Switch custody schedule for ex DH’s honeymoon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you possibly interpret this as me not wanting my kids? Are you stupid? I don’t see how this is even a joke because it’s not funny. My kids love spending time with their dad they know their schedule and they don’t like it changed even when it’s for a good reason like one of us has to travel.
I don’t bad mouth their father or his fiancé so you can stop projecting. I’m not going to tiptoe around her. Them having a 2 week honeymoon has nothing to do with how my kids are treated. It’s pretty messed up for some of you to imply she would be justified in abusing them because of that. You are either sick yourselves or have sick people in your lives. I may not love her but she wouldn’t hurt my kids in anyway. Neither would my ex allow it.

To be fair, most of us interpreted this as you being a jealous and controlling shrew who wants to feebly attempt to dictate how they spend their money and how often they can have sex. Calling it a 2 week sex trip as justification to not switch was pathetic. I hope you refuse to switch and they go anyway and her mom keeps them or something since you wouldn't accommodate and refused first offer.

[Anonymous]

Be the better person and modify the week. Then lord it over them when you need something later on.

Seriously. It's the best of both worlds: you can be the nice person and then later on, you can check that favor in later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you possibly interpret this as me not wanting my kids? Are you stupid? I don’t see how this is even a joke because it’s not funny. My kids love spending time with their dad they know their schedule and they don’t like it changed even when it’s for a good reason like one of us has to travel.
I don’t bad mouth their father or his fiancé so you can stop projecting. I’m not going to tiptoe around her. Them having a 2 week honeymoon has nothing to do with how my kids are treated. It’s pretty messed up for some of you to imply she would be justified in abusing them because of that. You are either sick yourselves or have sick people in your lives. I may not love her but she wouldn’t hurt my kids in anyway. Neither would my ex allow it.

To be fair, most of us interpreted this as you being a jealous and controlling shrew who wants to feebly attempt to dictate how they spend their money and how often they can have sex. Calling it a 2 week sex trip as justification to not switch was pathetic. I hope you refuse to switch and they go anyway and her mom keeps them or something since you wouldn't accommodate and refused first offer.

OP, I know exactly where you're coming from. My kids like spending time with their Dad and would also be unhappy if he changed the schedule, even though they are both old enough to understand about honeymoons. My exH did invite the kids to the wedding, although they had no role, which could have been OK, except my exH basically left them to their own devices the entire evening. The end result was that although invited, they definitely felt left out. I had hoped that DH would include them in some kind of post wedding trip (aside from the homeymoon), but he didn't think to do anything with them and his new wife. After the wedding, he continues to cancel visitation to do things with her that could have easily been arranged on non-visitation days. Same for bacations - never arranges then when kids are away or in camp even though these dates are known far in advance. There are so many examples I could give. The end result is that they are left with a feeling of being left out and 2nd place, which is not something a divorced kid (or any kid ) needs. They have very little respect for him and view him as irresponsible because they can see how other fathers behave.

The only advice I can give you is to always take the kids when he does not. I used to switch schedules, but I do not any longer because it is too disruptive to us all. The last thing kids need is to feel like the other parent doesn't want them either. Just take them without complaint when he does not want them. Develop your own backup systems. I am very lucky my family lives close and can take the kids even when he bails at the last moment and I cannot get out of work. This has hurt me professionally, of course, but it is best for kids. Develop other family figures - bio family or close family friends so that there are plenty if others to support you and who are excited to see your DCs.

I hope that the 2 week honeymoon is an aberration and your kids are included afterwards, but be prepared if not. Only time will tell.

[Anonymous]

It’s her first marriage and I understand wanting a romantic getaway. But she’s marrying a man with kids.

Don’t be petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It’s her first marriage and I understand wanting a romantic getaway. But she’s marrying a man with kids.

Don’t be petty.

Too late! LOL

[Anonymous]

I feel that a two week honeymoon for a man with kids is too long. But, what can you really do OP? Take the kids, they are yours after all, and enjoy the extra time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you possibly interpret this as me not wanting my kids? Are you stupid? I don’t see how this is even a joke because it’s not funny. My kids love spending time with their dad they know their schedule and they don’t like it changed even when it’s for a good reason like one of us has to travel.
I don’t bad mouth their father or his fiancé so you can stop projecting. I’m not going to tiptoe around her. Them having a 2 week honeymoon has nothing to do with how my kids are treated. It’s pretty messed up for some of you to imply she would be justified in abusing them because of that. You are either sick yourselves or have sick people in your lives. I may not love her but she wouldn’t hurt my kids in anyway. Neither would my ex allow it.

To be fair, most of us interpreted this as you being a jealous and controlling shrew who wants to feebly attempt to dictate how they spend their money and how often they can have sex. Calling it a 2 week sex trip as justification to not switch was pathetic. I hope you refuse to switch and they go anyway and her mom keeps them or something since you wouldn't accommodate and refused first offer.

OP, I know exactly where you're coming from. My kids like spending time with their Dad and would also be unhappy if he changed the schedule, even though they are both old enough to understand about honeymoons. My exH did invite the kids to the wedding, although they had no role, which could have been OK, except my exH basically left them to their own devices the entire evening. The end result was that although invited, they definitely felt left out. I had hoped that DH would include them in some kind of post wedding trip (aside from the homeymoon), but he didn't think to do anything with them and his new wife. After the wedding, he continues to cancel visitation to do things with her that could have easily been arranged on non-visitation days. Same for bacations - never arranges then when kids are away or in camp even though these dates are known far in advance. There are so many examples I could give. The end result is that they are left with a feeling of being left out and 2nd place, which is not something a divorced kid (or any kid ) needs. They have very little respect for him and view him as irresponsible because they can see how other fathers behave.

The only advice I can give you is to always take the kids when he does not. I used to switch schedules, but I do not any longer because it is too disruptive to us all. The last thing kids need is to feel like the other parent doesn't want them either. Just take them without complaint when he does not want them. Develop your own backup systems. I am very lucky my family lives close and can take the kids even when he bails at the last moment and I cannot get out of work. This has hurt me professionally, of course, but it is best for kids. Develop other family figures - bio family or close family friends so that there are plenty if others to support you and who are excited to see your DCs.

I hope that the 2 week honeymoon is an aberration and your kids are included afterwards, but be prepared if not. Only time will tell.

When i say I don't switch anymore, I mean I don't rearrange my schedule and the kids schedule to give him compensatory time. If he doesn't want to have the kids on the scheduled day, I'll just take them w/o complaint and w/o trading back time to him on other days. Kids prefer this, as they prefer a stable schedule.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am not trying to be snarky here but it is very obvious by your wording (calling your ex’s honeymoon = a “sex trip”) that you are still carrying around a torch for him.

Because if you weren’t, then you wouldn’t be using such a label for his honeymoon.
Try to get over your bitterness regarding his new marriage.
It will only benefit your children in the long run.

Do not try to sabotage their honeymoon.
It will look like you are trying to interfere w/their happiness and you will appear bitter + envious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you possibly interpret this as me not wanting my kids? Are you stupid? I don’t see how this is even a joke because it’s not funny. My kids love spending time with their dad they know their schedule and they don’t like it changed even when it’s for a good reason like one of us has to travel.
I don’t bad mouth their father or his fiancé so you can stop projecting. I’m not going to tiptoe around her. Them having a 2 week honeymoon has nothing to do with how my kids are treated. It’s pretty messed up for some of you to imply she would be justified in abusing them because of that. You are either sick yourselves or have sick people in your lives. I may not love her but she wouldn’t hurt my kids in anyway. Neither would my ex allow it.

To be fair, most of us interpreted this as you being a jealous and controlling shrew who wants to feebly attempt to dictate how they spend their money and how often they can have sex. Calling it a 2 week sex trip as justification to not switch was pathetic. I hope you refuse to switch and they go anyway and her mom keeps them or something since you wouldn't accommodate and refused first offer.

+1
Exactly this. And this level of pettiness would come back to haunt her should she ever move on and find a man to marry... not that that’s likely with the bitter, defensive attitude she’s displaying, but if she gets that under control then who knows? Might happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people go on two week honeymoons? Grownup people with jobs and kids? My work would be rolling their collective eyes if I pitched this.

In any case, as a divorced parent I would say yes, but would probably ask my coparent for logistical/financial support if I needed extra babysitting (I have my work schedule arranged so I work longer days on my non-kid days and shorter days when I do drop off and pickup).

And I think you're fine, OP. You are saying this stuff here so you don't say it to your ex, new wife, or your kids. It's totally normal to have feelings and opinions. It sounds like you treat your ex fairly and aren't talking about this stuff with the kids so you are good.

I'm annoyed that I busted my a** working while I was married, took on extra work to build our savings while I was pregnant, and now my ex is supporting a live in GF who hasn't worked in two years. But, whatever, I"m happy in my life now, I'm a good coparent, and that's all that matters.

Well, I just got back from 2 weeks in Thailand with my DH for just a vacation, so yeah some real adults do take vacations. Kids were away at overnight summer camp that they adore, and grandparents/aunts were on call if emergency happened while we were away. I get 25 days of PTO a year, so I used just 10 of them. DH I think has even more than I do. Years ago, we went on our honeymoon in Greece for 2 weeks when we also had real jobs but no kids yet although we did use a 1 holiday day I think back then so 9 days away from the office.

[Anonymous]

OP, some day you're going to need/want your ex to switch up the schedule for you. It might even be for your *gasp* two week long sex trip AKA honeymoon.

Treat him the way you'd like him to treat you if the shoe were on the other foot.

[Anonymous]

Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

Meh. You seem kinda bitchy. Did you intentionally pick a location you knew they wouldn't enjoy just so they would decline going? Sure comes across that way...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

LOL another second wife here. For some reason, my DH's teen DD from his first marriage with all of her complaining seems to remind him of his exwife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Second wife here. If you were my DH's X and you had done this to us (my DH's crashed our wedding drunk to "pick up the kids" and got into a fight with her former MIL so I get terrible Xs), it would not have put us on the right footing for the future. That does not equal abuse. It just means the kids might enjoy spending time with us less. Does that mean the weekend we have them, we're going to a stamp and coin show with grandpa for endless hours; why yes it does. Does it mean going to Ikea on a saturday for hours; why yes it does. Does it mean selecting a very rural vacation house near a national park with no cell service so you can't text/play games/internet mindlessly + what it doesn't have cable tv or internet; why yes it does. Boredom doesn't equal abuse, but let me tell you that kids these days aren't fans of boredom. For some reason, his kids didn't want to come on our week vacation to Montana this year...

WOW! You are a true piece of garbage.