Honestly interested in sending child away

[Anonymous]

OP,

I'll echo the strong recommendations you've received already to get your whole family into therapy, as well as getting therapy for your DD. It's going to be essential for all of you going forward.

I do know of a few therapeutic boarding schools for this age group: Asheville Academy in NC and New Leaf Academy in OR. If you are seriously interesting in pursuing this route, you should have a talk with an educational consultant. These schools are so wildly expensive (think $8-10K per month) that getting a good fit is an absolute necessity.

Perhaps a good interim step would be to look into a therapeutic summer program. The camp at Wediko in NH came highly recommended to us by therapists, though we ended up not going there. Go to www.wediko.org for info.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get that you are interesting in "sending child away." The question is, are you interested in sending her and your whole family TO treatment? That's the mindset families have to adopt when they send a child into residential treatment. I know--my DD is currently in treatment at a therapeutic boarding school. It is NOT an easy road. Not only has she had to commit to change and growth, our whole family has had to pursue a parallel process of self-examination and change. The families that don't--who come into the process thinking that their kids will be magically "fixed"--they set their kids up for relapse.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am going to guess your child is developing a personality disorder. Few clinicians will diagnose a personality disorder in children because their personalities can change so much, but take a look at this article
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/warning-signs-parents/201701/childhood-roots-narcissistic-personality-disorder?amp

If this sounds like you, your child may be developing one, not necessarily NPD. If so, the interventions suggested in the article may help and you should get a therapist who knows how to handle this sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

I have a very difficult 10 year old so I understand where you are coming from.

Was she able to handle the sleepaway camp without support? How is she in school? If she is okay in these two locations, I do think that you need to figure out what her triggers are inside the home or with you. For my own child, he is a mess everywhere!

I think a boarding school might be the perfect thing to separate her from her triggers and to give you a break. During that time you would be able to regroup and work with a family therapist to make sure the correct dynamics are in place for when she returns.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I hope this will help. My parents sent me away to Shepard Pratt when I was about your daughter's age. I think I stayed around 90 days. I was not SN and I have a high IQ. My diagnosis was depression. I was treated with Prozac.

It was awful and my relationship with my parents never recovered. Even to this day I believe my diagnosis was off. I'll cop to OCD and an anxiety disorder, for sure. But not depression. It was basically like prison and I hated every moment of it. I felt shame, embarrassment and completely unloved.

The reason my parents sent me sound similar to yours. I was experiencing huge hormone shifts in addition to my OCD and anxiety and frankly, I had parents that had no clue how to help me deal with it. They were extremely rigid in their expectations and unwilling to find a way to work with me.

I look back on my life in amazement that I didn't end up worse off. Everything I've accomplished has been in spite of my traumatic upbringing and I know I could've been destined for much greater things with the help of a supportive and loving family. I mourn that loss every day.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry OP. If your dd is able to hold it together at school and camp, your family dynamic is likely a big part of problem. I think boarding school is a good option for all involved. It doesnt have to be until she goes to college but maybe it will allow everyone to work on individual issues and then family therapy may work. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like compassion fatigue OP. Are you in therapy as well to help with the emotional burden of all of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I hope this will help. My parents sent me away to Shepard Pratt when I was about your daughter's age. I think I stayed around 90 days. I was not SN and I have a high IQ. My diagnosis was depression. I was treated with Prozac.

It was awful and my relationship with my parents never recovered. Even to this day I believe my diagnosis was off. I'll cop to OCD and an anxiety disorder, for sure. But not depression. It was basically like prison and I hated every moment of it. I felt shame, embarrassment and completely unloved.

The reason my parents sent me sound similar to yours. I was experiencing huge hormone shifts in addition to my OCD and anxiety and frankly, I had parents that had no clue how to help me deal with it. They were extremely rigid in their expectations and unwilling to find a way to work with me.

I look back on my life in amazement that I didn't end up worse off. Everything I've accomplished has been in spite of my traumatic upbringing and I know I could've been destined for much greater things with the help of a supportive and loving family. I mourn that loss every day.

Dp. How are you doing with the anxiety and ocd now, pp? Can you name some things your parents could have done to help you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP ignore all the nasty trolls, especially the ones who say you are a bad mother and to just feed her sugar addiction.

It’s obvious you are trying your best.

Have you tried to get her fat adapted? Look it up. I also thing wilderness therapy is a good idea.

Good luck

OP ignore quacks like this.

Sugar addiction? "Fat adapted"? wilderness "therapy" for an ELEVEN year old?

[Anonymous]

Oakland School in VA.

[Anonymous]

Simple answer:

1. Therapeutic boarding school for at least 1 year - then reevaluate. Your daughter needs a break, you need a break, your family needs a break.

2. Therapy - individual, family, you plus your daughter.

3. Ignore the Nasty Negative Nellies. They're idiots.

4. Telling on your daughter when she was having a meltdown was the perfect decision. Sometimes kids need a reality check that involves their peers. I remember being extremely pissed off that I couldn't get the sundae I wanted at an ice cream social and became a pouting, angsty 6th grader. Then my friend came over and asked me what was wrong. I was too upset and angsty to speak so my mom explained that I was upset because I couldn't get the Sundae I wanted. My friend gave me a weird look. And I had a sudden clarity that I was acting pretty stupid over something pretty stupid. I laughed, they laughed, we all went on with our lives and I stopped pouting over stupid things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She might not be smart. My son has a low iq. Should we send all such children away? I’m not sure where you’re coming from but you need some serious help. She’s your child. Not a bad dog you’re disappointed in.

Unhelpful. OP needs more support/ more members of her parenting “team.” Even if residential school isn’t the answer try to be constructive.

Some ppl just aren’t cut out for parenting, and the way OP describe her circumstances make it sound like she is such a person.

That might have been helpful advice for OP 11 years ago, but what should she do now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I hope this will help. My parents sent me away to Shepard Pratt when I was about your daughter's age. I think I stayed around 90 days. I was not SN and I have a high IQ. My diagnosis was depression. I was treated with Prozac.

It was awful and my relationship with my parents never recovered. Even to this day I believe my diagnosis was off. I'll cop to OCD and an anxiety disorder, for sure. But not depression. It was basically like prison and I hated every moment of it. I felt shame, embarrassment and completely unloved.

The reason my parents sent me sound similar to yours. I was experiencing huge hormone shifts in addition to my OCD and anxiety and frankly, I had parents that had no clue how to help me deal with it. They were extremely rigid in their expectations and unwilling to find a way to work with me.

I look back on my life in amazement that I didn't end up worse off. Everything I've accomplished has been in spite of my traumatic upbringing and I know I could've been destined for much greater things with the help of a supportive and loving family. I mourn that loss every day.

This is useful but keep in mind Shepard Pratt isn't therapeutic boarding school (what most of us have suggested) which may be why it was so traumatic. It's clinical. Some of my students report similar.

[Anonymous]

No real mention of school performance here. Your comments indicate you think she is "not smart." but don't mention discipline problems in school. If the teachers have her under good control then the issue is your parenting. There is no magic bullet. Consistency tempered with lots of love and feedback (mostly positive) is the key.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your daughter has a friend, that suggests she's able to appropriately manage herself when she's around her peers. That's great.

Additionally, you seem to be indicating she does okay when she's away from your family and not well when she's with your family.

If these two points are correct, then sending her away to school will probably work out well for her and your family. -Especially if you also invest in some specialized help in exploring what's happening in the home environment that's contributing to the chaotic behavior. -Not to say you're doing something wrong, but, based on what you've posted, it appears this may be a fixable problem, and that you can help turn things around for your daughter and the rest of your family.