Question for women: do you feel pressure to maintain your looks for your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think wanting to look good for your partner is different from feeling pressure to do it. I do keep my hair long because he likes it. It's not that I think he won't love me if I cut it off, but he really loves it, and I think considering your partner's preferences is important in a relationship. I don't cook food for him that he doesn't like for the same reason.

I do need to lose weight. Health issues have helped add about 15 lbs. I will keep us both in mind as I make the effort to lose it.

Are you saying that you WOULD/COULD maintain your looks, but CHOOSE not to because of pressure from partner?
what the heck!

Seems to me that somebody who is in fact taking good care of themselves would NEVER feel pressure from partner.
I pay all my bills on time, therefore I never feel pressure from bill collectors.
Should I resent the fact that, if I stopped paying my bills, I might then feel such pressure?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keeping yourself attractive for your partner is part of the marriage contract. Or at least making the effort. It goes both ways.

Agreed. It totally sucks when only one spouse makes this effort.
Fit husband with overweight wife.
How do you suggest I exert pressure for her to maintain her looks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keeping yourself attractive for your partner is part of the marriage contract. Or at least making the effort. It goes both ways.

Agreed. It totally sucks when only one spouse makes this effort.
Fit husband with overweight wife.
How do you suggest I exert pressure for her to maintain her looks?

Straight up tell her that her weight is not attractive. Sometimes the truth hurts, but I suspect she either already has an idea of how you feel or is just lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keeping yourself attractive for your partner is part of the marriage contract. Or at least making the effort. It goes both ways.

Agreed. It totally sucks when only one spouse makes this effort.
Fit husband with overweight wife.
How do you suggest I exert pressure for her to maintain her looks?

Straight up tell her that her weight is not attractive. Sometimes the truth hurts, but I suspect she either already has an idea of how you feel or is just lazy.

Come back and let us know how that goes over. Terrible advice.

[Anonymous]

A lot of superficial talk here..makes me sad that so many marriages are seemingly based upon little else than attraction.

My marriage is much much deeper that that I am very fit (a runner) but my H has gained about 30 lbs over the last 5-7 years. I can honestly say I dont love him one iota less than I did when he was 180 lbs and super fit about 8 years ago.
Do I think he looks better thinner? Of course but I love him as much if not more.....it is so beyond looks.

My own sister has gained quite a bit of weight, and she is now losing it (WW) she is not doing it for her husband as much as she is for herself.

For anyone who would feel threatened or concerned about their spouse and their attraction to them over losing looks, weight gain, aging...your marriage needs a serious recheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keeping yourself attractive for your partner is part of the marriage contract. Or at least making the effort. It goes both ways.

Agreed. It totally sucks when only one spouse makes this effort.
Fit husband with overweight wife.
How do you suggest I exert pressure for her to maintain her looks?

Straight up tell her that her weight is not attractive. Sometimes the truth hurts, but I suspect she either already has an idea of how you feel or is just lazy.

Come back and let us know how that goes over. Terrible advice.

Yeah! Maybe he should sugar coat it and allow her to continue on with the lifestyle that is causing her to gain weight..so that she gains more weight. Sounds super effective!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of superficial talk here..makes me sad that so many marriages are seemingly based upon little else than attraction.

My marriage is much much deeper that that I am very fit (a runner) but my H has gained about 30 lbs over the last 5-7 years. I can honestly say I dont love him one iota less than I did when he was 180 lbs and super fit about 8 years ago.
Do I think he looks better thinner? Of course but I love him as much if not more.....it is so beyond looks.

My own sister has gained quite a bit of weight, and she is now losing it (WW) she is not doing it for her husband as much as she is for herself.

For anyone who would feel threatened or concerned about their spouse and their attraction to them over losing looks, weight gain, aging...your marriage needs a serious recheck.

I am not sure that we are reading the same thread.

I see the superficial talk. I do not see any indication that these marriages are based on little else but attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of superficial talk here..makes me sad that so many marriages are seemingly based upon little else than attraction.

My marriage is much much deeper that that I am very fit (a runner) but my H has gained about 30 lbs over the last 5-7 years. I can honestly say I dont love him one iota less than I did when he was 180 lbs and super fit about 8 years ago.
Do I think he looks better thinner? Of course but I love him as much if not more.....it is so beyond looks.

My own sister has gained quite a bit of weight, and she is now losing it (WW) she is not doing it for her husband as much as she is for herself.

For anyone who would feel threatened or concerned about their spouse and their attraction to them over losing looks, weight gain, aging...your marriage needs a serious recheck.

+10000 FIRST SENSIBLE THREAD ON THIS POST.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

my husband and I accept each other for who we are, our looks have been up and down, weight gain/weight loss, some days I Feel like I want to glam it up, other days not so much.
He too has his highs and lows...but its who we are inside and the bond we share that overshadows the shallowness of just looks. Come on...a good solid marriage should be past that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my husband and I accept each other for who we are, our looks have been up and down, weight gain/weight loss, some days I Feel like I want to glam it up, other days not so much.
He too has his highs and lows...but its who we are inside and the bond we share that overshadows the shallowness of just looks. Come on...a good solid marriage should be past that.

And we are back to the stupid posters who know what every good solid marriage should and shouldn't be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my husband and I accept each other for who we are, our looks have been up and down, weight gain/weight loss, some days I Feel like I want to glam it up, other days not so much.
He too has his highs and lows...but its who we are inside and the bond we share that overshadows the shallowness of just looks. Come on...a good solid marriage should be past that.

And we are back to the stupid posters who know what every good solid marriage should and shouldn't be.

and what pray tell is your idea of a "good marriage" a size 2 and a 6 pack? yea talk to me when your divorced in a few years.

[Anonymous]

I like keeping in shape for myself, not my DH. I absolutely hate how I feel when I'm overweight. Right now I'm 8 months postpartum and 5 pounds above my pre pregnancy weight, although realistically I really have about 10 pounds to lose because my body is shaped differently now.

As for DH- I can tell he's not attracted to me when I'm at a higher weight. Towards the end of pregnancy and the months after, he wasn't really interested in sex. About three months ago I started dieting, dropped ten pounds, and he became interested again. I totally understand it though- I love him, but I would like if he lost 15-20#. I definitely enjoy a muscular, chiseled male body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my husband and I accept each other for who we are, our looks have been up and down, weight gain/weight loss, some days I Feel like I want to glam it up, other days not so much.
He too has his highs and lows...but its who we are inside and the bond we share that overshadows the shallowness of just looks. Come on...a good solid marriage should be past that.

And we are back to the stupid posters who know what every good solid marriage should and shouldn't be.

and what pray tell is your idea of a "good marriage" a size 2 and a 6 pack? yea talk to me when your divorced in a few years.

My idea of a good marriage is my marriage for several reasons, the most important being that we are a perfect match in terms of values and priorities. I have never been a size two, and I never will be. My husband is a little overweight, shy and sexy as hell.

But I understand that others roll differently. Some may put a bigger premium on bank accounts, others on career ambition, others on sex, others on splitting accounts, others on looking fit. etc etc etc.

People are different and care about different things. As long as they find compatible spouses, more grease to their elbows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keeping yourself attractive for your partner is part of the marriage contract. Or at least making the effort. It goes both ways.

Agreed. It totally sucks when only one spouse makes this effort.
Fit husband with overweight wife.
How do you suggest I exert pressure for her to maintain her looks?

Straight up tell her that her weight is not attractive. Sometimes the truth hurts, but I suspect she either already has an idea of how you feel or is just lazy.

Come back and let us know how that goes over. Terrible advice.

Yeah! Maybe he should sugar coat it and allow her to continue on with the lifestyle that is causing her to gain weight..so that she gains more weight. Sounds super effective!

But she already knows it isn't attractive. I could tell my DH his beer gut makes me want to vomit, but it really isn't going to help anything.