Reply to Switch custody schedule for ex DH’s honeymoon

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How can you possibly interpret this as me not wanting my kids? Are you stupid? I don’t see how this is even a joke because it’s not funny. My kids love spending time with their dad they know their schedule and they don’t like it changed even when it’s for a good reason like one of us has to travel.
I don’t bad mouth their father or his fiancé so you can stop projecting. I’m not going to tiptoe around her. Them having a 2 week honeymoon has nothing to do with how my kids are treated. It’s pretty messed up for some of you to imply she would be justified in abusing them because of that. You are either sick yourselves or have sick people in your lives.  I may not love her but she wouldn’t hurt my kids in anyway. Neither would my ex allow it.[/quote]

To be fair, most of us interpreted this as you being a jealous and controlling shrew who wants to feebly attempt to dictate how they spend their money and how often they can have sex. Calling it a 2 week sex trip as justification to not switch was pathetic. I hope you refuse to switch and they go anyway and her mom keeps them or something since you wouldn't accommodate and refused first offer. [/quote]

OP, I know exactly where you're coming from.  My kids like spending time with their Dad and would also be unhappy if he changed the schedule, even though they are both old enough to understand about honeymoons.  My exH did invite the kids to the wedding, although they had no role, which could have been OK, except my exH basically left them to their own devices the entire evening.  The end result was that although invited, they definitely felt left out.  I had hoped that DH would include them in some kind of post wedding trip (aside from the homeymoon), but he didn't think to do anything with them and his new wife.  After the wedding, he continues to cancel visitation to do things with her that could have easily been arranged on non-visitation days. Same for bacations - never arranges then when kids are away or in camp even though these dates are known far in advance.  There are so many examples I could give.  The end result is that they are left with a feeling of being left out and 2nd place, which is not something a divorced kid (or any kid ) needs.  They have very little respect for him and view him as irresponsible because they can see how other fathers behave.

The only advice I can give you is to always take the kids when he does not.  I used to switch schedules, but I do not any longer because it is too disruptive to us all.  The last thing kids need is to feel like the other parent doesn't want them either.  Just take them without complaint when he does not want them.  Develop your own backup systems.  I am very lucky my family lives close and can take the kids even when he bails at the last moment and I cannot get out of work.  This has hurt me professionally, of course, but it is best for kids.   Develop other family figures - bio family or close family friends so that there are plenty if others to support you and who are excited to see your DCs.

I hope that the 2 week honeymoon is an aberration and your kids are included afterwards, but be prepared if not.  Only time will tell. [/quote]

When i say I don't switch anymore, I mean I don't rearrange my schedule and the kids schedule to give him compensatory time.  If he doesn't want to have the kids on the scheduled day, I'll just take them w/o complaint and w/o trading back time to him on other days. Kids prefer this, as they prefer a stable schedule. [/quote]

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