What's the most selfish thing your spouse has done?

[Anonymous]

I am a male. I did not sleep with DW at the hospital when our DD was born. We had been up all night the previous night. I knew that once the baby was home, there would be no sleep....so I went home at about 8 pm, slept for 10 hours, and came back by 8 am. Honestly, it was a good decision.

My wife does stay with me about half the time when I am in the hospital. She leaves to help our DD. But, I have spent more than just a night or two in the hospital: I have been in for about 15 days over the last few yeas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

I’m the PP whose husband didn’t want to stay when I had our child. DH has a recurrent illness that leaves me to take care of him several times a year while he’s incapacitated. I stay by his side and care for him without complaint. In sickness and in health applied to his health as much as mine. Sorry to disappoint you since you clearly have your assumptions about what a selfish princess any woman who needs help after childbirth must be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Left me at Walmart when I was 8 months pregnant. I didn't even have any shoes. I guess he was afraid of becoming a dad.

There's got to be more to the story. What happened to your shoes?

Novalee Nation... where the heart is? Sounds like a movie... you know the one where the pregnant lady bakes pies and then falls in love with the small town doctor and lives happily ever after...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

Should my husband ever experience a health issue that requires that he be hospitalized while simultaneously being required to care for a helpless newborn, I will definitely sleep in his room and be there to help him.

[Anonymous]

To the woman who posted about baby friendly hospitals. I had a very similar experience. My husband wasn't selfish, we just have an older kid who he had to stay with. My 2 nights at a baby friendly hospital were the worst. The nurses do absolutely nothing to help. Trying to breastfeed and care for a bewborn, after a c section, while drugged up on pain medications is the absolute worst. These baby friendly hospitals have no nursery. If we didn't have a kid at home I wpukdmhave c called my husband selfish too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When DD was 3 weeks old he decided to stay in a hotel for two nights so he could get enough sleep for a recreational softball tournament. He’s really into softball...so I said it was ok, but I still think it’s ridiculous.

Oh honey that's really what you think? Love is truly blind

I knew someone would say that. DCUM is so ridiculous and predictable.

Me too. And it’s always the “oh honey” poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a male. I did not sleep with DW at the hospital when our DD was born. We had been up all night the previous night. I knew that once the baby was home, there would be no sleep....so I went home at about 8 pm, slept for 10 hours, and came back by 8 am. Honestly, it was a good decision.

My wife does stay with me about half the time when I am in the hospital. She leaves to help our DD. But, I have spent more than just a night or two in the hospital: I have been in for about 15 days over the last few yeas.

In my experience, you get a lot more help after surgeries than women do postpartum. I got zero help from nurses and still had to care for the baby all night long. When I had kidney surgery, they focused on my sleep and nurses constantly asked what they could do. I was in significantly more pain and more exhausted after labor. This is why women need a helper in the hospital after birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bought and installed a very high end cooktop without discussing or even telling me ahead of time. He does most of the cooking and knew I wouldn't want to spend four figures on it.

Spent the majority of my inheritance on terrible real estate transactions. I blame myself (partially) for that; I brought that money into the marriage and should never have let him anywhere near it.

He's also terrible in bed and the biggest prude imaginable. Fortunately, he never wants sex so I don't have to put up with mediocre, one-sided sex.

last sentence - weirdly happy to know I'm not the only one.

He’s having sex with someone; just not you.

I wouldn't have believed it before I married one, but yes, men with low/no libido do exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marry and then deny sex for years.

=1

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forgot our wedding anniversary. The following year he missed my birthday so he could attend a football game. He thought I would "understand"since it was his favorite pro team. Those were just 2 examples. I checked out of the marriage after that. Most selfish thing I did to him was when I had an affair and ended the marriage.

Your husband is really lucky he got a do-over on the rest of his life. Imagine how awful it would've been for him if he'd stayed married to you. Talk about winning a life-lottery!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the woman who posted about baby friendly hospitals. I had a very similar experience. My husband wasn't selfish, we just have an older kid who he had to stay with. My 2 nights at a baby friendly hospital were the worst. The nurses do absolutely nothing to help. Trying to breastfeed and care for a bewborn, after a c section, while drugged up on pain medications is the absolute worst. These baby friendly hospitals have no nursery. If we didn't have a kid at home I wpukdmhave c called my husband selfish too

I had two c sections. I had a kid at home. I had drugs (obviously). "The worst..." Nah..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you with resentment toward your husbands for not staying with you, by the hospital bed, after childbirth -- do you do the same for him when he is hospitalized? Or is he expected to "be a man" and deal with it?

I bring a baby to his post operative room and go home to take a nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He got upset when I told him I'd need him to stay with me overnight in the hospital after I gave birth to our daughter. He'd been hoping to sleep at home then come back in the mornings and was very upset he had to sleep on the uncomfortable recliner in my recovery room. It wasn't our finest moment but honestly, we were both so exhausted after a multi-day induction that neither of us were thinking clearly. It was a single moment of dumb@ssness from an otherwise wonderful man.

Is it really so bad? I wouldn't want to sleep on that stupid recliner either and if he's just going home to sleep and coming right back in the morning... why is that a big deal?

Because I hadn't slept for 48 hours. Because we were in a "baby friendly" hospital that provided absolutely no help with the baby besides coming in and yelling at me for doing apparently every single thing wrong, they literally wouldn't even hand me the baby if they were already in the room. Because the call button in our room didn't work so if there had been an issue, I couldn't have alerted the nurses (I tried shouting and they didn't hear me). Because my epidural didn't wear off for hours so I couldn't stand up to get the baby on my own. Because, even after the epidural finally wore off, I had a 3rd degree tear and needed help getting out of bed each and every time and needed help getting onto and off of the toilet.

Because I needed him there.

You sound really needy.

Np, I agree. Everything you needed after the birth was the responsibility of a trained healthcare provider— not your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd heard so much about Breaking Bad, I started watching the old episodes on Hulu. I realized what a fabulous series it was, told DH he'd love it and we should watch it together. I re-watched half the first season with him (so we could enjoy it together and talk about it, KWIM?). We watched 2 seasons together. He then got sick and took a week off work. While he was off, he watched all the remaining episodes without me. But, he didn't tell me until after he'd watched them all! What a selfish prick! I have since refused to watch any more of them. F*ck it.

Now, I don't even bother to find shows we might watch together. I just look for shows our tween DS and I can enjoy together (it was something we did even before binging on Breaking Bad). When DH asks me about shows we should watch together, I just look at him and say "Breaking Bad".

Otherwise, he's a good guy and our marriage is pretty good.

My DH does this sh*t all the time. Really annoys me. Worst part is that he uses my netflix to do it so I lose my spot! Ugh. Finally told him to create his own damn netflix profile-- we get 4 of them for free!

Also you really should finish the series- it is so good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, a lot of women sure get resentful over some trivial stuff. Must be exhausting.

Well, the question was what is the most selfish thing your spouse has ever done. If it seems trivial, it might be because we have a decent relationship otherwise...so no...it’s not exhausting to live that way. Quite the opposite, actually.

+1. It speaks volumes that *this* is the most selfish thing he's done! And really it's but a small blip on the radar.