Upstairs is off-limits to guests

[Anonymous]

I think that if my child is upstairs in someone's house, I as th e mother have the right to follow.
That said, we don't allow anyone upstairs any more. I had a discussion with a lawyer about child abuse. He said the best way to never have such an accusation in your house is to never let other people's children anywhere other than your living/dining room, family room, or kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Just want to say that we put in a pocket door at the bottom of our stairs; it's awesome. When we have guests we close it (and you can lock it so no one can come upstairs). Not that we'd do that for guests, but in general, if someone were to break in, there's a barrier to the upstairs where we are sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was invited over the holidays to a truly extraordinary D.C. row house. Both Ivanka and the Obamas live nearby.

It was gorgeous. I was given a partial tour (I didn't ask). The tour did not include the upstairs or any level beyond the main floor, the garden, and the small study/guest house type of structure off the garden.

Because I'm not an ill-mannered dolt, I didn't ask for more of a tour, nor did I go wandering upstairs. I'm willing to be most of you are nodding along right now, saying, "Of course."

If you wouldn't act like that in a multi-million dollar DC town home, why would you act like that anywhere? Why WOULD you go upstairs in a suburban SFH, or into the master bedroom of a friend's Virginia apartement? All private spaces in all homes are off-limits, unless you are invited there or unless you ask for access.

Because they are ill-mannered, lack boundaries, and basic respect for others’ privaxy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was invited over the holidays to a truly extraordinary D.C. row house. Both Ivanka and the Obamas live nearby.

It was gorgeous. I was given a partial tour (I didn't ask). The tour did not include the upstairs or any level beyond the main floor, the garden, and the small study/guest house type of structure off the garden.

Because I'm not an ill-mannered dolt, I didn't ask for more of a tour, nor did I go wandering upstairs. I'm willing to be most of you are nodding along right now, saying, "Of course."

If you wouldn't act like that in a multi-million dollar DC town home, why would you act like that anywhere? Why WOULD you go upstairs in a suburban SFH, or into the master bedroom of a friend's Virginia apartement? All private spaces in all homes are off-limits, unless you are invited there or unless you ask for access.

Because they are ill-mannered, lack boundaries, and basic respect for others’ privaxy.

Because people are intimidated/respectful of wealth and power. They feel on a "lower level" than the owners of this type of home.

They feel on the "same level" as the owners of houses similar to or "less than" their own home.

Isn't it ridiculous?

[Anonymous]

I invited a not close friend over for lunch. I have a very lived-in house and there was a laundry basket (with clean folded clothes in it) sitting in the main room. At some point in the conversation I commented on putting the laundry away.

I left the guest to go do get something in the basement and when I came back to the main floor she was coming down the stairs and she told me she had put the laundry basket in my bedroom for me! I was shocked. My bedroom door had been closed. It was a mess with the bed not made and clothes on on the bed and there was a vibrator on the bed as well.

She didn't seem phased at all or seem to think she had done anything out of the ordinary by going into my room. It was bizarre. I made a comment about the mess and not expecting anyone to be in the bedroom and she just said, oh I am sure you are busy and asked about a piece of art that is on the wall in the bedroom.

I have never invited her back to my house.

My mother is a snooper and so I have had to have a clear conversation with her telling her what she can and cannot do and where she can and cannot go in my house. She gets her feelings hurt and then pretends she needs permission to change rooms or touch anything and she has told me she doesn't feel comfortable in my home due to the boundaries but it is the only way I am going to have her over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was invited over the holidays to a truly extraordinary D.C. row house. Both Ivanka and the Obamas live nearby.

It was gorgeous. I was given a partial tour (I didn't ask). The tour did not include the upstairs or any level beyond the main floor, the garden, and the small study/guest house type of structure off the garden.

Because I'm not an ill-mannered dolt, I didn't ask for more of a tour, nor did I go wandering upstairs. I'm willing to be most of you are nodding along right now, saying, "Of course."

If you wouldn't act like that in a multi-million dollar DC town home, why would you act like that anywhere? Why WOULD you go upstairs in a suburban SFH, or into the master bedroom of a friend's Virginia apartement? All private spaces in all homes are off-limits, unless you are invited there or unless you ask for access.

Well put pp. We've taught our children to respect one another's spaces. When one child has friends over, they don't go into the other child's room. When our kids were younger they would play in their bedrooms as well as in the basement. We realized very quickly that other parents didn't let the kids upstairs. The kids played in the basements and came upstairs for snacks. We switched but had a hard time with some kids who thought they should have free rein of our house. We did teach our kids never to go into the parent's bedroom or other siblings bedrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once lived in a beautiful home and guests would ask for a tour. It made me uncomfortable.

Our family moved into a newish development with large homes and have had to deal with this. The rudeness I've experienced has changed me. I've had moms who drop kids for playdates who won't take the time for 2 minutes of polite conversation expect to be given tours of my house when they pick up. When we first moved in I did let friends and some parents of playdaters see the house and I was stunned by how people acted. Many people forgot it wasn't a model home and openly criticized everything they didn't like. I had a mom admit after the fact that she asked for a playdate so she could see my home. We have a lot of parents of kids involved in my kids activities want to stop by our house. I know it's because they want to see the house and now I'm the bitch who makes them wait on the front porch. I'm pissy about it as so few of the adults I know have ever invited my husband and I beyond their front porches. It seems some people think if your house is bigger you'll be a snob about theirs. We arent. We have friends that we've done dinners with and social activities who've never let us in past their porch. The wife is constantly trying to get in to see the upstairs and exra rooms in our house. I learned to tell people that my house isn't a model home and I don't offer tours. The worst case was one of my husbands coworkers who wanted to show a friend of his our house. The coworker had dropped by when we were moving in and helped for 1/2 hour in a very half hearted way. I did not know this guy. He called me at home while my husband was at work to TELL me he was bringing a friend over to see our house. I told him no and he argued with me. I had to have husband call him. The guy still showed up unexpectedly the next week with his friend under the guise of wanting to talk to my husband. While the coworker talked to my husband this stranger starts walking though our first floor and started to head up the stairs. I threw them out. I've learned to be a bitch now.

That is crazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was invited over the holidays to a truly extraordinary D.C. row house. Both Ivanka and the Obamas live nearby.

It was gorgeous. I was given a partial tour (I didn't ask). The tour did not include the upstairs or any level beyond the main floor, the garden, and the small study/guest house type of structure off the garden.

Because I'm not an ill-mannered dolt, I didn't ask for more of a tour, nor did I go wandering upstairs. I'm willing to be most of you are nodding along right now, saying, "Of course."

If you wouldn't act like that in a multi-million dollar DC town home, why would you act like that anywhere? Why WOULD you go upstairs in a suburban SFH, or into the master bedroom of a friend's Virginia apartement? All private spaces in all homes are off-limits, unless you are invited there or unless you ask for access.

Because they are ill-mannered, lack boundaries, and basic respect for others’ privaxy.

Because people are intimidated/respectful of wealth and power. They feel on a "lower level" than the owners of this type of home.

They feel on the "same level" as the owners of houses similar to or "less than" their own home.

Isn't it ridiculous?

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree about party guests. But I would never tell my parents or my husband’s parents they are not welcome upstairs in my home.

Agree. OP sounds weird and has a stick up her butt

[Anonymous]

Team OP. We had guests staying with us and while me and my partner went upstairs for a little afternoon “fun” our guest came wandering upstairs and saw us mid thrust. She said she heard someone screaming and came to check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they maybe wanting company or looking for some kind of supplies like tampons, towels or the laundry room?

Wanting company? I spend the majority of the day with my overnight guests, but not all day. Bring a book or a magazine. Call a friend. If your host is taking a break, don't go sniffing upstairs after them.

Need some supplies? First, check the fully stocked guest bathroom. Then, *ask for them.*

The laundry room is usually not upstairs. If you need it and can't find it on the floor you've been given, *ask.*

Wow. Why are you even inviting people into your home? You sound delightful.

Why are you nosing around other people's homes? Why are you treating their homes like a CVS, instead of bringing your own tampons? YOU sound delightful.

If you need or want something, or even want a tour upstairs, all you have to do is ask me. You are not entiteld access to the private spaces of my home.

How do they ask if you're hiding upstairs? Are they supposed to sit around and wait hours for you to deign to come back downstairs?

FWIW, I agree about people at a party, but I think you're being over-exercised about overnight guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that if my child is upstairs in someone's house, I as th e mother have the right to follow.
That said, we don't allow anyone upstairs any more. I had a discussion with a lawyer about child abuse. He said the best way to never have such an accusation in your house is to never let other people's children anywhere other than your living/dining room, family room, or kitchen.

This last bit seems a bit psychotic. Why are you worried about being accused of child abuse? It has never occurred to me...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Tell me one good reason why and able-bodied, healthy, non-elderly guest can’t wait 5 minutes for the bathroom.

1. Because they had a few drinks too many.
2. Because something they ate is not agreeing with them.
3. Because suddenly they don't feel so healthy.

Oh wait you wanted one...

1) I don’t throw keggers.
2) That qualifies as “not healthy.”
3) Again some more, already mentioned health.

Sometimes a "healthy" person can suddenly become not "healthy." Happens all the time. Besides, remember OP specified that she was upstairs, hiding from her guests, and they shouldn't come looking for her? So if the teenager decides to camp out in the only available bathroom, the guest is supposed to just try to hold it until she decides to come back down.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe in all these pages of comments nobody else seems to have mentioned this:

People are looking for prescription drugs. They will take a few, thinking you don't count pills and won't miss them.

Now, I am not one of those people. But I recently read that this is a thing, looking for other people's drugs in their medicine cabinets.

And I do know that once my adult cousin was visiting my mom and stole her prescription speed she took for her narcolepsy.

So yeah, I am pretty sure that's what is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is rude to snoop but I will admit that I am very curious about other people’s houses. What is the layout? How are they decorated? Do you have a home office? A playroom? I would never ask for a tour but really always want one. If I could fine a reason to snoop I would.

+1