what started as mildly mismatched libidos become wildly mismatched libidos.

Wow, you have perfectly described what happened in our marriage. It's spiraling down, not sure my wife realizes how bad but I don't know if we have a future together.

I totally agree. I think sexual compatibility may be the most important aspect to consider when deciding on marriage. My first husband and I were not and marriage failed quickly. Second time around I made sure we were on the same page. It's sad but I don't think many people realize this when marrying.

How clueless are you. It's not that women aren't horny when we get married, it's that we lose the desire after years of marriage. You can't predict this going in.

Whether intentional or not, does not matter. It still is a bait and switch. If you lost your desire, you must either divorce, or look the other way. Because the men remain horny and we will ALWAYS find somebody else. You can most definitely predict THAT going in.

Thank god all men aren’t pricks like you.

Actually most men agree that a sexless marriage equals an open marriage. Don’t shoot the messenger! If you don’t like this message, it’s pretty easy to prevent a sexless marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think my wife baited and switched on me. We had a great sex life at the start, it dwindled when the kids came and never really returned. She feels bad about it, and judging from the answers here, her drive (e likes it about 1x a month) is not that far from normal.

For now I stay. She has said that if I cheat she doesn't want to know, so she doesn't know. It's not what I want over the long term. Perhaps my drive will fall off similarly as I age and we will be on the same plane again.

What I truly don't get is why she doesn't make an effort to get in the mood. But I can't complain as she at least has given me somewhat of a hall pass.

You’re still a cheater.

He sounds like a partner who is compromising to save is marriage. What other option is there really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be far more educational if people posted their age and how long they have been married.

I wanted I daily when we were dating, weekly when married, never when the kids were little and once a month is fine now in my mid 40s

^^^ This, totally this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be far more educational if people posted their age and how long they have been married.

I wanted I daily when we were dating, weekly when married, never when the kids were little and once a month is fine now in my mid 40s

Oof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sexless marriage, maybe once a year, due to my husbands impotence. Sad reading about all the sex I could be having.

I’m sorry for you, but I hope you can still show love and affection in other ways.

I imagine douchebag open marriage dude won’t say you deserve a hall pass.

You imagine wrong because she does deserve a hall pass, even if that means printing it herself.

[Anonymous]

When I feel like it.

[Anonymous]

I'm happy with what I have, DH 2-3 times a week and AP 1-2 times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be far more educational if people posted their age and how long they have been married.

I wanted I daily when we were dating, weekly when married, never when the kids were little and once a month is fine now in my mid 40s

^^^ This, totally this.

Same here, also 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be far more educational if people posted their age and how long they have been married.

I wanted I daily when we were dating, weekly when married, never when the kids were little and once a month is fine now in my mid 40s

^^^ This, totally this.

Same here, also 40.

Has this created a big gap between your perfect frequency vs your husband? How do you deal? How does he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think my wife baited and switched on me. We had a great sex life at the start, it dwindled when the kids came and never really returned. She feels bad about it, and judging from the answers here, her drive (e likes it about 1x a month) is not that far from normal.

For now I stay. She has said that if I cheat she doesn't want to know, so she doesn't know. It's not what I want over the long term. Perhaps my drive will fall off similarly as I age and we will be on the same plane again.

What I truly don't get is why she doesn't make an effort to get in the mood. But I can't complain as she at least has given me somewhat of a hall pass.

You’re still a cheater.

You do realize that a commitment to have sex with your spouse is part of traditional wedding vows, just as fidelity is. The “have” in the phrase “to have and to hold” is your key. In fact, I believe that even comes before “forsaking all others.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think my wife baited and switched on me. We had a great sex life at the start, it dwindled when the kids came and never really returned. She feels bad about it, and judging from the answers here, her drive (e likes it about 1x a month) is not that far from normal.

For now I stay. She has said that if I cheat she doesn't want to know, so she doesn't know. It's not what I want over the long term. Perhaps my drive will fall off similarly as I age and we will be on the same plane again.

What I truly don't get is why she doesn't make an effort to get in the mood. But I can't complain as she at least has given me somewhat of a hall pass.

You’re still a cheater.

You do realize that a commitment to have sex with your spouse is part of traditional wedding vows, just as fidelity is. The “have” in the phrase “to have and to hold” is your key. In fact, I believe that even comes before “forsaking all others.”

+1. As Athol May writes in The Married Man Sex Life Primer, ““Marriage is, at its heart, a sexual relationship. Without the sex it’s just a legally binding friendship, which is a needlessly complicated way of having a friend. The basic agreement of being married is to meet each other’s sexual needs and not to run round getting them met anywhere else. Both affairs and sexless marriages break that relationship agreement.”

[Anonymous]

Twice a month three hour sessions are fine with me. But I’m in my 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be far more educational if people posted their age and how long they have been married.

I wanted I daily when we were dating, weekly when married, never when the kids were little and once a month is fine now in my mid 40s

^^^ This, totally this.

Same here, also 40.

Has this created a big gap between your perfect frequency vs your husband? How do you deal? How does he?

Yes. DH would like it 2-3 times a week. I would be happy if we did it once or twice a month. I suck it up and force myself to get in the mood about once a week, but sometimes go more like 10-12 days. He masturbates. My libido is down and nothing has helped improve that. It is now a chore and I do it for him because I love him, but its still not enough.