Married in your 20s? How's that worked out?

[Anonymous]

I feel like marriages between people who started dating in college are the most likely to work out. They tend to have a really strong foundation in friendship. Just my experience.

[Anonymous]

Starting dating at 19, married at 26, getting divorced now at 31. Definitely never thought I'd be a statistic.

[Anonymous]

Married at 27, now 44 with two kids (15 and 10). Life is good....we still make each other laugh and we love hanging out together. There have been rough patches for sure but we weathered through them and came out stronger. Excited to celebrate our 17th anniversary in June. Most friends are either unhappy or divorced at this point.

[Anonymous]

We started dating at 23 and 28, respectively, married five years later (though there were two break-ups early on), had kids another five years later, so I'm not really sure we qualify, but we are happy together 17 years later.

A friend of mine married her college boyfriend right after college and she is still happy, and they are now in their 40s.

However... I think it's different when most people around you are NOT marrying young, so you only stay together because you are really compatible, not because there is pressure to settle down. (There is pressure not to settle down, almost, so those couples who are really good together are the only ones who bother to stick it out.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We started dating when we were 15 (!) and got married at 25. Waited to have kids until early 30s. Many years later and we’re still happy. At this point, I’ve been with him longer than I haven’t, which seems crazy. I think one ingredient of success for us (besides the obvious parts of a good marriage) is that we took our time on things and let each other grow as individuals as well as a couple. I think that’s necessary to be realistic about when you get together so young. We went to different colleges, lived in different cities briefly post-grad, have different interests, etc. We also took our time enjoying married life and focusing on our careers before having kids. My 20s were really fun.

I agree with this. DH and I started dating at 20, married at 25, had our first DC at 30. We spent our 20s together and it was such a fun time. Married 14 years, with 3 DCs. We didn't live together before getting married. I was in grad school in another state and we got married right after I graduated. So there was a little bit of friction with me 'taking over' his house in the beginning. That's the only problem I remember from the newlywed days.

I'm happy and wouldn't change anything. We have never disagreed about finances or frequency of sex, which is key. Those seem to be the two biggest areas of contention, judging from the relationships forum.

[Anonymous]

Engaged at 23, married at 25, first child at 28. Our marriage is solid, and I admire him as much as I ever did. I don't think we could have been as successful as we were in our careers without having the stability of marriage during our 20s. We were really able to focus. I really liked being able to have three kids by my early thirties, especially because my parents are able to thoroughly bond with and be active with the kids before their elderly years began.

[Anonymous]

^^married 14 years now

[Anonymous]

Married at 23, now in late 40s. We have struggled -- but at the same time we have really worked on things when we've hit rough spots. There's something to be said for growing up together, too. That's kind of what happens when you marry before your brain is capable of making adult decisions.

I'd strongly recommend to anyone to wait until at least late 20s for marriage.

[Anonymous]

Met in 1997, married in 1998 when we were 25. DH was active duty USAF at the time. We lived in Oklahoma and Delaware, and finally settled in Virginia. Kids came along in 2005 and 2011. We waited to have kids until DH entered the civilian sector. Celebrating 20 years of marriage next month. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

We started dating at 16 and married at 26. 33 now and of course there have been ups and downs, but overall it has been a wonderful foundation for my life.

[Anonymous]

It's nice to read about all these happy marriages especially on this board!

[Anonymous]

I was 24 (almost 25). DH was 31 (almost 32). We are now 36 / 43 and still married.
We have 3 kids & I was 27, 30, and 33 when they were born. I wouldn’t change our marriage because I wouldn’t change our kids.

We / our marriage is ok - probably not great and probably not terrible. I’m not sure whether my age or married affected that.

He has some flaws IMO (such as low patience / short fuse) that became more apparent only after having kids.
I changed after having kids too. For example, I thought I would want a high power career with kids. Now I work part time.

[Anonymous]

Married at 28 and 34. Been married for 21 years. When we got married in the 90's, everyone was getting married in their 20's. Waited for 13 years before we had a child. We are old parents. Finances good, marriage good.

[Anonymous]

Married at 21/23 and are about to hit our 23rd anniversary. Kids are 20, 18, and 15.

We've had our ups and down, of course, but things are pretty good. In many ways, we grew up together. We've had a lot of external stress the past couple years, and having each other has been a godsend.

[Anonymous]

We were married at 24/26, started dating at 18/20. Our 12th anniversary is this year. We have 2 children, had them at 28/30 and 33/35. Things are generally good, stable jobs, decent house, good schools for the kids. As someone else said, we really did grow up together and have been by each other's sides to figure out job changes, financial things, etc. There's also something to be said for the fact that we were able to start early on with shared financial goals, so I think we are on pretty solid ground on that front. I've always felt like we had plenty of time to have fun together and travel before kids, so we didn't so much mind putting the brakes on that while the kids are little.