Critique me: 28 yr old Af Am woman who wants marriage

[Anonymous]

OP, do you date thugs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you date thugs?

No, I prefer serial killers and pedifials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you should shy away from saying you want to settle down if that's what you want. Who cares if you scare away a few guys? If that scares them away you probably wouldn't have been a good match anyway.

Better to find out early on than after two years of dancing around commitment issues.

+1

+2 - and it's one of the great advantages of online dating: you can say in your profile that you are looking for someone to marry. No need to play games with this. Go for what you want.

I'm a 40-something married woman so my opinion is worth exactly nothing- but I think you sound great, OP. A real catch. I hope you find what you're looking for.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, before you do the online dating thing, be VERY DISCREET about sharing information. Use a new email account to set up your profile, don't give out too much personal info too soon. You almost linked on DCUM your eHarmony profile, which would have been majorly risky here. You are sweet, but (please don't take this the wrong way) a bit naive with the online dating scene, so proceed with caution. Look up tips on being smart about online ,where to meet, what to share, etc.

Good luck. : )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here

Yes I am introverted but have been trying to be more social and engaging. Been to 2 new type this past wknd.

What I'm looking for.....God fearing, attractive, ambitious man who I can complement.

Attractive and ambitious? Wow, so you want pretty much the same thing as every other woman in the world?

Others as well...

-Confidence
-Open minded and open to change
-emotionally supportive
-Respect for women and elderly
-Spiritual relationship with higher power

Thanks you everyone for input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the don't say up front (maybe not on date 1) that you are interested in something that could become serious and lead to marriage. The men who feel pressure from that will fall away -- good riddance. I mean at 28 and older they should be looking to settle down and marry and make kids, too, so why would this be some big scary revelation?

Also, ask your MALE friends for feedback. When I was dating the advice I got from my women friends was vastly different from that I got from my men friends. More often than not, the advice from the latter was more helpful to me.

I will definitely do this, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you date thugs?

No, my ex had a PhD.

[Anonymous]

Only read the first 2 pages but you sound very organized and methodical and it appears you are approaching dating that way.

Many men are commitment-phobic, so once you let them know you are looking to settle down, they will either run away or play on that to have sex with you and then run away. Love can't be methodical, it needs to be organic.

Relax. Open up to more dates and smile and enjoy yourself. Let the man chase you instead of you pursuing the man that will marry you. In more simple terms, you are trying too hard.

[Anonymous]

36 yo white male. You sound awesome. I like the upfront hard edge and honesty. I have found that the quicker you get past the bullshit of pre/early dating the quicker the real fun of dating/relationship begins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Avoid talk about wanting to settle down until you've been dating awhile.
2. Be a better listener
3. Relax and laugh a lot

This. Especially if you know you have a tendency to be standoffish (or perceived that way). Every date or conversation should be a chance to have fun and share a laugh. Go into it aiming for that.
Also, think of it as a numbers game. Kiss 100 frogs, find one prince. Be open to talking to anyone, meeting the ones that you like talking to, dating the ones you liked meeting. And if you don't like them during the first conversation, cut it short and move on.

[Anonymous]

Hi 28 YO AA woman!

I believe AA women put too much emphasis on the "I have an education, make X amount of dollars" etc. That really does not matter to a decent fellow. He's not interested in that, as HE wants to be the provider. He wants someone he can have fun with, laugh with. Someone who'll create a happy home that he will look forward to coming to after a hard day of work each day. Someone who will be a bed of wisdom, kind words, gentleness and support when life deals its inevitable blows. When he's hurting, your degrees and number of dollars in the bank will not matter.

SO, I think you should focus more on the personality--being friendly, kind, gentle, and warm.

I'm an attractive, extremely educated AA woman as well and I have never had a hard time attracting wonderful men of substance and impressive credentials. I found this was much easier to do in metro areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi 28 YO AA woman!

I believe AA women put too much emphasis on the "I have an education, make X amount of dollars" etc. That really does not matter to a decent fellow. He's not interested in that, as HE wants to be the provider. He wants someone he can have fun with, laugh with. Someone who'll create a happy home that he will look forward to coming to after a hard day of work each day. Someone who will be a bed of wisdom, kind words, gentleness and support when life deals its inevitable blows. When he's hurting, your degrees and number of dollars in the bank will not matter.

SO, I think you should focus more on the personality--being friendly, kind, gentle, and warm.

I'm an attractive, extremely educated AA woman as well and I have never had a hard time attracting wonderful men of substance and impressive credentials. I found this was much easier to do in metro areas.

Another AA woman here and I agree with this take. Women care about credentials, but that's not what most men are focused on when choosing a mate. Not that you shouldn't educate yourself and pursue a career but develop as a person as well -- pursue hobbies, be warm and approachable and interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi 28 YO AA woman!

I believe AA women put too much emphasis on the "I have an education, make X amount of dollars" etc. That really does not matter to a decent fellow. He's not interested in that, as HE wants to be the provider. He wants someone he can have fun with, laugh with. Someone who'll create a happy home that he will look forward to coming to after a hard day of work each day. Someone who will be a bed of wisdom, kind words, gentleness and support when life deals its inevitable blows. When he's hurting, your degrees and number of dollars in the bank will not matter.

SO, I think you should focus more on the personality--being friendly, kind, gentle, and warm.

I'm an attractive, extremely educated AA woman as well and I have never had a hard time attracting wonderful men of substance and impressive credentials. I found this was much easier to do in metro areas.

Also wanted to add: Talk about wanting to settle down does not scare men off--unless that is absolutely not at all what he wants. While I don't think that needs to come up right after you introduce yourself, I also do not think that letting that be known up front is a deal breaker--Unless, of course, you are not warm, friendly, etc and he cannot imagine you being the mother of his children. Funny enough, most men will let you know up front if that's what he wants. Let him do that, but if he doesn't get around to that after a couple of months of dating then ask/tell him what you want.

[Anonymous]

Hit up Afropolitan this Friday. Dress to impress. Find similar events. Go with one girlfriend. Or alone if you have the confidence too. Be selective/mindful about where you go to socialize. Shop/dine/exercise in places where your type would congregate. Black churches are a waste of time for socializing.Receive the word and bounce! Single, heterosexual black men aren't usually in church. The few in attendance are grossly outnumbered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi 28 YO AA woman!

I believe AA women put too much emphasis on the "I have an education, make X amount of dollars" etc. That really does not matter to a decent fellow. He's not interested in that, as HE wants to be the provider. He wants someone he can have fun with, laugh with. Someone who'll create a happy home that he will look forward to coming to after a hard day of work each day. Someone who will be a bed of wisdom, kind words, gentleness and support when life deals its inevitable blows. When he's hurting, your degrees and number of dollars in the bank will not matter.

SO, I think you should focus more on the personality--being friendly, kind, gentle, and warm.

I'm an attractive, extremely educated AA woman as well and I have never had a hard time attracting wonderful men of substance and impressive credentials. I found this was much easier to do in metro areas.

Another AA woman here and I agree with this take. Women care about credentials, but that's not what most men are focused on when choosing a mate. Not that you shouldn't educate yourself and pursue a career but develop as a person as well -- pursue hobbies, be warm and approachable and interesting.

PP here. I so agree. I target professional AA men (and others). I have an interesting job/career, but it rarely comes up. The same guys would happily date a barista. Imagine if every guy boasted solely of his domestic skills or how he can iron a mean shirt. That's nice to have, but as a woman, I care more about his goals and ambitions.