Honestly interested in sending child away

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,

I had a brother like this except he was genius in. He has ADHD but my mom was a psychologist and refused to medicate him. He made my life a living hell. He used to beat me up every day (I'm a girl) and when he grew into a teenager he spent the day ckntstantly masturbsting and just being awful to be around. Honestly it was traumatizing to live with him. To this day I still can't stand him. He has grown into an adult who is a complusive liar and a terrible person.

When I was a teenager I begged my parents to send ME away, and I went to boarding school. It was the best thing I ever did. I don't judge you, I lived with a terrrible kid and for the sake of your other child, send this one to boarding school.

[Anonymous]

*geius IQ

[Anonymous]

OP ignore all the nasty trolls, especially the ones who say you are a bad mother and to just feed her sugar addiction.

It’s obvious you are trying your best.

Have you tried to get her fat adapted? Look it up. I also thing wilderness therapy is a good idea.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

Sandhill Center in New Mexico.

http://sandhillcenter.org/

I don't know if it is what your daughter needs but they will, or they will be able to point you to the right resources to figure it out. They will help you, too, OP.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here-

I work with a child who's has ADHD and a mood disorder. When I started the position she was on anti psychotics. Let me tell you it was really hard to like this kid in the beginning!!! But four years later, things are so much better.

She's tapered don her medications and off some completely. She still goes to a psychiatrist weekly. She's still not at a normal school, but we are hoping to get there. What worked for us was a gluten free diet, treats (sugar) only once a week and then a hike afterwards. Daily exercise (hiking), classes and keeping to a schedule. At first she needed private classes because she was so beyond and couldn't be with other kids. Now she's in regular classes.

I totally understand the reaction and feelings of OP. People on here are SO mean and just don't get it. If you can affor it op, hire someone like me who can take a load off your shoulders. I do the heavy work, and my boss gets to enjoy her kid in increments throughout the day. It takes a village. I take her hiking, do playdates, and create a schedule. Schedule is sooooo important. No screen time.

[Anonymous]

^ sorry for the typos!

[Anonymous]

Maybe try some of the CBT/therapy suggestions as well as cutting sugar out of your family’s diet. Can you sign your saighter up for stay away camps all summer to see how that goes. If both you and she like it, you can then try boarding school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,

I had a brother like this except he was genius in. He has ADHD but my mom was a psychologist and refused to medicate him. He made my life a living hell. He used to beat me up every day (I'm a girl) and when he grew into a teenager he spent the day ckntstantly masturbsting and just being awful to be around. Honestly it was traumatizing to live with him. To this day I still can't stand him. He has grown into an adult who is a complusive liar and a terrible person.

When I was a teenager I begged my parents to send ME away, and I went to boarding school. It was the best thing I ever did. I don't judge you, I lived with a terrrible kid and for the sake of your other child, send this one to boarding school.

OP here, this is what I’m worried about for our younger child. He has never known a life without this chaos and her violent behaviors.

We all relax when she’s gone. Sleep away camp last year was a godsend for us. But we paid dearly for it when she can back and had explosions and meltdowns for days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the responses on here are absolutely disgusting. And then we wonder why mental health issues are such a problem in this country... OP comes here clearly asking for help and a majority (not all) of the responses just pile on with judgement. Then another school shooting happens and we can't understand why the parent didn't ask for help.
OP, no advice but I wish you well. Ignore the crap here.

Yes, she wants help, but she also needs to face the reality of the role her own hostility is playing and own it, not blame it on her 11 year old being a "bad person." That's a distorted thought.

It depends on how much you believe is nature vs nurture. I honestly do believe some people are just "bad".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has friends at school. That's great.

Personally, I would not tell a tween's friend and that friend's family that my child was having a meltdown. This is a very sensitive age. That's not a good idea, OP. You could have said "Larla is taking a moment" or something like that. And, you could have built on the fact that her friend was there to end the meltdown -- "Larla, do you want to come out and say hello to Annabelle?"

I'm not trying to put you down, but you sound oppositional to her and your dislike of her (which is pretty obvious) makes you handle situations in a way that inflames them. I'm sure she's very, very, difficult, no doubt, but just as she blames others for everything -- don't you do that too???

I agree with this. Of course she was mortified that you “told on her” to her school friend and her parents. She’s not stupid, I think you are. I really wonder how much of this has to do with your parenting, and I hate saying that because of course I don’t know you, but this one example makes me wonder if you’ve just never bonded with her or you just really have no clue how to talk to kids.

How should OP have handled it? I read it thinking the friends are standing by the car and clearly can hear the kid screaming inside. What would you have done? Saying she's "having a moment" when they can hear her screaming is splitting hairs. What is the mom supposed to do to explain why the kid is inside the car screaming while she's waiting outside? I guess I don't see it as malicious. I'm really unsure how I myself would have explained it.

Keyword here is toddler. An older child screaming like this is not normal.
I’m the person you responded to. If this happened to me (and it did happen when my children were toddlers) I would have smiled and waved and said nothing. No explanation needed.

My mom inadvertently embarrassed me so much as a kid by talking too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,

I had a brother like this except he was genius in. He has ADHD but my mom was a psychologist and refused to medicate him. He made my life a living hell. He used to beat me up every day (I'm a girl) and when he grew into a teenager he spent the day ckntstantly masturbsting and just being awful to be around. Honestly it was traumatizing to live with him. To this day I still can't stand him. He has grown into an adult who is a complusive liar and a terrible person.

When I was a teenager I begged my parents to send ME away, and I went to boarding school. It was the best thing I ever did. I don't judge you, I lived with a terrrible kid and for the sake of your other child, send this one to boarding school.

OP here, this is what I’m worried about for our younger child. He has never known a life without this chaos and her violent behaviors.

We all relax when she’s gone. Sleep away camp last year was a godsend for us. But we paid dearly for it when she can back and had explosions and meltdowns for days.

So sending her away may not be a solution.

Op, pep isn't sufficient. On Monday, contact KKI, children's, ivymount, kingsbury and ask about counseling for your kid. Children's or KKI, or psychiatrist can help you with medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,

I had a brother like this except he was genius in. He has ADHD but my mom was a psychologist and refused to medicate him. He made my life a living hell. He used to beat me up every day (I'm a girl) and when he grew into a teenager he spent the day ckntstantly masturbsting and just being awful to be around. Honestly it was traumatizing to live with him. To this day I still can't stand him. He has grown into an adult who is a complusive liar and a terrible person.

When I was a teenager I begged my parents to send ME away, and I went to boarding school. It was the best thing I ever did. I don't judge you, I lived with a terrrible kid and for the sake of your other child, send this one to boarding school.

OP here, this is what I’m worried about for our younger child. He has never known a life without this chaos and her violent behaviors.

We all relax when she’s gone. Sleep away camp last year was a godsend for us. But we paid dearly for it when she can back and had explosions and meltdowns for days.

You had not mentioned violence previously. I am having trouble reading if she is a PITA or in the range of danger to herself and others. Is she is typical school and sleep away camps. Your account just seems odd. Is she on medications now? This doesn’t add up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some people on this forum who are so consistently nasty. OP - i have no specific advice for you, but appreciate that having an angry, unpleasant child can be an exhausting experience, and we may not all parent them perfectly because it consumes us daily. Those people with easier kids can look at a 5 minute snippet of our lives and judge and tell us what we did wrong -- but they don't come with the baggage of having had a similar fight 13 times already in the last 2 hours.

And f-ck off to the person who told you that sugar is the problem and you should move your whole family to a farm.

I was going to write a similar post. OP, ignore the nasty people. They just don't understand.

Agree ignore the nasties, but the sugar/yeast thing is worth considering. Maybe find a nutritionist with expertise in diet related behavior changes and see what they might recommend. There is so much more going on in our gut than most people realize. It is like a second brain and emotional center, and our modern diets and overuse of antibiotics have really harmed us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,

I had a brother like this except he was genius in. He has ADHD but my mom was a psychologist and refused to medicate him. He made my life a living hell. He used to beat me up every day (I'm a girl) and when he grew into a teenager he spent the day ckntstantly masturbsting and just being awful to be around. Honestly it was traumatizing to live with him. To this day I still can't stand him. He has grown into an adult who is a complusive liar and a terrible person.

When I was a teenager I begged my parents to send ME away, and I went to boarding school. It was the best thing I ever did. I don't judge you, I lived with a terrrible kid and for the sake of your other child, send this one to boarding school.

OP here, this is what I’m worried about for our younger child. He has never known a life without this chaos and her violent behaviors.

We all relax when she’s gone. Sleep away camp last year was a godsend for us. But we paid dearly for it when she can back and had explosions and meltdowns for days.

[b]


There was much more that went down because of my brother, but I don't want to dig at the past. Suffice it to say that I had a horrible childhood. I refused to go to his wedding. I don't want anything to do with him. My SIL has tried to mend the fences, but he's told her so many lies and expects all of us to keep them for him. I just refuse to speak to him because I'm not going to lie for anyone. My mom still enables him and has given him hundreds of thousands of dollars. She also keeps his lies so my poor SIL has a marriage based on a foundation of lies. His lies are HUGE.

For the sake of your other child I would send this one away. I have huge resentment that my mom (single mom) never did anything about my brother or protected me from him. She says she 'tried' and 'did the best she could'. I try to get past it and I've had A LOT of therapy, but it has changed my relationship with my mom. On the plus side, growing up with a brother like that made me fiercely independent and ambitious. But it was mostly because I knew from an early age I could never count on my mom, so anything I wanted I had to do for myself.

[Anonymous]

PP again- My dad died when I was a teenager so I know my mom had it rough and maybe did the best she could but my brother was terrible for 18 years before my dad died so that's not the reason for his behavior. After my dad died there was no one to protect me, so I begged to go to boarding school.