What's the most selfish thing your spouse has done?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our child was very ill, and he unilaterally quit his job to care for this child without discussing it - leaving me working two jobs to support us and with responsibility to care for two older children. There were no winners here. no good choices. Our child passed. We never got over it.

I'm very sorry. How heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:He got upset when I told him I'd need him to stay with me overnight in the hospital after I gave birth to our daughter. He'd been hoping to sleep at home then come back in the mornings and was very upset he had to sleep on the uncomfortable recliner in my recovery room. It wasn't our finest moment but honestly, we were both so exhausted after a multi-day induction that neither of us were thinking clearly. It was a single moment of dumb@ssness from an otherwise wonderful man.

Is it really so bad? I wouldn't want to sleep on that stupid recliner either and if he's just going home to sleep and coming right back in the morning... why is that a big deal?

Because I hadn't slept for 48 hours. Because we were in a "baby friendly" hospital that provided absolutely no help with the baby besides coming in and yelling at me for doing apparently every single thing wrong, they literally wouldn't even hand me the baby if they were already in the room. Because the call button in our room didn't work so if there had been an issue, I couldn't have alerted the nurses (I tried shouting and they didn't hear me). Because my epidural didn't wear off for hours so I couldn't stand up to get the baby on my own. Because, even after the epidural finally wore off, I had a 3rd degree tear and needed help getting out of bed each and every time and needed help getting onto and off of the toilet.

Because I needed him there.

You sound really needy.

NP here, and I guess I'm needy too. I did send my husband home to sleep though and totally regret it. I needed sleep too! Instead I had to care for a screaming newborn (they're not all "sleepy", you know) after having been awake for days and having had surgery.

Approaching this from a purely logical standpoint (which I realize our human emotions are not always logical, and this is not necessarily a justification for your DH staying or going home), but assuming you were breastfeeding/attempting to breastfeed... what would DH have been able to do? If your baby was screaming, you both would be awake... so you wouldn't be getting any sleep anyway. And he would be unable to feed the baby, so pretty much practically useless (although he could have provided emotional support.) I'd hedge a bet that by him getting some decent rest, he was able to be more alert and therefore helpful/supportive the next day.

To be clear, I'm not addressing the above poster who says she couldn't get the baby out of the bassinet on her own, etc (although wtf kind of hospital were you in where nurses were not available to help you use the bathroom, get out of bed, didn't have call buttons, etc.?)

My husband saved our newborn from choking our first night. My labor was pretty fast and turned out she had some amniotic fluid in her lungs- he heard her choking and got to her quickly (much faster than the nurses would have). I don't think I could have done that without him there- I was pretty out of it. Support and peace of mind mean a lot when you've just had a baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

A lot of women have been raised to believe that the man's role is to cater to the mother / wife's needs / wants and to not have any needs or wants of their own. It led to the whole - treat her like a Princess / Queen mentality or the Happy Wife Happy Life slogan / syndrome. I think it was feminist backlash to the men have power so it was switched around to women are royalty and men are their wives servants attitude. So for people with that mindset - a man sleeping when exhausted rather than being in 'yes, dear, whatever you want dear' mode is the ultimate betrayal because that isn't how you as a lowly employee would ever treat royalty. It is a power imbalance dynamic issue that leads to hurt and anger when the man doesn't below his 'role'.

And mothers can have wants/needs of their own? I completely disagree. My DH treats me very very well, but he definitely is not a "yes, dear" man, and I think spouses should cater to each other's needs as much as possible. Not as servants, of course. And it is so so difficult with children, I get that. I live that.

[Anonymous]

I'd heard so much about Breaking Bad, I started watching the old episodes on Hulu. I realized what a fabulous series it was, told DH he'd love it and we should watch it together. I re-watched half the first season with him (so we could enjoy it together and talk about it, KWIM?). We watched 2 seasons together. He then got sick and took a week off work. While he was off, he watched all the remaining episodes without me. But, he didn't tell me until after he'd watched them all! What a selfish prick! I have since refused to watch any more of them. F*ck it.

Now, I don't even bother to find shows we might watch together. I just look for shows our tween DS and I can enjoy together (it was something we did even before binging on Breaking Bad). When DH asks me about shows we should watch together, I just look at him and say "Breaking Bad".

Otherwise, he's a good guy and our marriage is pretty good.

[Anonymous]

Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

NP here. Funny you should ask. When my H was hospitalized for days following complications after an appendectomy, I left DD with my mom and waited on him hand and foot for days. He was a pill and impossible. After the birth of our son years later, he was a complete ass and I was pretty much on my own. We're divorced now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He got upset when I told him I'd need him to stay with me overnight in the hospital after I gave birth to our daughter. He'd been hoping to sleep at home then come back in the mornings and was very upset he had to sleep on the uncomfortable recliner in my recovery room. It wasn't our finest moment but honestly, we were both so exhausted after a multi-day induction that neither of us were thinking clearly. It was a single moment of dumb@ssness from an otherwise wonderful man.

Is it really so bad? I wouldn't want to sleep on that stupid recliner either and if he's just going home to sleep and coming right back in the morning... why is that a big deal?

Because I hadn't slept for 48 hours. Because we were in a "baby friendly" hospital that provided absolutely no help with the baby besides coming in and yelling at me for doing apparently every single thing wrong, they literally wouldn't even hand me the baby if they were already in the room. Because the call button in our room didn't work so if there had been an issue, I couldn't have alerted the nurses (I tried shouting and they didn't hear me). Because my epidural didn't wear off for hours so I couldn't stand up to get the baby on my own. Because, even after the epidural finally wore off, I had a 3rd degree tear and needed help getting out of bed each and every time and needed help getting onto and off of the toilet.

Because I needed him there.

You sound really needy.

Actually, PP sounds like a normal woman in a postpartum situation. Anyone who delivered a baby hours earlier is by definition "needy." That's how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd heard so much about Breaking Bad, I started watching the old episodes on Hulu. I realized what a fabulous series it was, told DH he'd love it and we should watch it together. I re-watched half the first season with him (so we could enjoy it together and talk about it, KWIM?). We watched 2 seasons together. He then got sick and took a week off work. While he was off, he watched all the remaining episodes without me. But, he didn't tell me until after he'd watched them all! What a selfish prick! I have since refused to watch any more of them. F*ck it.

Now, I don't even bother to find shows we might watch together. I just look for shows our tween DS and I can enjoy together (it was something we did even before binging on Breaking Bad). When DH asks me about shows we should watch together, I just look at him and say "Breaking Bad".

Otherwise, he's a good guy and our marriage is pretty good.

So, to be clear, you never finished Breaking Bad because of spite? Or because you had no one to watch it with? I mean, I get being disappointed but I also wouldn't begrudge my husband to binge watch something for a week when he was home sick- it is a good show!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd heard so much about Breaking Bad, I started watching the old episodes on Hulu. I realized what a fabulous series it was, told DH he'd love it and we should watch it together. I re-watched half the first season with him (so we could enjoy it together and talk about it, KWIM?). We watched 2 seasons together. He then got sick and took a week off work. While he was off, he watched all the remaining episodes without me. But, he didn't tell me until after he'd watched them all! What a selfish prick! I have since refused to watch any more of them. F*ck it.

Now, I don't even bother to find shows we might watch together. I just look for shows our tween DS and I can enjoy together (it was something we did even before binging on Breaking Bad). When DH asks me about shows we should watch together, I just look at him and say "Breaking Bad".

Otherwise, he's a good guy and our marriage is pretty good.

Wow, are you serious? This really takes the cake.

[Anonymous]

Wow, a lot of women sure get resentful over some trivial stuff. Must be exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Insist on a second child when I did not want one.

[Anonymous]

My ex used to do nothing (literally nothing) around the house. And would complain that I didn’t need him and that I never had enough energy for him at the end of the day. He’d literally sit on the couch on his computer while I cleaned around him or mowed the lawn or mulched or paid the bills or planned the vacations. It was a stupid, codependent marriage. I realized it was over when I got all excited over a mutual male friend who was staying at our house insisting on doing the dishes. I had never been more turned on. That was the beginning of the end.

So every day was a selfish act. Happily (very happily) divorced with one less child to clean up after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, a lot of women sure get resentful over some trivial stuff. Must be exhausting.

Well, the question was what is the most selfish thing your spouse has ever done. If it seems trivial, it might be because we have a decent relationship otherwise...so no...it’s not exhausting to live that way. Quite the opposite, actually.

[Anonymous]

I vote for the Breaking Bad guy, no contest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He got upset when I told him I'd need him to stay with me overnight in the hospital after I gave birth to our daughter. He'd been hoping to sleep at home then come back in the mornings and was very upset he had to sleep on the uncomfortable recliner in my recovery room. It wasn't our finest moment but honestly, we were both so exhausted after a multi-day induction that neither of us were thinking clearly. It was a single moment of dumb@ssness from an otherwise wonderful man.

Is it really so bad? I wouldn't want to sleep on that stupid recliner either and if he's just going home to sleep and coming right back in the morning... why is that a big deal?

Because I hadn't slept for 48 hours. Because we were in a "baby friendly" hospital that provided absolutely no help with the baby besides coming in and yelling at me for doing apparently every single thing wrong, they literally wouldn't even hand me the baby if they were already in the room. Because the call button in our room didn't work so if there had been an issue, I couldn't have alerted the nurses (I tried shouting and they didn't hear me). Because my epidural didn't wear off for hours so I couldn't stand up to get the baby on my own. Because, even after the epidural finally wore off, I had a 3rd degree tear and needed help getting out of bed each and every time and needed help getting onto and off of the toilet.

Because I needed him there.

You sound really needy.

Actually, PP sounds like a normal woman in a postpartum situation. Anyone who delivered a baby hours earlier is by definition "needy." That's how it works.

+1.