Upstairs is off-limits to guests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they’re overnight guests, they should have access to the house. Maybe not the master bath or master bedroom, but everywhere else is fine. I have nothing to hide. If it’s a party, I generally agree with staying in “public” areas unless they aren’t feeling well, are breastfeeding, or something.

Why would they need or want to be upstairs? When everything they need is downstairs, tell me why. Make the case.

Maybe because they’re people you love enough to have stay over at your house? Make the case for putting up an invisible wall to them. Your “stuff” isn’t as sacred and amazing as you think it should be. If my guests want to see the books, art, shower curtain, what have you, they may. People are interested in how others decorate and interested in home layouts. That’s not an issue to me. Put your Valtrex prescription in your underwear drawer and get on with life. You’re irrationally angry and offended by this topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like it when dinner guests wonder upstairs. But if Ive invited you to stay the night, you’re a good friend. My house is yours for however long your here. If I’m hanging out in my bed watching tv and you knock and want to talk, chances are pretty high I’ll scoot over.

Who acts like that? Chances are, your host spent tons of time with you during the day. Including a movie in the living room. If your host retreats to bed, leave them alone.

PP here—I like spending time with my guests. If I don’t like them, I don’t invite them to stay in my home. My home is not a hotel. Us staying under one roof allows us to come and go and interact informally. My guests don’t stay for weeks and I don’t see them very often. I’m not offended if you want to stay in a hotel or want to have your own space in my home but I also don’t care if you walk in on me blow drying my hair.

[Anonymous]

The only scenarios I have seen where I would give it a pass is a large party and the downstairs bathrooms are all in use. I have seen people venture upstairs looking for a bathroom and don’t think this is out of bounds. Sometimes you gotta go. Or frankly, someone isn’t feeling well or needs to do a #2 and is trying to be discreet.

As for overnight guests, I think this is a case of mis-matched levels of perceived intimacy. The guest thinks they are very close with you. Obviously you don’t feel the same. I think this with happens with parents and adult children. To them, we are still their kids and everything is in bounds. But some adult children, we want boundaries.

Just deal with it upfront.

“Hi everyone, upstairs is off limits! If you need anything, please ask.”

[Anonymous]

Your husband found a keeper OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only scenarios I have seen where I would give it a pass is a large party and the downstairs bathrooms are all in use. I have seen people venture upstairs looking for a bathroom and don’t think this is out of bounds. Sometimes you gotta go. Or frankly, someone isn’t feeling well or needs to do a #2 and is trying to be discreet.

As for overnight guests, I think this is a case of mis-matched levels of perceived intimacy. The guest thinks they are very close with you. Obviously you don’t feel the same. I think this with happens with parents and adult children. To them, we are still their kids and everything is in bounds. But some adult children, we want boundaries.

Just deal with it upfront.

“Hi everyone, upstairs is off limits! If you need anything, please ask.”

This is really rude. I hope you don’t actually say this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they’re overnight guests, they should have access to the house. Maybe not the master bath or master bedroom, but everywhere else is fine. I have nothing to hide. If it’s a party, I generally agree with staying in “public” areas unless they aren’t feeling well, are breastfeeding, or something.

Why would they need or want to be upstairs? When everything they need is downstairs, tell me why. Make the case.

Maybe because they’re people you love enough to have stay over at your house? Make the case for putting up an invisible wall to them. Your “stuff” isn’t as sacred and amazing as you think it should be. If my guests want to see the books, art, shower curtain, what have you, they may. People are interested in how others decorate and interested in home layouts. That’s not an issue to me. Put your Valtrex prescription in your underwear drawer and get on with life. You’re irrationally angry and offended by this topic.

They are more than welcome into my private space if they a-s-k. Manners.

[Anonymous]

Fine for overnight guests. Also fine for family and good friends whenever. Not okay for people who are invited for social events but whom who you don’t know well.

[Anonymous]

Yes it's rude to tell people upstairs is off limits and rude to wander around people's private rooms

My house is small enough that our upstairs is just 3 BR and 1 BA so no reason to ever go up unless our other bathroom is occupied

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only scenarios I have seen where I would give it a pass is a large party and the downstairs bathrooms are all in use. I have seen people venture upstairs looking for a bathroom and don’t think this is out of bounds. Sometimes you gotta go. Or frankly, someone isn’t feeling well or needs to do a #2 and is trying to be discreet.

As for overnight guests, I think this is a case of mis-matched levels of perceived intimacy. The guest thinks they are very close with you. Obviously you don’t feel the same. I think this with happens with parents and adult children. To them, we are still their kids and everything is in bounds. But some adult children, we want boundaries.

Just deal with it upfront.

“Hi everyone, upstairs is off limits! If you need anything, please ask.”

This is really rude. I hope you don’t actually say this.

Beyond rude. I’d never come back. Not that I’d necessarily want to go upstairs, but saying this? You’re a grade A a-hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree about party guests. But I would never tell my parents or my husband’s parents they are not welcome upstairs in my home.

Unless they are invited, or ask for something and told it is OK, what do they need up there?

They have living space, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom available to them. What do they need?

They don’t need to. But they raised us and we love them and they love us and our kids and it would be very mean and hurtful to tell them they are not welcome upstairs.

I sincerely hope you are not discussing your children’s grandparents OP, but instead a distant relative.

If a kid invites them up to see their room, that’s fine. If they ask, that’s fine. Otherwise, what are they doing? I’m honestly asking.

NP. I'm wondering too. Haven't seen one good reason. But I'm not the type to be inapproprately curious. I've never seen my bff's upstairs. I'm not frequently a houseguest, but last time I was, I stayed on our level and the main level only.

+1. No good reason not to ask. None. Mayyyyybe at a house party with occupied main floor bathroom, but even then, just quietly ask your host!

[Anonymous]

If not being sent to get a toy in the kid’s room or a blanket from the linen closet or something, then I agree there is no need for a visitor to be there and likely they are just being nosy. Keep all the doors closed which sends a message that this is not public wandering space.

[Anonymous]

Team OP here when it comes to non-overnight guests. The bedroom level of a home is private space, and you have no need to go up there. I don't expect people to go up there, nor would I dream of doing that at someone else's home. You are invited into the public areas, not private ones. I have been friends with people for decades and haven't seen the private sections of their homes. I wouldn't expect to.

[Anonymous]

I once lived in a beautiful home and guests would ask for a tour. It made me uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team OP here when it comes to non-overnight guests. The bedroom level of a home is private space, and you have no need to go up there. I don't expect people to go up there, nor would I dream of doing that at someone else's home. You are invited into the public areas, not private ones. I have been friends with people for decades and haven't seen the private sections of their homes. I wouldn't expect to.

+1. The idea of chasing after a host who has retreated for some afternoon quiet time or bed for the night is appalling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they maybe wanting company or looking for some kind of supplies like tampons, towels or the laundry room?

I’ll bet big bucks it’s one of OP’s inlaws whom she doesn’t like in general. To OP, the guest is being “nosy.”

OP here. I've had both members of my family and my husband's familly do this. I've also had near-strangers do this, who were invited for a holiday party. I don't get how people don't get that this is not how you act in someone's home.

I am very much a “mi class, su casa” type and appreciate when guests make themselves at home so I am not having to think through all the things to make them comfortable. But, I do understand that my style is different so I try not to overstep when a guest at someone else’s. But I am sure you can see how these are two conflicting styles can cause issues if you are the type of person who likes to maintain a lot of control. In which case, you should just not open your home to guests, in my opinion.