Question for women: do you feel pressure to maintain your looks for your husband?

[Anonymous]

I'm in my early thirties, have been with DH since my late twenties. About to have our second child, and never got back to pre-pregnancy shape between pregnancies. We likely won't have more children and now I'm obsessing about getting back into shape after this pregnancy. DH stays in excellent shape and I was very fit when we got married (size four and toned). Though DH has always said I'm beautiful, I just know he was very attracted to my figure then and I want to go back to what I looked like before. Does anyone else feel similarly?

[Anonymous]

Yes definitely. Men are very visual. When we were dating, DH told me that if I got fat it wouldn't be attractive to him. He said he'd always love me, but he's not into that.

[Anonymous]

Yes and no. The pressure I put on myself is from my own head and insecurities. I had some health issues following DS' birth and put on weight. Was a size 8 when DH and I got together, was a size 16 at my highest.
After my health issues were sorted 2.5 years later, it took another year to get down to the size I was when I met DH. Throughout the whole time dh always told me how beautiful I was and our sex life was unchanged. Whenever I'd get down he'd always say "do you know why I always hold your hand in public or put my arm around you? Because I'm proud to be seen with you ".

So is DH glad I'm back to an 8? I'm sure. But I'm also confident that his love and attraction to me is not hinged on my size. It helps that he put on weight too and he's already into the big boobs , hips, curves thing.

But I have a history of eating disorders and borderline BDD, so despite what DH says, I put the pressure on myself.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm that's tricky. I do it for me mostly. My vanity is what makes me put on makeup every day and fix my hair and work out and look nice. I want that. But I do it partly for him because honestly, I wouldn't want to come home each day to see him looking dirty and greasy and unshowered, living in sweats and making no attempt to lose any weight he put on. Partners owe it to each other to maintain basic levels of hygiene and self care.

But really do it for you because in the end you'll feel better if you're working out and making your body strong and healthy and if your hair looks nice. It really does make a difference.

[Anonymous]

I also do it for me. I feel better when I'm in shape. DH actually likes me about 10-20 pounds heavier than I like me. Which is good, because it gives me some wiggle room.

But I feel sexier and more confident when I'm in shape and eating well.

I do other things for him (keep my hair long, don't wear makeup) that he likes.

Wish my DH would care about his body more. He is clean and doesn't smell, though.

[Anonymous]

Not yet. I am sure I would if I gained more weight, but this is as high as I get without being pregnant for now.

I am 10 pounds overweight(by BMI standards) and 20-25 pounds heavier than when we met.

I'm 5'8" , so I am still a size 8-10 now. I was a size 4 on the day we got married. DH thinks I'm hotter now. In fact, I am the first person he has dated who was "thin". His exes were always around a size 10 with amazing bodies; nice butts and thighs and still kept pretty slim faces.

I love my body at this weight; the thighs, the legs, and the butt.

However, I don't like my fuller face, so I am trying to lose at least 20 pounds. Or at least trying to eat cleaner so that I can lose some of the water weight in my face. DH doesn't mind either way. He obviouslt thought I looked great when we got married and thinks I look even better now.

[Anonymous]

Regarding staying in shape, I think this question will be answered differently based on culitural norms and expectations. I'm from a culture that values curvy ( hourglass and pear shape) and looking skinny even skinny fit is considered unattractive. We all now the definition of skinny is not the same for every culture. For example white American men consider J-Li and Beyoncé fat because of their curves while men from everywhere else disagree. Now regarding overall presentation, fashion, make-up etc I think all men are visual creatures and like their woman looking good. That said, I always maintain my looks for me first. I enjoy fashion, make-up and changing my hairstyle. I also prefer a man with fashion sense. I think it's sexy when a man, even if overweight, makes the effort to look presentable. Im a fair person, if he doesn't maintain his looks I don't feel obligated to maintain mine.

[Anonymous]

I think wanting to look good for your partner is different from feeling pressure to do it. I do keep my hair long because he likes it. It's not that I think he won't love me if I cut it off, but he really loves it, and I think considering your partner's preferences is important in a relationship. I don't cook food for him that he doesn't like for the same reason.

I do need to lose weight. Health issues have helped add about 15 lbs. I will keep us both in mind as I make the effort to lose it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but not because I am afraid he'll leave me or berate me or anything like that. More just because I like knowing I'm solidly turning him on. That turns me on. Win-win.

[Anonymous]

Not from my DH. I have been pregnant, post partum or nursing for the past 7 years. I am eager to get into the best shape of my life but my DH doesn't really care either way. I mean, even when postpartum I'm not huge or anything, but 10-15 lbs above the weight I was when I met him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not yet. I am sure I would if I gained more weight, but this is as high as I get without being pregnant for now.

I am 10 pounds overweight(by BMI standards) and 20-25 pounds heavier than when we met.

I'm 5'8" , so I am still a size 8-10 now. I was a size 4 on the day we got married. DH thinks I'm hotter now. In fact, I am the first person he has dated who was "thin". His exes were always around a size 10 with amazing bodies; nice butts and thighs and still kept pretty slim faces.

I love my body at this weight; the thighs, the legs, and the butt.

However, I don't like my fuller face, so I am trying to lose at least 20 pounds. Or at least trying to eat cleaner so that I can lose some of the water weight in my face. DH doesn't mind either way. He obviouslt thought I looked great when we got married and thinks I look even better now.

Good lord, how do you know this level of detail about your husband's exes? Nice thighs???? Did he show you nude photos of them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not yet. I am sure I would if I gained more weight, but this is as high as I get without being pregnant for now.

I am 10 pounds overweight(by BMI standards) and 20-25 pounds heavier than when we met.

I'm 5'8" , so I am still a size 8-10 now. I was a size 4 on the day we got married. DH thinks I'm hotter now. In fact, I am the first person he has dated who was "thin". His exes were always around a size 10 with amazing bodies; nice butts and thighs and still kept pretty slim faces.

I love my body at this weight; the thighs, the legs, and the butt.

However, I don't like my fuller face, so I am trying to lose at least 20 pounds. Or at least trying to eat cleaner so that I can lose some of the water weight in my face. DH doesn't mind either way. He obviouslt thought I looked great when we got married and thinks I look even better now.

Good lord, how do you know this level of detail about your husband's exes? Nice thighs???? Did he show you nude photos of them?

I actually know some of them(he is still friends with a couple). I have seen others in pictures.

Trust me, when you have a certain type of figure, it shows if you wear pants. lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not from my DH. I have been pregnant, post partum or nursing for the past 7 years. I am eager to get into the best shape of my life but my DH doesn't really care either way. I mean, even when postpartum I'm not huge or anything, but 10-15 lbs above the weight I was when I met him.

Jesus lady, give your body a break. You're not a baby factory!

[Anonymous]

Keeping yourself attractive for your partner is part of the marriage contract. Or at least making the effort. It goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keeping yourself attractive for your partner is part of the marriage contract. Or at least making the effort. It goes both ways.

+1 I haven't changed in the 11 years we've been together. He has gained 40 pounds and is actively working to get them off.