Upstairs is off-limits to guests

[Anonymous]

This whole dumb argument is based on an assumption that all homes are a similar layout and include downstairs “public” and upstairs “private” spaces. My house is nothing like this so this whole thing makes no sense. There are bedrooms on the same level as kitchen and living room. So we just keep the door to the bedroom closed and don’t stress about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole dumb argument is based on an assumption that all homes are a similar layout and include downstairs “public” and upstairs “private” spaces. My house is nothing like this so this whole thing makes no sense. There are bedrooms on the same level as kitchen and living room. So we just keep the door to the bedroom closed and don’t stress about it.

Not every thread is about you/relevant to you. The More You Know!

I certainly hope when you visit a home with a different layout that you aren't wandering around master bedrooms and private offices...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole dumb argument is based on an assumption that all homes are a similar layout and include downstairs “public” and upstairs “private” spaces. My house is nothing like this so this whole thing makes no sense. There are bedrooms on the same level as kitchen and living room. So we just keep the door to the bedroom closed and don’t stress about it.

If you had a guest go into your master bedroom and into your master bathroom to "look for something", I'll bet you would be annoyed.

There is no reason to be wandering into your host's private space like that.

[Anonymous]

It is rude to snoop but I will admit that I am very curious about other people’s houses. What is the layout? How are they decorated? Do you have a home office? A playroom? I would never ask for a tour but really always want one. If I could fine a reason to snoop I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I put baby gates at the stairs so that nobody goes upstairs. Guest bedroom is downstairs so they have no reason to be upstairs, either. I don't care if family goes up, but guests are absolutely not allowed.

Do you have a toddler or dogs? If not, and the gates are just up to keep people from going upstairs... That’s just super weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is rude to snoop but I will admit that I am very curious about other people’s houses. What is the layout? How are they decorated? Do you have a home office? A playroom? I would never ask for a tour but really always want one. If I could fine a reason to snoop I would.

So you are Rude by Opportunity. Lovely.

[Anonymous]

NP. Do people seriously do this? I would be totally creeped out to find people wandering around private spaces of my house without being invited there. They would never be invited back, for sure, and I'd also be supervising them 1:1 for the remainder of their stay and/or finding a way to get them to leave early (even if it means getting all of us out of the house together).

It's pretty much the definition of entitlement - that you feel entitled to wander around someone else's house as if it were your own. Outrageous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole dumb argument is based on an assumption that all homes are a similar layout and include downstairs “public” and upstairs “private” spaces. My house is nothing like this so this whole thing makes no sense. There are bedrooms on the same level as kitchen and living room. So we just keep the door to the bedroom closed and don’t stress about it.

If you had a guest go into your master bedroom and into your master bathroom to "look for something", I'll bet you would be annoyed.

There is no reason to be wandering into your host's private space like that.

I stated right there that I think no one should be going into bedrooms. My point was that it is not an obvious assumption for everyone in the world that whenever you go up a set of stairs you enter a “private space.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole dumb argument is based on an assumption that all homes are a similar layout and include downstairs “public” and upstairs “private” spaces. My house is nothing like this so this whole thing makes no sense. There are bedrooms on the same level as kitchen and living room. So we just keep the door to the bedroom closed and don’t stress about it.

If you had a guest go into your master bedroom and into your master bathroom to "look for something", I'll bet you would be annoyed.

There is no reason to be wandering into your host's private space like that.

Right, I said right there that no one should be going into bedrooms. But in my house the master is on the lower level. So someone may have been going to look for a bathroom or a kid and wandered near my bedroom without meaning to. I think these things can be accidental. I don’t think everyone in the world assumes that walking up a set of stairs means you’re entering a private space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once lived in a beautiful home and guests would ask for a tour. It made me uncomfortable.

We always give tours, especially to family or overnight guests. People are curious.

Once the tour is over everyone sticks to the main level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole dumb argument is based on an assumption that all homes are a similar layout and include downstairs “public” and upstairs “private” spaces. My house is nothing like this so this whole thing makes no sense. There are bedrooms on the same level as kitchen and living room. So we just keep the door to the bedroom closed and don’t stress about it.

If you had a guest go into your master bedroom and into your master bathroom to "look for something", I'll bet you would be annoyed.

There is no reason to be wandering into your host's private space like that.

Right, I said right there that no one should be going into bedrooms. But in my house the master is on the lower level. So someone may have been going to look for a bathroom or a kid and wandered near my bedroom without meaning to. I think these things can be accidental. I don’t think everyone in the world assumes that walking up a set of stairs means you’re entering a private space.

If you are on a main level with a sitting area and a powder room, what else do you "need"? What are you looking for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole dumb argument is based on an assumption that all homes are a similar layout and include downstairs “public” and upstairs “private” spaces. My house is nothing like this so this whole thing makes no sense. There are bedrooms on the same level as kitchen and living room. So we just keep the door to the bedroom closed and don’t stress about it.

If you had a guest go into your master bedroom and into your master bathroom to "look for something", I'll bet you would be annoyed.

There is no reason to be wandering into your host's private space like that.

I stated right there that I think no one should be going into bedrooms. My point was that it is not an obvious assumption for everyone in the world that whenever you go up a set of stairs you enter a “private space.”

Well if there is nothing up there but your hosts' bedrooms and bathrooms then there really is no reason for you to go up there. What are you going to do? Stand in the hallway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole dumb argument is based on an assumption that all homes are a similar layout and include downstairs “public” and upstairs “private” spaces. My house is nothing like this so this whole thing makes no sense. There are bedrooms on the same level as kitchen and living room. So we just keep the door to the bedroom closed and don’t stress about it.

If you had a guest go into your master bedroom and into your master bathroom to "look for something", I'll bet you would be annoyed.

There is no reason to be wandering into your host's private space like that.

Right, I said right there that no one should be going into bedrooms. But in my house the master is on the lower level. So someone may have been going to look for a bathroom or a kid and wandered near my bedroom without meaning to. I think these things can be accidental. I don’t think everyone in the world assumes that walking up a set of stairs means you’re entering a private space.

"Wandering near" is not the same thing as "wandering into".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once lived in a beautiful home and guests would ask for a tour. It made me uncomfortable.

Our family moved into a newish development with large homes and have had to deal with this. The rudeness I've experienced has changed me. I've had moms who drop kids for playdates who won't take the time for 2 minutes of polite conversation expect to be given tours of my house when they pick up. When we first moved in I did let friends and some parents of playdaters see the house and I was stunned by how people acted. Many people forgot it wasn't a model home and openly criticized everything they didn't like. I had a mom admit after the fact that she asked for a playdate so she could see my home. We have a lot of parents of kids involved in my kids activities want to stop by our house. I know it's because they want to see the house and now I'm the bitch who makes them wait on the front porch. I'm pissy about it as so few of the adults I know have ever invited my husband and I beyond their front porches. It seems some people think if your house is bigger you'll be a snob about theirs. We arent. We have friends that we've done dinners with and social activities who've never let us in past their porch. The wife is constantly trying to get in to see the upstairs and exra rooms in our house. I learned to tell people that my house isn't a model home and I don't offer tours. The worst case was one of my husbands coworkers who wanted to show a friend of his our house. The coworker had dropped by when we were moving in and helped for 1/2 hour in a very half hearted way. I did not know this guy. He called me at home while my husband was at work to TELL me he was bringing a friend over to see our house. I told him no and he argued with me. I had to have husband call him. The guy still showed up unexpectedly the next week with his friend under the guise of wanting to talk to my husband. While the coworker talked to my husband this stranger starts walking though our first floor and started to head up the stairs. I threw them out. I've learned to be a bitch now.

[Anonymous]

I was invited over the holidays to a truly extraordinary D.C. row house. Both Ivanka and the Obamas live nearby.

It was gorgeous. I was given a partial tour (I didn't ask). The tour did not include the upstairs or any level beyond the main floor, the garden, and the small study/guest house type of structure off the garden.

Because I'm not an ill-mannered dolt, I didn't ask for more of a tour, nor did I go wandering upstairs. I'm willing to be most of you are nodding along right now, saying, "Of course."

If you wouldn't act like that in a multi-million dollar DC town home, why would you act like that anywhere? Why WOULD you go upstairs in a suburban SFH, or into the master bedroom of a friend's Virginia apartement? All private spaces in all homes are off-limits, unless you are invited there or unless you ask for access.