Is this strange? MIL and hospital

[Anonymous]

I only think this is weird if she holds it over you. Like at thanksgiving, bringing up how Tim was so hurt and it was a good thing she was there to get bandaids/food/phone charger for him. Your DH didn't think it was a big deal or he would have mentioned it to you to see if you wanted to come instead. It sounds like it was a minor injury, there was no need for anyone to be there, but MIL enjoyed being there to dote on her son. Not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Somebody had to be with her baby boy while he was in the hospital. That b!tch he marred couldn't be bothered /MIL b itchiness

My husband has went to the ER alone when it wasn't a serious issue, as I have. We keep in touch by phone and would be ready to go if needed. I think that's normal. My husband doesn't tell his mother he's at the ER or that he ever went.

What your MIL did is not normal. Wonder what his buddies will say about it lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is totally something my MIL would do. DH is her one-and-only, and she will baby him as much as she can. However, she also respects my role as his wife, she treats me well, DH has had no issues setting appropriate boundaries, and she's had no issues respecting them. I really like her, I think I've gotten lucky in the MIL lottery. So if DH were hanging out in the ER with a non-emergency case and was bored, she would absolutely drive three hours round-trip to sit with him, no matter how silly it seemed to others, and he'd probably enjoy having her there (and even being babied a little bit). Had it been a true emergency, though, she's the first person who would have driven three-hours round trip to sit with our kids while I went to the hospital with DH.

This is exactly the way that it should be.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have to agree that the 1.5 hour drive there at 9pm, and the 1.5 hour drive home at 1am are weird. DCUM, come on, that SCREAMS overly obsessed mom! As someone else said, she just couldn't help herself and had to step back into that mom role.

I wouldn't be mad, but yeah, that's weird and mom is desperate, bless her heart!

The mom is desperate for answering her son's call for attention while hospitalized?

OP says her husband contacted several people while he was there. He obviously wanted some attention, and his mom gave it to him. A three hour roundtrip drive is more than I'd do for a minor injury, but it was sweet of his mom to squeeze in some family time while he was feeling needy.

OP says he called people to talk and joke around about the accident. His mom could have talked from the comfort of home for hours. She took it to the next level by making a crazy drive in the middle of the night. That's weird. Full stop.

Ugh. Having someone there with you at the hospital is nice. You have someone to talk to. In some cases you are hooked up to IVs and your movements are restricted so just having someone who can walk across the room and bring you a cup of water when your thirsty or whatever is nice. If you are a "non-emergency" case at the ER you are low on the totem pole. All of the serious patients get attention first which is how it should be. But that also means that you might be in pain with a broken bone and no one has brought your pain killers, yet. Having someone there with you who can walk out to the nurses station and say "I'm worried that my husband/son/friend is in pain and I don't think that anyone has brought him his medication, yet"...that can make all the difference between being comfortable and being miserable.

As a nurse, please stay home. I'm not even an ER nurse, but please, stay home. We know what we are doing.

The neediest "visitors" are always MOTHERS OF SONS! We've got it, honey. Your baby boy will be just fine. Mama's Boys, I swear!

Yeah, o.k. I will give you props for the work that you do - not easy. But your bedside manner might possibly need a little work? I have seen the delays in the ER waiting rooms first hand. I realize that in some cases medication is contraindicated and that a Mamma Bear shouldn't be the one ordering it. That was not the case in the situation that I saw. Meds were ordered but never brought...

And oftentime, they were administered and he patient doesn't even know or remember We know what we are doing. I don't work in he ER but I know it's hectic. If you're in the ER and not getting that much attention, just think of the person who's getting it.

Uh, that is why you bring it to the attention of the nurses in a respectful manner. They can look at the chart and see what needs to be done for the patient. In the situation that I'm referring to, the patient had been there for hours with nothing for the pain. That is probably because the pain wasn't that bad at first but grew worse over time to the point that the patient was VERY uncomfortable....stuff happens. I'm glad I was there to help out.

Well, respectfully making someone aware is one thing.

Most family members are less than respectful. "He NEEDS more pain meds! Why aren't you helping him!" (When they have no idea that more can't be administered and sometimes things do hurt even after pain mess are administered.)

[Anonymous]

Not-ER nurse: stop hijacking the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be pissed OP. My DH's parents tried to do this back when we had a newborn and DH needed surgery. I asked if they would stay with the baby while I went with DH and they said "No...we need to be with him, you need to be with the baby." I had to hire someone for the day. Absurd.

Honestly though, it makes sense that they would have wanted to be with him. It sounds like you don't have family of your own nearby to ask, but I don't think it was wrong of them to want to be there, even if you had a newborn.

I felt that as the spouse I was the one who should be there to make a decision for my husband, should something go wrong. That's what he wanted, too. Because that decision would impact me and our child ultimately more than his parents. The part I was mad about was their insistence that they somehow belonged with him at the hospital more than I should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somebody had to be with her baby boy while he was in the hospital. That b!tch he marred couldn't be bothered /MIL b itchiness

My husband has went to the ER alone when it wasn't a serious issue, as I have. We keep in touch by phone and would be ready to go if needed. I think that's normal. My husband doesn't tell his mother he's at the ER or that he ever went.

What your MIL did is not normal. Wonder what his buddies will say about it lol

+1

Desperate mom. She should have had them take a look at that umbilical cord while she was there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be pissed OP. My DH's parents tried to do this back when we had a newborn and DH needed surgery. I asked if they would stay with the baby while I went with DH and they said "No...we need to be with him, you need to be with the baby." I had to hire someone for the day. Absurd.

You were mad they want to be with their son? I would have hired someone too and all of us would have been there. But my family is close like that. My Mom is in a wheelchair and lives 900 miles away and flew in to be with me for knee surgery. So at the hospital it was DH, MOM, 14 year old DD, my brother and BFF. Some parents love their children even into adulthood.

I wasn't mad they wanted to be there, I was mad they were insisting it was more important for them to be there than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree that the 1.5 hour drive there at 9pm, and the 1.5 hour drive home at 1am are weird. DCUM, come on, that SCREAMS overly obsessed mom! As someone else said, she just couldn't help herself and had to step back into that mom role.

I wouldn't be mad, but yeah, that's weird and mom is desperate, bless her heart!

The mom is desperate for answering her son's call for attention while hospitalized?

OP says her husband contacted several people while he was there. He obviously wanted some attention, and his mom gave it to him. A three hour roundtrip drive is more than I'd do for a minor injury, but it was sweet of his mom to squeeze in some family time while he was feeling needy.

OP says he called people to talk and joke around about the accident. His mom could have talked from the comfort of home for hours. She took it to the next level by making a crazy drive in the middle of the night. That's weird. Full stop.

Ugh. Having someone there with you at the hospital is nice. You have someone to talk to. In some cases you are hooked up to IVs and your movements are restricted so just having someone who can walk across the room and bring you a cup of water when your thirsty or whatever is nice. If you are a "non-emergency" case at the ER you are low on the totem pole. All of the serious patients get attention first which is how it should be. But that also means that you might be in pain with a broken bone and no one has brought your pain killers, yet. Having someone there with you who can walk out to the nurses station and say "I'm worried that my husband/son/friend is in pain and I don't think that anyone has brought him his medication, yet"...that can make all the difference between being comfortable and being miserable.

As a nurse, please stay home. I'm not even an ER nurse, but please, stay home. We know what we are doing.

The neediest "visitors" are always MOTHERS OF SONS! We've got it, honey. Your baby boy will be just fine. Mama's Boys, I swear!

Hospitals make lots of mistakes. My husband is a doctor and insists that someone else in there with the patient at all times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree that the 1.5 hour drive there at 9pm, and the 1.5 hour drive home at 1am are weird. DCUM, come on, that SCREAMS overly obsessed mom! As someone else said, she just couldn't help herself and had to step back into that mom role.

I wouldn't be mad, but yeah, that's weird and mom is desperate, bless her heart!

The mom is desperate for answering her son's call for attention while hospitalized?

OP says her husband contacted several people while he was there. He obviously wanted some attention, and his mom gave it to him. A three hour roundtrip drive is more than I'd do for a minor injury, but it was sweet of his mom to squeeze in some family time while he was feeling needy.

OP says he called people to talk and joke around about the accident. His mom could have talked from the comfort of home for hours. She took it to the next level by making a crazy drive in the middle of the night. That's weird. Full stop.

Ugh. Having someone there with you at the hospital is nice. You have someone to talk to. In some cases you are hooked up to IVs and your movements are restricted so just having someone who can walk across the room and bring you a cup of water when your thirsty or whatever is nice. If you are a "non-emergency" case at the ER you are low on the totem pole. All of the serious patients get attention first which is how it should be. But that also means that you might be in pain with a broken bone and no one has brought your pain killers, yet. Having someone there with you who can walk out to the nurses station and say "I'm worried that my husband/son/friend is in pain and I don't think that anyone has brought him his medication, yet"...that can make all the difference between being comfortable and being miserable.

As a nurse, please stay home. I'm not even an ER nurse, but please, stay home. We know what we are doing.

The neediest "visitors" are always MOTHERS OF SONS! We've got it, honey. Your baby boy will be just fine. Mama's Boys, I swear!

Yeah, o.k. I will give you props for the work that you do - not easy. But your bedside manner might possibly need a little work? I have seen the delays in the ER waiting rooms first hand. I realize that in some cases medication is contraindicated and that a Mamma Bear shouldn't be the one ordering it. That was not the case in the situation that I saw. Meds were ordered but never brought...

And oftentime, they were administered and he patient doesn't even know or remember We know what we are doing. I don't work in he ER but I know it's hectic. If you're in the ER and not getting that much attention, just think of the person who's getting it.

Uh, that is why you bring it to the attention of the nurses in a respectful manner. They can look at the chart and see what needs to be done for the patient. In the situation that I'm referring to, the patient had been there for hours with nothing for the pain. That is probably because the pain wasn't that bad at first but grew worse over time to the point that the patient was VERY uncomfortable....stuff happens. I'm glad I was there to help out.

Well, respectfully making someone aware is one thing.

Most family members are less than respectful. "He NEEDS more pain meds! Why aren't you helping him!" (When they have no idea that more can't be administered and sometimes things do hurt even after pain mess are administered.)

Yeah, I can see that. It's an emotional and often scary thing to see your loved one pain....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree that the 1.5 hour drive there at 9pm, and the 1.5 hour drive home at 1am are weird. DCUM, come on, that SCREAMS overly obsessed mom! As someone else said, she just couldn't help herself and had to step back into that mom role.

I wouldn't be mad, but yeah, that's weird and mom is desperate, bless her heart!

The mom is desperate for answering her son's call for attention while hospitalized?

OP says her husband contacted several people while he was there. He obviously wanted some attention, and his mom gave it to him. A three hour roundtrip drive is more than I'd do for a minor injury, but it was sweet of his mom to squeeze in some family time while he was feeling needy.

OP says he called people to talk and joke around about the accident. His mom could have talked from the comfort of home for hours. She took it to the next level by making a crazy drive in the middle of the night. That's weird. Full stop.

She's a mother. She took the opportunity to go and spend some time with her son when she felt he should have some company.

Even mothers of adult children still care about their children. Most of them don't see their own children as much as they'd like. They know their children have lives of their own, but she had the opportunity when her son wasn't doing anything and could use company, so she went to keep him company. She knew she wasn't imposing or taking his time away from something else, but she helped him fill some idle time. Phone calls are nice, but it doesn't compare with actually being in the same room as your child, adult or not.

I'm sorry that you are so distant from your parents and/or children that you don't value being in the same room with them.

When I read this response it made me tear up. Thank you. It's a good reminder to us DIL's that sometimes we forget what really matters. Everything doesn't have to be a power struggle and everything doesn't have to be talked about. So many things I stress over about with MIL are just petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree that the 1.5 hour drive there at 9pm, and the 1.5 hour drive home at 1am are weird. DCUM, come on, that SCREAMS overly obsessed mom! As someone else said, she just couldn't help herself and had to step back into that mom role.

I wouldn't be mad, but yeah, that's weird and mom is desperate, bless her heart!

The mom is desperate for answering her son's call for attention while hospitalized?

OP says her husband contacted several people while he was there. He obviously wanted some attention, and his mom gave it to him. A three hour roundtrip drive is more than I'd do for a minor injury, but it was sweet of his mom to squeeze in some family time while he was feeling needy.

OP says he called people to talk and joke around about the accident. His mom could have talked from the comfort of home for hours. She took it to the next level by making a crazy drive in the middle of the night. That's weird. Full stop.

Just because you don't have a mom that would do this for you or that you would do it for your son/daughter does not make it weird. Different people do different things. It's not what you would do or the op so I would stop the judgement because I am sure you do "weird" things too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could have called and asked her to babysit if you thought it was YOUR place so much. But you didn't feel the need to sit with him, until you heard that she had. Stop competing and be thankful he has family to look after him as well.

I didn't call and ask because I found out at 9pm that he was there, and she's, like I said, 1.5 hours away! And like I said, I WOULD have gone up, but I didn't see the need to inconvienence people for a non-emergency.

I'm not upset, but like one PP said, yes, it would have been thoughtful of her to just ASK if I cared to go up there.

Your MIL did nothing wrong, Op. Calling you late at night to find out if you wanted to go to the hospital to sit with your husband in a non-emergency situation would have come across as super pushy on her part. If you had wanted her help YOU should have asked her for it. Or if your husband had wanted you to be there with him at the hospital instead HE should have arranged for his mom to go to your house to watch the kids.

I didn't want her help. I would have said no, and went to bed. I wouldn't have cared less if she went herself, and I really don't care that she did. All I was wondering if it was weird for a mom to drive 1.5 hours at 9pm for this reason. Now I see it wasn't, and I'm over it.

Thank you!

For someone who doesn't care you sure are posting about it a lot! Which shows that you do care. I think it was of MIL and you should thank her for taking care of DH not bitch and moan about how weird you think it is.

[Anonymous]

nice of MIL. I'm the pp above

[Anonymous]

It would turn my head. Simply because I'd be surprised no one thought to call me to relieve me so I could visit. Even if I was curled up in bed already I might want to get out to see him. But maybe not.

But on the other hand, when will she be able to do that again? If I put myself in that position, hell yeah I'd want to be there for one of my kids if their spouse couldn't be there. There are few opportunities for things to be like the old days at that age.