Is this strange? MIL and hospital

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^For the record, it does not sound as though Op's MIL was throwing her mom weight around. She simply heard that her son was hospitalized and went to him.

At 9pm. From 90 minutes away. For nothing non life threatening. To stay an hour. Then drive 90 minutes back home. At 1am.

You don't see how this comes off as EXTREMELY desperate? Especially assuming he didn't ASK for someone to come (OP said she just showed up. Just showed up!)

We don't know what the details of his injury were. When they are in the hospital like that and x-rays are being taken, labs being run and procedures are being done it isn't always clear how long a person will be there. His mom must have heard a detail that made her believe that he was going to be at the hospital for a while. Why else would she drive 1 1/2 hours to get to him? At the very least, she may have been there to help him get home.

Why are you being all rational and level headed? Don't you know that is frowned upon by DILs on DCUM? To suggest that any MIL could actually think and do something nice??

[Anonymous]

If the OP was a man and it was his wife in the hospital with a minor injury, nobody would bat an eye if his MIL made the drive to be with her daughter. OP would not even have written this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^For the record, it does not sound as though Op's MIL was throwing her mom weight around. She simply heard that her son was hospitalized and went to him.

At 9pm. From 90 minutes away. For nothing non life threatening. To stay an hour. Then drive 90 minutes back home. At 1am.

You don't see how this comes off as EXTREMELY desperate? Especially assuming he didn't ASK for someone to come (OP said she just showed up. Just showed up!)

I see. You're the paranoid DIL that makes her MIL's relationship with her own son a living hell. Great.

My wife recently had a bad bacteria infection. After 5 days of very bad reactions that got worse, not better, we went to urgent care, got an antibiotic. Didn't clear up, so 3 days later, went to her GP. GP ran labs and when the labs came back, called and said it was a particularly antibiotic resistant strain of E Coli. Got 2nd antibiotic. After 3 more days with no change, she was feeling so bad (and it was a Sunday) that we took her to the ER. Got there around 4pm. I was checking in at the desk with the triage nurse about once/hour. From 7:30 on, she was the top non-emergency case. But emergencies were coming in pretty steadily. We waited until 10pm. Our kids are 5 and normal bedtime is 8:30 and the kids were definitely cranky. Finally, I took the kids home and told my wife to call/text me when her status changed. I took the kids home and put them to sleep on the sofa, planning to carry them to the car when we needed to go back and get my wife. At 12:30am she finally moved to an exam room. They ran some additional tests (she went for one test from the waiting room before we left). Finally at 2:30am, they got the results back and determined that she would need to stay in the hospital. She was admitted and did not get into a room until 3:30am, almost 12 hours after we got there. When you are non-emergency, you can be waiting indefinitely. We didn't imagine that we'd be sitting in the ER for 6 hours before I left and 8.5 hours total before she was moved to an exam room. But that's what happens when you are non-critical.

So, back to OP's husband. The guy is bored. He's already called his wife and told her to stay home with the kids, it's nothing serious. He calls a couple of buddies, then calls his Mom who he has a good relationship with. Chats a bit. She asks if DIL is there. He tells her he told her it wasn't serious and she should stay home with the kids. He's bored. He tells her that he's on the non-emergency list so has to wait until the emergency patients clear out. Doesn't know how long he'll be there. She decides to come and keep him company and drives there to be with her son and keep him company. He gets there 9pm. She gets there maybe 11pm and they still don't know when he'll be seen. Could be 30 minutes, could be several hours. He finally gets in around midnight or a bit after. They see him, they treat him and he's discharged around 1am. But one or two more critical case coming in on an ambulance and it could have been another hour or more.

[Anonymous]

Its her son, chill out. Thats nice of her to do. Ive been in surgery twice since my DD was born, appendix out and a major hernia where they had to cut open my c-section.

Guess what? Husband had to stay with the baby and no one came to sit with me. I would have loved for my mom to come hang out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the OP was a man and it was his wife in the hospital with a minor injury, nobody would bat an eye if his MIL made the drive to be with her daughter. OP would not even have written this post.

Agreed. This is much ado about nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its her son, chill out. Thats nice of her to do. Ive been in surgery twice since my DD was born, appendix out and a major hernia where they had to cut open my c-section.

Guess what? Husband had to stay with the baby and no one came to sit with me. I would have loved for my mom to come hang out

I was hospitalized after having my baby. I told DH that one of us needed to be with baby to bond so he didn't get to be with me. My mom did. He lived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^For the record, it does not sound as though Op's MIL was throwing her mom weight around. She simply heard that her son was hospitalized and went to him.

At 9pm. From 90 minutes away. For nothing non life threatening. To stay an hour. Then drive 90 minutes back home. At 1am.

You don't see how this comes off as EXTREMELY desperate? Especially assuming he didn't ASK for someone to come (OP said she just showed up. Just showed up!)

I see. You're the paranoid DIL that makes her MIL's relationship with her own son a living hell. Great.

My wife recently had a bad bacteria infection. After 5 days of very bad reactions that got worse, not better, we went to urgent care, got an antibiotic. Didn't clear up, so 3 days later, went to her GP. GP ran labs and when the labs came back, called and said it was a particularly antibiotic resistant strain of E Coli. Got 2nd antibiotic. After 3 more days with no change, she was feeling so bad (and it was a Sunday) that we took her to the ER. Got there around 4pm. I was checking in at the desk with the triage nurse about once/hour. From 7:30 on, she was the top non-emergency case. But emergencies were coming in pretty steadily. We waited until 10pm. Our kids are 5 and normal bedtime is 8:30 and the kids were definitely cranky. Finally, I took the kids home and told my wife to call/text me when her status changed. I took the kids home and put them to sleep on the sofa, planning to carry them to the car when we needed to go back and get my wife. At 12:30am she finally moved to an exam room. They ran some additional tests (she went for one test from the waiting room before we left). Finally at 2:30am, they got the results back and determined that she would need to stay in the hospital. She was admitted and did not get into a room until 3:30am, almost 12 hours after we got there. When you are non-emergency, you can be waiting indefinitely. We didn't imagine that we'd be sitting in the ER for 6 hours before I left and 8.5 hours total before she was moved to an exam room. But that's what happens when you are non-critical.

So, back to OP's husband. The guy is bored. He's already called his wife and told her to stay home with the kids, it's nothing serious. He calls a couple of buddies, then calls his Mom who he has a good relationship with. Chats a bit. She asks if DIL is there. He tells her he told her it wasn't serious and she should stay home with the kids. He's bored. He tells her that he's on the non-emergency list so has to wait until the emergency patients clear out. Doesn't know how long he'll be there. She decides to come and keep him company and drives there to be with her son and keep him company. He gets there 9pm. She gets there maybe 11pm and they still don't know when he'll be seen. Could be 30 minutes, could be several hours. He finally gets in around midnight or a bit after. They see him, they treat him and he's discharged around 1am. But one or two more critical case coming in on an ambulance and it could have been another hour or more.

Wow, what a hellish ordeal. I hope your wife is better now and that she has no lasting damage from that infection.

[Anonymous]

I don't like my MIL, I really don't. However, I would actually call her and ask to come stay with DH in the hospital if I needed to be with the kids (he probably would not tell her himself). It's normal, that's what mothers do.

[Anonymous]

It's so sad that so many of you can't fathom your mothers coming to stay with you while you're waiting at the hospital. It's almost as sad as OP being insecure and jealous of her MIL going to stay with her DH (after she had decided not to)!

[Anonymous]

What MIL seems normal to me. I don't get the big deal. Some of you have weird relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that so many of you can't fathom your mothers coming to stay with you while you're waiting at the hospital. It's almost as sad as OP being insecure and jealous of her MIL going to stay with her DH (after she had decided not to)!

+100 I really have problems understanding this silo mentality for many posters recently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad that so many of you can't fathom your mothers coming to stay with you while you're waiting at the hospital. It's almost as sad as OP being insecure and jealous of her MIL going to stay with her DH (after she had decided not to)!

+100 I really have problems understanding this silo mentality for many posters recently.

Agreed. The daughters poster made me very sad. When I was in my 30s I had to have an MRI done on my brain, no big deal, my mom asked me if I wanted her to come sit with me while I waited. She and my dad did the same for my sister when she had to go to the ER a few months ago. It's not weird. It's what families do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, if you wanted to sit with him, you could have, but you didn't make the effort.

Well you are a snot. He was fine, and the kids needed someone home. Just be nice or be silent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, if you wanted to sit with him, you could have, but you didn't make the effort.

Well you are a snot. He was fine, and the kids needed someone home. Just be nice or be silent.

I would never consider inconvieniencing someone (anyone) at 9 at night so I could go watch my husband be looked over for some minor thing. Of course she "could have" but made "no effort" because who would! Honestly. Who would? If your husband called you at 10:30 in the morning, would you leave work to sit with him at the hospital for something minor? Probably not. And since everyone is pointing out that these sort of things could take hours, you'd really arrange for someone to pick up your children, just in case? For stitches? Or a mantatory x-ray after a slip and fall? Or any other minor thing? You wouldn't. You'd say, "keep me posted".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, if you wanted to sit with him, you could have, but you didn't make the effort.

Well you are a snot. He was fine, and the kids needed someone home. Just be nice or be silent.

I would never consider inconvieniencing someone (anyone) at 9 at night so I could go watch my husband be looked over for some minor thing. Of course she "could have" but made "no effort" because who would! Honestly. Who would? If your husband called you at 10:30 in the morning, would you leave work to sit with him at the hospital for something minor? Probably not. And since everyone is pointing out that these sort of things could take hours, you'd really arrange for someone to pick up your children, just in case? For stitches? Or a mantatory x-ray after a slip and fall? Or any other minor thing? You wouldn't. You'd say, "keep me posted".

Then you shouldn't be pissed off is someone else, who is FAMILY, who has the time, makes the effort to go and sit with them, themselves.