DH mad I asked him not to

[Anonymous]

Maybe going in for a breast grope and getting rebuffed was the first time he was rejected, but I kind of doubt it. He should express himself better, and once again, I'm projecting, but there comes a time as a husband when there appears to be no way to express your desire for affection in a way that isn't met with negativity.

The true answer is often, "kids take it all, there is nothing left for you, so shut up and deal with it." That might be the unfortunate truth, but it's tough to hear.

[Anonymous]

Seems to me that the "in front of the child" aspect of this is a bit of a red herring. The 17 month old isn't going to perceive anything sexual about the interaction.

DW might not like it because the kid is in the room -- just as she might not like the interaction for any number of reasons (touched out, just not in the mood, whatever). And she's allowed to say no for any reason (or no reason at all).

But the kid isn't really going to be affected one way or the other by a boob grab in his or her presence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then we have threads about women who cannot move on when their husbands divorce them.

Wow!

OP - you are tired and it is your body. So, it is perfectly ok to not want sex. You could have leaned in to your husband, kissed him and told him gently that you were tired and your breasts are too sensitive to touch. The point is that you were mean and probably are snappy towards him most of the time. Understand your behaviour and work on your marriage. Be loving and gentle. It does not mean that you have to have sex when you don't have to.

Right. And when you apologize, expect him to storm out of the house angrily. Forgive him. It's fine to be treated that way. We know you're always snapping at him OP! (I'm guessing not...Right op?)

OP, tell him you want to know right now if he's having an affair. You are risking your unborn child's health if you don't. I'm sorry, I wish I was wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then we have threads about women who cannot move on when their husbands divorce them.

Wow!

OP - you are tired and it is your body. So, it is perfectly ok to not want sex. You could have leaned in to your husband, kissed him and told him gently that you were tired and your breasts are too sensitive to touch. The point is that you were mean and probably are snappy towards him most of the time. Understand your behaviour and work on your marriage. Be loving and gentle. It does not mean that you have to have sex when you don't have to.

Right. And when you apologize, expect him to storm out of the house angrily. Forgive him. It's fine to be treated that way. We know you're always snapping at him OP! (I'm guessing not...Right op?)

OP, tell him you want to know right now if he's having an affair. You are risking your unborn child's health if you don't. I'm sorry, I wish I was wrong.

You don't sound sorry.

[Anonymous]

^of course I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the moment I started nursing my oldest and until at least 1.5 years after I stopped nursing my youngest, I was very, very, very sensitive to any sexual fondling of my breasts.

I think it's a common theme, I've heard the concept "touched out," I think.

I'm certain it's a combination of hormonal changes to your body and the feeling of your breasts already being utilitarian and taken advantage of...

But also I HATED during that touched out (and low-on-sleep-generally-exhausted) period being touched in a sexual way when not feeling turned on.

Fortunately my husband is very liberal-lefty-respecting-of-women, but even with him it took a couple of conversations about how it makes me feel violated for him to impose physical touch on me when he's the one who is horny...

And women don't understand why men don't want kids. This is why. He's trying to feel connection with you because need need sex to feel connected, you turn him away. You're probably not wanting to be touched by him because he's so passive and wimpy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe going in for a breast grope and getting rebuffed was the first time he was rejected, but I kind of doubt it. He should express himself better, and once again, I'm projecting, but there comes a time as a husband when there appears to be no way to express your desire for affection in a way that isn't met with negativity.

The true answer is often, "kids take it all, there is nothing left for you, so shut up and deal with it." That might be the unfortunate truth, but it's tough to hear.

And damaging to a marrriage. This is why men withdraw emotionally and make themselves either scarce or put up a wall. And by scarce I mean to the wife, not the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe going in for a breast grope and getting rebuffed was the first time he was rejected, but I kind of doubt it. He should express himself better, and once again, I'm projecting, but there comes a time as a husband when there appears to be no way to express your desire for affection in a way that isn't met with negativity.

The true answer is often, "kids take it all, there is nothing left for you, so shut up and deal with it." That might be the unfortunate truth, but it's tough to hear.

And damaging to a marrriage. This is why men withdraw emotionally and make themselves either scarce or put up a wall. And by scarce I mean to the wife, not the kid.

You're kidding yourself if you think it doesn't also translate to scarcity for the kid, particularly if the scarcity is due to a man having an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are SO many things wrong with gender communications. OP, if you're smart and don't want a dead bedroom like most the people giving you advice , I suggest you approach this with an open mind. He's likely shutting you out because you're miles away from what he thinks the problem is. It engulfs him in grief to think he should have to spell out common courtesy to you.

Usually what upsets me most in these scenarios is that I'm an adult. I'm capable of making my own decisions. I love my spouse. Yet my spouse is talking to me like I don't care about her feelings and that I'm not capable of deciding when thinks are appropriate and taking her best interest in my decision making process also.

For example
DONT touch me !!! Like wtf. You invalidating me as a person when you make a demand like that , ignoring my desires. I don't need you snapping like that.
You should acknowledge him. "Hey honey, I love the effection. It just creeps me in front of our child.

If he left the house. He is super hurt and pissed that you don't trust his judgements. If you want a marriage and not a roommate , sincerely apologize to him and ignore the old hags here that have already ruined their marriages.

What absolute rubbish! Who starts grabbing like that in front of a kid? OP, your DH is a petulant child and you treated him just as he deserved it. And it is not "effection" it is affection. Do not take advice from people who have no clue what intimacy and marriage is about. You are not an object to be handled by him like a toy. All these pps saying he is right are making me so sad for where most women are still when it comes to their self esteem and valuing themselves as independent persons.

You're insane and probably either divorced because you're a cold woman or have been cheated on because you're only capable of emoting anger.

There is nothing wrong with her husband trying to instigate sex with his wife. Unless you're expected to be roommates. With this comes the non-sexual touching too, but if the intimacy is fine, expect non-intimate touch to also decline or stop completely. Yes, they both needed to communicate better, but there is no problem in expecting sex from your spouse whether you're the man or the woman. In reality, when people get married there is an expectation that sex is part of the deal. If it's not - and it's not medical - then one spouse has effectively broken the agreement. This can be fixed but if one spouse refuses, then there is no other option than to leave or conduct an affair. One choice is better as far as the courts of public opinion and law are concerned, but my sympathy usually lies with the spouse being turned down constantly and in a sexless marriage.

Sex is important. If you found out your husband had lunch with another woman one day you wouldn't leave him. If you found out he started to value this other woman's opinion over yours and had feelings you wouldn't leave him. The minute sex is involved (to include things like nude photos) all bets are off. If sex is important enough to nuke a marriage if your husband gets it elsewhere, it's important enough to address and come to an arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe going in for a breast grope and getting rebuffed was the first time he was rejected, but I kind of doubt it. He should express himself better, and once again, I'm projecting, but there comes a time as a husband when there appears to be no way to express your desire for affection in a way that isn't met with negativity.

The true answer is often, "kids take it all, there is nothing left for you, so shut up and deal with it." That might be the unfortunate truth, but it's tough to hear.

And damaging to a marrriage. This is why men withdraw emotionally and make themselves either scarce or put up a wall. And by scarce I mean to the wife, not the kid.

You're kidding yourself if you think it doesn't also translate to scarcity for the kid, particularly if the scarcity is due to a man having an affair.

In correct. I can easily bang another woman and separate that time and compartmentalize that, then be home to play with my kid. Some people choose to out their efforts in elsewhere - like working long hours, drinking. If you invest a little time into an affair I is easily accomplished. Not that this guy is having an affair sonthe whole point is not worth discussing.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Based on your description, your DH is being a bit of a baby. But you can err on the side of being the "grown up" and just say "I'm sorry I snapped at you, but ... [and then explain that you are uncomfortable when he does that, etc.]."

It's better to clear the air, then let him get sulky and resentful over what really doesn't sound like a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:suggestively touch my breasts in front of our 17 month old. the three of us were sitting on the couch watching the news and he started casually fondling them. I asked him to stop and he got really bent out of shape. When I asked why the request made him so upset, he said "it's fine, it's just shows me what you think about our relationship." We have sex about 1-2 times a week, I am pregnant, I'm exhausted, I'm way too old for this shit. So I'm half venting here, but I guess my question for everyone is... was I "out of line"? It just felt inappropriate.

It's your body, so you get to decide who touches it and when. He sounds like a pouty manchild. Let him sleep on the couch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op most of the previous responses are exactly why so many women and men on dcum are unhappy with their marriages.



I am very happily married and my husband enjoys being married to a woman who is not a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe going in for a breast grope and getting rebuffed was the first time he was rejected, but I kind of doubt it. He should express himself better, and once again, I'm projecting, but there comes a time as a husband when there appears to be no way to express your desire for affection in a way that isn't met with negativity.

The true answer is often, "kids take it all, there is nothing left for you, so shut up and deal with it." That might be the unfortunate truth, but it's tough to hear.

And damaging to a marrriage. This is why men withdraw emotionally and make themselves either scarce or put up a wall. And by scarce I mean to the wife, not the kid.

You're kidding yourself if you think it doesn't also translate to scarcity for the kid, particularly if the scarcity is due to a man having an affair.

In correct. I can easily bang another woman and separate that time and compartmentalize that, then be home to play with my kid. Some people choose to out their efforts in elsewhere - like working long hours, drinking. If you invest a little time into an affair I is easily accomplished. Not that this guy is having an affair sonthe whole point is not worth discussing.

You can easily bang another woman and compartmentalize that. However, if I was married to you and discovered that you were banging another woman because I told you that I didn't want you to grope my breasts while we were sitting on the couch watching TV with our toddler, we would be getting divorced, which would in fact lead to scarcity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are SO many things wrong with gender communications. OP, if you're smart and don't want a dead bedroom like most the people giving you advice , I suggest you approach this with an open mind. He's likely shutting you out because you're miles away from what he thinks the problem is. It engulfs him in grief to think he should have to spell out common courtesy to you.

Usually what upsets me most in these scenarios is that I'm an adult. I'm capable of making my own decisions. I love my spouse. Yet my spouse is talking to me like I don't care about her feelings and that I'm not capable of deciding when thinks are appropriate and taking her best interest in my decision making process also.

For example
DONT touch me !!! Like wtf. You invalidating me as a person when you make a demand like that , ignoring my desires. I don't need you snapping like that.
You should acknowledge him. "Hey honey, I love the effection. It just creeps me in front of our child.

If he left the house. He is super hurt and pissed that you don't trust his judgements. If you want a marriage and not a roommate , sincerely apologize to him and ignore the old hags here that have already ruined their marriages.

What absolute rubbish! Who starts grabbing like that in front of a kid? OP, your DH is a petulant child and you treated him just as he deserved it. And it is not "effection" it is affection. Do not take advice from people who have no clue what intimacy and marriage is about. You are not an object to be handled by him like a toy. All these pps saying he is right are making me so sad for where most women are still when it comes to their self esteem and valuing themselves as independent persons.

You're insane and probably either divorced because you're a cold woman or have been cheated on because you're only capable of emoting anger.

There is nothing wrong with her husband trying to instigate sex with his wife. Unless you're expected to be roommates. With this comes the non-sexual touching too, but if the intimacy is fine, expect non-intimate touch to also decline or stop completely. Yes, they both needed to communicate better, but there is no problem in expecting sex from your spouse whether you're the man or the woman. In reality, when people get married there is an expectation that sex is part of the deal. If it's not - and it's not medical - then one spouse has effectively broken the agreement. This can be fixed but if one spouse refuses, then there is no other option than to leave or conduct an affair. One choice is better as far as the courts of public opinion and law are concerned, but my sympathy usually lies with the spouse being turned down constantly and in a sexless marriage.

Sex is important. If you found out your husband had lunch with another woman one day you wouldn't leave him. If you found out he started to value this other woman's opinion over yours and had feelings you wouldn't leave him. The minute sex is involved (to include things like nude photos) all bets are off. If sex is important enough to nuke a marriage if your husband gets it elsewhere, it's important enough to address and come to an arrangement.

Dude, the thing you are missing is that she asked him not to grope her breasts IN FRONT OF THEIR CHILD. She didn't say "Don't ever touch me sexually again." She didn't say "We are just going to be roommates from now on." She said she didn't feel like it was appropriate for him to just reach over and fondle her breasts while they were sitting there watching TV. Until you have more information that rejection is happening elsewhere, you work with the facts in front of you. The facts in front of you say that she made a fairly reasonable request but used a snippy tone, and then despite trying to talk to him about it later, he continued acting like a jerk.

You need to learn to stop projecting your own issues onto other people's situations, or learn better reading comprehension, or both.