Is this strange? MIL and hospital

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree that the 1.5 hour drive there at 9pm, and the 1.5 hour drive home at 1am are weird. DCUM, come on, that SCREAMS overly obsessed mom! As someone else said, she just couldn't help herself and had to step back into that mom role.

I wouldn't be mad, but yeah, that's weird and mom is desperate, bless her heart!

The mom is desperate for answering her son's call for attention while hospitalized?

OP says her husband contacted several people while he was there. He obviously wanted some attention, and his mom gave it to him. A three hour roundtrip drive is more than I'd do for a minor injury, but it was sweet of his mom to squeeze in some family time while he was feeling needy.

OP says he called people to talk and joke around about the accident. His mom could have talked from the comfort of home for hours. She took it to the next level by making a crazy drive in the middle of the night. That's weird. Full stop.

Ugh. Having someone there with you at the hospital is nice. You have someone to talk to. In some cases you are hooked up to IVs and your movements are restricted so just having someone who can walk across the room and bring you a cup of water when your thirsty or whatever is nice. If you are a "non-emergency" case at the ER you are low on the totem pole. All of the serious patients get attention first which is how it should be. But that also means that you might be in pain with a broken bone and no one has brought your pain killers, yet. Having someone there with you who can walk out to the nurses station and say "I'm worried that my husband/son/friend is in pain and I don't think that anyone has brought him his medication, yet"...that can make all the difference between being comfortable and being miserable.

As a nurse, please stay home. I'm not even an ER nurse, but please, stay home. We know what we are doing.

The neediest "visitors" are always MOTHERS OF SONS! We've got it, honey. Your baby boy will be just fine. Mama's Boys, I swear!

Hospitals make lots of mistakes. My husband is a doctor and insists that someone else in there with the patient at all times.

THIS!!!!! and Miss Nurse PP should know this if she is such a caring nurse. I work for a large hospital system in this area and we always want patients to have someone with them their entire hospital stay if possible. Many times the patient needs an advocate, no matter how minor the medical issue. So MIL did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're thinking into it too much. Look at it this way -- if she got the call from him last night that he was in the hospital, asked where you were, and then drove to your house to tell you "I'll stay with the kids so you can go be with your husband" after you had already decided to stay home with the kids because it wasn't an emergency, you would most definitely feel judged by her.

If you had wanted to be there and called her to watch the kids and she said no she needed to be with him, that's one thing. You didn't, and when she heard he was there she went to see him.

This is all correct.

But OP, I'd be a little annoyed too most likely. Mainly bc then I'd feel guilty I didn't go and instead went to sleep at home...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to laugh, because only mothers of sons would feel the need to drive 3 hours round trip at 1am to "be there for her baby boy!!!" who's in the hospital for some non-life-threatening reason. My mom would have been like, "Going to bed, call me in the AM."

I'm glad I have daughters. But sad they will have to deal with these MIL who can't cut the cord.

Yeah, mothers n-e-v-e-r show up at the hospital when their daughters are in labor. Ever.

Your girls must still be pretty young. It doesn't sound as though you've thought your position through very well....

My mom came and slept in my hospital room a few years ago (I was 37) when I had a medical emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're thinking into it too much. Look at it this way -- if she got the call from him last night that he was in the hospital, asked where you were, and then drove to your house to tell you "I'll stay with the kids so you can go be with your husband" after you had already decided to stay home with the kids because it wasn't an emergency, you would most definitely feel judged by her.

If you had wanted to be there and called her to watch the kids and she said no she needed to be with him, that's one thing. You didn't, and when she heard he was there she went to see him.

This is all correct.

But OP, I'd be a little annoyed too most likely. Mainly bc then I'd feel guilty I didn't go and instead went to sleep at home...

I completely agree. And maybe this is the part OP finds "weird". It wasn't serious enough for the wife to go, but the mom went?

I mean, I get that she probably did enjoy the alone time, and did enjoy showing up for her son (though it sounds like the hospital visit was more a formality than necessary?) and I get that there aren't many opportunities to "mother" grown children. But I too think the long drive and late hour and nature of injury didn't warrant the mom showing up. It was nice, of course! But I too see where the wife is coming from. It sort of feels like the mom forcing herself on the son and throwing her "mom" weight around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be pissed OP. My DH's parents tried to do this back when we had a newborn and DH needed surgery. I asked if they would stay with the baby while I went with DH and they said "No...we need to be with him, you need to be with the baby." I had to hire someone for the day. Absurd.

I actually agree with your inlaws. I would much rather have a parent stay with the newborn, and send the inlaws to be with my husband. In fact, my parents offered to stay with my newborn while I was in the hospital, bit I insisted my husband stay with the baby. My parents came to the hospital with me. We were all fine with my decision.
If I were you, I'd definitely want to be with my newborn, rather than at the hospital with my husband. And my husband would understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to laugh, because only mothers of sons would feel the need to drive 3 hours round trip at 1am to "be there for her baby boy!!!" who's in the hospital for some non-life-threatening reason. My mom would have been like, "Going to bed, call me in the AM."

I'm glad I have daughters. But sad they will have to deal with these MIL who can't cut the cord.

Yeah, mothers n-e-v-e-r show up at the hospital when their daughters are in labor. Ever.

Your girls must still be pretty young. It doesn't sound as though you've thought your position through very well....

My mom came and slept in my hospital room a few years ago (I was 37) when I had a medical emergency.

I'm sure that I would do the same thing for my kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, thanks for the post. It's brought out all the crazy mom's & MILs. So many, so crazy, with some judgment, too.

[Anonymous]

My mother would've done the same for me and I'm a woman.

[Anonymous]

All these people who would get out of bed to watch their adult child get stitches (or a cast, or whatever) at 9 at night are insane!

And the timeline OP provides -- 9pm to 1am, and the MIL having a 90 minute drive -- means she spent all of 2.5 hours with her son, and that's assuming she left her house in a hurry the second he called! (Which I'm sure she didn't, because I'm sure he was dealing with intake and his employer, perhaps, and calling his wife, before he called his mom.)

It's insane!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree that the 1.5 hour drive there at 9pm, and the 1.5 hour drive home at 1am are weird. DCUM, come on, that SCREAMS overly obsessed mom! As someone else said, she just couldn't help herself and had to step back into that mom role.

I wouldn't be mad, but yeah, that's weird and mom is desperate, bless her heart!

The mom is desperate for answering her son's call for attention while hospitalized?

OP says her husband contacted several people while he was there. He obviously wanted some attention, and his mom gave it to him. A three hour roundtrip drive is more than I'd do for a minor injury, but it was sweet of his mom to squeeze in some family time while he was feeling needy.

OP says he called people to talk and joke around about the accident. His mom could have talked from the comfort of home for hours. She took it to the next level by making a crazy drive in the middle of the night. That's weird. Full stop.

Ugh. Having someone there with you at the hospital is nice. You have someone to talk to. In some cases you are hooked up to IVs and your movements are restricted so just having someone who can walk across the room and bring you a cup of water when your thirsty or whatever is nice. If you are a "non-emergency" case at the ER you are low on the totem pole. All of the serious patients get attention first which is how it should be. But that also means that you might be in pain with a broken bone and no one has brought your pain killers, yet. Having someone there with you who can walk out to the nurses station and say "I'm worried that my husband/son/friend is in pain and I don't think that anyone has brought him his medication, yet"...that can make all the difference between being comfortable and being miserable.

As a nurse, please stay home. I'm not even an ER nurse, but please, stay home. We know what we are doing.

The neediest "visitors" are always MOTHERS OF SONS! We've got it, honey. Your baby boy will be just fine. Mama's Boys, I swear!

Hospitals make lots of mistakes. My husband is a doctor and insists that someone else in there with the patient at all times.

THIS!!!!! and Miss Nurse PP should know this if she is such a caring nurse. I work for a large hospital system in this area and we always want patients to have someone with them their entire hospital stay if possible. Many times the patient needs an advocate, no matter how minor the medical issue. So MIL did nothing wrong.

NP here. Clearly you don't work as a nurse. Firstly, this simply isn't true. Point me in the direction of the 'bring a family member and cling to them for the duration of your stay' disclaimer on any hospital site or pamphlet. The 'have someone with you! Sure! That's great!' is something hospital admin tells people so they score their evaluations higher; it isn't because they think the staff will kill your loved one or that the patient actually needs someone. I can think of a few choice nicknames the nurses have for the husband of the lady with the 'married to a dr' degree.

Having said that- there are some fields where it's the norm to have someone there 24/7- maternity, oncology and palliative care for example. These days, caring for the patient IS caring for the patient's family- we now have double the load. There are some awesome helpful and calm family members out there. Wish that were the norm, because I actually do enjoy working with (helpful) families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're thinking into it too much. Look at it this way -- if she got the call from him last night that he was in the hospital, asked where you were, and then drove to your house to tell you "I'll stay with the kids so you can go be with your husband" after you had already decided to stay home with the kids because it wasn't an emergency, you would most definitely feel judged by her.

If you had wanted to be there and called her to watch the kids and she said no she needed to be with him, that's one thing. You didn't, and when she heard he was there she went to see him.

This is all correct.

But OP, I'd be a little annoyed too most likely. Mainly bc then I'd feel guilty I didn't go and instead went to sleep at home...

I completely agree. And maybe this is the part OP finds "weird". It wasn't serious enough for the wife to go, but the mom went?

I mean, I get that she probably did enjoy the alone time, and did enjoy showing up for her son (though it sounds like the hospital visit was more a formality than necessary?) and I get that there aren't many opportunities to "mother" grown children. But I too think the long drive and late hour and nature of injury didn't warrant the mom showing up. It was nice, of course! But I too see where the wife is coming from. It sort of feels like the mom forcing herself on the son and throwing her "mom" weight around.

It sounds as though the injury was significant enough that he was admitted to the hospital. Not just treated and released. The fact that his mom drove 1 1/2 hours to get to him indicates that she thought that he was going to be in the hospital for at least a few hours. If he was just getting some quick stitches I doubt that she would have driven so far and at such a weird hour of the night to get to him.

It was a minor enough injury for Op not to be too worried about him but significant enough for him to remain in the hospital for a while. I can see why both Op and MIL did what they did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother would've done the same for me and I'm a woman.

I would go to the hospital for either my adult son or my adult daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree that the 1.5 hour drive there at 9pm, and the 1.5 hour drive home at 1am are weird. DCUM, come on, that SCREAMS overly obsessed mom! As someone else said, she just couldn't help herself and had to step back into that mom role.

I wouldn't be mad, but yeah, that's weird and mom is desperate, bless her heart!

The mom is desperate for answering her son's call for attention while hospitalized?

OP says her husband contacted several people while he was there. He obviously wanted some attention, and his mom gave it to him. A three hour roundtrip drive is more than I'd do for a minor injury, but it was sweet of his mom to squeeze in some family time while he was feeling needy.

OP says he called people to talk and joke around about the accident. His mom could have talked from the comfort of home for hours. She took it to the next level by making a crazy drive in the middle of the night. That's weird. Full stop.

Ugh. Having someone there with you at the hospital is nice. You have someone to talk to. In some cases you are hooked up to IVs and your movements are restricted so just having someone who can walk across the room and bring you a cup of water when your thirsty or whatever is nice. If you are a "non-emergency" case at the ER you are low on the totem pole. All of the serious patients get attention first which is how it should be. But that also means that you might be in pain with a broken bone and no one has brought your pain killers, yet. Having someone there with you who can walk out to the nurses station and say "I'm worried that my husband/son/friend is in pain and I don't think that anyone has brought him his medication, yet"...that can make all the difference between being comfortable and being miserable.

As a nurse, please stay home. I'm not even an ER nurse, but please, stay home. We know what we are doing.

The neediest "visitors" are always MOTHERS OF SONS! We've got it, honey. Your baby boy will be just fine. Mama's Boys, I swear!

Hospitals make lots of mistakes. My husband is a doctor and insists that someone else in there with the patient at all times.

THIS!!!!! and Miss Nurse PP should know this if she is such a caring nurse. I work for a large hospital system in this area and we always want patients to have someone with them their entire hospital stay if possible. Many times the patient needs an advocate, no matter how minor the medical issue. So MIL did nothing wrong.

NP here. Clearly you don't work as a nurse. Firstly, this simply isn't true. Point me in the direction of the 'bring a family member and cling to them for the duration of your stay' disclaimer on any hospital site or pamphlet. The 'have someone with you! Sure! That's great!' is something hospital admin tells people so they score their evaluations higher; it isn't because they think the staff will kill your loved one or that the patient actually needs someone. I can think of a few choice nicknames the nurses have for the husband of the lady with the 'married to a dr' degree.

Having said that- there are some fields where it's the norm to have someone there 24/7- maternity, oncology and palliative care for example. These days, caring for the patient IS caring for the patient's family- we now have double the load. There are some awesome helpful and calm family members out there. Wish that were the norm, because I actually do enjoy working with (helpful) families.

Yeah, the point of being there for your family member is to ensure their comfort not to "save" them from the hospital staff. The patient is where they need to be with skilled professionals looking out for them. The family is there to provide companionship and moral support and to do the little things for them that make them more comfortable - like get them the cellphone in their purse, pour them a glass of water, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these people who would get out of bed to watch their adult child get stitches (or a cast, or whatever) at 9 at night are insane!

And the timeline OP provides -- 9pm to 1am, and the MIL having a 90 minute drive -- means she spent all of 2.5 hours with her son, and that's assuming she left her house in a hurry the second he called! (Which I'm sure she didn't, because I'm sure he was dealing with intake and his employer, perhaps, and calling his wife, before he called his mom.)

It's insane!

She may have helped out with the logistics of simply getting him home from the hospital. Was he taken by ambulance? If so, he didn't have his car with him. Could he drive or did he have a cast(s) or other medical limitations (on pain killers for instance). Have you ever tried to get someone on painkillers and in casts home from the hospital while trying to herd two kids along with you? And at 1am or 2am in the morning no less.

Op, please don't forget to thank your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these people who would get out of bed to watch their adult child get stitches (or a cast, or whatever) at 9 at night are insane!

And the timeline OP provides -- 9pm to 1am, and the MIL having a 90 minute drive -- means she spent all of 2.5 hours with her son, and that's assuming she left her house in a hurry the second he called! (Which I'm sure she didn't, because I'm sure he was dealing with intake and his employer, perhaps, and calling his wife, before he called his mom.)

It's insane!

I wouldn't. I'm lazy.

But some people truly value spending time with family, which is what it seems like happened with OP's husband and his mom. That's sweet.

The replies calling the MIL insane, desperate, and/or crazy really illuminate why rates of depression, antidepressant med use, and anti-anxiety med use are high in this country. People see regular displays of affection as something egregious. No wonder people are so unhappy and isolated.