Chances are he's not banging other women because if one incident of being snapped at. If you think that you're an idiot. His response indicates being turned away is the default response. If the pattern is he trying to initiate sex and perhaps getting a starfish once every three months that's...then the likelihood is there he might be having one. Like I noted, she is his wife, of course he's going to initiate sex with her. No one gets married with the expectation they won't be having sex. |
In front of a 17 month old who doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. Go clutch your pearls and be offended elsewhere. There was nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with her saying no, bit the angry response is something to be aware of. You really need to grow up and learn how married life is, a 17 month old doesn't know what he was trying to do. |
Hi, I'm not the OP. It doesn't matter whether the toddler knows what's going on. She wasn't comfortable with it, and she told him to stop. The angry response was unreasonable, and it got more unreasonable as he continued to double down on it. I have two kids, and I know "how married life is." I would not have been uncomfortable in the situation the OP described, but she was. That's what was wrong with it. |
I'm guessing the kid was an excuse. If he'd waited until she went to the kitchen and started doing the same thing, I'm guessing that the response would have been more or less the same. Made up excuses just make the rejection that much more frustrating. Because the guy will often take them literally, fix the stated problem, and find that the rejection continues. |
Where do you people get these things? The OP said they have sex 1-2x a week, that she's pregnant, that she's exhausted, and that the touching felt inappropriate. What about that - specifically that, not reading between any lines - makes you think it's an excuse? |
when my kids were little I often did not want to be touched. I felt like my body belonged to everyone but me. Nursing, kids clambering all over me, snotting me up, crawling in bed and then snoring in my ears and kicking me under the covers, etc. I also had very little time to care for my own body--exercising, etc. So, DH learned to read my signals and give me space, and usually initiated with other kinds of touch--a backrub, for example. Fondling my breasts with my toddler there--ugh. I am sure I would have reacted the same way. I might have explained however why I felt that way, and DH probably wouldn't have pouted like yours did--although I have to say that he has occasionally pouted when he feels rejected....such fragile egos.
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Are you serious? You do not have enough information to decide this. It sounds like to me that they have SERIOUS intimacy issues and that the guy's needs are not being met. That doesn't mean OP should be his personal blow up doll OBVIOUSLY but maybe it does mean she needs to put some work into making sure her husband is feeling loved. And maybe it also means that her DH needs to put some effort into giving her some alone time/space so when these moments arise she's ready to enjoy them instead of recoiling. To say that her husband expressing frustration with a lack of intimacy is him gaslighting her is IMO way too far. This is way too little information to decide whether or not he's an abusive jerk or OP is a cold mommy martyr. Because seriously a 17 month old is not going to care lets take that off the table. And I'm a pretty super lefty feminist. But in a marriage, particularly when there are young kids, both people really need to put extra effort into the MARRIAGE not just the parenting if they want to make sure they're not divorcing when the toddler stages are done. |
She did that. He became cold and stormed out of the house. |
If the situation went down precisely as OP described than there are two possible scenarios, 1) Her husband is a completely whiny jerk or 2) Intimacy issues have been growing between them and a seemingly small issue has blown up into a larger emotional reaction, likely because the anger is coming out of a growing problem, not this one incident. To me, number 2 seems more likely because she still has sex with this guy twice a week and had another kid with him and doesn't seem to hate her DH otherwise. And if #2 is correct than all you people giving her advice that he's a jerk and she should enjoy the extra bed space tonight are only giving her advice on how to widen the divide in her marriage. |
Men seriously just don't get this because of course nobody randomly just grabs their body. But I have had to explain to my husband even if I usually like your attention, it is really just annoying and invasive to have you walk by and stick your hand down my pants when I'm doing dishes or something. It's like they have this bizarre notion our body is there whenever they get the urge to touch it without ever considering we don't just want to have our tits grabbed while we are sitting on the couch. Even the good normal dudes seem to really not understand that women deserve autonomy and that being groped for their pleasure is not that cool. |
I went back and read the original post, and it's more ambiguous than I thought. The way I originally understood the post was that he groped her and she told him not to because the child was in the room. I thought the unstated reasons were that she was tired and pregnant. Now that I re-read it, I guess I don't know exactly what OP said to DH by way of explanation. I still think the kid's presence is a red herring. But, if she told him "nope, the kid's here, I'm exhausted, and I'm pregnant" that would be a pretty comprehensive explanation that gets at the real problems. |
Just speaking for myself, I no longer have any idea how I can initiate sex in a way that my wife is comfortable with. I'm down to just asking directly -- which is fairly unsexy and usually results in a "no." On my way to this point, I've tried a lot of different things. Coming up behind her while she was doing something routine and kissing her neck has certainly been among the things I've tried. Climbing on her and trying to kiss her while she was sitting on the couch is another thing I've tried. When those things haven't provoked a positive response, I strike them off the list. When I've asked her how she might like me to initiate, she says she doesn't know. (Which I take to mean that she'd prefer I didn't initiate.) I don't mean to deprive her of her autonomy or grope her for my pleasure, but she's not giving me a lot of cues about what would be welcome, and I'd prefer to avoid a sexless marriage if at all possible. I don't know how that compares to other marriages where gropings have taken place. |
your husband sounds like a child..and he has terrible sense of boundaries. |
Back massage. Works wonders. |
Am I the only female who grans my partner's butt and junk at random times around the house? I can't be. |