Question for women: do you feel pressure to maintain your looks for your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keeping yourself attractive for your partner is part of the marriage contract. Or at least making the effort. It goes both ways.

Agreed. It totally sucks when only one spouse makes this effort.
Fit husband with overweight wife.
How do you suggest I exert pressure for her to maintain her looks?

You can't.
I say that as the overweight woman and my DH is fit.

1) start overtly drooling over every fit thing that walks past
2) stop having sex with her
3) hit the gym hard everyday
4) throw away all junky foods in the house
5) join a hot yoga class and follow classmates afterwards to starbucks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my early thirties, have been with DH since my late twenties. About to have our second child, and never got back to pre-pregnancy shape between pregnancies. We likely won't have more children and now I'm obsessing about getting back into shape after this pregnancy. DH stays in excellent shape and I was very fit when we got married (size four and toned). Though DH has always said I'm beautiful, I just know he was very attracted to my figure then and I want to go back to what I looked like before. Does anyone else feel similarly?

Don't sweat it. Two young children are very demanding. If he is focusing on your looks as a reason for anything less than giving 100% to his family you have an entirely different problem.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

I'm 8 -10 bs heavier than when we got married, and definitely more wrinkled and less muscular, posture not great from nursing and carrying kids..... But dh has lost a lot of hair, what's left is gray and has aged more than I. We still love each other and are attracted. I am more concerned with my weight, face etc than he is (he doesn't mind my fleshier backside). But neither of us has totally let go, because we agreed early on that it was a sign of respect to our marriage to stay healthy and not just give up completely, balanced with acceptance that bodies change over time and our love is not founded on physical attraction (but it's important nonetheless)..

[Anonymous]

I just like being skinny: I'm very pretty and I have a certain standard for myself. I work out hard and also teach fitness classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of superficial talk here..makes me sad that so many marriages are seemingly based upon little else than attraction.

My marriage is much much deeper that that I am very fit (a runner) but my H has gained about 30 lbs over the last 5-7 years. I can honestly say I dont love him one iota less than I did when he was 180 lbs and super fit about 8 years ago.
Do I think he looks better thinner? Of course but I love him as much if not more.....it is so beyond looks.

My own sister has gained quite a bit of weight, and she is now losing it (WW) she is not doing it for her husband as much as she is for herself.

For anyone who would feel threatened or concerned about their spouse and their attraction to them over losing looks, weight gain, aging...your marriage needs a serious recheck.

You could not be more wrong. DH and I are both fit and healthy, it's part of what physically attracted us to each other. That, and the fact that we care enough and have enough respect for ourselves not to treat our bodies like garbage. If one of us suddenly put on a ton of weight, or stopped showering regularly, or brushing teeth, outside of an illness, of course it would impact our relationship. We'd still love each other and stay married, but it would definitely impact our attraction to each other, and also signal that something had fundamentally changed. That's totally fine if your relationship isn't that but don't come in telling the rest of us that we need to check our relationships. We're good thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my husband and I accept each other for who we are, our looks have been up and down, weight gain/weight loss, some days I Feel like I want to glam it up, other days not so much.
He too has his highs and lows...but its who we are inside and the bond we share that overshadows the shallowness of just looks. Come on...a good solid marriage should be past that.

And we are back to the stupid posters who know what every good solid marriage should and shouldn't be.

I think a good solid marriage should be two people who care enough about themselves AND their role in a partnership to take care of themselves. Of course if both you and your husband are sloppy people who don't care about being healthy and active, then neither will have a problem with the other being sloppy and uncaring about what the partner thinks, that stands to reason.

[Anonymous]

Men just want someone who is outwardly KIND to them. Kind to them through all their forgetfulness, messes, guffaws, etc. Just keep telling him how great he is at... whatever it is he does do...

[Anonymous]

When I met DH I was training for a marathon... Two kids and 15 pounds later, I definitely would like to get back into my former shape... but it isn't pressure for my husband in the sense of looking good for him (though I would like to look good for myself). But I do feel pressure to want to be healthy to be able to live a long, happy life for and with my husband without unnecessary medical issues.

[Anonymous]

No I don't.

[Anonymous]

Definitely don't get pressure from the husband. I want to feel and look as good as I'm used to feeling, so for that reason, I'm trying to get back to my original size.

I've always had a tendency to be concerned with my weight and appearance. I'd say I'm keeping it in perspective and not obsessing about it *because* I have a loving husband. So that's kind of the opposite of what OP is describing.

[Anonymous]

Not at all. My husband actually thinks I am too thin. I am 5'5 and 110 pounds. I've had 2 children and I got back to my pre pregnancy weight both times around 6 months postpartum. He would prefer if I stay at home eating, watching tv and cooking instead of exercising. My husbands culture likes curves and most are not into exercising like Americans/ Europeans. I go to fitness classes 5 times a week. Many of his friends and family give me shard time at events because they think I am not eating enough. Sometimes I think I should have married a European instead of an Indian. He doesn't appreciate my body type. It's frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not at all. My husband actually thinks I am too thin. I am 5'5 and 110 pounds. I've had 2 children and I got back to my pre pregnancy weight both times around 6 months postpartum. He would prefer if I stay at home eating, watching tv and cooking instead of exercising. My husbands culture likes curves and most are not into exercising like Americans/ Europeans. I go to fitness classes 5 times a week. Many of his friends and family give me shard time at events because they think I am not eating enough. Sometimes I think I should have married a European instead of an Indian. He doesn't appreciate my body type. It's frustrating.

TBH 5'5 at 110 is pretty slim. At least for my body. I'm your height and at that weight I had several people approach me about being anorexic- and to be honest at that weight I was not eating healthily (Though I am not saying you don't AT ALL whatsoever!) But it's frustrating how that works out, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I met DH I was training for a marathon... Two kids and 15 pounds later, I definitely would like to get back into my former shape... but it isn't pressure for my husband in the sense of looking good for him (though I would like to look good for myself). But I do feel pressure to want to be healthy to be able to live a long, happy life for and with my husband without unnecessary medical issues.

High five for healthy living!

[Anonymous]

this is definitely something a woman would worry about. if you have an emotional bond, and you maintain good hygiene I don't think the "looks" matter that much to a man.