Question for women: do you feel pressure to maintain your looks for your husband?

[Anonymous]

I want to stay / get back in shape for myself. It's a matter of self respect and maintaining standards. I am currently 7 months PP and still carrying 5 extra lbs compared to my normal weight, but I'll worry about it when I quit nursing (which I'm planning to do when DB turns 1). I don't obsess about it, but I do plan to have more children and I'm 33, so it's not going to get any easier to lose weight if I start letting it creep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like keeping in shape for myself, not my DH. I absolutely hate how I feel when I'm overweight. Right now I'm 8 months postpartum and 5 pounds above my pre pregnancy weight, although realistically I really have about 10 pounds to lose because my body is shaped differently now.

As for DH- I can tell he's not attracted to me when I'm at a higher weight. Towards the end of pregnancy and the months after, he wasn't really interested in sex. About three months ago I started dieting, dropped ten pounds, and he became interested again. I totally understand it though- I love him, but I would like if he lost 15-20#. I definitely enjoy a muscular, chiseled male body.

If 10 pounds!!! cause your husband to lose sexual interest in you, he is shallow.

PP here. No, he isn't shallow. He's a fantastic guy who would do anything for me. But he can't help what he is and isn't attracted to. I can tell he's a lot happier when I'm in shape and put effort into my appearance with clothes/hair/makeup. That's fine with me, because I'm a lot happier when he does the same (except for the hair and makeup, that would be weird).

Plus, I'm 5'2 and petite, and I look terrible with extra weight. Normally I'm at 125 (with a lot of muscle); post-baby I was 140. Now I'm at 130 and still look/feel pretty awful. A lot of the muscle I used to have is gone, so I have a lot more fat than I normally would at 130.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this even a question. What we should find out is if MEN feel pressure to stay fit for their wives. My DH surely doesn't care.

My DH does feel compelled to stay in shape, though not because of pressure from me. I feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to stay / get back in shape for myself. It's a matter of self respect and maintaining standards. I am currently 7 months PP and still carrying 5 extra lbs compared to my normal weight, but I'll worry about it when I quit nursing (which I'm planning to do when DB turns 1). I don't obsess about it, but I do plan to have more children and I'm 33, so it's not going to get any easier to lose weight if I start letting it creep up.

I never understood what a woman's weight or looks had to do with her self respect. So if a woman gains 5-10 pounds, she does not respect herself? So if she gets old and gets wrinkles and a turkey neck she does not respect herself? So all the chubby, older women out there do not respect themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to stay / get back in shape for myself. It's a matter of self respect and maintaining standards. I am currently 7 months PP and still carrying 5 extra lbs compared to my normal weight, but I'll worry about it when I quit nursing (which I'm planning to do when DB turns 1). I don't obsess about it, but I do plan to have more children and I'm 33, so it's not going to get any easier to lose weight if I start letting it creep up.

I never understood what a woman's weight or looks had to do with her self respect. So if a woman gains 5-10 pounds, she does not respect herself? So if she gets old and gets wrinkles and a turkey neck she does not respect herself? So all the chubby, older women out there do not respect themselves?

Not caring about one's appearance, lack of grooming, letting oneself "go" are all signs of depression... so yeah, in some cases it means that the person has little self respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to stay / get back in shape for myself. It's a matter of self respect and maintaining standards. I am currently 7 months PP and still carrying 5 extra lbs compared to my normal weight, but I'll worry about it when I quit nursing (which I'm planning to do when DB turns 1). I don't obsess about it, but I do plan to have more children and I'm 33, so it's not going to get any easier to lose weight if I start letting it creep up.

I never understood what a woman's weight or looks had to do with her self respect. So if a woman gains 5-10 pounds, she does not respect herself? So if she gets old and gets wrinkles and a turkey neck she does not respect herself? So all the chubby, older women out there do not respect themselves?

Who is "a woman"? I was speaking for myself only. Holding myself to certain standards (mentally, physically, and morally) is important to me. This thread is about physical appearance so that's what I'm addressing here. Each person has her own standards. Why don't you pick the things you care about and let others do the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I feel pressure to maintain my looks for the men I will be with after my marriage is over.

+1 . DH is in shape, but an insecure jerk. I could care less what he thinks about my body. I need to stay in shape for the next one.

[Anonymous]

Yes I feel the same. I had my second baby 10 months ago and I'm having a harder time dropping the weight and it's sooo frustrating. My husband doesn't say anything mean but I know he'd like to have the old me back. He's supportive of me going to work out and eating healthier. More than anything, the pressure is coming from myself. I had always been lean and slim and I just don't feel like myself and don't like what I see. I'm 5'9" and used to hover between 130-140. After the first baby I dropped all the weight but when I went back to work (1 year off), I got a car, I started going out for daily coffee breaks with colleagues and 10 lbs crept back on. Then I got pregnant again and gained a bunch of weight and now I'm losing it but still sitting at 160 and I hate it. My BMI is in the healthy range, but scree that because I just don't like what I see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to stay / get back in shape for myself. It's a matter of self respect and maintaining standards. I am currently 7 months PP and still carrying 5 extra lbs compared to my normal weight, but I'll worry about it when I quit nursing (which I'm planning to do when DB turns 1). I don't obsess about it, but I do plan to have more children and I'm 33, so it's not going to get any easier to lose weight if I start letting it creep up.

I never understood what a woman's weight or looks had to do with her self respect. So if a woman gains 5-10 pounds, she does not respect herself? So if she gets old and gets wrinkles and a turkey neck she does not respect herself? So all the chubby, older women out there do not respect themselves?

Obviously, the PP meant self worth, and she didn't say everyone. She said for HER. God, what is wrong with you? You can't read or comprehend? Ridiculous. How you make that wild assumption is non-sense and probably why you are the type of person to make mountains out of mole hills and drive people around you crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I feel the same. I had my second baby 10 months ago and I'm having a harder time dropping the weight and it's sooo frustrating. My husband doesn't say anything mean but I know he'd like to have the old me back. He's supportive of me going to work out and eating healthier. More than anything, the pressure is coming from myself. I had always been lean and slim and I just don't feel like myself and don't like what I see. I'm 5'9" and used to hover between 130-140. After the first baby I dropped all the weight but when I went back to work (1 year off), I got a car, I started going out for daily coffee breaks with colleagues and 10 lbs crept back on. Then I got pregnant again and gained a bunch of weight and now I'm losing it but still sitting at 160 and I hate it. My BMI is in the healthy range, but scree that because I just don't like what I see.

BMI is a horrible and mis-leading indicator of being healthy. For adults, you should use body fat percentage. It is much more accurate.

Consider this:

A football player, someone who works out and is in top physical shape such as Darren Sproles, since he is a little shorter... He is 5'6, 190. He is ALL muscle and in great shape. But, BMI would consider him obese.

The problem with BMI is that it doesn't account for the fact that muscle ways more than fat. When people start working out, the start to gain muscle, and so their weight doesn't drop. They get discouraged because they are focused on the number on the scale. Instead, measure body fat percentage, take before and after photos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I feel the same. I had my second baby 10 months ago and I'm having a harder time dropping the weight and it's sooo frustrating. My husband doesn't say anything mean but I know he'd like to have the old me back. He's supportive of me going to work out and eating healthier. More than anything, the pressure is coming from myself. I had always been lean and slim and I just don't feel like myself and don't like what I see. I'm 5'9" and used to hover between 130-140. After the first baby I dropped all the weight but when I went back to work (1 year off), I got a car, I started going out for daily coffee breaks with colleagues and 10 lbs crept back on. Then I got pregnant again and gained a bunch of weight and now I'm losing it but still sitting at 160 and I hate it. My BMI is in the healthy range, but scree that because I just don't like what I see.

BMI is a horrible and mis-leading indicator of being healthy. For adults, you should use body fat percentage. It is much more accurate.

Consider this:

A football player, someone who works out and is in top physical shape such as Darren Sproles, since he is a little shorter... He is 5'6, 190. He is ALL muscle and in great shape. But, BMI would consider him obese.

The problem with BMI is that it doesn't account for the fact that muscle ways more than fat. When people start working out, the start to gain muscle, and so their weight doesn't drop. They get discouraged because they are focused on the number on the scale. Instead, measure body fat percentage, take before and after photos.

You're right, for professional athletes/body builders, it's off. For your average joe (like me) it's more useful.

[Anonymous]

No. And if he made me feel that way I would divorce him and take his shit.

NO ONE controls ANY part of me but ME. If he doesn't like it he can get the you know what out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. And if he made me feel that way I would divorce him and take his shit.

NO ONE controls ANY part of me but ME. If he doesn't like it he can get the you know what out.

So, is he carrying you to the March on a litter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to stay / get back in shape for myself. It's a matter of self respect and maintaining standards. I am currently 7 months PP and still carrying 5 extra lbs compared to my normal weight, but I'll worry about it when I quit nursing (which I'm planning to do when DB turns 1). I don't obsess about it, but I do plan to have more children and I'm 33, so it's not going to get any easier to lose weight if I start letting it creep up.

I never understood what a woman's weight or looks had to do with her self respect. So if a woman gains 5-10 pounds, she does not respect herself? So if she gets old and gets wrinkles and a turkey neck she does not respect herself? So all the chubby, older women out there do not respect themselves?

Not caring about one's appearance, lack of grooming, letting oneself "go" are all signs of depression... so yeah, in some cases it means that the person has little self respect.

A woman gaining a few pounds or getting wrinkles as they age is not "letting oneself go". That's called reality. Shooting yourself up with botox and starving yourself to chase that fountain of youth does not equal self-respect.

Also having depression does not equal having little self respect, it is an actual disease and often comes with a chemical imbalance within that can trigger it.

Letting oneself go, as can happen when someone is experiencing emotional problems such as depression, would be characterized as no longer showering, staying in pajamas all day everyday, not combing their hair, that sort of thing. That is letting oneself go, not the NORMAL aging process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I feel the same. I had my second baby 10 months ago and I'm having a harder time dropping the weight and it's sooo frustrating. My husband doesn't say anything mean but I know he'd like to have the old me back. He's supportive of me going to work out and eating healthier. More than anything, the pressure is coming from myself. I had always been lean and slim and I just don't feel like myself and don't like what I see. I'm 5'9" and used to hover between 130-140. After the first baby I dropped all the weight but when I went back to work (1 year off), I got a car, I started going out for daily coffee breaks with colleagues and 10 lbs crept back on. Then I got pregnant again and gained a bunch of weight and now I'm losing it but still sitting at 160 and I hate it. My BMI is in the healthy range, but scree that because I just don't like what I see.

You'll get there because your self motivated. At 5'9" target 140-145, 130 is too thin and men like a little flesh on the bones.