Is this strange? MIL and hospital

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to laugh, because only mothers of sons would feel the need to drive 3 hours round trip at 1am to "be there for her baby boy!!!" who's in the hospital for some non-life-threatening reason. My mom would have been like, "Going to bed, call me in the AM."

I'm glad I have daughters. But sad they will have to deal with these MIL who can't cut the cord.

That is a hurtful thing to say. You must be the best daughter-in-law ever.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have to agree that the 1.5 hour drive there at 9pm, and the 1.5 hour drive home at 1am are weird. DCUM, come on, that SCREAMS overly obsessed mom! As someone else said, she just couldn't help herself and had to step back into that mom role.

I wouldn't be mad, but yeah, that's weird and mom is desperate, bless her heart!

The mom is desperate for answering her son's call for attention while hospitalized?

OP says her husband contacted several people while he was there. He obviously wanted some attention, and his mom gave it to him. A three hour roundtrip drive is more than I'd do for a minor injury, but it was sweet of his mom to squeeze in some family time while he was feeling needy.

OP says he called people to talk and joke around about the accident. His mom could have talked from the comfort of home for hours. She took it to the next level by making a crazy drive in the middle of the night. That's weird. Full stop.

Ugh. Having someone there with you at the hospital is nice. You have someone to talk to. In some cases you are hooked up to IVs and your movements are restricted so just having someone who can walk across the room and bring you a cup of water when your thirsty or whatever is nice. If you are a "non-emergency" case at the ER you are low on the totem pole. All of the serious patients get attention first which is how it should be. But that also means that you might be in pain with a broken bone and no one has brought your pain killers, yet. Having someone there with you who can walk out to the nurses station and say "I'm worried that my husband/son/friend is in pain and I don't think that anyone has brought him his medication, yet"...that can make all the difference between being comfortable and being miserable.

As a nurse, please stay home. I'm not even an ER nurse, but please, stay home. We know what we are doing.

The neediest "visitors" are always MOTHERS OF SONS! We've got it, honey. Your baby boy will be just fine. Mama's Boys, I swear!

Hospitals make lots of mistakes. My husband is a doctor and insists that someone else in there with the patient at all times.

THIS!!!!! and Miss Nurse PP should know this if she is such a caring nurse. I work for a large hospital system in this area and we always want patients to have someone with them their entire hospital stay if possible. Many times the patient needs an advocate, no matter how minor the medical issue. So MIL did nothing wrong.

NP here. Clearly you don't work as a nurse. Firstly, this simply isn't true. Point me in the direction of the 'bring a family member and cling to them for the duration of your stay' disclaimer on any hospital site or pamphlet. The 'have someone with you! Sure! That's great!' is something hospital admin tells people so they score their evaluations higher; it isn't because they think the staff will kill your loved one or that the patient actually needs someone. I can think of a few choice nicknames the nurses have for the husband of the lady with the 'married to a dr' degree.

Having said that- there are some fields where it's the norm to have someone there 24/7- maternity, oncology and palliative care for example. These days, caring for the patient IS caring for the patient's family- we now have double the load. There are some awesome helpful and calm family members out there. Wish that were the norm, because I actually do enjoy working with (helpful) families.

Yeah, the point of being there for your family member is to ensure their comfort not to "save" them from the hospital staff. The patient is where they need to be with skilled professionals looking out for them. The family is there to provide companionship and moral support and to do the little things for them that make them more comfortable - like get them the cellphone in their purse, pour them a glass of water, etc.

Not really. The hospital staff makes a lot of mistakes. Family members can help catch them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have to agree that the 1.5 hour drive there at 9pm, and the 1.5 hour drive home at 1am are weird. DCUM, come on, that SCREAMS overly obsessed mom! As someone else said, she just couldn't help herself and had to step back into that mom role.

I wouldn't be mad, but yeah, that's weird and mom is desperate, bless her heart!

The mom is desperate for answering her son's call for attention while hospitalized?

OP says her husband contacted several people while he was there. He obviously wanted some attention, and his mom gave it to him. A three hour roundtrip drive is more than I'd do for a minor injury, but it was sweet of his mom to squeeze in some family time while he was feeling needy.

OP says he called people to talk and joke around about the accident. His mom could have talked from the comfort of home for hours. She took it to the next level by making a crazy drive in the middle of the night. That's weird. Full stop.

Ugh. Having someone there with you at the hospital is nice. You have someone to talk to. In some cases you are hooked up to IVs and your movements are restricted so just having someone who can walk across the room and bring you a cup of water when your thirsty or whatever is nice. If you are a "non-emergency" case at the ER you are low on the totem pole. All of the serious patients get attention first which is how it should be. But that also means that you might be in pain with a broken bone and no one has brought your pain killers, yet. Having someone there with you who can walk out to the nurses station and say "I'm worried that my husband/son/friend is in pain and I don't think that anyone has brought him his medication, yet"...that can make all the difference between being comfortable and being miserable.

As a nurse, please stay home. I'm not even an ER nurse, but please, stay home. We know what we are doing.

The neediest "visitors" are always MOTHERS OF SONS! We've got it, honey. Your baby boy will be just fine. Mama's Boys, I swear!

Hospitals make lots of mistakes. My husband is a doctor and insists that someone else in there with the patient at all times.

THIS!!!!! and Miss Nurse PP should know this if she is such a caring nurse. I work for a large hospital system in this area and we always want patients to have someone with them their entire hospital stay if possible. Many times the patient needs an advocate, no matter how minor the medical issue. So MIL did nothing wrong.

NP here. Clearly you don't work as a nurse. Firstly, this simply isn't true. Point me in the direction of the 'bring a family member and cling to them for the duration of your stay' disclaimer on any hospital site or pamphlet. The 'have someone with you! Sure! That's great!' is something hospital admin tells people so they score their evaluations higher; it isn't because they think the staff will kill your loved one or that the patient actually needs someone. I can think of a few choice nicknames the nurses have for the husband of the lady with the 'married to a dr' degree.

Having said that- there are some fields where it's the norm to have someone there 24/7- maternity, oncology and palliative care for example. These days, caring for the patient IS caring for the patient's family- we now have double the load. There are some awesome helpful and calm family members out there. Wish that were the norm, because I actually do enjoy working with (helpful) families.

Yeah, the point of being there for your family member is to ensure their comfort not to "save" them from the hospital staff. The patient is where they need to be with skilled professionals looking out for them. The family is there to provide companionship and moral support and to do the little things for them that make them more comfortable - like get them the cellphone in their purse, pour them a glass of water, etc.

Not really. The hospital staff makes a lot of mistakes. Family members can help catch them.

Sure if you catch something, say something. Absolutely. But don't walk in there with a chip on your shoulders expecting to "catch" the hospital staff doing something wrong. That's counterproductive.

[Anonymous]

Geez. Nothing wrong with this. He still her son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're thinking into it too much. Look at it this way -- if she got the call from him last night that he was in the hospital, asked where you were, and then drove to your house to tell you "I'll stay with the kids so you can go be with your husband" after you had already decided to stay home with the kids because it wasn't an emergency, you would most definitely feel judged by her.

If you had wanted to be there and called her to watch the kids and she said no she needed to be with him, that's one thing. You didn't, and when she heard he was there she went to see him.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could have called and asked her to babysit if you thought it was YOUR place so much. But you didn't feel the need to sit with him, until you heard that she had. Stop competing and be thankful he has family to look after him as well.

This!! You can't have it both way OP!

[Anonymous]

What a sweet thing for your MIL to do! I know it may seem like she was stepping on your toes, OP, but it sounds like she just wanted to support her son and recognized that this was a way that she could it. After all, she wasn't harping on him or nagging, asking why you weren't there and then criticizing you for your non-presence. So, take it for what it is and accept that she was willing to drop everything in the middle of the night and run to be with her kid. Good for her! Hope you're over this, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No big deal. He probably told her there was no need for anyone to come, and you couldn't bc of the kids, and she did anyway just to hang out.

Yeah, she probably figured you would rather be at home with the kids, sleeping, rather than sitting in an ER triage room in the middle of the night - especially since your DH didn't actually need support because he wasn't seriously injured.

I wouldn't think twice about it. Maybe you have other issues with her and are triggered easily?

[Anonymous]

What does it even mean to "throw your mom weight around"?? As if there is a competition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does it even mean to "throw your mom weight around"?? As if there is a competition?

If she has a strong and pushy sort of personality and she steps in and involves herself in her adult children's lives in an intrusive way because she's "The Mom".....that would be an overbearing example of throwing her mom weight around. Ex: If she heard about her adult son's injury and informed her daughter-in-law to "Just stay at home. He's my son, I'll go to the hospital and deal with this". That would be incredibly pushy of her.

Requiring your adult children to do as told and punishing them in some way when they do things their own way - that is overbearing.

[Anonymous]

^For the record, it does not sound as though Op's MIL was throwing her mom weight around. She simply heard that her son was hospitalized and went to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^For the record, it does not sound as though Op's MIL was throwing her mom weight around. She simply heard that her son was hospitalized and went to him.

At 9pm. From 90 minutes away. For nothing non life threatening. To stay an hour. Then drive 90 minutes back home. At 1am.

You don't see how this comes off as EXTREMELY desperate? Especially assuming he didn't ASK for someone to come (OP said she just showed up. Just showed up!)

[Anonymous]

She is his mom, not his mistress. What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^For the record, it does not sound as though Op's MIL was throwing her mom weight around. She simply heard that her son was hospitalized and went to him.

At 9pm. From 90 minutes away. For nothing non life threatening. To stay an hour. Then drive 90 minutes back home. At 1am.

You don't see how this comes off as EXTREMELY desperate? Especially assuming he didn't ASK for someone to come (OP said she just showed up. Just showed up!)

We don't know what the details of his injury were. When they are in the hospital like that and x-rays are being taken, labs being run and procedures are being done it isn't always clear how long a person will be there. His mom must have heard a detail that made her believe that he was going to be at the hospital for a while. Why else would she drive 1 1/2 hours to get to him? At the very least, she may have been there to help him get home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^For the record, it does not sound as though Op's MIL was throwing her mom weight around. She simply heard that her son was hospitalized and went to him.

At 9pm. From 90 minutes away. For nothing non life threatening. To stay an hour. Then drive 90 minutes back home. At 1am.

You don't see how this comes off as EXTREMELY desperate? Especially assuming he didn't ASK for someone to come (OP said she just showed up. Just showed up!)

I bet you OP's DH said, "sure, come over if you want." And given OP's sunshine personality, his mom thought, why not go. It is clear that OP is insecure and thinks her DH belongs only to her, and can't even say his mom's name without OP acting like he is cheating! Mirror, mirror on the wall....