Upstairs is off-limits to guests

[Anonymous]

When my mom comes over to my house she walks through each room like she’s on a tour or possibly an FDA inspection, commenting on anything new or different from her last visit. And she lives 15 minutes away and comes over all the time. It’s annoying but then I figure, this is the crazy annoying stuff I’ll miss someday when she’s gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People over for a party shouldn’t go upstairs without an invitation, but I think when you’re a houseguest staying overnight it isn’t crazy to venture upstairs...most of the time you’re an intimate friend or relative and the guest room is upstairs. Are they coming up to see the kids’ rooms?

+10000
I get random party guests.
But I think it is very weird that you tripping over your mom or DH's mom going upstairs in your house.
What are you hiding, an upstairs meth lab?
WTF!!!

Lol— reminds me of the Breaking Bad open house scene.

[Anonymous]

You are so uptight, who would want to stay at your house. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

What a snob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they maybe wanting company or looking for some kind of supplies like tampons, towels or the laundry room?

I’ll bet big bucks it’s one of OP’s inlaws whom she doesn’t like in general. To OP, the guest is being “nosy.”

OP here. I've had both members of my family and my husband's familly do this. I've also had near-strangers do this, who were invited for a holiday party. I don't get how people don't get that this is not how you act in someone's home.

Is this a townhouse? With vertical living space the rules change a bit. I would think nothing of going upstairs.

No, it’s a 3-level SFH. Basement is fully finished with guest bedroom, sitting area with TV, laundry and private full bath for guest. Public main level has powder room, kitchen, living room, parlor and dining room.

You don’t need to be upstairs for any reason.

If I were your family, I'd quickly decide I didn't need to be in your entire house for any reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my mom comes over to my house she walks through each room like she’s on a tour or possibly an FDA inspection, commenting on anything new or different from her last visit. And she lives 15 minutes away and comes over all the time. It’s annoying but then I figure, this is the crazy annoying stuff I’ll miss someday when she’s gone.

That's effed up. But you have the right attitude. If it wasn't your mom, no way!

[Anonymous]

It is extraordinarily rude to go wandering through private spaces in people's homes. If someone invites you up, great. If you are looking for your kid and the host isn't available for a quick chat about it, that's OK. But anything else...as others have said, there is usually nothing up there for you.

If you want to see a remodeled bathroom or a kid's new big-girl bed or something, just ask. Why would you not ask?

As another poster mentioned, clearly there are some people who feel that private spaces are sacred, and others feel "mi casa es su casa." Communicate/ask, get the lay of the land, and err on the side of being a polite guest who respects boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I had zero idea this was a thing. Can someone tell me if I was in the wrong here?

I was at a small gathering a few years ago at [female] boss's home and my iPhone was dying. Boss's husband said they had a charger in the upstairs hallway, go ahead and plug it in. When I get up the stairs, I honestly can't find the charger in any outlet, but see an open restroom, so I use it to urinate. I was maybe five minutes? As I walk out of the bathroom the husband is coming up the stairs. I said I couldn't find the charger but stumbled into the restroom. He walked me to the charger and told me I could plug it in downstairs.

Next week at work my boss spread a rumor I was snooping around her house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had zero idea this was a thing. Can someone tell me if I was in the wrong here?

I was at a small gathering a few years ago at [female] boss's home and my iPhone was dying. Boss's husband said they had a charger in the upstairs hallway, go ahead and plug it in. When I get up the stairs, I honestly can't find the charger in any outlet, but see an open restroom, so I use it to urinate. I was maybe five minutes? As I walk out of the bathroom the husband is coming up the stairs. I said I couldn't find the charger but stumbled into the restroom. He walked me to the charger and told me I could plug it in downstairs.

Next week at work my boss spread a rumor I was snooping around her house!

You were in the wrong.

It takes 30 seconds to either find the charger or determine that you can't find it. At that point, ask your host for additional assistance.

You were gone much longer than what you said you needed to do. You used a room you weren't invited to use, and didn't ask to use. You were rude. For all they knew, you also took a peek in the master bedroom.

Now, they should have talked to you directly about it to find out what actually happened, and obviously shouldn't have spread a rumor, but the initial fault was yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had zero idea this was a thing. Can someone tell me if I was in the wrong here?

I was at a small gathering a few years ago at [female] boss's home and my iPhone was dying. Boss's husband said they had a charger in the upstairs hallway, go ahead and plug it in. When I get up the stairs, I honestly can't find the charger in any outlet, but see an open restroom, so I use it to urinate. I was maybe five minutes? As I walk out of the bathroom the husband is coming up the stairs. I said I couldn't find the charger but stumbled into the restroom. He walked me to the charger and told me I could plug it in downstairs.

Next week at work my boss spread a rumor I was snooping around her house!

You were in the wrong.

It takes 30 seconds to either find the charger or determine that you can't find it. At that point, ask your host for additional assistance.

You were gone much longer than what you said you needed to do. You used a room you weren't invited to use, and didn't ask to use. You were rude. For all they knew, you also took a peek in the master bedroom.

Now, they should have talked to you directly about it to find out what actually happened, and obviously shouldn't have spread a rumor, but the initial fault was yours.

+1

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OP doesn't like her MIL and MIL was curious about the MBR and MBA so went in those spaces.

In some cultures people will expect to see your whole house, as well as ask you how much each thing cost.

I didn't enjoy that when I lived overseas at all.

[Anonymous]

When I stay at somebody else's home I stay out of their private space. I have no desire to go into their bathrooms or check out their bathrooms.

I am fine to stay in the public areas of the house and in the guest bedroom. I actually prefer that the host stay out of the guest room while I'm staying there and not come wandering in to get things, although I would never request that they stay out.

Guests who wander into private areas of a host's home have boundary issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I stay at somebody else's home I stay out of their private space. I have no desire to go into their bathrooms or check out their bathrooms.

I am fine to stay in the public areas of the house and in the guest bedroom. I actually prefer that the host stay out of the guest room while I'm staying there and not come wandering in to get things, although I would never request that they stay out.

Guests who wander into private areas of a host's home have boundary issues.

+1

Among other issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP doesn't like her MIL and MIL was curious about the MBR and MBA so went in those spaces.

In some cultures people will expect to see your whole house, as well as ask you how much each thing cost.

I didn't enjoy that when I lived overseas at all.

+1

Their problem, not mine. Don't answer, and they won't ask. RUDE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had zero idea this was a thing. Can someone tell me if I was in the wrong here?

I was at a small gathering a few years ago at [female] boss's home and my iPhone was dying. Boss's husband said they had a charger in the upstairs hallway, go ahead and plug it in. When I get up the stairs, I honestly can't find the charger in any outlet, but see an open restroom, so I use it to urinate. I was maybe five minutes? As I walk out of the bathroom the husband is coming up the stairs. I said I couldn't find the charger but stumbled into the restroom. He walked me to the charger and told me I could plug it in downstairs.

Next week at work my boss spread a rumor I was snooping around her house!

You were in the wrong.

It takes 30 seconds to either find the charger or determine that you can't find it. At that point, ask your host for additional assistance.

You were gone much longer than what you said you needed to do. You used a room you weren't invited to use, and didn't ask to use. You were rude. For all they knew, you also took a peek in the master bedroom.

Now, they should have talked to you directly about it to find out what actually happened, and obviously shouldn't have spread a rumor, but the initial fault was yours.

Oh my good god you need a life