Married in your 20s? How's that worked out?

[Anonymous]

We got married in our mid 20's but did not have children for over five years during which time we got our careers going, saved a lot of money and really got to know each other as partners. 25 years later we recently entered the empty nester phase of our lives and it's just like our pre-child years. Spontaneous date nights, weekend getaways and uninhibited sex. I do miss my kids but Facetime has been a godsend.

[Anonymous]

I was 23 DW was 27 had my DD whenI was 25

been married ever since. we had a couple rough patches. but all is well DD will be attending an ivy league school this fall.

if i was going to change anything I would be doing a complete different major and not getting kicked out of the first school. It would have resulted in a completely different life. i which I would not have met my current wife. Not that I don't like my wife, but since we are dreaming

if you are going to change you life why not change it completely...

[Anonymous]

We met at 24/25, and married at 26/27. A child at 40/41. Having 13 years together before we embarked on raising a child really was terrific in so many ways. It was like a 13 year honeymoon. If we could have chosen, we would have had a child at 36/37, but that is one of the risks you take when you wait.

We are weathering serious health and financial challenges now, but are still very happy together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's nice to read about all these happy marriages especially on this board!

I agree! This actually makes sense though...I actually think people who get married later in life tend to have a harder time. They are more set in their ways and have a harder time compromising and adapting (which is required for marriage)...people who got together younger often figured it out together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who married in your 20s and have been married--to the same person--for at least ten years, how's it going? What's good, not so good? Would you do it again, knowing what you know now?

Met at 20 & 22, move in together 3 month later in 1998, married in 2004, kids in 2005 & 2007. Still married.

I absolutely would do it again. Life is far better than I had ever imagined. Only change I would make is to have kids a tiny bit earlier to fir a 3rd in there. Didn't want to have any more babies past age 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's nice to read about all these happy marriages especially on this board!

I agree! This actually makes sense though...I actually think people who get married later in life tend to have a harder time. They are more set in their ways and have a harder time compromising and adapting (which is required for marriage)...people who got together younger often figured it out together.

I agree, too. I think there are some explanations for some of these blissful marriages that started very early. I think that the young marriages that work out are much more happy and secure than your run-of-the-mill marriage that works out. A lot of people get married in their early 30s, when dating starts to look like one, big frantic game of musical chairs, and I don't see how that is any better of a start than getting married very young. These marriages often stay together, but I'm not sure that it is because they are happier. When people have kids in their mid to late 30s, the financial stakes can be much higher when it comes time to divorce (these people have to plan for kid expenses, college, and retirement all at once).

Conventional wisdom says that you should delay marriage because when people marry early, they often change, and can more easily end up as different people down the road. Indeed, statistics show that many young marriages implode. However, I think that the ones that young marriages that work out very well arrive at something that often much more awesome than your average marriage. I attribute the blissful mid-life happiness that we see in some of the respondents here to a few things:

- People who get together very young (say, college age) often had their choice of many partners. These are people who chose each other when there were TONS of people around them who were single. Therefore, I think there is a good chance that these people are highly, highly compatible. That's a very different landscape than late 20s and early 30s, when people start to pair off, and options for both sexes start to dwindle. Oftentimes, if you talk to someone about "the one that got away", they will tell you about a love that they found around college age. I think, in many of these successful marriages, people married someone who would have been "the one that got away" if they weren't brave enough to take a leap of faith.

- I think men who go so far as to buy a ring and propose in their very early 20s (not just keep their partner as a girlfriend during that time) are generally more commitment-oriented than men who are reluctant to settle down. Many of the most husband-y guys I know were married or engaged fairly young. These are often men who thrive within the framework of a committed relationship. They are committing to marriage when there is a pressure NOT to do so, versus early-30s marriages where there is a pressure for both sexes to settle down.

- Way less individual baggage, and the couple has the opportunity to grow together

- Infertility is almost never an issue. And you don't have to cram marriage, career and kids into a few years.

[Anonymous]

Holy typos ^ Sorry - typing on my phone on the metro!

[Anonymous]

I wish I had married my college boyfriend! My parents convinced me I was too young...I still miss him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's nice to read about all these happy marriages especially on this board!

I agree! This actually makes sense though...I actually think people who get married later in life tend to have a harder time. They are more set in their ways and have a harder time compromising and adapting (which is required for marriage)...people who got together younger often figured it out together.

I agree, too. I think there are some explanations for some of these blissful marriages that started very early. I think that the young marriages that work out are much more happy and secure than your run-of-the-mill marriage that works out. A lot of people get married in their early 30s, when dating starts to look like one, big frantic game of musical chairs, and I don't see how that is any better of a start than getting married very young. These marriages often stay together, but I'm not sure that it is because they are happier. When people have kids in their mid to late 30s, the financial stakes can be much higher when it comes time to divorce (these people have to plan for kid expenses, college, and retirement all at once).

Conventional wisdom says that you should delay marriage because when people marry early, they often change, and can more easily end up as different people down the road. Indeed, statistics show that many young marriages implode. However, I think that the ones that young marriages that work out very well arrive at something that often much more awesome than your average marriage. I attribute the blissful mid-life happiness that we see in some of the respondents here to a few things:

- People who get together very young (say, college age) often had their choice of many partners. These are people who chose each other when there were TONS of people around them who were single. Therefore, I think there is a good chance that these people are highly, highly compatible. That's a very different landscape than late 20s and early 30s, when people start to pair off, and options for both sexes start to dwindle. Oftentimes, if you talk to someone about "the one that got away", they will tell you about a love that they found around college age. I think, in many of these successful marriages, people married someone who would have been "the one that got away" if they weren't brave enough to take a leap of faith.

- I think men who go so far as to buy a ring and propose in their very early 20s (not just keep their partner as a girlfriend during that time) are generally more commitment-oriented than men who are reluctant to settle down. Many of the most husband-y guys I know were married or engaged fairly young. These are often men who thrive within the framework of a committed relationship. They are committing to marriage when there is a pressure NOT to do so, versus early-30s marriages where there is a pressure for both sexes to settle down.

- Way less individual baggage, and the couple has the opportunity to grow together

- Infertility is almost never an issue. And you don't have to cram marriage, career and kids into a few years.

I agree with your post but the bolded especially. The type of guy who is willing to settle down while he still can be a happy wandering bachelor for years longer tends to have a loyal, decisive personality because it just isn't the social norm for men to want to settle down in his early to mid twenties.

[Anonymous]

Married at 25 after 4 years of dating and just hit 20 year anniversary. Waited 5 years after marriage to have kids. Wouldn’t change a thing.

Agree with pp about choosing when the choices are plentiful and also think it is good to grow up together rather than have to become unstuck in your ways.

[Anonymous]

I think the sweet spot is mid to late 20s. Most of my friends in that group are still married.

Those that crashed and burned got married in their early 20s (or teens) or 32ish range. The first category is too young and the second too focused on procreation.

My friends who found love in their 40s and 50s seem pretty happy.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read seven pages of responses, but I'll say that I married at 24 and my wife was 26. We're extremely happy 15 years and three kids later.

I think it's nice when you have a chance to "grow up" together, in a way, it's nice to be young parents (and I imagine nice to be young empty nesters and possibly early retirees), and financially, marriage was advantageous for both of us, since we combined incomes, household, and have always been working toward shared goals.

[Anonymous]

Married at 26 and 33. Dated ~3yrs prior. 1 child. Divorce proceedings began right around year 5. In my case, “growing up” made me realize how dysfunctional I was in accepting co-dependent,abusive patterns. As I faced it, and changed, my push to grow healthily and stop patterns made everything blow up. We couldn’t build a new model together. A young child intensified the pressure and he crossed lines hat can never be uncrossed. In his defense, he didn’t know any better, I was the OneNote garb changed the expectations - for real love and self-respect and healing. A different person emerged for both of us, facing opposite instead of joined this time, and the entire experience scarred me and made me question my judgment. Best thing out off the marriage is my child and then courage she’s ignited in me to never back down from anyone who threatens individual healing or growth.

[Anonymous]

Umm. OneNote garb should be “one that”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's nice to read about all these happy marriages especially on this board!

I agree! This actually makes sense though...I actually think people who get married later in life tend to have a harder time. They are more set in their ways and have a harder time compromising and adapting (which is required for marriage)...people who got together younger often figured it out together.

I agree, too. I think there are some explanations for some of these blissful marriages that started very early. I think that the young marriages that work out are much more happy and secure than your run-of-the-mill marriage that works out. A lot of people get married in their early 30s, when dating starts to look like one, big frantic game of musical chairs, and I don't see how that is any better of a start than getting married very young. These marriages often stay together, but I'm not sure that it is because they are happier. When people have kids in their mid to late 30s, the financial stakes can be much higher when it comes time to divorce (these people have to plan for kid expenses, college, and retirement all at once).

Conventional wisdom says that you should delay marriage because when people marry early, they often change, and can more easily end up as different people down the road. Indeed, statistics show that many young marriages implode. However, I think that the ones that young marriages that work out very well arrive at something that often much more awesome than your average marriage. I attribute the blissful mid-life happiness that we see in some of the respondents here to a few things:

- People who get together very young (say, college age) often had their choice of many partners. These are people who chose each other when there were TONS of people around them who were single. Therefore, I think there is a good chance that these people are highly, highly compatible. That's a very different landscape than late 20s and early 30s, when people start to pair off, and options for both sexes start to dwindle. Oftentimes, if you talk to someone about "the one that got away", they will tell you about a love that they found around college age. I think, in many of these successful marriages, people married someone who would have been "the one that got away" if they weren't brave enough to take a leap of faith.

- I think men who go so far as to buy a ring and propose in their very early 20s (not just keep their partner as a girlfriend during that time) are generally more commitment-oriented than men who are reluctant to settle down. Many of the most husband-y guys I know were married or engaged fairly young. These are often men who thrive within the framework of a committed relationship. They are committing to marriage when there is a pressure NOT to do so, versus early-30s marriages where there is a pressure for both sexes to settle down.

- Way less individual baggage, and the couple has the opportunity to grow together

- Infertility is almost never an issue. And you don't have to cram marriage, career and kids into a few years.

I agree with your post but the bolded especially. The type of guy who is willing to settle down while he still can be a happy wandering bachelor for years longer tends to have a loyal, decisive personality because it just isn't the social norm for men to want to settle down in his early to mid twenties.

+1. This is really interesting.