Question for women: do you feel pressure to maintain your looks for your husband?

[Anonymous]

Of course.

[Anonymous]

Why is it so offensive to admit that we like people who are in shape? I don't get it. Just because I'm not attracted to fat doesn't make me a jerk. I'm still friendly with fat people. I just don't want to be intimate. Some people aren't attracted to women with small breasts. No offence taken. I'm not your thing .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes definitely. Men are very visual. When we were dating, DH told me that if I got fat it wouldn't be attractive to him. He said he'd always love me, but he's not into that.

I know the same about my husband. He's an athlete who views fat as a lack of strength and willpower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it so offensive to admit that we like people who are in shape? I don't get it. Just because I'm not attracted to fat doesn't make me a jerk. I'm still friendly with fat people. I just don't want to be intimate. Some people aren't attracted to women with small breasts. No offence taken. I'm not your thing .

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not yet. I am sure I would if I gained more weight, but this is as high as I get without being pregnant for now.

I am 10 pounds overweight(by BMI standards) and 20-25 pounds heavier than when we met.

I'm 5'8" , so I am still a size 8-10 now. I was a size 4 on the day we got married. DH thinks I'm hotter now. In fact, I am the first person he has dated who was "thin". His exes were always around a size 10 with amazing bodies; nice butts and thighs and still kept pretty slim faces.

I love my body at this weight; the thighs, the legs, and the butt.

However, I don't like my fuller face, so I am trying to lose at least 20 pounds. Or at least trying to eat cleaner so that I can lose some of the water weight in my face. DH doesn't mind either way. He obviouslt thought I looked great when we got married and thinks I look even better now.

I find that a lot of the time, the "runway model" figure is not what everyday people are into anymore. I think that curves and women with figures are more attractive. I dated a young lady who was obsessed with working out and being really thin. I always told her I would prefer her to put weight on as I found that more attractive.

But, I think that it's all about you. What makes you feel good? That is the most important part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keeping yourself attractive for your partner is part of the marriage contract. Or at least making the effort. It goes both ways.

Agreed. It totally sucks when only one spouse makes this effort.
Fit husband with overweight wife.
How do you suggest I exert pressure for her to maintain her looks?

Straight up tell her that her weight is not attractive. Sometimes the truth hurts, but I suspect she either already has an idea of how you feel or is just lazy.

Come back and let us know how that goes over. Terrible advice.

Truly terrible advice. I think you could invite her to the gym with you, take walks with her, start cooking healthier foods, etc... Make it a couples goal, but don't single her out or shame her. Just have a conversation about a healthier life style for both of you. Something like, hey, I have been wanting to eat healthier or hit the gym more, or me more active and I would love it if you could support me and help me stay on track by going with me, or making sure that we only have healthier foods in the house...

[Anonymous]

I feel no pressure. We didn't choose each other based on looks, and looks are not what have kept us together and in love all these years. If he doesn't accept me as I am, he's always been free to leave and go find someone who looks better to him, if that becomes his big priority. No judgment from me. I know everyone is different in what matters to them most.

I only want to be with someone whose priorities are similar to mine. I'm also too old to waste time and energy worrying about how wrinkles and fat are unattractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of superficial talk here..makes me sad that so many marriages are seemingly based upon little else than attraction.

My marriage is much much deeper that that I am very fit (a runner) but my H has gained about 30 lbs over the last 5-7 years. I can honestly say I dont love him one iota less than I did when he was 180 lbs and super fit about 8 years ago.
Do I think he looks better thinner? Of course but I love him as much if not more.....it is so beyond looks.

My own sister has gained quite a bit of weight, and she is now losing it (WW) she is not doing it for her husband as much as she is for herself.

For anyone who would feel threatened or concerned about their spouse and their attraction to them over losing looks, weight gain, aging...your marriage needs a serious recheck.

I haven't seen one message that would suggest that. And it may be superficial, but attraction is also a reality of life. However, no one has said that would leave their spouse because of weight issues. In fact, most of the posts have been positive. People saying that they do not fear that they would lose their spouse, but that they maintain a certain image for themselves... Which is the way that it should be.

[Anonymous]

Guys only like a in shape waist.

Fat boobs
Phat booty
And thick thighs are the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like keeping in shape for myself, not my DH. I absolutely hate how I feel when I'm overweight. Right now I'm 8 months postpartum and 5 pounds above my pre pregnancy weight, although realistically I really have about 10 pounds to lose because my body is shaped differently now.

As for DH- I can tell he's not attracted to me when I'm at a higher weight. Towards the end of pregnancy and the months after, he wasn't really interested in sex. About three months ago I started dieting, dropped ten pounds, and he became interested again. I totally understand it though- I love him, but I would like if he lost 15-20#. I definitely enjoy a muscular, chiseled male body.

If 10 pounds!!! cause your husband to lose sexual interest in you, he is shallow.

[Anonymous]

Like a PP, most of the pressure I feel is from myself, and some from society. I've been in the trenches of pregnancy, nursing, little kid trenches for almost five years now and am clawing my way out. I'm 15lbs heavier than I was before I got pregnant with my oldest, and 40lbs heavier than when we got married. I am working my butt off to be at a healthier, more attractive place.

DH swears he's attracted to me regardless, but he's supportive of my efforts because he knows I'm happier and more self confident when I'm at a lower weight. He knows setting a good, fit example for our kids is important to me. Frankly, our sex life is better when I'm lighter because I am more into it.

I do consider what he finds attractive in making choices about my appearance, though. It's why my hair is a bit longer than it might be otherwise, why I rarely wear make up, and why I wear certain silhouettes over others. I don't feel _pressure_ to do this. I feel compelled because I love him and that's one way I show it - considering his preferences in conjunction with my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of superficial talk here..makes me sad that so many marriages are seemingly based upon little else than attraction.

My marriage is much much deeper that that I am very fit (a runner) but my H has gained about 30 lbs over the last 5-7 years. I can honestly say I dont love him one iota less than I did when he was 180 lbs and super fit about 8 years ago.
Do I think he looks better thinner? Of course but I love him as much if not more.....it is so beyond looks.

My own sister has gained quite a bit of weight, and she is now losing it (WW) she is not doing it for her husband as much as she is for herself.

For anyone who would feel threatened or concerned about their spouse and their attraction to them over losing looks, weight gain, aging...your marriage needs a serious recheck.

+10000 FIRST SENSIBLE THREAD ON THIS POST.

No it isn't because it makes up straw men. Nobody says marriages are hollow without attraction or people love their spouses less if they're not attractive. They just said it's good partnering to try to maintain attractiveness for your partner and it's also good for you and your own happiness and self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like keeping in shape for myself, not my DH. I absolutely hate how I feel when I'm overweight. Right now I'm 8 months postpartum and 5 pounds above my pre pregnancy weight, although realistically I really have about 10 pounds to lose because my body is shaped differently now.

As for DH- I can tell he's not attracted to me when I'm at a higher weight. Towards the end of pregnancy and the months after, he wasn't really interested in sex. About three months ago I started dieting, dropped ten pounds, and he became interested again. I totally understand it though- I love him, but I would like if he lost 15-20#. I definitely enjoy a muscular, chiseled male body.

If 10 pounds!!! cause your husband to lose sexual interest in you, he is shallow.

And this is what fat women tell themselves so they can sleep at night.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but mostly for me really. I am almost 50, but not in a way of putting make up and dressing up, just weight wise and overall appearance, mostly causal sporty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keeping yourself attractive for your partner is part of the marriage contract. Or at least making the effort. It goes both ways.

Agreed. It totally sucks when only one spouse makes this effort.
Fit husband with overweight wife.
How do you suggest I exert pressure for her to maintain her looks?

Straight up tell her that her weight is not attractive. Sometimes the truth hurts, but I suspect she either already has an idea of how you feel or is just lazy.

NP..I've done that..it didn't work. I tried everything including building a home gym. She just doesn't care enough about me or herself I guess. We have one and one of the reasons I don't want another one is because of this. Plus it sets a bad example.

The other day our DC called her fat. DC said..daddy is strong and slim...mommy is fat. I didn't tell them to say that.