Honestly interested in sending child away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay none of what OP wrote sounds like a disability. From her original post, she has advised us that, in her opinion, her daughter 1.) is not good at anything, 2.) is not smart 3.) likes ice cream 4.) is not happy when she doesn’t get her way and is embarrassed in front of friends, and 5.) that OP wants the child out of her life.

ALL OF THIS POINTS TO OP BEING A CRAPPY UNSYMPATHETIC PARENT AND BEING THE MAIN CAUSE OF THE PROBLEM.

I think the part where she said her kid has ADHD sounds like a disability. It certainly also sounds like she could use some parent training. But do you really think shaming her parenting skills is going to make her a better parent?

On its face, no, but it bears repeating for an OP who seemingly dislikes eveything about her child. This situation will not improve until mom takes a long look in the mirror at herself to determine why she harbors such ill-will toward her child.

Don’t you think telling your daughter is stupid and not good at anying is going to cause her to want to change those things? She’s 11 - she needs YOU to help her figure out her talents and interests.

You are in charge and you set the tone. But your daughter definitely deserves more than a mother who “wants her out of [her] life” AT AGE 11.

I believe that you love her, but it’s likely that she doesn’t believe it. It’s on you to make certain that she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid sounds like a brat. Try a spanking sometime.

Go back to the general parenting forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get you. I hate what is happening to our family, too—it's so, so hard. There are no breaks. I think I have PTSD.

People talk about being the adult and stepping up and yes, of course, we do that as much as we can. But living with someone this angry and difficult is a misery that you really can't appreciate until you live it. You don't have time to regroup or catch your breath.

I know it's a few months off, but maybe a therapeutic summer camp would be worthwhile?

I second revisiting ASD.

Hugs to all of you. I hope to get to a point where I can enjoy my child, too. We're not there yet, and it's devastating.

Mine is 15. I'm still waiting.

[Anonymous]

FYI: in Maryland a voluntary placement agreement is NOT the same as “giving up your rights”. You retain parental rights, and the right and duty to attend IEP meetings, doctors appointments, make medical decisions etc. you pay child support based on sliding scale, and you can terminate the agreement. It was developed over 10 years ago specifically because the disability community advocates for a mechanism to get help for their children without having to have their parental rights terminated.

[Anonymous]

I'm the poster who wrote about living with a brother who behaved like this and I just need to say that some of you are being way too harsh on OP. Count yourself lucky that you have absolutely no idea what it's like to be in this family dynamic. I can't think of any childhood memories or special occasions that weren't ruined by my brother. He ran off in the airport in London and we missed our connection to Spain. Then on the way home he ran away in the Barcelona airport and we missed the flight home. We got kicked out of restaurants, stores, entire shopping malls and classes. By association I was also kicked out, when I had done nothing wrong. On a plane once they made him sit in the back row and almost did an emergency landing because my parents couldn't control him. He used to hit me pretty much every day and steal my things, break them just to be mean. He told and still tells people enormous lies, painting himself the victim and that my mom and I are the ones who have problems. I used to hide in the bathroom for hours because it had a lock. When I was a teenager I got a job and with my first pay check I bought a lock for my bedroom door. I was so happy and felt safe for exactly one day, until my brother unscrewed the lock and put it on his own door. I can still remember that feeling of despair and knowing there was nothing I could do, because he would beat the shit out of me. When we hit puberty he did things to me that I will never forget or forgive. That last time he tried to hit me I threw a blender at his head. The broken blender stayed on the floor for a week because I refused to pick it up. My mom was checked out and did nothing. My brother eventually picked it up and then I begged to go to boarding school. As a teenager he set my bed on fire doing hair spray fireballs. My childhood was torture. So, until ANY of you are in the OP's shoes don't you dare judge. I wish my parents had sent my brother away. He was pure evil and awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid sounds like a brat. Try a spanking sometime.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the poster who wrote about living with a brother who behaved like this and I just need to say that some of you are being way too harsh on OP. Count yourself lucky that you have absolutely no idea what it's like to be in this family dynamic. I can't think of any childhood memories or special occasions that weren't ruined by my brother. He ran off in the airport in London and we missed our connection to Spain. Then on the way home he ran away in the Barcelona airport and we missed the flight home. We got kicked out of restaurants, stores, entire shopping malls and classes. By association I was also kicked out, when I had done nothing wrong. On a plane once they made him sit in the back row and almost did an emergency landing because my parents couldn't control him. He used to hit me pretty much every day and steal my things, break them just to be mean. He told and still tells people enormous lies, painting himself the victim and that my mom and I are the ones who have problems. I used to hide in the bathroom for hours because it had a lock. When I was a teenager I got a job and with my first pay check I bought a lock for my bedroom door. I was so happy and felt safe for exactly one day, until my brother unscrewed the lock and put it on his own door. I can still remember that feeling of despair and knowing there was nothing I could do, because he would beat the shit out of me. When we hit puberty he did things to me that I will never forget or forgive. That last time he tried to hit me I threw a blender at his head. The broken blender stayed on the floor for a week because I refused to pick it up. My mom was checked out and did nothing. My brother eventually picked it up and then I begged to go to boarding school. As a teenager he set my bed on fire doing hair spray fireballs. My childhood was torture. So, until ANY of you are in the OP's shoes don't you dare judge. I wish my parents had sent my brother away. He was pure evil and awful.

I’m sorry for your experience but nothing OP said even remotely sounds like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid sounds like a brat. Try a spanking sometime.

+ 1

Spanking doesn't work.

http://www.specialneedsdigest.com/2016/07/the-connections-between-spanking-and.html?m=1

https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/aap-press-room-media-center/pages/discipline.aspx

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2013/10/16/peds.2013-1227

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the poster who wrote about living with a brother who behaved like this and I just need to say that some of you are being way too harsh on OP. Count yourself lucky that you have absolutely no idea what it's like to be in this family dynamic. I can't think of any childhood memories or special occasions that weren't ruined by my brother. He ran off in the airport in London and we missed our connection to Spain. Then on the way home he ran away in the Barcelona airport and we missed the flight home. We got kicked out of restaurants, stores, entire shopping malls and classes. By association I was also kicked out, when I had done nothing wrong. On a plane once they made him sit in the back row and almost did an emergency landing because my parents couldn't control him. He used to hit me pretty much every day and steal my things, break them just to be mean. He told and still tells people enormous lies, painting himself the victim and that my mom and I are the ones who have problems. I used to hide in the bathroom for hours because it had a lock. When I was a teenager I got a job and with my first pay check I bought a lock for my bedroom door. I was so happy and felt safe for exactly one day, until my brother unscrewed the lock and put it on his own door. I can still remember that feeling of despair and knowing there was nothing I could do, because he would beat the shit out of me. When we hit puberty he did things to me that I will never forget or forgive. That last time he tried to hit me I threw a blender at his head. The broken blender stayed on the floor for a week because I refused to pick it up. My mom was checked out and did nothing. My brother eventually picked it up and then I begged to go to boarding school. As a teenager he set my bed on fire doing hair spray fireballs. My childhood was torture. So, until ANY of you are in the OP's shoes don't you dare judge. I wish my parents had sent my brother away. He was pure evil and awful.

I’m sorry for your experience but nothing OP said even remotely sounds like that.

The difference is that PP actually lived the experience, and you are just parsing OP to put her in a bad light.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the poster who wrote about living with a brother who behaved like this and I just need to say that some of you are being way too harsh on OP. Count yourself lucky that you have absolutely no idea what it's like to be in this family dynamic. I can't think of any childhood memories or special occasions that weren't ruined by my brother. He ran off in the airport in London and we missed our connection to Spain. Then on the way home he ran away in the Barcelona airport and we missed the flight home. We got kicked out of restaurants, stores, entire shopping malls and classes. By association I was also kicked out, when I had done nothing wrong. On a plane once they made him sit in the back row and almost did an emergency landing because my parents couldn't control him. He used to hit me pretty much every day and steal my things, break them just to be mean. He told and still tells people enormous lies, painting himself the victim and that my mom and I are the ones who have problems. I used to hide in the bathroom for hours because it had a lock. When I was a teenager I got a job and with my first pay check I bought a lock for my bedroom door. I was so happy and felt safe for exactly one day, until my brother unscrewed the lock and put it on his own door. I can still remember that feeling of despair and knowing there was nothing I could do, because he would beat the shit out of me. When we hit puberty he did things to me that I will never forget or forgive. That last time he tried to hit me I threw a blender at his head. The broken blender stayed on the floor for a week because I refused to pick it up. My mom was checked out and did nothing. My brother eventually picked it up and then I begged to go to boarding school. As a teenager he set my bed on fire doing hair spray fireballs. My childhood was torture. So, until ANY of you are in the OP's shoes don't you dare judge. I wish my parents had sent my brother away. He was pure evil and awful.

Holy crap. That’s terrible. I am so sorry that happened to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the poster who wrote about living with a brother who behaved like this and I just need to say that some of you are being way too harsh on OP. Count yourself lucky that you have absolutely no idea what it's like to be in this family dynamic. I can't think of any childhood memories or special occasions that weren't ruined by my brother. He ran off in the airport in London and we missed our connection to Spain. Then on the way home he ran away in the Barcelona airport and we missed the flight home. We got kicked out of restaurants, stores, entire shopping malls and classes. By association I was also kicked out, when I had done nothing wrong. On a plane once they made him sit in the back row and almost did an emergency landing because my parents couldn't control him. He used to hit me pretty much every day and steal my things, break them just to be mean. He told and still tells people enormous lies, painting himself the victim and that my mom and I are the ones who have problems. I used to hide in the bathroom for hours because it had a lock. When I was a teenager I got a job and with my first pay check I bought a lock for my bedroom door. I was so happy and felt safe for exactly one day, until my brother unscrewed the lock and put it on his own door. I can still remember that feeling of despair and knowing there was nothing I could do, because he would beat the shit out of me. When we hit puberty he did things to me that I will never forget or forgive. That last time he tried to hit me I threw a blender at his head. The broken blender stayed on the floor for a week because I refused to pick it up. My mom was checked out and did nothing. My brother eventually picked it up and then I begged to go to boarding school. As a teenager he set my bed on fire doing hair spray fireballs. My childhood was torture. So, until ANY of you are in the OP's shoes don't you dare judge. I wish my parents had sent my brother away. He was pure evil and awful.

I’m sorry for your experience but nothing OP said even remotely sounds like that.

[b]

New pp- Nothing... yet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the poster who wrote about living with a brother who behaved like this and I just need to say that some of you are being way too harsh on OP. Count yourself lucky that you have absolutely no idea what it's like to be in this family dynamic. I can't think of any childhood memories or special occasions that weren't ruined by my brother. He ran off in the airport in London and we missed our connection to Spain. Then on the way home he ran away in the Barcelona airport and we missed the flight home. We got kicked out of restaurants, stores, entire shopping malls and classes. By association I was also kicked out, when I had done nothing wrong. On a plane once they made him sit in the back row and almost did an emergency landing because my parents couldn't control him. He used to hit me pretty much every day and steal my things, break them just to be mean. He told and still tells people enormous lies, painting himself the victim and that my mom and I are the ones who have problems. I used to hide in the bathroom for hours because it had a lock. When I was a teenager I got a job and with my first pay check I bought a lock for my bedroom door. I was so happy and felt safe for exactly one day, until my brother unscrewed the lock and put it on his own door. I can still remember that feeling of despair and knowing there was nothing I could do, because he would beat the shit out of me. When we hit puberty he did things to me that I will never forget or forgive. That last time he tried to hit me I threw a blender at his head. The broken blender stayed on the floor for a week because I refused to pick it up. My mom was checked out and did nothing. My brother eventually picked it up and then I begged to go to boarding school. As a teenager he set my bed on fire doing hair spray fireballs. My childhood was torture. So, until ANY of you are in the OP's shoes don't you dare judge. I wish my parents had sent my brother away. He was pure evil and awful.

I’m sorry for your experience but nothing OP said even remotely sounds like that.

The difference is that PP actually lived the experience, and you are just parsing OP to put her in a bad light.

No, I am “parsing” OP because her child is going to be damaged by a mother who thinks she’s stupid, not good at anything, and bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay none of what OP wrote sounds like a disability. From her original post, she has advised us that, in her opinion, her daughter 1.) is not good at anything, 2.) is not smart 3.) likes ice cream 4.) is not happy when she doesn’t get her way and is embarrassed in front of friends, and 5.) that OP wants the child out of her life.

ALL OF THIS POINTS TO OP BEING A CRAPPY UNSYMPATHETIC PARENT AND BEING THE MAIN CAUSE OF THE PROBLEM.

I think the part where she said her kid has ADHD sounds like a disability. It certainly also sounds like she could use some parent training. But do you really think shaming her parenting skills is going to make her a better parent?

On its face, no, but it bears repeating for an OP who seemingly dislikes eveything about her child. This situation will not improve until mom takes a long look in the mirror at herself to determine why she harbors such ill-will toward her child.

Don’t you think telling your daughter is stupid and not good at anying is going to cause her to want to change those things? She’s 11 - she needs YOU to help her figure out her talents and interests.

You are in charge and you set the tone. But your daughter definitely deserves more than a mother who “wants her out of [her] life” AT AGE 11.

I believe that you love her, but it’s likely that she doesn’t believe it. It’s on you to make certain that she does.

Puh-lease. You clearly have no idea what it's like living with a child like this, have nothing meaningful to contribute and are twisting what OP has said. OP harbors no 'ill will' towards her child. She may not like her much but that is radically different than 'ill will'. OP also does not tell her DD that she is stupid or not good at anything. If you had ANY experience with kids with SN, you'd know that parents do not always set the tone. OP can control her own reactions but her child cannot. Living with someone like this day in and day out takes a huge toll on one's mental health and negatively impacts every relationship in the household.

You should stop posting unless you have something concrete to offer. Telling OP to do better is worse than nothing.

[Anonymous]

^ But nothing OP said actually sounds like her daughter is “one of those kids!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the poster who wrote about living with a brother who behaved like this and I just need to say that some of you are being way too harsh on OP. Count yourself lucky that you have absolutely no idea what it's like to be in this family dynamic. I can't think of any childhood memories or special occasions that weren't ruined by my brother. He ran off in the airport in London and we missed our connection to Spain. Then on the way home he ran away in the Barcelona airport and we missed the flight home. We got kicked out of restaurants, stores, entire shopping malls and classes. By association I was also kicked out, when I had done nothing wrong. On a plane once they made him sit in the back row and almost did an emergency landing because my parents couldn't control him. He used to hit me pretty much every day and steal my things, break them just to be mean. He told and still tells people enormous lies, painting himself the victim and that my mom and I are the ones who have problems. I used to hide in the bathroom for hours because it had a lock. When I was a teenager I got a job and with my first pay check I bought a lock for my bedroom door. I was so happy and felt safe for exactly one day, until my brother unscrewed the lock and put it on his own door. I can still remember that feeling of despair and knowing there was nothing I could do, because he would beat the shit out of me. When we hit puberty he did things to me that I will never forget or forgive. That last time he tried to hit me I threw a blender at his head. The broken blender stayed on the floor for a week because I refused to pick it up. My mom was checked out and did nothing. My brother eventually picked it up and then I begged to go to boarding school. As a teenager he set my bed on fire doing hair spray fireballs. My childhood was torture. So, until ANY of you are in the OP's shoes don't you dare judge. I wish my parents had sent my brother away. He was pure evil and awful.

I’m sorry for your experience but nothing OP said even remotely sounds like that.

The difference is that PP actually lived the experience, and you are just parsing OP to put her in a bad light.

No, I am “parsing” OP because her child is going to be damaged by a mother who thinks she’s stupid, not good at anything, and bad.

You are parsing because OP posted negative feelings in an anonymous internet forum and concluded she must feel this way all the time and that she caused her child's disability rather than is reacting to it. Her child is already damaged, but so is the mom. They both need help. The feelings she expressed are common when parents are at their breaking point. I know people who this has happened to. They still love their kids, but they also have strong conflicting feelings.